进军美利坚IBT特训营——Aladdin的作文贴

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

7.15
People should live in the city or country all life instead of moving to another place.

In light of the popularize of more kinds of traffic tools, especially in underdeveloped countries, it is safe to say moving from one place to another, no matter how faraway, will be more and more easily for most people in the world. As a result, more and more people choose to move to another place which is different from the original one to live in stead of live in one place for all their life. The question has been raised, “Should people live in the city or country all life?” “Is it good for us to live in another place for the rest of our life?” I believe in most cases, people choose to live in their hometown all life, but to say that all the people shouldn’t move to another place to live is an overstatement.

First, leaving a place can make you forget some bad memories flashbacks which it brings up. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that the mind is powerful, and a specific song, movie, even a place can bring up the very thoughts to us. For example, if your first love had always sang unchained melody (a movie soundtrack) to you when you were together, maybe when the melody of that song appears around your ears, it will bring up your first love to you, as well as those things you did when you were together. A place is the same as a song. If in the place he lives, the man lost his beloved wife and kids, this place is absolutely a sad place to him. And the best therapy for him to get rid of those bad memories flashbacks and restart his new life is moving to another place to live.

Second, living in another place provides a good way to deeply understand the cultures there. I admitted that with the rapidly development of information technology, people who are interested in Chinese culture can easily get vivid videos of Peking operas form Youtube, beautiful pictures of The Great Wall from postcards, as well as clear voices of peddler’s hawking in Beijing Hutong form CD players, however, as a man who watch live broadcast of world cup on television will never feel the atmosphere in stadium, you will never deeply realize the cultures here, such as how does Chinese old people receive guests and how to celebrate the spring festival, without living here.

Last but not least, moving to another place can help you play to strengths and success. Yao is a Chinese professional basketball player who plays for the Houston Rockets of the National Basketball Association (NBA). As the development of professional basketball in China is not as well as in US, moving to America instead of leaving in China is better for Yao to attend more competition, play his strengths and success.

In conclusion, people should leave their original home and moving to another place when they want to forget bad memories flashbacks, deeply understand the cultures of other places. Besides, moving to a place where you can play your strengths can help you to success.

leiqin1521UID: 2735936

批晚了，对不起啊阿拉丁！！


In light of the popularize(popularization) of more kinds of traffic tools, especially in underdeveloped countries, it is safe to say moving from one place to another, no matter how faraway, will be more and more easily for most people in the world. As a result, more and more people choose to move to another place which is different from the original one(很好啊) to live in stead of （instead of）live（living） in one place for all their life. The question has been raised, “Should people live in the city or country all life?” “Is it good for us to live in another place for the rest of our life?” I believe in most cases, people choose to live in their hometown all life, but to say that all the people shouldn’t move to another place to live is an overstatement.
很好，有引子，而且提出了自己的观点，内容可以稍稍精简下将会更好。

First, leaving a place can make you forget some bad memories flashbacks which it brings up. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that the mind is powerful, and a specific song, movie, even a place can bring up the very thoughts to us. For example, if your first love had always sang unchained melody (a movie soundtrack) to you when you were together, maybe when the melody of that song appears around your ears, it will bring up your first love to you, as well as those things you did when you were together. A place is the same as a song. （过渡很自然）If in the place he lives, the man lost his beloved wife and kids, this place is absolutely a sad place to him. And the best therapy for him to get rid of those bad memories flashbacks and restart his new life is moving to another place to live.
组织的很好，例子也很吸引人，有说服力。


Second, living in another place provides a good way to deeply understand the cultures there. I admitted that with the rapidly development of information technology, people who are interested in Chinese culture can easily get vivid videos of Peking operas form Youtube, beautiful pictures of The Great Wall from postcards, as well as clear voices of peddler’s hawking in Beijing Hutong form CD players, however, as a man who watch live broadcast of world cup on television will never feel the atmosphere in stadium, you will never deeply realize the cultures here, such as how does Chinese old people receive guests and how to celebrate the spring festival, without living here. + d" b, @! |& E3 K( k) t+ B+ e
很好！！


Last but not least, moving to another place can help you play to strengths and success. Yao is a Chinese professional basketball player who plays for the Houston Rockets of the National Basketball Association (NBA). As the development of professional basketball in China is not as well as in US, moving to America instead of leaving in China is better for Yao to attend more competition, play his strengths and success.
   s+ j
In conclusion, people should leave their original home and moving to another place when they want to forget bad memories flashbacks, deeply understand the cultures of other places. Besides, moving to a place where you can play your strengths can help you to success.

你的作文写的很不错，解决了任务，组织有序，举例很生动，这点绝对值得俺学习啊，语言应用能力也相当不错，学习，最后一段的总结很好，前后呼应！有少许的拼写错误，不影响全局，觉得应该是一篇4-5分的作文（5分是满分）


我写的很烂，请你多指点啊！希望我能有所进步

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

7.17
All students should be required to take basic science classes even if they are not this major.

Currently, there is a growing trend that student who is not this major required to take some basic science classes in campus. However, opinions about their effects are varied. Since these basic science classes offer tremendous benefits to them, university students should absolutely take those classes even if they are not this major.

First, basic science classes provide a temporary escape from boring and stressful day-to-day life, helping students to relax. When coming up with art and science problems, people tend to use different ways of thinking to solve them respectively; as a result, using the same ways of thinking would make students feel tired and irritable to do art works all the time. For instance, Yining Zhang, one of the most famous Chinese Ping-Pong players, likes to play Sudoku (a logic-based, combinatorial number-placement puzzle) for a while after her everyday’s stressful training. She said inputting herself into Sudoku can help her get rid of those tensions, becoming relaxed, and can concentrate better and thus have better training efficiency the next day as well.

Second, taking basic science classes can improve the academic performances of some art students. As is well known, many art classes, such as photography, consist of science elements (includes technique and equipment). It is through the successful combination of these two elements that the creation of world-class photographs can be accomplished. If a photograph student with excellent artistic goals, visions and inspirations can take more science classes in his or her spare time, it is not a dream for him or her to create successful photographs which are merging seamlessly of these two parts (science and art).

Last but not least, basic science knowledge is a useful tool to improve personal relationships. People always find topics of conversation over their favorite scientist or new revolution of some electronic products. And by equip with some update some scientific news, like how does the new function of windows 7 works, people can spend quality time with their friends or family.

In conclusion, considering basic science classes can help university student get rid of stressful daily life, improve their academic performances, as well as their personal relationships, it is required for students to take basic science classes even if they are not this major.

fanfan1247UID: 2591669

(⊙v⊙)嗯 ~~~修改好啦

欢迎互相交流~~

fanfan1247修改阿拉丁 7.17.doc (23.5 KB, 下载次数: 7)

2010-7-18 09:11:48 上传

下载次数: 7

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

7.20
Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money

Everyone has his or her motivations and reasons when doing a specific thing, so do businessmen. I believe money is one of the most important motivations for businessmen to start a business and work hard, but to say that businessmen are only motivated by desire of money is absurd.

Admittedly, money meets people’s basic needs and allows people to live a satisfying life. According to Maslow’s theory of requirement level, physiological requirement, such as water, food, and house, is the most basic needs for human beings. If a man doesn’t have enough money to pay the rent or to get some food and water for himself and his family, what else can he do except for fall over his backwards to earn some money and satisfy that physiological requirement? Besides, when our basic needs have been met we always want to lead a better life, we will eager for buying beautiful house, fabulous cars and even traveling abroad. Yet, nothing but money can help us to complete these wishes. Therefore, for most of young businessmen who run his or her business at the early-stage, the motivation for him or her to work hard must be the desire of money.

On the other hand, to say that money is the only motivation seems to be an overstatement. Many businessmen took a success business as a way of self-fulfillment. In China, there are a number of students live in the poorest areas of the country, in order to move into big cities, hence open more doors for their future life, those students choose to study hard and dream for one day they can be admitted by Beijing University and to prove that they are not worse than others. In the same way, if all the members of your family look down to you, the day you owe your own business and drive your Mercedes Benz home is the day that you success. At that time, you can tell them confidently that I am not the person I was twenty years ago.

What’s more, compared with money, many other motivations play no less or even greater roles in a person’s business. For example, personal interests, family relationships and social responsibilities weigh more for many businessmen. In other words, what a business can give for a businessman has much more value than the money he has earned from his business.

In conclusion, except for the desire of money which is the most important motivation for businessmen to start a business, there are a lot of other reasons for them to complete and develop their business.

7.20_aladdin.doc (26 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2010-7-21 00:31:21 上传

下载次数: 2

zenglingyuanUID: 2773905

不好思好 迟到了
Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money.

Everyone has his or her motivations and reasons when doing a specific thing, so do businessmen. I believe money is one of the most important motivations for businessmen to start a business and （to）work hard, but to say that businessmen are only motivated by desire of money is absurd.（文章开头简洁 有力 不错）

Admittedly, money meets people’s basic needs and allows people to live a satisfying life. According to Maslow’s theory of requirement level, physiological requirement, such as water, food, and house, is the most basic needs for human beings. If a man doesn’t have enough money to pay the rent or to get some food and water for himself and his family, what else can he do except for fall(Fallng) over his backwards to earn some money and satisfy that physiological requirement?(这话感觉说的有点绕) Besides, when our basic needs have been met we always want to lead a better life, we will（be） eager for buying beautiful house, fabulous cars and even traveling abroad. Yet, nothing but money can help us to complete these wishes. Therefore, for most of young businessmen who run his or her business at the early-stage, the motivation for him or her to work hard must be the desire of money.（缺少例子）
On the other hand,(前面要用on one hand才能这么说，跟中文有点不一样) to say that money is the only motivation seems to be an overstatement（这词不错）. Many businessmen took a success business as a way of self-fulfillment. In China, there are a number of students live in the poorest areas（既然都是poorest了就不应该是复数） of the country, in order to move into big cities, hence open more doors for their future life, those students choose to study hard and dream for one day they can be admitted by Beijing University and to prove that they are not worse than others. In the same way, if all the members of your family look down to you, the day you owe your own business and drive your Mercedes Benz home is the day that you success. At that time, you can tell them confidently that I am not the person I was twenty years ago.(观点不明确 这个跟题目貌似没有什么关系)

What’s more, compared with money, many other motivations play no less or even greater roles in a person’s business. For example, personal interests, family relationships and social responsibilities weigh more for many businessmen. In other words, what a business can give for a businessman（？？） has much more value than the money he has earned from his business.

In conclusion, except for the desire of money which is the most important motivation for businessmen to start a business, there are a lot of other reasons for them to complete and develop their business.
我觉得阿拉同学 这个作文最大问题提是观点不明确 没有实例支撑 感觉很空很大。最近我也一直在为例子问题苦恼， 还有就是结构问题一般段落结尾出要加一句总结局 这样强调中心 就是 段落中心+论述+例子+概括
还有阿拉同学你这段落 第一段写的是什么了？让步？好像跟你的观点联系的不紧密，一般来说都是采用三段式，你这中写法我还是头一次看见 不清楚有没有这样的写法 我去确定下

breezerhUID: 2819401

来货：

Everyone has his or her motivations and reasons when doing a specific thing（省略句赞一个）, so do businessmen. I believe money is one of the most important motivations for businessmen to start a business and work hard, but to say that businessmen are only motivated by desire of money is absurd.0 ]$ }; m8 |) g6 J& g
) F: {  x2 K- [8 s
Admittedly, money meets people’s basic needs and allows people to live a satisfying life. According to Maslow’s theory of requirement level, physiological requirement, such as water, food, and house, is the most basic needs for human beings. If a man doesn’t have enough money to pay the rent or to get some food and water for himself and his family, what else can he do except for fall over his backwards to earn some money and satisfy that physiological requirement? Besides, when our basic needs have been met（ we always want to lead a better life, we will eager for buying beautiful house, fabulous cars and even traveling abroad. ）这里缺乏连接词，两个  claus 的连接有点混乱。要么加一个So之类的词语，要么就分两句吧。Yet, nothing but money can help us to complete these wishes. Therefore, for most of young businessmen who run his or her business at the early-stage, the motivation for him or her to work hard must be the desire of money.! J$ I; h' s6 M) i
% w7 c' t" T5 d& d
On the other hand, to say that money is the only motivation seems to be an overstatement. Many businessmen took a success business as a way of self-fulfillment. In China, there are a number of students live in the poorest areas of the country, in order to move into big cities, hence open more doors for their future life, those students choose to study hard and dream for one day they can be admitted by Beijing University and to prove that they are not worse than others.
(张红岩老师在他的TOEFL作文书里面呼吁我们摒弃THERE BE 句型.对此长句中的there be 有如下修改仅供参考：
In China, the purpose，moving into big cities, hence opening more doors for the future lives, motivated number of students who live in the poorest areas of the village to study hard and dream for one day they can be admitted by Beijing University and to prove that they are not worse than others.)       In the same way, if all the members of your family look down to you, the day you owe your own business and drive your Mercedes Benz home is the day that you success. At that time, you can tell them(指代不明了。虽然我们知道是指乡里街坊们，可是前文没说到他们呢) confidently that I am not the person I was twenty years ago.
6 Y% x3 K4 \4 X  F# w" e
What’s more, compared with money, many other motivations play no less or even greater roles in a person’s business. For example, personal interests, family relationships and social responsibilities weigh (用out weigh than the money 会不会更有比较效果)more for many businessmen. In other words, what a business can give for a businessman has much more value than the money he has earned from his business.1 f- {5 f: }: B9 q( B
3 b9 r. J3 I$ I
In conclusion, except for the desire of money which is the most important motivation for businessmen to start a business, there are a lot of other reasons for them to complete and develop their business.


水平有限，若修改有误，请及时指出，我也从中学习。
LZ加油

breezerhUID: 2819401

抱歉……word黏贴过来不知道怎么在段落间出现乱码了。。
嗯，将就一下将就一下

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

7.24
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Sports teach people lessons about life.

Sports are an integral part of one’s life. Teenagers spend hours on shooting hoops or playing football. However, parents and educators have expressed serious concern about this trend. The question is, “What are physical and psychological impacts of playing sports on teenagers?” “Do sports teach people lessons about life?” I believe the effects of playing sports are essentially positive, because people can learn a lot from it.

First of all, some group activities of sports, such as soccer and basketball, educate people teamwork and trust is essential in complementing a task. For a sports team to exist, a group of talented athletes, who trust each other and work together to achieve a common goal of winning the match, is needed. In the just-concluded world cup in South Africa, I realized that in a soccer team, no matter how many big stars are concluded, it is difficult to win a match if all the players are concentrate on how to increase their personal goals rather than try their best to cooperate with other teammates and add the total goals of their team during the game.

What’s more, sports can tell us how to face the failures. Failure is comment in our lives. Now we’re living in a complex and competitive society in which there are many things we can’t be sure of. If we explore a new field that no one else has ever entered, or if we don’t make enough preparation before we perform a task, most probably we will have to face failure. In the world of sports, even an athletes who had prepare an important international match for several years, may lose the game merely for a small error caused by his or her nervous. Thus, only learn something from the failure, come over it and improve yourself can you win more games in the foreseeable future.

In short, playing sports, despite some undesirable consequences, offer tremendous benefits to people. As a result, it is advisable for us to exploit the benefits of sports to the fullest extent and in the meantime try to learn something from it.

7.24_aladdin.doc (25.5 KB, 下载次数: 1)

2010-7-24 23:15:39 上传

下载次数: 1

nunulongUID: 2172898

您好，作文已修改，请查收。我24号考的ibt，本以为能完成这次作业，结果实在是累，现在也没写完，只能迟交了，希望到时可以帮助修改。谢谢！

梦的弃儿UID: 2840846

Sports are an integral part of one’s life. Teenagers spend hours on shooting hoops or playing football. However, parents and educators have expressed serious concern about this trend. The question is, “What are physical and psychological impacts of playing sports on teenagers?” “Do sports teach people lessons about life?”(不确定你这标点用的对) I believe the effects of playing sports are essentially positive, because people can learn a lot from it.

First of all, some group activities of sports, such as soccer and basketball, educate people teamwork and trust is (teamwork和trust是两项，应该是用are吧= =我不确定) essential in complementing (conquering) a task. For a sports team to exist, a group of talented athletes, who trust each other and work together to achieve a common goal of winning the match, is needed. In the just-concluded world cup in South Africa, I realized that in a soccer team, no matter how many big stars are concluded（included）, it is difficult to win a match if all the players are concentrate on how to increase their personal goals rather than try their best to cooperate with other teammates and add（为什么用add？是追求共同目标吧。Maybe？pursue） the total goals of their team during the game.(很好的例子，学习之)

What’s more, sports can tell us how to face the failures. Failure is comment（我猜LZ是想说common？或者说ordinary更好吧） in our lives. Now we’re living in a complex and competitive society in which there are many things we can’t be sure of（换个词？ensure）. If we explore a new field that no one else has ever entered, or if we don’t make enough preparation before we perform a task, most probably we will have to face failure. In the world of sports, even an athletes（单数，去s） who had prepare（for）an important international match for several years, may lose the game merely for a small error caused by his or her nervous（名词、nervousness）. Thus, only learn（learning） something from the failure, come（语法来说用coming，但我觉得get over比较地道。不确定，只是我口语中这么说） over it and improve（improving） yourself can you win more games in the foreseeable future.（我觉得你第二段整个在写失败，除了第一句就完全没和sports联系起来）

In short, playing sports, despite some undesirable consequences, offer（offers） tremendous benefits to people. As a result, it is advisable for us to exploit the benefits of sports to the fullest extent （好短语，学习之）and in the meantime try to learn something from it.

梦的弃儿UID: 2840846

附件在这里。

nunulongUID: 2172898

你好，24号作文迟交了，可否帮忙修改一下。谢谢！
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... xtra=#pid1774209198