argument14------欢迎派汶作文修改小组

fchenyanUID: 2804020

TOPIC: ARGUMENT14 - The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."
WORDS: 501
TIME: 00:35:00
DATE: 2010-07-07 8:25:13

The author get the conclusion that the Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase their profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds they stock of gardeners the coming spring, but the argument is not well reasoned.

Firstly, the conclusion in the memo is based on an assumption that is not providing enough details. Any decision should rely on the concrete condition, so the writer of the memo should consider the trends of the suburban town they are serving or they want to serve. An overall tendency may lead their business to a wrong direction, so the Center should make it clear the trend in the local market. That is to say, the cited tendency is too general that may turn out to be not applicable to the small business itself.

Secondly, the survey is not good enough to support the conclusion. Since the survey is a national one and that always cannot clearly reflect what is happening in the local market. Furthermore, the survey is just conducted last month which is too short a time to draw a tendency, and we cannot conclude other possibilities like consumers in certain area like grow that kind of plant at that particular time and that cannot tell what the Green Thumb Gardening Center should do in the coming spring. Also the evidence that the consumer are becoming dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetable available in supermarkets is not to show that people will decide to grow vegetable themselves. There are people in big cities complaining but they have other approaches to get better vegetables liking drying to rural farm to buy fresh vegetables, what’s more, we should not leave the possibility that the citizens there have no place and no time to take care of vegetation out of our consideration.

Thirdly, the selling increase of the local magazine is not bound to illustrate that people there are becoming more and more interested in growing vegetable. that because there are so many reasons to result in the increase of the sales achievement of the magazine Great Gardens and no evidence to prove that the author supposed one is crucial. Also, people who buy the magazine may just attract by a time of redesign, and we are not sure whether the particular issues in the magazine are focusing on growing vegetables.

Fourthly, the author loses sight of the recent condition of local market. If the Green Thumb Gardening is already saturated, they were deemed to lose but not to gain profits. As a member of the market, they should remember their competitors all the time. If their rivals also expand the variety of vegetable seeds stocking for gardeners, when the spring comes, the price of vegetable seeds may be much lower than expected and even lower than their purchase price.

In summary, there are so many weak point in the process of the reasoning of the conclusion of the memo, to make it credible, the author need more details of existing and other evidence.

clarence8UID: 2813388

The author get the conclusion that the Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase their profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds they stock of gardeners the coming spring, but the argument is not well reasoned.

Firstly, the conclusion in the memo is based on an assumption that is not providing enough details. Any decision should rely on the concrete condition, so the writer of the memo should consider the trends of the suburban town they are serving or they want to serve. An overall tendency may lead their business to a wrong direction, so the Center should make it clear the trend in the local market. That is to say, the cited tendency is too general that may turn out to be not applicable to the small business itself.

Secondly, the survey is not good enough to support the conclusion. Since the survey is a national one and that always cannot clearly reflect what is happening in the local market. Furthermore, the survey is just conducted last month which is too short a time to draw a tendency, and we cannot conclude other possibilities like consumers in certain area like grow that kind of plant at that particular time and that cannot tell what the Green Thumb Gardening Center should do in the coming spring. Also the evidence that the consumer are becoming dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetable available in supermarkets is not to show that people will decide to grow vegetable themselves. There are people in big cities complaining but they have other approaches to get better vegetables liking drying to rural farm to buy fresh vegetables, what’s more, we should not leave the possibility that the citizens there have no place and no time to take care of vegetation out of our consideration.

Thirdly, the selling increase of the local magazine is not bound to illustrate that people there are becoming more and more interested in growing vegetable. that（That is ） because there are so many reasons to result in the increase of the sales achievement of the magazine Great Gardens and no evidence to prove that the author supposed one is crucial. Also, people who buy the magazine may just attract by a time of redesign, and we are not sure whether the particular issues in the magazine are focusing on growing vegetables.

Fourthly, the author loses sight of the recent condition of local market. If the Green Thumb Gardening is already saturated, they were deemed to lose but not to gain profits.(此句前后时态不一致) As a member of the market, they should remember their competitors all the time. If their rivals also expand the variety of vegetable seeds stocking for gardeners, when the spring comes, the price of vegetable seeds may be much lower than expected and even lower than their purchase price.

In summary, there are so many weak point（points） in the process of the reasoning of the conclusion of the memo, to make it credible, the author need more details of existing and other evidence.
看完后感觉写的很成熟了已经，想问下已经准备多久了，写了多少篇文章了。感谢！

yaniiUID: 2807225

The author get the conclusion that the Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase their profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds they stock of gardeners the coming spring, but the argument is not well reasoned.

Firstly, the conclusion in the memo is based on an assumption that is not providing enough details. Any decision should rely on the concrete condition, so the writer of the memo should consider the trends of the suburban town they are serving or they want to serve. An overall tendency may lead their business to a wrong direction, so the Center should make it clear the trend in the local market. That is to say, the cited tendency is too general that may turn out to be not applicable to the small business itself.(最好把这一tendency再详细说一下吧，有些泛泛)
Secondly, the survey is not good enough（最好换个确切些的词） to support the conclusion. Since the survey is a national one and that always cannot clearly reflect what is happening in the local market. Furthermore, the survey is just conducted last month which is too short a time to draw a tendency, and we cannot conclude other possibilities like consumers in certain area like grow that kind of plant at that particular time and that cannot tell what the Green Thumb Gardening Center should do in the coming spring. Also the evidence that the consumer are becoming dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetable available in supermarkets is not to show that people will decide to grow vegetable themselves. There are people in big cities complaining but they have other approaches to get better vegetables liking drying to rural farm to buy fresh vegetables, what’s more, we should not leave the possibility that the citizens there have no place and no time to take care of vegetation out of our consideration.（较有说服力）
Thirdly, the selling increase of the local magazine is not bound to illustrate that people there（删） are becoming more and more interested in growing vegetable. that because there are so many reasons to result in the increase of the sales achievement of the magazine Great Gardens and no evidence to prove that the author supposed one is crucial. Also, people who buy the magazine may just attract by a time of redesign, and we are not sure whether the particular issues in the magazine are focusing on growing vegetables.

Fourthly, the author loses sight of the recent condition of local market. If the Green Thumb Gardening is already saturated, they were deemed to lose but not to gain profits. As a member of the market, they should remember their competitors all the time. If their rivals also expand the variety of vegetable seeds stocking for gardeners, when the spring comes, the price of vegetable seeds may be much lower than expected and even lower than their purchase price.

In summary, there are so many weak point in the process of the reasoning of the conclusion of the memo, to make it credible, the author need more details of existing and other evidence.

错误批判的顺序不知你是怎么安排的，感觉前面有些乱，论证的也有些泛， 后面就好多了。
个人感觉你argument付出不如issue多，不要偏心哦！
加油！

fchenyanUID: 2804020

3# yanii 问题出在我觉的argument比较简单，而且前一段时间我的issue出现了写的像argument的问题，所以就搁置了，谢谢提醒

raysun77UID: 2688235

1# fchenyan
再吹毛求疵一下哈，你第一段讲的比较泛泛，我觉得把它放到最后一段和总结段放在一起会比较好，还有就是如果可以的话，段与段之间形成逻辑递进关系，就是先攻击A问题，然后再说即使A问题成立，B也不成立，即使B成立，C也不会成立，如此一来环环相扣，攻击力度会比较强

fchenyanUID: 2804020

逻辑递进好