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[活动] Zoltin的作文小窝 [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-6-29 21:01:36 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
开贴写作文咯!
bitter sweet
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沙发
发表于 2010-6-29 21:03:14 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 zoltinma 于 2010-6-30 10:37 编辑

6.29
Successful people take new things and take risks rather than the thing that they've done well


自己都觉得很烂,才开始 看的头疼了 向您推荐 海外投腾片

Progress of the society needs efforts from all over the society, however, some people, who are more successful, are considered playing a more important role. Therefore, topics around them have been the most controversial ones for centuries. Some people argue that successful people should try new things accompanied with more risks rather than continuing the current work that was done well. However, I cannot agree with that.

First of all, why they are called successful people? I think it is because they have done well in some areas. But can those people do well in other areas which are not so familiar to them and full of risks? I do not think so. One people can success in one area does not indicate that he/she can do well in other areas. Every people has his specific role in the society,

Second, how did a successful people become successful? Before they succeeded, they must have tried many times and took many risks. And at last, they found the suitable role for them in the society. It will be a reverse if they leave the area that they are good at and try new things, take risks. Taking new things should be done before success.

However, successful can take risks, but on things that is associated with his current area. In that case, another success will be easier. Lang Ping, a former volleyball player of China, helped American team made a big progress after she become its couth. Yao Ming helped Shanghai Team win games after he became its boss. With the experience of being a athlete, they cannot get those success.

To conclude, successful people should not take new things and take risks in a totally different area but they can take risks and do better in the area that they have done well.

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板凳
发表于 2010-6-30 10:39:18 |只看该作者
每段都论述不充分 可是实在不知道怎么说 有啥成功人士转行失败的例子可以给我共享共享
开头累赘,结尾过于简洁。
哎 费心了
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地板
发表于 2010-6-30 16:17:11 |只看该作者
逻辑上。第一段讲成功的局限, 可以扩展下,某个企业在本行业是成功的,可是进军别的行业导致了它元气大伤: 太阳神集团(国外的案例想不出来)。 第2段感觉还是第一段的衍生,可以添加,只有少数人在别的领域成功的论述。  第3段举例子。  逻辑上感觉没啥问题, 语法用词我帮不到你, 我水平不高。

十分感谢那么详细的修改我的作文。

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发表于 2010-7-1 19:46:22 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 zoltinma 于 2010-7-6 20:25 编辑

7.1
Most people prefer others making decision for them than making a decision for themselves.


对不起写错了,写成了人们是否应该自己决定,我再写一篇
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发表于 2010-7-4 15:47:40 |只看该作者
你的作文咧?7.1的?

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发表于 2010-7-6 20:23:26 |只看该作者
没空写了 前几天忙 不好意思
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发表于 2010-7-6 20:24:28 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 zoltinma 于 2010-7-6 21:51 编辑

7.6    It is more important to reserve land for human beings than for endangered animals.


These years the price of houses in some big cities of China increased rapidly. This is partially because of the increasing economic level of China but the most important reason is the disaccord of the population and the capacity of the land. However we cannot expel those endangered animals and reserve land for human beings just because of this. Expelling animals from their land can lead will break the balance of the biosphere and lead to unpredictable dangers. We should think about other solutions.

All kinds of animal especially endangered animals are a treasure of the world, of human beings. First, and species is a point of the biological chain, keep the biodiversity can help the environment remaining balance. Once one point such as some endangered animals disappeared, this chain will be in a chaos station and need a fairly long time to recover. Second, endangered animals are kind of treasure that we can leave for our later generations. Once they extinct, our children can only see them in TV or books. This is what a pity.

Human have occupied too much land and already caused many problems. But we are still expanding our land for personal profits. Last year an estate developer filled part of a lake and want to build building there. At last it is proved that some animals decreased rapidly because of him. This tendency must be stopped. Human cannot developing continually, we will bring us a disaster by ourselves, but not the 2012 predict. We should think about other solution of the place problem, such as reconstruction of the already used land, improve techniques to utilize the air and underground, etc.

As a conclusion, endangered animals are resources that cannot come back once disappeared.
Reserving land for animals can keep the biodiversity and leave some treasure for our descendant. Human can find other ways such reconstruction to solve current problems.

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发表于 2010-7-7 15:41:27 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 cocojames 于 2010-7-7 15:50 编辑

These years the price of houses in some big cities of China increased rapidly. This is partially because of the increasing economic level of China but the most important reason is the disaccord of the population and the capacity of the land. However we cannot expel those endangered animals and reserve land for human beings just because of this. Expelling animals from their land can lead will break the balance of the biosphere and lead to unpredictable dangers. We should think about other solutions.

All kinds of animal especially endangered animals are a treasure of the world, of human beings. First, and species is a point of the biological chain, keeping the biodiversity can help the environment remaining balance. Once one point such as some endangered animals disappeared, this chain will be in a chaos station and need a fairly long time to recover. Second, endangered animals are kind of treasure that we can leave for our later generations. Once(once有点多哈) they extinct, our children can only see them in TV or books. This is what a pity.2 s) z5 [5 W8 [$ S5 a  t7 K

Human have occupied too much land and already caused many problems. But we are still expanding our land for personal profits. Last year an estate developer filled part of a lake and want to build building there. At last it is proved that some animals decreased rapidly because of him(??). This tendency must be stopped. Human cannot developing continually, we will bring us a disaster by ourselves, but not the 2012 predict.这句改成(we will be published by ourselves, humanbeing, but not the 2012 prediction)语句能够紧凑一些就更好了We should think about other solutions of the place problem, such as reconstruction of the already used land, improve(ing) techniques to utilize the air and underground, etc.
}5 P. K1 |$ ~5 ^
As a conclusion, endangered animals are resources that cannot come back once disappeared. # Y2 j" n* N$ A# v( z# g
Reserving land for animals can keep the biodiversity and leave some treasure for our descendants. Human can find other ways such reconstruction to solve current problems

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