玻璃渣叔叔的作文贴

breezerhUID: 2819401

以下是自我简介：
男，未婚，广州，大学三年级

英语水平爆烂，但承受能力无上限。
希望大家狠狠的批，往死里批！

想出去读Landscape Architecture，可是没考托没考G没做作品集。

一战是9月份，很有喜感的911考。

今天开始，赖上Gter的各位了。


大叔给力！每天笔挺笔挺的混！！

由于小学学得太好了，现在英语写作还是那个水平（一下笔就满脑子的i think,important,in my opinion……）所以，再次请大家狠狠的批！
被虐就是学习。
来吧，虐我吧。

breezerhUID: 2819401

7.17 作文：
Q：Do you AGREE or DISAGREE that:

all students should be required to take basic science

classes even if they are not this major.

A：

Our schedule was saturated with numerous subjects when we begin to study in the school.Take a primary school student for an instance.S/he will have almost 7 classes including language,artist,phycially education, basic science and so on.
The importance of education cannot be more exaggerated, but what is a matter of debate is should all the subjects, such as basic science, or not be part of all students’ academic curriculum. Currently, vast schools make the basic science in the list of the curriculum list. However, for individually, I hold a negative opinion.
Firstly,time is fair to everyone.Nomater who you are ,you just own 24 hours in one day.In a word,if you invest time on the basic science,you will lost opportunities to learn other curriculum,which may be your adept suject.Once,because of the coming basic science examination, I have to give up to attend a lecture about landscape architeture which is given by the Proffesor who is coming from the Havard GSD. So,to refuse the basic science can make students have more time on the other domains.
Besides,everyone will has his/her intelligent area.Let us take two celebrities for a case,Beethoven and Einstein.As we known,Beethoven is expert in music while Einstein is outstanding on physic.And ,obviously, for Beethoven,it is no doubt he will become a great musican without any basic science study while he was a student.Oppositing,basic science will cease him to be such successful Instructor should teach students according the students' ability.So,it is all students required the basic science.
Currently,school desire students to develop in a ballance way.Nevertheless it could not be the best approach to make students successful.Students should look for his/her own domain, then spend his/her entire life to make contribution to it.As long as to be unyielding for the field s/he has chosen,s/he will be successful.
Last but not least i wish to say the purpose of the school is to teach the students effectively.But time is limited to everyone and we could not be intelligent on every area.Therefore,basic science is not required for all students.Let the students have their authority on choosing their area .



Umm.......哥们，怎么贴附件的？

frlenderUID: 2629962

Our schedule was saturated with numerous subjects when we begin to study in the school（一句话两个时态？）.Take a primary school student for an instance.
S/he will have almost 7 classes including language,
artist（art),phycially(physical) education, basic science and so on.
The importance of education cannot be more exaggerated, but what is a matter of debate is should(is, should 连用？） all the subjects, such as basic science, or not be part of all students’ academic curriculum.(楼主这句话看不懂啊！) Currently, vast(vast 强调大，应该用the vast majority of )schools make(put) the basic science(classes) in the list of the curriculum list. However, for individually（只能用personally, 不能用individually,自己查字典）, I hold a negative opinion.
Firstly,
time is fair to everyone.
Nomater（强烈建议楼主先在word里检查拼写再提交）who you are ,you just own 24 hours in one day.
In a word,
if you invest time on the basic science,
you will lost（lose） opportunities to learn other curriculum,
which may be your adept suject.
Once,
because of the coming basic science examination, I have to give up to attend（give up attending） a lecture about landscape architeture which is given by the Proffesor who is coming(comes) from the Havard GSD. So,to refuse the basic science can make students have more time on the other domains.
Besides,
everyone will has his/her intelligent area.
Let us take two celebrities for a case,
Beethoven and Einstein.
As we known(know),
Beethoven is expert in music while Einstein is outstanding on(in) physic.
And ,obviously, for Beethoven,
it(there) is no doubt he will become a great musican without any basic science study while he was a student.
Oppositing(On the contrary),basic science will cease him（应该是爱因斯坦吧，指代不明） to(么有这种用法) be such successful. Instructor should teach students according(to) the students' ability.
So,
it is (not that) all students required(requires) the basic science.
Currently,
school desire students to develop in a ballance way.
Nevertheless it could not be the best approach to make students successful.
Students should look for his/her own domain, then spend his/her entire life to make contribution to it.
As long as to be unyielding for the field s/he has chosen,
s/he will be successful.& \1 W% r; O, R  S$ p) q
Last but not (the) least i (I) wish to say the purpose of the school is to teach the students effectively.
But time is limited to everyone and we could not be intelligent on every area.
Therefore,
basic science is not required for all students.
Let the students have their authority on choosing their area .9 T/ L%

N+ s3 z7 O6 i

1.强烈建议楼主写完后查字典仔细检查一遍再交，低级错误太多了……
2.个人认为举例不恰当，论述不严谨
3.楼主加油练吧，路还长~

breezerhUID: 2819401

万分感谢！！收获良多
and……我已经丢过去word了.....
嗯嗯~我会努力前进，会努力改正的！
希望日后同学能多指导我
3# frlender

mollymollymollyUID: 2839509

Our schedule was saturated with numerous subjects when we begin时态 to study in the school.Take a primary school student for an instance.S/he will have almost 7 classes including language,artist,phycially education, basic science and so on.
4 ], H) f7 ?* O" p; S# L2 t, u0 _The importance of education cannot be more exaggerated感觉不适用 这个词是夸张的意思, but what is a matter of debate is should all the subjects, such as basic science, or not be part of all students’ academic curriculum. Currently, vast同意F schools make the basic science in the list of the curriculum list. However, for individually, I hold a negative opinion.
0 f& a9 {2 y+ @- I6 OFirstly,time is fair to everyone.Nomater who you are ,you just own 24 hours in one day.In a word,if you invest time on the basic science,you will lost opportunities to learn other curriculum,which may be your adept suject.Once,because of the coming basic science examination, I have to give up to attend a lecture about landscape architeture which is given by the Proffesor（拼写） who is coming（这个的意思是正在去哪里 最好是用came from） from the Havard GSD. So,to refuse the basic science can make（总觉得不妥可以用allow） students have more time on the other domains. ( @* n( C0 w3 _& r
Besides,everyone will has his/her intelligent area.Let us take two celebrities for a case,Beethoven and Einstein.As we known,Beethoven is expert in music while Einstein is outstanding on physic.And ,obviously, for Beethoven,it is no doubt he will become a great musican without any basic science study while he was a student.Oppositing,basic science will cease him to be such successful Instructor should teach students according the students' ability什么 ？？如果老师根据能力来教学会导致基础学科使学生不成功 不明白诶.So,it is all students required the basic science.* w  Y( u6 r* L, ~你不是反对的吗
Currently,school desire students to develop in a ballance 应该是被动way.Nevertheless it could not be the best approach to make students successful.Students should look for his/her own domain, then spend his/her entire life to make   making contribution to it.As long as to be unyielding for the field s/he has chosen,s/he will be successful.
  t9 L0 m7 F: YLast but not least i wish to say the purpose of the school is to teach the students effectively.But time is limited to everyone and we could not be intelligent on every area.Therefore,basic science is not required for all students.Let the students have their authority on choosing their area不是选择专业 是上的科目 .5 Q0 e9 I0 N+ b1 Z/ _  祈使不好吧


觉得楼主对话题的分析能力 可以练习练习 总的不错 学到了一些句子用法

breezerhUID: 2819401

Have you ever been responsible to support your family? Have you ever regretfully told your friends that it took too much money to make your children to get further more education? Or have you ever been too excited to obtain adequate sleep because of the sense of achievement which you gotten from the business?
If you do not have such experience, you would never know that desire of money is not the only motivated to the businessmen.
For businessmen work for money is not the original intention. Some of them have the strong desire of money because they are the only bread winner in their family. My uncle, the most money-minded people I have never met, is a businessman, selling pens. He works from 8:00 am to 9:00 pm everyday, as my aunt loses her job and my cousin lack money for his school fee. So hard my uncle works, and as a businessman, his motivation is not the desire of money, but the responsibility of a man.
As the responsibility to family, another equally important aspect is achievable sense is businessmen's. Like a doctor saving a patient who is critically ill, businessmen get vast sense of achievement while they win the money from their businesses. In other words, it is the sense of achievement which motivates the businessmen to strive, but not the desire of money.
I am not deny that businessmen motivated by desire of money. They need money to pay employees, landlord and so on. What is more, money can improve their lives level with spending money on a new car, a new house or any luxury goods.
However, from what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that, while businessmen are concerned as being motivated only by money, ample intentions of businessmen are out weight than money.

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

不好意思啊，刚看到。我马上给叔叔评~

Have you ever been responsible to support your family? Have you ever regretfully told your friends that it took too much money to make your children to get further more （more去掉）education? Or have you ever been too excited to obtain adequate sleep（fall asleep）because of the sense of achievement which you gotten from the business? 这个排比用得好。
If you do not have such experience, you would never know that desire of money is not the only motivated to the businessmen.
开头表明观点，好！是不是应该合成一段？

For businessmen work for money is not the original intention. Some of them have the strong desire of money because they are the only bread winner好词 in their family. My uncle, the most money-minded people I have never met, is a businessman, selling pens. He works from 8:00 am to 9:00 pm everyday, as my aunt loses her job and my cousin lack（needs）money for his school fee. So hard my uncle works, and as a businessman, his motivation is not the desire of money, but the responsibility of （being）a man.
例子好，首尾呼应。

As the responsibility to family, another equally important aspect is achievable sense is businessmen's. Like a doctor saving a patient who is critically ill, businessmen get vast sense of achievement while they win the money from their businesses. In other words, it is the sense of achievement which motivates the businessmen to strive, but not the desire of money.

I am not deny that businessmen motivated by desire of money. They need money to pay employees, landlord and so on. What is more, money can improve their lives level with spending money on a new car, a new house or any luxury goods.
这是段是让步吧，建议移到第一段来写。


However, from what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that, while businessmen are concerned as being motivated only by money, ample intentions of businessmen are out weight than money.


总体感觉语言很好，没什么累赘的话。观点表达也清楚。
论据充实一些会更好。

zenglingyuanUID: 2773905

。。。藏的深啊 才看到
  Have you ever been responsible to support your family? Have you ever regretfully told your friends that it took too much money to make your children to get further more education?（what?) Or have you ever been too excited to obtain adequate sleep because of the sense of achievement which you gotten from the business?(注意语言简洁 好饶啊）
If you do not have such experience, you would never know that desire of money is not the only motivated to the businessmen.（等等 你是不是在用许译的《TOFEL满分》,3个反问句开头不错不过如果基础不好还是直接看门见山好~）
   For businessmen work ？for money is not the original intention. Some of them have the strong desire of money because they are the only bread winner in their family. My uncle, the most money-minded people I have never met, is a businessman, selling pens. He works from 8:00 am to 9:00 pm everyday, as my aunt loses her job and my cousin lack money for his school fee. So hard my uncle works, and as a businessman, his motivation is not the desire of money, but the responsibility of a man.（不是吧大叔 你uncle养家糊口不就是用的钱吗？这个理由不犀利啊）     
   As the responsibility to fam（名词to名词？？只里要用Of 连接2个名词）, another equally important aspect is achievable sense is businessmen's. Like a doctor saving a patient who is critically （。。不太恰当吧） businessmen get vast sense of achievement while they win the money from their businesses. In other words, it is the sense of achievement which motivates the businessmen to strive, but not the desire of money。（是money带来了成就感不是成感带来了money吧。。。逻辑）I am not deny that businessmen motivated by desire of money. They need money to pay employees, landlord and so on. What is more, money can improve their lives level（condition with spending money on a new car, a new house or any luxury goods.
* j6 ^2 c. H0 {- ?: S% Z6 rHowever, from what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that, while businessmen are concerned as being motivated only by money, ample intentions of businessmen are out weight than money.
大叔你真是牛 你的词汇和语法都还有巨大巨大:shutup:的进步空间，其实基础差没什么 只要你坚持学习 每天进步就一定成为大牛的一天 加油大叔！！！！我顶你

breezerhUID: 2819401

Q:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career.



1、写作的时候超时了……超了10多分钟，收不了尾。打完一看……500多字……问问童鞋们，500+words，操练一下，上场能打完么？
2、安全起见，各位童鞋有什么缩短文章的简易吗？
3、万分感谢您的帮助。您的每一个修改建议都会对我的前进起到强而有力的助推作用。


Have you ever regretted the decision what you have made about your vocation because the career does not entirely suit you at all? Have you ever failed in your undertaking on account of social experience shortage? Or have you doubted whether you could obtain lifetime study after your graduation from school, while an increasing numbers of people believe they should not end education after school? If you have never had such puzzle, you would never know how important to try several different jobs before you take a long term career.

Numerous students attend to prefer their job, depending on their interest, or even their assumption. However, a long term career is an extremely important means of livelihood which is not all relevant with people's interest. In another word, decisions about a long term carrier which you attend to devote to should be made with consideration about whether the occupation can suit you and be a bread winner for you. If the long term career which you have take just depends on your interest, you will soon realize you make a huge mistake. Take a friend of mine, Lee, for instance. Lee was fascinated by fine-art, especially impressionist arts when she is in senior high school. And it is no doubt she chose artist as her long term career after graduation. Unfortunately, poverty drives her to give up her job after ten-year effort. Ultimately Lee realizes that artist does not suit her as a long term career because she lack creation and inspiration, and what is more, artist could not be a means of livelihood for her. So, if lee tried several different jobs before she take a long term career, she would never waste 10 years to prove that art is not fit to her. This case is not rare, and we should recognize how important to try several different job is.

Besides, nowadays, an increasing number of people hold we should have a lifetime study, which we can pursue by trying several different jobs. Deferent job lead us to obtain different experience and virtue which we cannot learn in school. For examples, we can learn meticulousness as a accountant because we need to make accurate account, we can learn courage as a policeman because we need to face the crime, we could learn tenderness as a nurse and so on. It seems that lifetime education can be achieved via trying deferent jobs. So before taking a long term career, trying various vocations is necessary for people who are eager to gain education in their whole lives.

I am not denying that to take a long term career has its own merits. Compared with the people who prefer to try several different jobs, people who tend to take a long term career since they graduate will have much more experience on their profession. But as students who has just graduated from school, we have enough time and reason to try more jobs before we take a long term job. So, why not experience more and learn more when we are young? In summary, it is wiser to try several different jobs before they take a long term career.

niunianUID: 2864048

:7 e6 p/ C2 p# S7 ~2 [0 f
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career. ! ?1 N, h$ s' A; v" R( J
7.29  by  流年


4 G) z* I5 O1 q, E+ |3 j2 P" ~; U, G# z6 Q, j/ ?
Have you ever regretted the decision what（that） you have made about your vocation (可以删去)because the career does not entirely suit you at all? Have you ever failed in your undertaking on account of social experience shortage? Or have you doubted whether you could obtain lifetime study after your graduation from school, while an increasing numbers of people believe they should not end education after school? If you have never had such puzzle, you would never know how important to try several different jobs before you take a long term career.(你很喜欢用反问句开头哦，你的几个问题有点并列的意思)
! U5 J) h( w. D' Z$ \9 H2 n6 e
; k& A  L& Q' F' ]& b+ Y7 q  lNumerous students attend to prefer their job, depending on their interest（s）(以兴趣做标准有什么不对的吗), or even their assumption. However, a long term career is an extremely important means of livelihood which is not all relevant with people's interest（？）. In another word, decisions about a long term carrier which you attend to devote to should be made with consideration about whether the occupation can suit you and be a bread winner for you. If the long term career which you have take just depends on your interest, you will soon realize you make a huge mistake. Take a friend of mine, Lee, for instance. Lee was fascinated by fine-art, especially impressionist arts when she is in senior high school. And it is no doubt she chose artist as her long term career after graduation. Unfortunately, poverty drives her to give up her job after ten-year effort. Ultimately Lee realizes that artist does not suit her as a long term career because she lack（lacks） creation and inspiration, and what is more, artist could not be a means of livelihood for her. So, if lee tried several different jobs before she take a long term career, she would never waste 10 years to prove that art is not fit to her. This case is not rare, and we should recognize how important to try several different job is.
" Q" Z( r$ }, {/ \
1 C/ p* m" i9 H$ v  t0 aBesides, nowadays, an increasing number of people hold (that) we should have a lifetime study, which we can pursue by trying several different jobs. Deferent job lead us to obtain different experience and virtue which we cannot learn in school. For examples, we can learn meticulousness as a(an) accountant because we need to make accurate account, we can learn courage as a policeman because we need to face the crime, we could learn tenderness as a nurse and so on. It seems that lifetime education can be achieved via trying deferent jobs. So before taking a long term career, trying various vocations is necessary for people who are eager to gain education in their whole lives./ a1 U- F% b6 v

! X* S' Q" z  R0 O+ QI am not denying that to take a long term career has its own merits. Compared with the people who prefer to try several different jobs, people who tend to take a long term career since they graduate will have much more experience on their profession（compared with A,B
,你的A,B 反了）. But as students who has just graduated from school, we have enough time and reason（s） to try more jobs before we take a long term job. So, why not experience more and learn more when we are young? In summary, it is wiser to try several different jobs before they take a long term career.
  z$ J* r! D; N
' O! K6 E. c! |" b2 k


1:我不是很赞同你第二段的观点，it’s not convincing to me .
2:缩短文章，可以例子更简练一些
3：你的速度还是可以的~3 @* ^+ k9 z* R! _1 L

breezerhUID: 2819401

8.12
Q: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If you do not make sure other people (especially influential people or your employers) know about your strengths and accomplishments, you will never get successful in life

A:
With fast development of the job market, numerous employees are facing such a dilemma, whether they should show their strengths and accomplishments while they cannot realize the people who work with them, especially influential people or their employers. With every aspect taken into consideration, I believe that to display your capability for your employers and influential people would be a better choice.
Firstly, as we know, efficiency is an extremely element which employers focus on. If you do not show your strengths to your employers, you will never be sent to the position which is suited to you. And if you are not at the suited position, how can you be an efficient employee? We can safely infer that an un efficient employee who is just in a unsuitable department of a company because of he or her fail to make sure his or her employer to know the strengths and accomplishments will never got promotion, as his or her employer cannot find his or her value.
Besides, a successful life does not only depend on your job promotion, but whether you can make your life happy, and even whether you can make valuable to society. To work on the area which is your strength on can make you obtain sense of achievement, so that you can obtain felicity. And what is more, the more strengths you have on you work, the more contribution you can make to the society. Let us make an assumer that Tim Duncan, the famous power forward in NBA, did not show his basketball accomplishments to the university coach. Obviously, if Tim Duncan do like this assumer, this outstanding basketball player would not appear in the Spurs team.
I do not deny that it has obvious disadvantage to show your strengths and accomplishments to influential people or your employers. There is a case about my friend, Lee, who lost her job because she is too arrogant when she show her accomplishment to her employer. But, anyway, it can safely see that the advantages for to make sure other people know your strengths and accomplishments out weigh than do not do this when a correct range and approach is concerned.
So, from what has been discussed, we may easily draw the conclusion that it is a better choice to make sure the influential people or your employers realize your accomplishments and strengths if you want to get successful in life.

~逆~UID: 2878571

With the fast development of the job market, numerous employees are facing such a dilemma, whether they should show their strengths and accomplishments while they cannot realize the people who work with them, especially influential people or their employers. With every aspect taken into consideration, I believe that to display your capability for your employers and influential people would be a better choice.

Firstly, as we know, efficiency is an extremely (少一个形容词)element which employers focus on. If you do not show your strengths to your employers, you will never be sent to the position which is suited to you（可以改成to the position suitable for you 是不是简洁一点）. And if you are not at the suited position, how can you be an efficient employee? We can safely infer that an un efficient employee who is just in a （改成an）unsuitable department of a company because of he or her fail to make sure his or her employer to know the strengths and accomplishments will never got promotion, as his or her employer cannot find his or her value.（because of 中of 去掉，把后面句话改成…fail to make sure whether his or her employer knows the strengths…will never get….）

Besides, a successful life does not only depend on your job promotion, but whether you can make your life happy, and even whether you can make valuable (少一个名词,或者改成values)to society. To work on the area which is your strength on (这里我不会改，错了对了我也不知道，不好意思啊)can make you obtain a sense of achievement, so that you can obtain felicity. And what is more, the more strengths you have on you work, the more contribution (contributions)you can make to the (the 去掉)society. Let us make an assumer that Tim Duncan, the famous power forward in NBA, did not show his basketball accomplishments to the university coach. Obviously, if Tim Duncan do like this assumer（assumer在这里是什么意思？没看懂）, this outstanding basketball player would not appear in the Spurs team.
I do not deny that it has obvious disadvantage to show your strengths and accomplishments to influential people or your employers. There is a case about my friend, Lee, who lost her job because she is too arrogant when she show her accomplishment to her employer. But, anyway, it can safely see that the advantages for to make sure other people know your strengths and accomplishments out weigh than do not do this when a correct range and approach is concerned.

So, from what has been discussed, we may easily draw the conclusion that it is a better choice to make sure（make sure 好多啊 能不能改成其它呢？ Let 也行  不过好土 呵呵我太菜） the influential people or your employers realize your accomplishments and strengths if you want to get successful in life.

把it can safely see……这一句 改成 it can been seen that the advantages that people realize your strengths and accomplishments weigh more than the disadvantages…….

大叔细节要注意 语法 冠词 复数多检查  其它的没权说话啊 呵呵

niyinanUID: 2693578

改完

breezerhUID: 2819401

8.24作业。请大家狠狠拍

Q: （09.01.23 NA） Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career.

A:

With the development of the job market, the young people, who are going to have their first career, are more and more confused while more and more choices for them show up. Plenty of them are faced with such a dilemma, whether they should attempt several different jobs before they take a long term career, or take a long term job immediately after school. With every aspect taken into consideration, I believe that to attempt several jobs before to take a long term job would be a better choice for the young people.

First of all, it said that jobs, which are relevant to your interesting, allow you work in rapture everyday that make your work more efficient. However, individually, interesting is not the most important point for us to choose our job, but the fact that jobs is a bread winner . In other words, I prefer to identify jobs as tools which offer me bread, milk, and apartment rather than to identify jobs as tools which is used to pursue my interesting. So taking several different jobs before taking a long term career is extreme important for the young, they will never know the jobs which they are wonder whether is suitable job for them as bread winner. Take Lee, my friend who is enthusiastic about fine art, as a instance. Lee spent more than seven years to pursue his interesting, the fine art, after graduate from school. Unfortunately, he failed because he could not even afford his rent of apartment after 7 years work on the fine art although he show strongly enthusiastic for it and spent numerous time on it.

Certainly, despite being bread winner which is just about money, jobs could deliver plenty of knowledge to the young, and virtues are within this knowledge. Different jobs require people to have different specific, for example police official need courage, thus we can learn diverse virtues from different jobs. We can learn how to be precise as accountants who are required to figure out the exact account; we can learn meticulousness as
clergies who are required to behave as the god's son and like what we have discuss before, we can learn courage as police official who are required to fight against criminal. The virtues which we could learn from different jobs are really precious and what is more, it would never be taught in the school. So I think to take different jobs before to take a long term job is quite a better choice.

Admittedly, we will take long term career lastly no matter how many different jobs we have taken before that. But what we have obtained from to take different jobs will benefit our lives.

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that to attempt several jobs before to take a long term job would be a better choice for the young people.

BR 8.24.doc (28.5 KB, 下载次数: 4)

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ruiquan2003UID: 2772076

8月24日的，修改呈上
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