独立作文小组——空空仔的作文贴

cqx83UID：2671579

改完了~~

空空仔UID：2792743

9/21作业
09.05.30NA   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.


Nowadays, increasing number of schools pay much attention to selecting courses for younger children to acquire knowledge for the purpose of make a strong base for future development. Some schools just list math, science, history language as required courses except art and music, while others’ required courses include art and music. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the latter one for the following reasons.

First of all, little kids can be fostered to have an aesthetic taste for beauty through taking art and music courses, which is very requisite for them. Younger students can get acquainted with some world-known or high-mastery pieces of drawing and music to absorb some inspiration and get taste on what is art and beauty. Thus, they can find their preference for art and measures to judge artistic work. However, if younger children are just required to take math, science, history and language, they are likely to be someone with high attainments in these fields but lacking good taste for art and beauty, which cannot meet the standards of full-developed people.

In addition, if younger students take art and music classes, they can get to know the history of art and music and a better understanding of the national and social development. There is a famous saying which I ambiguously to memorize is that ideology, to some extent, reflects the physically worldly matters, such as the politics, economics and military, etc. Thus, little kids can follow along the artistic step prints to search the evolution of the world, the country and a society on a perspective of art if they probe into some artistic works through teachers’ introduction and analysis of understandability, such as the Great Depression in 1923, the Crusades and the World War Two, etc.
Finally, proceeding from the reality, schools or kindergartens should relieve students’ minds of pressure after acquire knowledge on math, science and history, which can improve the efficiency of learning in a sense. Younger children’s minds will be over-loaded if they just learn these basic courses, but art and music courses can serve as a reliever to abate the burden of their minds and an eye-opener to know about art at the same breath. Therefore, these children can be at ease to appreciate some masterpiece and exchange ideas about it, which can relax them and prepare their positive state for the following courses.

In conclusion, it is very necessary for younger children to study art and music besides some basic courses, for it can promote them to get a aesthetic taste for beauty, obtain an brief understanding of the world and be relieved of pressure after other courses.

darkathrunUID：2813505

9/18Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Sports teach people lessons about life,



One’s life is a process of long-life learning, for we have to address problems with knowledge and foster our innate traits搭配不当 through it. That’s the reason why parents are likely to bring their kids to school to receive education, but they maybe ignore语法要注意 some other sources into lessons还是搭配问题 in our daily life, namely, sports activities. 这句最后的尾巴很容易会让人产生印象这是个病句I firmly believe it is one of the crucial sources of lessons to forge people’s characteristics and acquire knowledge.第一段用了那么多字，写出来的其实和题目观点有偏差，你讲的是it's crucial to blablabla, elaborate 的时候要注意始终围绕题目来写，不要写着写着就成跑野马了。此外，你试试如果把你开头第一段删掉parents什么的，文章还是可以通畅无阻的进行下来，这说明你那点和没说差不多，需要好好再斟酌下。


First of all, people are apt to be a warrior with strong persistence if they participate in some activity for long time, because they have to endure some pain physically and the embarrassing state of not advancing mentally还是看不懂，sorry，表述可能需要斟酌下. Thus, if they want to conquer such an不用 activity instead of bowing to the failure and breakdown, they will not persist and spare no efforts语病，多注意这方面问题 to exercise until the light is cast on the way to triumph. There is an old saying that ‘Roman was not built in one day’, and I think it is the never-give-up spirit that predisposes Romans to establish their own country. Analogous to the perseverance of Romans for building country, sports can also hone a person with persistence for winning the game or finishing the full distance. 论证和论据脱节，写得时候注意下不要忘了我要证明什么，围绕这个点下去。句式的话平常朴素无所谓，有闪光点就行，不要太过于追求长句什么的。


In addition, sports activities encourage people to surpass the limitations set before them so that they will be more confident.适当句子分一下，团在一起不好看也容易被看成病句。 Some people feel inferior to others, because they just belittle their capacity and do not dare to have a try, but sports will teach them to change such a view to their ability and extremity. For instance, the 800-metre race is universally carried out as a standard test item for girl students in most of the secondary schools in China, because girl students are prone to be beat and have difficulty adjust breathing when they have run about 400 meters, which is a limitation这个词用的有点怪，到底是该用limit还是该用limitation是个问题 to them. Thus, such an item drops a hint that someone will be more progressively strong and confident if they achieve such an item.


Finally, people will get to realize the importance of preparation of sports if they undertake some activities, which will have a positive effect on their life. It goes without saying that participants are easily hurt in sports if they do not do preparation work. Similarly, students cannot efficiently catch the content teachers instruct in class if they do not preview; Interviewee cannot elaborate his or her advantages and traits if they do not prepare. Therefore, we are likely to put the notion of preparation into our daily study and work, because it is genuinely a good habit learnt from sports.


To sum up, even if sports is a common activity, it is a great source of lesson for people to hone the characteristic, get educated and form a good habit, because people can experience themselves and try to train themselves to be full-developed man from it.结局太短。为什么不尽情煽情呢？运动咋咋咋咋咋尽情放开写不客气，你这样结尾可能连fair都达不到


不要为了用词而用词，感觉你的一些句子写得很怪异，词是硬生生嵌进去的感觉，这样给人的印象不好，要改下，不要为了用大词而用大词，关键部位放两个就好，不然给人的感觉就像是白话文写着写着突然冒出个“我其归也，汝安所之”什么的。对于观点站不站得住脚我不予评论，ETS不看这个，但他看你论证的过程。你论证需要形成一条严密的逻辑链，在你文中我看到的逻辑链比较混乱，要好好理下。句子不要写的太长，但是一旦写出了长句，句子结构一定要一目了然，能够不让人去想到底有没有错，而要主句，从句，伴随各种情况一清二楚。


然后说下优点，词汇不错，如果是不依靠字典什么的写出来，阅读拿个高分不难。不过作文不行，这样的此起彼伏的大词很容易让人看的烦起来，必要的时候大词是拿来点缀的，而不是主导的。此外，你时间还有，多练练，有好处

空空仔UID：2792743

0928  请指教~！

University is a divine place for those students who are keen for further study in some certain field of study, and it is also the one to which the public pay much attention . Those people caring about the evolution of the education in university believe it necessary for all students to take basic science course, which will do benefit to their future. As far as I am concerned, I do not totally consent to such a idea, because it is up to the level of students themselves.
For those undergraduate, I think it is necessary to take basic science class to get acquainted with some formulas, theory and background of some certain area of study, because they can apply them to practical use some time when facing tasks or difficulties if they get a grasp of these basic science knowledge. Take a human science-theology as an example, if all university students, no matter have religious belief or not, are required to take such a course so that students can know about the characteristics of Christians and will not offend them. What’s more, students will get to know signs of the breakout of earthquake and volcano in geology class to prevent from losing a lot. Therefore, some basic science is practically use in our daily life. In addition, students can understand and even proceed to create some deeply profound theory and ideas after learning the giants’ academic achievement. Only if students acquire some basic science knowledge and constantly consolidate do they have a chance to take a deep insight into some complicated ones, because the currently-existing ones’ thinking way and research will encourage them consider why it is justified and where is its weakness so that this thinking process will pave the way for their comprehension and formula of complex ones.
Those graduates engaging in some study and research can quit learning some basic science knowledge, because they are apt to master these ones previously to some extent when they were undergraduates. Thus, it is not requisite for them to repeat. Instead, they concentrate on their concrete area of study and they will also learn a lot in the process of professional research.

In a nutshell, whether or not students should take basic science class is subject to the level of students. Undergraduates have better to take these lesson, which will underlie their future learning and can be applicable to daily life. As for those graduates having proficiency in basic science, it is not necessary to do so, just engage in their professional filed of study.

樾悦UID：2689181

没什么好说的  Lz文笔很强大！膜拜下~

樾悦UID：2689181

发错了

空空仔UID：2792743

10/12   
09.03.29 do you agree or disagree, students will not use printed books anymore.


Books have been substitute for bamboo sheets and served as a major medium of source of knowledge to students, but nowadays with the development of some techniques, other mediums are likely to replace books for students to acquire knowledge, such as computers and televisions, so that it is time for students to discard books. As far as I am concerned, I still argue that students will still use those printed books and it is necessary to do so for the following reasons.

First of all, Even if some high-technique products gradually have a great impact on human’s daily life, these appliances and equipment are not available for all of the schools and students. Instead, printed books can be offered to students and teachers because of its relatively low cost compared to that of high-technique products. Students just pay for those books they need only rather than some additional fees for maintaining and repairing expansive machines. Even some poverty-stricken schools have difficulty in affording printed books, how can they introduce these electronic products into class? Thus, it is an affordable and economical way for most of students and schools to get teaching materials.

Also, it is fairly convenient for students to carry and use books everywhere they want to read. Students just put books in their bags to schools or other places without worrying about whether is will be stolen or forbidden to use in some specific places. Besides, all the related information is printed in the solid paper sheets so that people can turn to the page they want to read and review wherever they are. However, taking a bamboo sheets is proved a burden for people in the past and using the high-technique products sometimes require net connection, which is unavailable in many locations. Thus, books are a truly easy medium to carry and use without much constriction brought about by others.

In addition, using printed books is more effective for students to acquire and absorb knowledge, because students can take notes in the margin of the lines in books, which is benefit to their comprehension and memory. When students come across some fresh terms in books, they can add some definition and explanation in the blank space of lines so that the searching and writing process actually help them understand and remember such terms. Even when we review, it still can be easily understood.

All in all, printed books should still be a general medium form of knowledge for students, because it prevents users from paying for additional fees for high-technique form, brings convenience to students and helps to study. The key of this problem is not how the medium is advanced or old-fashioned but whether it is suitable and helpful to students and schools.

空空仔UID：2792743

11月20日交
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For successful development of a country, should a government focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities?

Education is one of the branches that underlie the prosperous and successful development of a country, but if a sum of budget is allocated to education, as far as I am concerned, I lean toward to put more money on the university education than on the young children education. My reasons go as follows.

First of all, there are many facilities in universities which need to keep up-to-date and being maintained in universities, so money is needed. With the assistance and convenience of some electronic equipment in the classroom, university students can grasp professor’s ideas and have a better understanding of them. What’s more, it goes without saying, with the technological evolution, these facilities, no matter software or hardware, have to be upgraded and repaired some time, which tend to cost a large sum of money. It is also a heavy burden for the university itself, thus the government budget can come in handy and benefit for the future of this country. On the contrary, the young children are still at the junior stage so that it is adequate for them to acquire knowledge from printed books and they do not need as many electronic appliances as university students.

Another point worth mentioning is that university students need more resources to acquire knowledge and broaden their views. Reading a lot books is a requisite course and process a college students have to go through, so here is a problem: what if the books in the school library are out-dated and in short? The negative result is self-explanatory, but what is supposed to do is to spend a sum of money supplementing and updating the book storage to ensure students can get the latest data and information. Also, the activity funds for research, field trip and scholarship is a big deal. Thus, if government can emphasize more on the university education and allocate them more money, this can be solved to some extent

In addition, an amount of money is necessarily needed to establish and run a large-scale career consult agency on campus, because it is a transitional and crucial period that college students prepare themselves for the future career. To employ some professional consultant for career preparation, students can be given some advice and suggestions so that they can set a job goal early, try to forge their skills and expertise and get ready for the job. In contrast, it is definitely not applicable to young children education, so the cost of young children education is likely to be lower than that in college in this sense.

In a nutshell, compared with young children education, universities need more money, for there are electronic facilities to update and remain, book storage needing constantly supplied, activity funds and career consult agency to run. In this way, college students will benefit a lot and acquire adept skills to make contribution to their countries in the coming future.

942wadeUID：2948617

29# 空空仔 11月20日交
; k. V' e8 U+ A* p+ r3 \- QDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? For successful development of a country, should a government focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities?
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Education is one of the branches that underlie the prosperous and successful development of a country, but（这里转折关系感觉不是很明显撒） if a sum of budget is allocated to education, as far as I am concerned, I (个人感觉as far as I am concerned， the way I see it等之后就不应该再用人作主语，楼主可以上网查一下例句)lean toward to （lean toward后加ing 形式，因为toward是个介词）put more money on the university education than on the young children education. My reasons go as follows.
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. Q4 L' w' v2 LFirst of all, there are many facilities in universities which need to keep up-to-date and being maintained in universities（与前面的in universities重复）, so money is needed. With the assistance and convenience of some electronic equipment in the classroom, university students can grasp professor’s ideas and have a better understanding of them. What’s more, it goes without saying（新学了一个用法，没的说，开始还以为是 Chinglish）, with（with太多了， 可以换个试试 due to，by virtue of， by reason that。。。。） the technological evolution, these facilities, no matter software or hardware（应该用复数吧）, have to be upgraded and repaired some time（some time是表示一段时间的意思，可以用sometimes或者some times）, which tend to cost a large sum of money. It is also a heavy burden for the university itself, thus the government budget can come in handy and benefit for the future of this country（这个感觉有点突然，直接上升到国了）. On the contrary, the young children are still at the junior stage so that it is adequate for them to acquire knowledge from printed books and they do not need as many electronic appliances as university students.
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; f' l* S6 m( j( k! o* J  fAnother point worth mentioning is that university students need more resources to acquire knowledge and broaden their views（宽阔视野要好一些撒，horizons）. Reading a lot books is a requisite course and process a college students have to go through, so here is a problem: what if the books in the school library are out-dated and in short? The negative result is self-explanatory, but what is supposed to do is to spend a sum of money supplementing and updating the book storage to ensure (that) students can get the latest data and information. Also, the activity funds for research, field trip and scholarship is(复数) a big deal. Thus, if government can emphasize more on the university education and allocate them more money, this can be solved to some extent: h  o6 a) H0 J- e6 Y7 g
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In addition, an amount of money is necessarily needed to establish and run a large-scale career consult agency on campus, because it is a transitional and crucial period that（可能用when比较好一些，我也不太清楚） college students prepare themselves for the future career. To employ some professional consultant（复数） for career preparation, （感觉跟后面的主谓关系不搭配，with some professional consultants employed 可能要好一些 因为职业咨询人员既不是后面的结果也不是目的，用伴随可能好一些）students can be given some advice and suggestions so that they can set a job（感觉job应该去掉） goal early（earlier可能更贴切一些）, try to forge their skills and expertise and get ready for the job. In contrast, it is definitely not applicable to young children education（多少解释一两句嘛）, so the cost of young children education is likely to be lower than that in college in this sense.! R7 `9 M! }* R, o+ `; r
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In a nutshell, compared with young children education, universities need more money, for there are electronic facilities to update and remain, book storage needing constantly supplied, activity funds and career consult agency to run. In this way, college students will benefit a lot and acquire adept skills to make contribution to their countries in the coming future.


你的很多问题，我自己也存在，大家共同努力吧，字号不知道怎么搞的，楼主自己调一下撒。另外记得给我修改啊。