玻璃渣叔叔的作文贴

breezerhUID: 2819401

好题目，请狠批


8.28
（09.02.27NA）Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.




With the fast development of job market, vacation, the welfare of jobs, is more and more focused on. Numerous employees are faced with such a dilemma, whether they should take a job with more vacation time but a low salary, while a career with high salary is always with less vacation. With every aspect taken into consideration, I believe that to take a job with more vacation time but a low salary would be a better choice.

Firstly, Most of people link the high salary to the job with a small amount of vacation. Personally, I do not believe that, and oppositely, I believe that a job with more vacation should be linked with high salary. Nowadays, knowledge is power which can make you keep a favorable position in job market.
As what we have discussed above, we can benefit by the vacation if we invest the time to study so that you will obtain more skills and knowledge which will contributes directly to enhancing your promotion or the opportunities of other better jobs .

Certainly, a salary of a job is the thing which an employee will take lots of attention on while they a looking for a long term job. However, although salary, which may be the unique financial support for us, is extreme important to employees, the most significant thing in lives is not money. Different people will pursue different things in their lives such as knowledge, health and so on. It is obviously that the more vacation you have, the more leisurely time you will get, and the more leisurely time you get, the more individual things you can pursue. In another word, the vacation time allow you to pursue your individual lives, and even your dream. So I believe a job with more vacation will benefit employees more.

Admittedly, a high-paying job can benefit employees directly. But in my opinion, it is an shortsighted determination as the advantages for a job with more vacation out weight than a high-paying job with less vacation. From what has discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that a job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.
BReezer-08.28.doc (31 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2010-8-28 17:27:42 上传

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AnnneUID: 2819919

改好了~~~

fair_ladyUID: 2836473

Withthe fast development of jobmarket, vacation, the welfare of jobs, is more and more focused on. Numerousemployees are faced with such a dilemma, whether they should take a job withmore vacation time but a low salary, whilea career with high salary is always with less vacation. With every aspect takeninto consideration, I believe that to take a job with more vacation time but alow salary would be a better choice.
（最后一句点题很好，前面那句就有点罗嗦了）

Firstly,Most of people link the high salary to the job with a small amount of vacation.Personally, I do not believe that, and oppositely, I believe that a job withmore vacation should be linked with high salary. Nowadays, knowledge is powerwhich can make you keep a favorable position in job market.
As what we have discussed above, we canbenefit by the vacation if we invest the time to study so that you will obtainmore skills and knowledge which will contributesdirectly to enhancing your promotion or the opportunities of other better jobs.
（逻辑有点奇怪。。。把假期时间用来学习还算假期吗？尤其最后的逻辑，还是在用假期换取高收入啊）

Certainly, a salary of a job is the thing which anemployee will take lots of attention on while they a looking for a long termjob. However, althoughsalary, which may be the unique financial support for us, is extreme
（extremely） important to employees, themost significant thing in lives
（in life）is not money. Different people will pursue different things in their lives suchas knowledge, health and so on. It is obviously that the more vacation you have,the more leisurely time you will get, and the more leisurely time you get,
（这两句又显得很罗嗦）
themore individual things you can pursue. Inanother word, the vacation time allow you to pursue your individual lives, andeven your dream. So I believe a job with more vacation will benefit employeesmore.

Admittedly, a high-paying job can benefitemployees directly. But in my opinion, it is an shortsighted determination as the advantages for a jobwith more vacation outweight than （outweigh一个词就够了）a high-paying job with less vacation. From whathas discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that a job with morevacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but lessvacation time.


总的来说，文章结构很清楚，说理明白，容易懂。只是第一个观点我还是持怀疑态度的。。。
语言上，可以肯定文章为尽量写长句子、复杂句子做出了不少努力，但个人觉得过犹不及，有些地方读起来罗嗦、拗口，native speaker的文章也有长句子，但句子长包含的信息也应该更多，而不是一句话翻来覆去地说。总的来说语言还应该简练精辟为好


以上个人意见哈，文章总体挺不错的~

breezerhUID: 2819401

9.02

With the fast development of education and job markets, students often face the dilemma of whether to invest some time to part time jobs. With all aspects carefully considered, I think to take a part time job is a better choice for a student.

First and foremost, although the last decades witnessed the dramatically changes of people’s lives and the development of economic, it must admitted that,
the shortage of funds is still the essential problem that students nowadays have to face
as the tuition fees and prices of books are soaring by the day. Consequently， the money from a part time job can strongly support the student who is in the financial problem to continue their study. Many classmates who come from the poor village have financial problems. Take an instance, Lee, my classmates who come from CHEN village in Shandong China which is a dramatic impoverished. Lee’s family can only earn 11,000 Yuan per year by cultivating crops, while the tuition fee of Lee’s university cost 7,350 per year. For Lee, it is extreme difficult to afford the overwhelmed financial burden without the part time jobs. This case is not rare, and in reality, numerous students of impoverished area need part time jobs to support their study. Consequently for the students who are short
of money, like Lee, a part time job is extreme necessary.


The merits of taking a part time job are not only the benefits which can figure out the financial problems of the students, but also the experiences which could not obtain from the school. Nowadays, there is a growing awareness that compared with many un-experienced people, employer prefer to employ the experienced employers because people can work more efficiently with the experiences. So, the experiences from part time jobs can really enhance the job opportunities and promotion for the students when they are graduated.


As students, there is no doubt that we should put our whole hearts into study. However, experiences are required when we graduate from school, and undoubtedly, to take a part time job is the optimum to approach to obtain the experiences. So, from what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that it is reasonable for students to get a part time job.

请勿留情。
901作文 br.doc (29 KB, 下载次数: 11)

2010-9-2 10:15:40 上传

下载次数: 11

yishanchengUID: 2894733

20# breezerh

With the fast development of education and job markets, students often face the dilemma of whether to invest some（最好用much） time to part time jobs. With all aspects carefully considered, I think to take a part time job is a better choice for a student(最好改为I think that taking a part time job is a better choice for a students\)

. N* r0 V5 r# \, P% B! jFirst and foremost, although the last decades witnessed the dramatically changes of people’s lives and the development of economic, it must admitted that, the shortage of funds is still the essential problem that students nowadays have to face?(excellent) as the tuition fees and prices of books are soaring by the day. Consequently， the money from a part time job can strongly support the student who is in the financial problem to continue their study. Many classmates who come from the poor village have financial problems. Take an instance, Lee, my classmates who come from CHEN village in Shandong China which is a dramatic impoverished. Lee’s family can only（only can） earn 11,000 Yuan per year by cultivating crops, while the tuition fee of Lee’s university cost 7,350 per year. For Lee, it is extreme difficult to afford the overwhelmed financial burden without the part time jobs. This case is not rare, and in reality, numerous students of impoverished area need part time jobs to support their study. Consequently for the students who are short of money, like Lee, a part time job is extreme necessary. (例子好，语言水平也不错，但注意小词和一些连接用法)% z0 @' c" G: B- b0 |2 v3 k% Q

2 _7 I" ]2 N' d5 E# s: m- s 7 O; s9 T& I6 P/ F4 z
The merits of taking a part time job are not only the benefits which can figure out the financial problems of the students, but also the experiences which could not obtain from the school. Nowadays, there is a growing awareness that compared with many un-experienced people, employer prefer to employ the experienced employers because people can work more efficiently with the experiences. So, the experiences from part time jobs can really enhance the job opportunities and promotion for the students when they are graduated. (大叔，真的写得不错，佩服！但加一个具体例子，也许更好。)
1 ~) m) E2 b4 h+ ^. T
As students, there is no doubt that we should put our whole hearts into study. However, experiences are required when we graduate from school, and undoubtedly, to take a part time job is the optimum to approach to obtain （可删去）the experiences. So, from what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that it is reasonable for students to get a part time job.（这一段真棒！）

yishanchengUID: 2894733

With the fast development of education and job markets, students often face the dilemma of whether to invest some（最好用much） time to part time jobs. With all aspects carefully considered, I think to take a part time job is a better choice for a student(最好改为I think that taking a part time job is a better choice for a students\)

First and foremost, although the last decades witnessed the dramatically changes of people’s lives and the development of economic, it must admitted that, the shortage of funds is still the essential problem that students nowadays have to face?(excellent) as the tuition fees and prices of books are soaring by the day. Consequently， the money from a part time job can strongly support the student who is in the financial problem to continue their study. Many classmates who come from the poor village have financial problems. Take an instance, Lee, my classmates who come from CHEN village in Shandong China which is a dramatic impoverished. Lee’s family can only（only can） earn 11,000 Yuan per year by cultivating crops, while the tuition fee of Lee’s university cost 7,350 per year. For Lee, it is extreme difficult to afford the overwhelmed financial burden without the part time jobs. This case is not rare, and in reality, numerous students of impoverished area need part time jobs to support their study. Consequently for the students who are short of money, like Lee, a part time job is extreme necessary. (例子好，语言水平也不错，但注意小词和一些连接用法)% z0 @' c" G: B- b0 |2 v3 k% Q

7 O; s9 T& I6 P/ F4 z
The merits of taking a part time job are not only the benefits which can figure out the financial problems of the students, but also the experiences which could not obtain from the school. Nowadays, there is a growing awareness that compared with many un-experienced people, employer prefer to employ the experienced employers because people can work more efficiently with the experiences. So, the experiences from part time jobs can really enhance the job opportunities and promotion for the students when they are graduated. (大叔，真的写得不错，佩服！但加一个具体例子，也许更好。)
As students, there is no doubt that we should put our whole hearts into study. However, experiences are required when we graduate from school, and undoubtedly, to take a part time job is the optimum to approach to obtain （可删去）the experiences. So, from what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that it is reasonable for students to get a part time job.（这一段真棒！）