argument14 第一篇 请猛拍 谢谢！

xxmdskUID: 2849092

TOPIC: ARGUMENT14 - The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."
WORDS:356
TIME: 02:49:40
DATE: 2010-7-8
19:04:45

In this argument, the author recommends that people who at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds for gardeners, because the consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. To support his recommendation, the author points out that a national survey indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the vegetables in supermarkets. The author also states that the gardening magazine has sold out three months in a row. However, careful scrutiny of evidences reveals that these provide little credible support for the argument.

Firstly, a nation survey cannot be stand for this region, because it is likely to investigates metropolis, which people who live in that is only through supermarket to buy vegetables, their selection scope is small. Yet, people who reside in country may have more chance to buy the fresh vegetables due to many farms or any other methods. Furthermore, the author support no evidence that people want to plant own vegetables.

Secondly, the fact that the gardening magazine has sold out three months. Actually, we do not know what is the contents of this magazine, we do not know what purpose for consumers to buy it either, maybe it is relate to planting flowers, transfiguring the environment ,that all is possibly.

Thirdly, the assumption that people can increase profits by expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners support little evidence to this recommendation. The author did not provide any proof
for this crucial assumption. He fails to demonstrate that provides more variety of seeds ,the customers can choose more, whatever, he did not consider that the cost will increase too, the author did not refer to cost issue, it is arbitrary.

In sum ,the argument relies on several weak assumptions, which are not as persuasive as they stand. To bolster it, the author should provide more information such as whether people like to growing their own vegetables, if so, how many. We also want to know what kind of vegetables are most demand in the market. Otherwise, he can not persuade anyone to be agree with his recommendation.

写了接近3小时 字数还没到。。。

xxmdskUID: 2849092

晕。。。才看到字这么小

DriverEntryUID: 143979

那可以再重新编辑，把字改大点 ：）

xxmdskUID: 2849092

重新改了下

TOPIC: ARGUMENT14 - The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."
WORDS:356        TIME: 02:49:40          DATE: 2010-7-8  19:04:45

In this argument, the author recommends that people who at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds for gardeners, because the consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. To support his recommendation, the author points out that a national survey indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the vegetables in supermarkets. The author also states that the gardening magazine has sold out three months in a row. However, careful scrutiny of evidences reveals that these provide little credible support for the argument.

Firstly, a nation survey cannot be stand for this region, because it is likely to investigates metropolis, which people who live in that is only through supermarket to buy vegetables, their selection scope is small. Yet, people who reside in country may have more chance to buy the fresh vegetables due to many farms or any other methods. Furthermore, the author support no evidence that people want to plant own vegetables.

Secondly, the fact that the gardening magazine has sold out three months. Actually, we do not know what is the contents of this magazine, we do not know what purpose for consumers to buy it either, maybe it is relate to planting flowers, transfiguring the environment ,that all is possibly.

Thirdly, the assumption that people can increase profits by expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners support little evidence to this recommendation. The author did not provide any proof for this crucial assumption. He fails to demonstrate that provides more variety of seeds ,the customers can choose more, whatever, he did not consider that the cost will increase too, the author did not refer to cost issue, it is arbitrary.

In sum ,the argument relies on several weak assumptions, which are not as persuasive as they stand. To bolster it, the author should provide more information such as whether people like to growing their own vegetables, if so, how many. We also want to know what kind of vegetables are most demand in the market. Otherwise, he can not persuade anyone to be agree with his recommendation.

jinjin90UID: 2827418

In this argument, the author recommends that（园艺中心盈利不是人盈利）Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds for gardeners, because the consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. To support his recommendation, the author points out that a national survey indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the vegetables in supermarkets. The author also states that the gardening magazine has sold out three months in a row. However, careful scrutiny of evidences reveals that these provide little credible support for the argument.（觉得第一段太罗嗦了，没必要把原文复述一遍，新东方老师说的）

待续

jinjin90UID: 2827418

Firstly, a nation survey cannot be stand for this region, because it is likely that people who live in investigates metropolis is only through supermarket to buy vegetables, their selection scope is small. Yet, people who reside in country may have more chance to buy the fresh vegetables due to many farms or any other methods. Furthermore（是这么用的吗）, the author support no evidence that local residents want to （would be interested in）plant own vegetables.（这一段逻辑有点乱，先说当地人很满意，原因是metropolis的人怎么样，当地town怎么样）

jinjin90UID: 2827418

Secondly, the fact that the gardening magazine has sold out three months does not indicate that the residents of that town are interested in growing vegetables. （原文不是一个句子，that后面都是修饰fact的，事实不能说明……）Actually, we do not know what is the contents of this magazine, and what purpose for consumers to buy it either.（句号，一个句子里只能有一个谓语动词）maybe it is related to planting flowers, transfiguring the environment ,that all is possibly（这半句不要）.

jinjin90UID: 2827418

Thirdly, the assumption that GTGC can increase profits by expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners support little evidence to this recommendation. （这句话想说什么呢）The author did not provide any proof for this crucial assumption. He fails to demonstrate that provides more variety of seeds ,the customers can choose more, whatever, he did not consider that the cost可以详细距离，宣传成本，销售成本，储存成本等 will increase too, the author did not refer to cost issue, it may not be profitable.（再次注意一个句子只能有一个谓语动词，这个句子里有4个！蓝色标注！而且，一会是fails，一会是did，要注意时态一致）

In sum ,the argument relies on several weak assumptions, which are not as persuasive as they stand[/color]（这也不是一个句子，前面蓝色部分都是修饰argument 的）. To bolster it, the author should provide more information such as whether people like to growing their own vegetables, if so, how many. We also want to know what kind of vegetables are most demand in the market. Otherwise, he can not persuade anyone to be agree with his recommendation.

楼主可以再多举点例子，语法有待加强
还有个人觉得表达观点时用I而不用we好一点，因为你在向评卷人表达你个人的观点
我也是刚刚开始写作，有什么不对的地方还希望给予指正

xxmdskUID: 2849092

楼上的朋友 谢谢啊