issue51

斑马慢蓝黑乱UID: 2788017

51、Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student

The discussion of the issue that education should be designed to meet the individual needs and interests which education will be truly effective. At first glance, the opinion seems somewhat convincing, but further reflection tells me I can’t agree with it completely.


Admittedly, higher education is aimed to enrich people’s knowledge and broad their views based on their interests. Those who have no interest in certain subject won’t focus on it entirely. Thus, the first goal for education is to develop one’s interests and meet their needs. Nowadays, many colleges are still continuing to use the old and boring method to teach, never catching student’s attention and without being a little creative, this explains why there are more students sleeping than listening in class. In this condition, nobody would learn the real useful. It ’s the same instance when it refers to student’s needs. It ’s wrong for educator to give one thing when the student needs another. Even the teachers are unwilling to acknowledge, they merely offer the useful information to college students.


However, education should have its universality as well. In some basic curriculums, students can’t choose whether to study as it is a necessity for them. Sometimes, you may don’t like math because you have no interested in dealing with so many figures, nevertheless, you have no alternative but go with it because it help you with further study. Therefore, courses set by educator will not always meet students’ needs and interests, but they are necessary.


In addition, the goal for education to meet the individual needs and interests of each student is unreality. Firstly, each student may have different interests, the great number of teachers needed for them could result in a big shortness, theoretically, one teacher along with nearly 30 students is a good allocation, however, if students have a broad range of interests from literature to math or from military to medical treatment, there won’t be enough teachers. Secondly, a great amount of interest requires large number of equipments, even the most famous university can’t afford them, let alone the smaller size ones. The most important is not everyone’s interests are beneficial to the society, someone even dream to be war maniac through his interest of military, this could be dangerous.
So the education can’t meet students’ needs and interests completely and sometimes must not do it.

To sum up, education should be designed to suit personality development of students, but it can’t meet students’ needs and interests totally.

raysun77UID: 2688235

1# 斑马慢蓝黑乱
小马童鞋
1我觉得你应该把你的观点（So the education can’t meet students’ needs and interests completely and sometimes must not do it.）放到第一段去，我看到最后才搞清楚你的观点到底是什么，再说，美国人不是喜欢开门见山么，那就开呗。
2．你第三段说meet students’ needs and interests不现实，第一老师数量不够，第二有些学生的兴趣不对，第一个理由还好但是第二个不能成为unreality的理由，一个事情是unreality的前提的在理想的情况下在道德和法律允许的情况下是可以的，但是在你的第二个理由中的情况是不允许存在的，除非校长本人就是一战争贩子，是吧，所以我觉得你把第二个理由扩充一下成为另一段，用来进一步证明statement是不成立的，感觉这样会比较好
3． 感觉你的语法很好，向你学习

lingli_xiaoaiUID: 172506

我觉得楼主需要注意一下自己段落的逻辑，和论点的展开。
最后一段 与其说不现实，不如说没有效率。因为你前面做得很好的一点就是定义了怎么才有效率，比如用最少的资源达到最大的结果，全文应该紧扣你当时的定义，一段一段正反讨论。会比你现在显得更优秀。

结尾太仓促了。没有起到结尾的作用。只有一句话，后面句还是用but开头。结尾要是肯定句，明确总结自己观点的。最好不要用否定句，还只有一句。

ctoctbUID: 2843717

本人水平有限 若修改错误请指正 并望多包涵！


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51、Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student

The discussion of the issue that education should be designed to meet the individual needs and interests which education will be truly effective. At first glance, the opinion seems somewhat convincing, but further reflection tells me I can’t agree with it completely.


Admittedly, higher education is aimed to enrich people’s knowledge and broad their views based on their interests. Those who have no interest in certain subject won’t focus on it entirely. Thus, the first goal for education is to develop one’s interests and meet their needs.（TS） Nowadays, many colleges are still continuing to use the old and boring methods to teach sb(somebody 宾语), never catching student’s attention and without being a little creative, this explains why there are more students sleeping than listening in class. In this condition, nobody would learn the real useful sth. It ’s the same instance when it refers to student’s needs. It ’s wrong for educator to give one thing when the student needs another. Even the teachers are unwilling to acknowledge, they merely offer the useful information to college students.(总结句 但似乎说服力不够)


However, education should have its universality as well(TS 但是下面没有充分论证怎么 universality大众化？。。 ). In some basic curriculums, students can’t （can not） choose whether to study as it is a necessity for them. Sometimes, you(用you I 人称显得不够大众不够有说服力) may don’t like math because you have no interested in dealing with so many figures, nevertheless, you have no alternative（choice） but go with(have to bear) it because it help(benefits) you with further study. Therefore, courses set by educator will not always meet students’ needs and interests, but they are necessary.（学生没选择余地 不喜欢数学也得学 所以学校没达到迎合学生需要 但是确实必须得 。。论证的不够充分）


In addition, the goal for education to meet the individual needs and interests of each student is unreality（TS）. Firstly, (since)each student may have different interests, the great number of teachers needed for them could result in a big shortness（To cater for each students' need will require a great number of teacher, which lays a heavy burden on schools）, theoretically, one teacher along with nearly 30 students is a good allocation, however, if students have a broad range of interests from literature to math or from military to medical treatment, there won’t be enough teachers. Secondly, a great amount of interest requires large number of equipments, even the most famous university can’t afford them, let alone the smaller size ones. The most important is not everyone’s interests are beneficial to the society, someone even dream to be war maniac through his interest of military, this could be dangerous.(这段写乱了 是时间不够还是怎么 感觉作者慌神了 很多句法用的欠妥)
So the education can’t meet students’ needs and interests completely and sometimes must not do it.

To sum up, education should be designed to suit personality development of students, but it can’t meet students’ needs and interests totally.


总结：前面虽然有些不充分 但是写的没什么毛病 后面全乱了
建议：心态放松 多背背句式 不要将中文所想一字不差翻译出来 因为我们的思维被教育成说的越复杂越好 其实不然 老外喜欢单      刀直入 第一句话 TS 后面开始论证 看看范分 他们也用简单句