issue 48

费话先生UID: 2788924

希望能够互拍~这篇个人觉得还是蛮纠缠不清的，具体思路不明，望板油指教~

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
  

The author claims that it's the groups of people rather than some key individuals who create the most significant events and trends. As a consequence, we should place our emphasis on the masses when we study history. Yet I agree that without the masses the key individuals would be impossible to realize their goals or ride the way of society. However, I disagree that the efforts of the masses can replace those of key individuals. Both key individuals and the masses are important to every important renovation or movement, so we should ignore neither of them when we study history.

Key individuals, which we usually regard them as heroes or soul of a group, usually lead the time and awake the majority of people. These great people usually have insightful clairvoyance, innovational spirit and action power beyond ordinary people. So when a society is facing some turning points, it's the very existence of key individuals that shoulder the time's responsibility and rally the ordinary people towards a goal. For example, Mores led Jews to escape from Egypt, which rescue the whole race of Jews. What's more, some great people, who have excellent talents in some certain areas, are attributable to the improvement of their fields, especially in the realm of science or arts. The examples are not far to seek. Griffith, a famous director in 1930's, created many unimaginable skills, which change the whole film industry including the use of the close-ups to reveal significant details of the scene. Those innovations submitted severe critics on him, however, he gave a new intellectual respectability to the film. From the example, we can see these excellent key individuals impel the society to a better one using their talented skills.

Not only the realm of technology or arts, but also in political areas, key individuals play an important role in making new trends or movements. Take Black Civil Rights Movement for an example, Mather Luther king rally nearly every black people to against the discrimination upon them through his charming characteristics. Without him, black people should need to wait a longer time to organize themselves and struggle for their rights. Specially, Mather Luther king also made wise strategy and show attic faith, both of which are conduce to speed the final success of movement.

As for the ordinary people, they play a different but equal-important role in creating historic events. As mentioned above, Mather Luther king guided organized and inspired the masses, and the masses practice what he proposed and offered strong support to the movement. Without masses, 100 Mather Luther king would not success just like a motto said: a general without any soldier won't win any campaign.

No matter the key individuals or the ordinary people, both contribute to the significant trends or movements. Lacking either ones, any important movements hardly success. When we learn our human's history to explore what ever happened or why the phenomenon occurred, we shouldn't neglect the two different groups of people. No matter famous or not, no matter great or not, they all are important to create history although the efforts or roles are different.

lingli_xiaoaiUID: 172506

zhanwei~~

my sentences and comments are used only to express what I mean, they are not grammar mistake free, because I am really bad at grammar and I didn't double check.
so please check if you want to incorporate any of them into your issue ]

lingli_xiaoaiUID: 172506

The author claims that it's the groups of people rather than some key individuals who create the most significant events and trends. As a consequence, we should place our emphasis on the masses when we study history. Yet I agree that without the masses the key individuals would be impossible to realize their goals or ride the way of society. However, I disagree that the efforts of the masses can replace those of key individuals. Both key individuals and the masses are important to every important renovation or movement, so we should ignore neither of them when we study history. [really good opening paragraph]

Key individuals, which we usually regard them as heroes or soul of a group, usually lead the time and awake the majority of people. [may be use words like see beyond their own time? lead the time is kind of odd. also wake the general public is too simple a sentence to really express what you mean by that. maybe remind general public of things they neglect or call xxx' attention to what they didn't aware of, something more specific ]

These great people usually have insightful clairvoyance, innovational spirit and action power beyond ordinary people. So when a society is facing some turning points, it's the very existence of key individuals that shoulder the time's responsibility and rally the ordinary people towards a goal. For example, Mores led Jews to escape from Egypt, which rescue the whole race of Jews. What's more, some great people, who have excellent talents in some certain areas, are attributable to the improvement of their fields, especially in the realm of science or arts. The examples are not far to seek. Griffith, a famous director in 1930's, created many unimaginable skills, which change the whole film industry including the use of the close-ups to reveal significant details of the scene. Those innovations [submitted] [odd word to use] severe critics on him, however, he gave a new intellectual respectability to the film. From the [these examples, you have more than one example] example, we can see these excellent key individuals impel the society to a better one using their talented skills [can you say a skill is talented? no sure] . [thus they should be remember by the history and be extensive studied because they xxxxx, try to sum up and refer to the topic. actually ,you make good argument in this paragraph, just pay more attention to your choice of word.]

Not only [in] the realm of technology or arts, but also in political areas, key individuals play an important role in making new trends or movements. Take Black Civil Rights Movement for an example, Mather Luther king rally nearly every black people [American African] to [fight] against the discrimination upon them through his charming characteristics[may be break this sentence in two. charm is underestimated his role, which would make your argument less potent.] . Without him, black people should [might] need to wait a longer time to [before] organize themselves and struggle for their rights[this sentence is not well-orgnized. people cannot organize themseleves. maybe you can say without him, it would be an long waiting before another leader who can accomplish xxx or even worse, a leader pop up but incompetent compared with xxxx, then xxxx would live in hell much longer than xxxxx. things like that, don't copy my sentence, those might be problematic as well. but my point is in order to make your argument strong, try to write issue examples as someone would jump up and argument with you. you need to think about how to make your argument as strong/specific as possible without using vague words.)  
Specially, Mather Luther king also made wise strategy and show attic faith, both of which are conduce to speed the final success of movement. [you can put this sentence before the last one. first discuss in detail, how indispensible that xxx is to this movement, what charateristics he have but no one else have, then you go safely to the conclusion that xxx make this possible. what the consequences if there is no xxx. then also refer back to the topic.]

As for the ordinary people, they play a different but equal-important role in creating historic events. As mentioned above, Mather Luther king guided organized and inspired the masses, and the masses practice what he proposed and offered strong support to the movement. Without masses, 100 Mather Luther king would not success just like a motto said: a general without any soldier won't win any campaign.[ this point is good, but your forget to discuss another point in the topic, are those average people be forgot by us because only thing we know is martin Luther king or not? so you know each and everyone who have supported xxx also make the history, just because there are too many of them, so it is impossible that we remember their names but it does;t due to the reason that they are forgot deliberately by history study. mather luther king himself was aware of their contribution and the power of the mass, that's why he believed they would win the fight. So did we. we didn't forget the general public,only thing is we don't have their names.we think they and xxx together make the history. ]

No matter the key individuals or the ordinary people, both contribute to the significant trends or movements. Lacking either ones, any important movements hardly success. When we learn our human's history to explore what ever happened or why the phenomenon occurred, we shouldn't neglect the two different groups of people. No matter famous or not, no matter great or not, they all are important to create history although the efforts or roles are different.

[ending is good, but can be improved to better summarize your point]
[overall, this argument is 4 point issue, based on my standards, if without grammar mistakes.]

费话先生UID: 2788924

thanks for your comments and i will improve those weak points you mentioned above.  also, i have to say i really like your id name since i am a fan of 灰原哀

doraliuUID: 2842061

3# lingli_xiaoai

小哀姐，这句我喜欢。。。。。try to write issue examples as someone would jump up and argument with you

ps, 你修改的字体看起来很舒服，什么格式的？