笑笑的直属作文当铺

zenglingyuanUID：2773905

15# leiqin1521   谢谢你 大眼睛 原来还可以用word文档啊～谢谢了 我记住这招了 拼写断句一直我老大难道问题

fd笑笑UID：2791669

As things stand now, a hot conversation(discussion) emerges that  it better to watuch (watch)serious movies that help people think than to watch movices(movies) that  ammuse and entertainment people.some people supports(support) this idear(idea),but others deem its just a prejudice. In my perspective, I am in faovr of the latter asseratiob(去掉) in term of  my  education and experience.
  First of all,one great thing about comedies is that, you can release yourself form（from） the pressure of study.Laughing is the best healer,No matter how depressed you feel,seeing the exaggerate face（expression） ,and funny plot,you will come back to life again.we never forget the master of comedyChaplin，who bring the laughing to the  whole world,and wipe out the sadess（sadness） during the second world war．/ P; f0 H1 u" {" F  g1 W- S
　What"s more，sociological studies have found　that a person，who watching comedy movies,is more easy to keep a　positive　attitude to life．laughing is to people,what water （is）to fish.Once you laugh ,your desire to better life become（becomes） stronger. since,comedy movies is（are） not just good for your feeling,but for your healthy as well.（这里可用not only but also 句型）Forgetting all the despairon yesterday,so （去掉）we can start a new adventure today.That"s what we can benefit from the comedies., Q& _5 B& P5 b# R% \
  In addition, seldom people do realized that comedies still help people thinking.when you noticed a actor"s choice,which you maight be made totally the same,result in a funny ending. you must think over after meeting the same satuation(situation）
in your own life. one essential difference between comdeies and tragedis  is the extent to which use a happiness to draw audience attention,which is（去掉） use saddess to draw it. 这个理论点我觉得可以用Chaplin的例子，他的电影搞笑的同时，让人深刻思考社会问题。比如摩登时代里反映了人与机器的关系,机器大生产时代给人带来的变化等等。H4 P1 g' N2 y' ^5 I don not（don't） deny the serious movies live a deeply impression and moved a lot of people,but the advantages of comedy is clearly outweigh the drawbacks.就这句本身来说写的不错，但有点偏离中心了，不是比较comedy 的优缺点，而是比较comedy 和serious movie.So,to conclude,It is not better to watch serious movice that help people think than to watch movices that could amuse people
对不起楼主，改晚了。
楼主不太注意单复数，还有时候一个句子里会有两个动词。以上都予以更正。下次写作时要细心一点。
三个论点都很好！就是觉得阐述有点chinglish，多锤炼锤炼句子，多看些好文章。一定可以写出不错的句子。
有什么改的不对的还请指出。

fd笑笑UID：2791669

不晓得怎么会有乱七八糟的字符，字号也不统一。。。。。我从word粘过来看着没问题。。。。。
楼主将就看了，对不住了！

zenglingyuanUID：2773905

思考在三 还是别断比较好
  As things stand now,a hot conversation emerges that an student should be required to take basic science classes even if they are not this major.To my perspective,I cannot supports such a despotic poltical policy in term of my education and experience.
  The golden adage,interest is the best teacher,has been proved hundreds of time.Olnly have you no choice but accept the falure,if you break the rule.Obvously,no one want to take a class,which you have to sit there and kill time. Without interests,students will lose ambitious and turn to a virtual world to find the comforts, which lost in the really world. so, a growth number of students addict to video games and become more and more default.
  In addtion,taking the basic science calsses will occupy students a lot,and result many students have not enough time to apply the konwlge to the society.No matter how vast a konwledge you learned,if you can not use it,all the effore will be in vain.I saw a new from TV last week, a student,graduating from a famous school,withour one single job offerd for lacking of job experience,and have to through the trash cane for food.Goverment It is so much money that government spend on the unversity student.what better way to bulit a useful university student than to let him connect the society.
  What is more,the university have responsibility to help student become more independent,if a student even can not choose subjects by himself, how can you except they idenpendent after steping into the society.It is shame that a graduator still need others tell them what should do the next.just like the machine,whether work or not,all depend on your instruction.
  I do not deny the basic science classes could improve the comprehension and develop the logic,but considerated the reasons which I was mention, the disadvantage clear outweigh the advantage.Draw a conclusion,students should not be required to take the basic classes

zenglingyuanUID：2773905

7.20 Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money- w9 U2 n: A7

As things stand now,a hot conversstion emerges that businmen are only motivated by desire of money.some people consider it as birth rights of businmen.others think you still need to censor the quilty of goods and do good for your empolement As my perspetitve,I in favor of the later assterion in term of my education and experience.
  First of all, businmen should take care of the long-term profits.If hundreds of month and days has proven somethings,it is that, never sacrific your long term profit for short interests.paying attention do not means you was taken advantage. on the opposite,the root of your company will become stronger and more permannent.with growth of coustomer,your brand could become popular.only then no one can competitive with you.just like Mdolcnd,which give the free study equipment and donation to the students,and that kind of bevhaive have influenced the generation of youth.so, when they grow up,they will accept any fast food except McDonald
  In addtion,improving the condition of wokers,is improve yourself.What a better way to enhance the efficient than to let a worker loyal to you?The choice,which spend money on makinging a better environment for worker,is absolutly a wise decision. Living a house looks as dingy and run dowm as straw house , working in a small and harmful atmosphere, and eating some crude foods.Under such situation, how can you hope workers working with passion and talent.
  What is more,.a ambitious businmen shouldn’t forget that the quality is the key to success. No matter how huge your company are., if you inviolate the coustomers rights,the end of days will come in next minutes. Just think about the three dears,once the thridest huge company in china.which was found that providing the poisonous dariy powders.all the three daer’s  indursties  were  forced to stop and the supermarkets give back all the dariy powders.the ten—years effort was pull dowm in one ngiht.
  Generally,it can be said that an ultimate objective for a business is to make a profit, but a business should never damage the rights and benefits of the customers,workers and the community to profit.Quite the contrast,businesses should do their part to contribute to yhe welfare of the groups.

aladdin.ivyUID：2596664

给笑笑改好了，有什么说的不对的地方请多担待

maonamaoziUID：2763925

2# zenglingyuan
It is widely believed that to reserve lands for endangered（濒危的，这个是对的啊） animals is more important than for human being,because human have the responsiblity for protecting  the  anmal,which almost die of human"s kilingl, perhaps we might burden（undertake) the responsibility. But I do not think to reserve land for the animal could save(save  or solve) the problem. on the contrast, Gaving(giving) land to human being will be more reasonable and acceptable.' g. d- d) d. P2 t4 j* V
    First of all, improving the quality of human’s life will surely contribute to endangerous animals.the people who support to reserve land for endangerous animals is(删掉is） fail to take into account that poverty is a essential threat to the animals under the threat of（on the verge of) extinction. The homeless rummage thourghtrash cans for food. The poor worker,with a inadequate income（废话必杀技——插入语）,have no choice but to live in a dingy and run—dowm apartment.even the well eduated have to spend most of their income on paying rent. No mention,Struggling in this situation, a growing number of people have learned to sacrifice their moralities and even violate the law for the illegal benefits.（分词结构，好）so extra land to these people ,what water is to （a to b ,what c to d  perfect)fish.only then can we protect the animal more efficient.(又来个精彩的倒装）  . @4 o3 ~" ]8 w
    In addition, reserving land for animals cannot save all the problems,I even doubt it would not be a profitable bussiness.There are countless factor influence the number of endangerous animal.such as a earthquck or fire cause（causing) hunders of animal dead,the global warm affect(affecting) the number and quailty of grass,which ,in turn, would bring a famine. Needless to mention the harmful (harm)of polluted water. So I believed the problem of land is not the first thing we need to deal with
   I do not deny that reserving the land for endangerous animal is a useful way to draw people’s attention to protect endangerous(endangered) animal,but the disadvantages of the lans  for animal clearly cannot outweigh the drawbacks.we need a more efficient and flexible paln for endangered animal.Therefore I strongly support （favor是名词）reserving land for human being is more important than for endangerous(endangered) animal.


结构：文章结构清晰，开头段欲扬先抑，还有让步，体现了行文的严谨
词和句子：句子样式多变，尤其运用了分词结构，插入语成分，倒装，从句；词汇，词汇上有几个用的稍微不准的地方，认真看看就没啥了
内容和逻辑：内容上主要是以论述为主，少了ETS一贯主张的具体的例子。少了点表示逻辑的词显得有点小混乱。我觉得这两个观点写的挺好的

maonamaoziUID：2763925

It is widely believed that to reserve lands for endangered（濒危的，这个是对的啊） animals is more important than for human being,because human have the responsiblity for protecting  the  anmal,which almost die of human"s kilingl, perhaps we might burden（undertake) the responsibility. But I do not think to reserve land for the animal could save(save  or solve) the problem. on the contrast, Gaving(giving) land to human being will be more reasonable and acceptable.' g. d- d) d. P2 t4 j* V
    First of all, improving the quality of human’s life will surely contribute to endangerous animals.the people who support to reserve land for endangerous animals is(删掉is） fail to take into account that poverty is a essential threat to the animals under the threat of（on the verge of) extinction. The homeless rummage thourghtrash cans for food. The poor worker,with a inadequate income（废话必杀技——插入语）,have no choice but to live in a dingy and run—dowm apartment.even the well eduated have to spend most of their income on paying rent. No mention,Struggling in this situation, a growing number of people have learned to sacrifice their moralities and even violate the law for the illegal benefits.（分词结构，好）so extra land to these people ,what water is to （a to b ,what c to d  perfect)fish.only then can we protect the animal more efficient.(又来个精彩的倒装）  . @4 o3 ~" ]8 w
    In addition, reserving land for animals cannot save all the problems,I even doubt it would not be a profitable bussiness.There are countless factor influence the number of endangerous animal.such as a earthquck or fire cause（causing) hunders of animal dead,the global warm affect(affecting) the number and quailty of grass,which ,in turn, would bring a famine. Needless to mention the harmful (harm)of polluted water. So I believed the problem of land is not the first thing we need to deal with
   I do not deny that reserving the land for endangerous animal is a useful way to draw people’s attention to protect endangerous(endangered) animal,but the disadvantages of the lans  for animal clearly cannot outweigh the drawbacks.we need a more efficient and flexible paln for endangered animal.Therefore I strongly support （favor是名词）reserving land for human being is more important than for endangerous(endangered) animal.


结构：文章结构清晰，开头段欲扬先抑，还有让步，体现了行文的严谨
词和句子：句子样式多变，尤其运用了分词结构，插入语成分，倒装，从句；词汇，词汇上有几个用的稍微不准的地方，认真看看就没啥了
内容和逻辑：内容上主要是以论述为主，少了ETS一贯主张的具体的例子。少了点表示逻辑的词显得有点小混乱。我觉得这两个观点写的挺好的

breezerhUID：2819401

笑笑，我来了

7.20 Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money- w9 U2 n: A7

As things stand now, a hot conversstion emerges that businmen are only motivated by desire of money. Some people consider it as birth rights of businessmen while (others think you still need to censor the quilty of goods and do good for your employment 这句什么意思？有些人认为以前为动机是商人的天生权力，而有些人认为你仍然要检查商品质量和对你的雇员好 ？Personally， 我认为从句前面说的是一部分人认为商人是以钱为动机，后半句从句着也应该是说：另一部份人认为商人是以xxx为动机，或者另一部分人否定了前一部分人。这样才能保证结构一致。)As my perspetitve（perspective）, I （am）in favor of the later assterion(assertion) in term of my education and experience.( E3 _/ e' D1 i  P& @" P* t; J) E
  First of all, businmen(businessmen) should take care of the long-term profits. If hundreds of month(months 注意数的一致性) and days has proven somethings（something or some things,没有somethings）, it is that（that it is） never sacrific（sacrifice） your long term profit for short interests. Paying attention do not means you was taken advantage. (on the opposite, the root of your company will become stronger and more permannent. with growth of coustomer, your brand could become popular. Only then no one can competitive with you, just like Md        olcnd, which give the free study equipment and donation to the students, and that kind of bevhaive(behavior) have(has) influenced the generation of youth)这个长句的时态太混乱了……. so, when they grow up, they will accept any fast food except MOLDAN.
In addtion（addition）, improving the condition of wokers, （it）is improve yourself. What a better way to enhance the efficient than to let a worker loyal to you? The choice, which spend money on makinging a better environment for worker,is absolutely a wise decision. Living a house looks as dingy and run dowm as straw house , working in a small and harmful atmosphere, and eating some crude foods.Under such situation, how can you hope workers working with passion and talent.
  What is more,.a ambitious businmen（businessmen - -#） shouldn’t forget that the quality is the key to success. No matter how huge your company are. if you inviolate the customers’ rights, the end of days will come in next minutes. Just think about the three dears,once the thridest huge company in china.which was found that providing the poisonous dariy powders.all the three daer’s  indursties  were  forced to stop and the supermarkets give back all the dariy powders.the ten—years effort was pull dowm in one ngiht.
  Generally,it can be said that an ultimate objective for a business is to make a profit, but a business should never damage the rights and benefits of the customers,workers and the community to profit.Quite the contrast,businesses should do their part to contribute to yhe welfare of the groups.

1、        建议LZ下次先用word做拼写语法检查….
2、        我感觉文章的开头不是很得力，以致我下面的阅读没弄清结构，LZ要这方面下下功夫哦。
3、        水平有限，修改不当之处，请指出。LZ加油！

zenglingyuanUID：2773905

24# breezerh   谢谢 我的拼写 老大难

wuqian0801UID：2637709

你看看吧...
要使劲加油了！

wuqian0801UID：2637709

zenglingyuanUID：2773905

8.10
TV  movie in own country are more interest than those made in other country
  With the global tends to closer and closer.people form all walks of community easier have access to foreign"s TV show or movies.Comparing domestic movies and oversea"s, It is hard to draw a conclusion which one is better.Alomst half of  indivial deems that domestic moives and TV show are better for the sake of familiar(konwing well).and the objector declare the foreign moives and TV show have colored theire life.So many people,so many minds. As far as I can considered,I support the latter assertion in term of my personal eduaction and experience.
  In first of all,The movies,made by oversea,contribute to borden our horizon.since,it not only contain the different culture,but speak other  language as well.Many advocates have viewed foreign TVshowor moives as a means to maintain children’s languages and cultures.they try to imitate the action of role in the movie.we may quote a single example ,the amazing TV show <friends> are populare withe all over the world.Countless people are addicted in their story.we witness how splendid the parade on the new year, and absob the slang for every words.finally,with a great achievement people will apporch foregin moives with great passion,and which in turn help them attain more knowledge.a  benign circle started.
  In addtion,movies which come form oversea vary from country to country.scarely would audtience enjoy one kind style of moive.there is no way to force people to make a choice.no one like to waste their life on a boring and crude TV show. what a beter way to
appeal to people come to  theater than to display various movies made by different country?have you ever moved by the franch's romantic  story , inspired by the achievement of Americen dream or surprisedby the high technology?

Finally, the basic problem for a foreigner can not really understand the entertainment spirit from tv shows and movies is the difference in culture which is hardly changed by a short time study. What is more,. the basic aim of movies and tv shows, for me , is entertainment. Thus, I prefer a native one than a foreign media program as it could get the aim of entertainment for me.

matlab007UID：2865031

8.10-comment by matlab厄。觉得楼主写的有些随便诶。阅读和批改体验很辛苦.....

zenglingyuanUID：2773905

Playing sports teach people more about life .
  Things stand now,there is a considerate in number of people pay more attention on playing sports,they are declare that by playing more sports,you can learn how to cooperate with others and understand more about teamwork..However,the objector suspect that sports actually not the noly way to learn about life.so many people,so many minds,to my perspective, I support sports teach people more about life in term of my person experience and education.my resons can be illustrated as follows.
  First of all,It is disputed that there are larger number of ways teach us about life.such as ,reading some beneficial books or listening some classical moives.But, playing sports prodec  the various benefical impact on people at the same time. One great things about playing sports is that we can know more about teamwork via sports.a victory rely on every menmber spare no efforts.For instance,if you want to win a basketball game,the guard are in charge of organization,the forwards need foucus on how to threaten the competitor constantly.Obuviously,only a good pass can provide a open chance for forward.so,the forards can draw more attention of comptitior,which in turn case more opportunity for guard.As you can see, we absorb the teamwork at every pore withou thinking.
  In addton,holding the faith we will win,the sports teach us what is persistence.Struggle in a hard win game.Not everyone interact with such persistence and long hours.but those who do,pride themselves on a outsanding courage that contributes mightly to their future.I still remember how one of my classmates was changed by a football game. His team was consider a underdog at first,since they are not noly less experienxe,but slower than other team. so we all thought  he might gave up.To our surprise, he kept fightting hard and played a remarkable gmae.finally,he won this game,and more important, he becomes so positive and faithful.
  What is more, sports adovcate a health life.keeping fit case us live in a high spirt.Atually,It is almost imposibe to watch a TV for 15minutes without seeing some expert tell you exercise regularly.It is almost imposible to read newspappers without a attract advertisement of  some sports organization .This provides a typical example of modern attitude to life.sports reveal emerge us  the connect between health and   life.
Given factors that have just outlined it is wise to support the statement that sports teach people more about life.