HeyCD的Independent writing

zhouchlcyUID: 2847817

改好了

zhouchlcyUID: 2847817

我看过了，我觉得不跑题，就是分大人和孩子来说理有点浅显
没什么，挺好的~

zcnvszwjUID: 2815734

我的作文你发错了哦。。。

zcnvszwjUID: 2815734

08.12.05NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Sports teach people lessons about life

Nowadays, with the rapid development of people’s live, sports play an important role in daily life. For some people, sports mean so many, especially teach （on teaching）them mountainous things regarding life. As for me, although we cannot live without sports, it is obvious true that books are the things that can show numerous knowledge about life.（这句话逻辑上跳得太快了，中间来点过渡吧）

Admittedly, sports are more and more important than before, and people think sports as a significant tool which can make people to stay healthy and keep fit. It means that sports are not only a useful way for people improving their body, but also are indispensible lessons that can present scores of information about life, like how to exercise in morning in order to have a health working or studying day. Nevertheless, as for classes about life, it is undoubtedly that reading books are the best way to learn knowledge about life for the reasons that can teach people live correctly, happily and relax（这里应该用副词吧）.

To begin with, people cannot live correctly without books, as from books, people could learn considerable educational messages about how to live in right way. For instance, historical books could teach people know knowledge about past life and learn some valuable information which can still be useful in nowadays; books about nutrition play a significant role in people’s daily life, as they offer so many important things about how to keep healthy; most important of all, science books are pretty significant in modern life. Therefore, books with different kinds present numerous messages which people can use for living correctly in everyday life.

Furthermore, reading books is also a kind of entertainment, which is a useful way to make people relax and happy in daily life. For example, reading the famous book called “Little woman” is not only for knowing life in 19 century, but also relaxing people after a whole day studying and working. To some degree, people could have a lot of fun from books like “Pride and Prejudice” and “Merchant of Venice”. Hence, reading books is a piece of recreation, which let people live happy and relax.

To sum up, although sports are undoubtedly useful for teaching people something about life, books with different kinds could make people learn plenty of knowledge about life, for the reason that they offer educational knowledge which lead people live correctly, happily and relax.
1、        本次题目明显是正面成立的，这类题目不推荐使用“破题另起论题”的结构，楼主在sports 到reading books 的过渡显得不是很充分；
2、        第一段有点模板的味道，希望能改得更个性化一些；
3、        少数语法错误望注意，毕竟楼主应该是希望能拿满分的；
4、        言语直接，还请见谅，祝楼主成功；
5、        再次提醒，你把修改的别人的作文发给我了。

日落沙发UID: 2764889

14# heycd

2009. 10. 17 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.
Along （with）the rapid increasing level of people’s life, entertainment plays an important role in recent years, and people nowadays pay much more attention to movies and televisions than before. Some people hold the view that recreation is just to make people relaxed and it is unnecessary to refine the context of them (改为it). However, in my opinion, although people see（watch）
movies and televisions for fun, when they show to reward nice people and punish bad man（men）, they are the obviously useful tools to educate people in many aspects, which are good for both children and adults, and even the society, as they are educational.

Admittedly, after the whole day studying or working, people may want to see some interesting movies and television which are not serious, in order to relax and have a rest可以删. Nevertheless, as for me, no matter for which kind of people, to watch interesting films and TVs that shows justice could be done and bad people finally being punished has mountainous advantages including educating children and adults.

First, for children, to see what claims the law punishes the criminal person and the good people finally get the reward is considerable helpful for their growth, especially for their mental growth. If they watch some films or TVs which present that the criminal person is still out of law, they may think that the result of the criminal person is definitely fair, as criminal people do not have to work so hard as normal persons to get promotion or reward by copying or stealing others. Hence, educational recreation could teach to do the right thing in their future studying（study）and working life (, lives and careers).

Furthermore, when adults see the movies and televisions which indicate that the totally different results between good person and bad person, they would easily come to acknowledge the opinion that the world is justice and peaceful, and the only way to make progress is to work hard. Only being lawful people, to some degree, could they finally access to success (改为succeed) and get reward from the leader or other celebrate. For example, if T-beg in “Prison Break” were not going to jail, people would agree to the idea that the society is dangerous with so many criminal persons, and hard working is not the only way to come to finish their goals. Therefore, educational entertainment makes society peaceful and encourages people to work and live in law.

To sum up, although people watch movies and televisions for relaxing and resting(可以删除，因为和前面的relaxing是一样的意思。或者改成enjoyment，entertainment等等。。。), it is significant good for children’s growth and the development of adults in daily life, when they watch the educational movies and televisions which show good people are being rewarded and bad men are being punished.

电脑今天刚取回，改晚了，请见谅。

灰色精英UID: 2664078

Nowadays, with the rapid development of people’s live, sports play an important role in daily life. For some people, sports mean so many, especially teach them mountainous things regarding life. As for me, although we cannot live without sports, it is obvious true that books are the things that can show numerous knowledge about life.

Admittedly, sports are more and more important than before, and people think sports as a significant tool which can make people to stay healthy and keep fit. It means that sports are not only a useful way for people improving their body, but also are indispensible lessons that can present scores of information about life, like how to exercise in morning in order to have a health working or studying day. Nevertheless, as for classes about life, it is undoubtedly that reading books are the best way to learn knowledge about life for the reasons that can teach people live correctly, happily and relax.

To begin with, people cannot live correctly without books, as from books, people could learn considerable educational messages about how to live in right way. For instance, historical books could teach people know knowledge about past life and learn some valuable information which can still be useful in nowadays; books about nutrition play a significant role in people’s daily life, as they offer so many important things about how to keep healthy; most important of all, science books are pretty significant in modern life. Therefore, books with different kinds present numerous messages which people can use for living correctly in everyday life.

Furthermore, reading books is also a kind of entertainment, which is a useful way to make people relax and happy in daily life. For example, reading the famous book called “Little woman” is not only for knowing life in 19 century, but also relaxing people after a whole day studying and working. To some degree, people could have a lot of fun from books like “Pride and Prejudice” and “Merchant of Venice”. Hence, reading books is a piece of recreation, which let people live happy and relax.

To sum up, although sports are undoubtedly useful for teaching people something about life, books with different kinds could make people learn plenty of knowledge about life, for the reason that they offer educational knowledge which lead people live correctly, happily and relax.
1我觉得楼主论证方法有问题，不能用B是对的来证明A不对，有些跑题了。
2第二段转折得不成功
3祝楼主多多进步

WSYLRUID: 2666837

0923 reviewed by wsylr 楼主写得不错哈 详见附件
加油加油

第五希云捷UID: 2457467

925修改

9月25日交09.01.17 NA   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.
Nowadays, it cannot deny （ 这里是不是应该是it cannot be denied）that advertising plays an increasing important role in people’s daily life for the reason that it can offer numerous messages for people, not only about job information but （添加also,not only…but also…）mountainous nutrition. Although some people point out that in recent years, advertising becomes the serious cause of unhealthy eating habits, as for me, advertising is not the （建议加上个most important）reason that leads to unhealthy eating habits.

Admittedly, advertising changes people’s habits a lot, no matter good or not, especially the eating habits. Some advertising may indicate awful message which is bad for people’s daily life, like eating some nonnutritive food in every morning instead of diet food. Although advertising sometimes suggest a few minor mistakes about eating habits, which make people get wrong information of eating habits.（这句话although 是不是还有但是什么什么的？怎么断了？）

For one thing, in modern society, for most people, information related （to）healthy eating habits is not easily gained, and advertising is one of a few ways which is successful for （in）offering significant messages in this kind. To some degree, it is largely difficulty （difficult） for people to learn this kind of message, for the reason that there is few ways to access to learn them for people, especially people whose majors is not nutrition. （这句话我没大看懂哈。后面for之后有些乱access to后跟的是动名词形式吧？）In that case, advertising is a good way for people, as after a whole day working or studying, during the dinner time, people could learn plenty information about this kind of knowledge merely by watching television.

For another, enterprises tend to hire nutritionists to tell people what kind of nutrition in their food products and how many people should eat in everyday to stay healthy, in order to advertise their products for public. At the same time, to some extent, many experts tend to educate people considerable knowledge about healthy eating habits by advertising. For example, when HINI Flu caused serious bad illness in the whole world, nutritionists, especially Chinese nutritionists, told citizen(citizens) which food was in danger and what kind of food people should eat at that serious time. Therefore, advertising is not just a tool that helps businesses to sell their goods, but a pretty useful way for people all through the world to obtain the right eating habits.

To sum up, from what we discussed above, we could conclude that even though some advertising show minor unhealthy eating habits to people, advertising is one of the most crucial ways to offer knowledge about healthy eating habits for the reason that they can not only offer this kind of messages conveniently, but also present largely useful information that experts suggest, which is difficult for people in their daily life.
整体感觉第二段第三段有些零乱，不是很好理解中心意思。
另外本文好像在认证广告是不是传递了坏的生活习惯而不是传递坏习惯最重要的方式。