Argumeng 6 第一次 求拍。

rongchenyaoUID: 2180541

In the loan application, the applicants propose to open a jazz music club in Monroe. In order to show the benefit of the venture, the developers provide several reasons. They have considered many crucial factors in business, like demands, competitors, and the capacity of development. Various evidences have been cited according to the above consideration. With careful scrutinize, however, each of them is unwarranted and lends little support to the proposal.

First of all, the application mentions that there is no jazz club in local market because the nearest one which is accessible to people is 65 miles away. However, the application fails to consider other factors that might affect the local market. People in Monroe probably prefer classical music rather than jazz music. Apart from this, it is possible that people who like jazz want to enjoy it in home rather than in public place, like club. Even if the applicants can respond the concern of local taste in music, the population in Monroe is also very important for opening a jazz club. When there are few people, or few young people in Monroe, having the monopoly in such local market does not grant the feasibility in business.

Secondly, the developers provide some information to show the popularity of jazz in Monroe. But all of them are insufficient to persuade me to accept the business loan. The developers cite that over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer. However, the claim does not show the component of the participants and what were their intents. If few of them was local people, or most of them attended the festival with the intent not on listening music but on communicating with other people, which was not convenient on normal time, the great number of attendance is unconvincing to draw any conclusion at all. Several well-known jazz musicians also could not guarantee the success of the club. They probably play jazz more often in open place than in club. So opening a club could have little attraction on them. As the only radio program in Monroe, the highest rank program 'Jazz Nightly' does not indicate popularity of jazz music among residents in Monroe, but less alternatives on entertainments and boring life.

Finally, the application cites a nationwide study to support the practicality of the loan. In the study, a typical jazz fan is willing to spend nearly $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. However, it is undependable to conclude from the study that jazz fan in Monroe will spends lots of money to enjoy jazz as fans in other place will do. Other than that, the study could not show the distinctly difference of the way that a jazz fan in different region enjoying jazz music. It is possible that jazz fans in Monroe would like to enjoy jazz by watching TV or listening CDs in home, while most fans in other places will go to jazz club.

Overall, there are lots of important respects need to be considered before the loan being issued. The developers should provide that people in Monroe are willing to go to the C Note. Also the developer should take deeper insight on the characteristics of the taste on music of people in local region, rather than provide other indirect indications. Moreover, the application should do more analysis to prove that the nationwide study really could represent the expenditure habit of people on jazz music in Monroe.

第一次，感觉攻击点蛮多的，写得多了点，45min。欢迎拍。
我也愿意回拍，但版面主题小多，还是坐等了....