TOEFL作文求狂批

kingguohaoUID: 2752336

7.17作文 All students should be required to take basic science classes even if they’re not this major.


In china, the student’s pressure of studying is increasing day by day; they need to compete with each other while they have to manage many subjects, such as Chinese, math, physics, chemistry, geography and so forth,most of them are science classes.They are likely to choose other majors which have nothing to do with science. So is it worth spending so much time learning them? I believe so, mastering science classes will benefit one’s whole life.

Yet every single subject would cost one quite amount of energy to do well in it. Science classes could take much time of a busy student, and if they don’t want to major in such fields in their future study, it could be a waste of time for them. If this part of time is used to learn something they are interested in instead of taking basic science class, they may feel better on the process of learning.

However, taking basic science classes may motivate student to study and explore the scientific mysteries in the world. By so, some of them probably want to specialize in a certain field in the university,even be a scientist. In my middle school time, when I was learning the chapter about speed and time in my physics class, my teacher mentioned about Albert Einstein’s theory of relativity. Then I was fascinated with it, wanted to know more about time and speed, and decided to be a physicist or an astronomer in the future, although I gave up the idea in the high school when I learned I will have to do a lot of math jobs. The physics class did help me build the interest of science.

What’s more, science knowledge helps us with the events in our daily life. Take chemistry for example, if we have the knowledge that the same kind of matters are apt to dissolve in each other, we would know it is easy to wash away an oil spot on the clothes with a little amount of gasoline;when we are making bone soup, we can put some drips of vinegar into the soup to make more calcium of the animal’s bone dissolved into the water if we know the chemical reaction between calcium and vinegar. There are more cases like these in our life, so it is important to have the knowledge of science.

To sum up, taking basic science classes do cost students’ time and gain their pressure, it will also benefit them in their rest life. If we can change the forms of the classes to more animate ones to grasp their interests, and there will be no exams to release their pressure, it will be easier for them to learn science knowledge. Anyway, I believe it is necessary for all students to be required to take basic science classes.

kingguohaoUID: 2752336

还不会传附件，不好意思

kingguohaoUID: 2752336

NOP

远远在笑UID: 2742022

7.17 改好了~

layla1989UID: 2832481

7.17

kingguohaoUID: 2752336

7.20 WRITING!
Businessmenare only motivated by desire of money.
Why do people set up companies? I believeit is because that they want expand their business to a larger scale. Toorganize a company, they can hire workers, sell stocks and make a new brand tooccupy more of the market. In order to let the company develop healthily, everydecision will be made basing on the premise of the interests of the company.So,I believe businessmen are only motivated by desire of money.

First, businessmen always tend to exploittheir employees to achieve the best interests. Run back over the history of thedeveloping process of commerce, we can find that it is a history ofexploitation. Businessmen tried to make their workers work as long as they canwhile didn’t rise the wages until the strike exploded. What’s more, we can seethe fact that the money which workers get can only cover their families’ dailyneeds whereas their bosses have enough money to buy luxuries. For now, theexample of Foxconn matches my point of view perfectly, this company exploitstheir employees on the mainland of China extremely for its workers havinglittle free time per week and their wages only reaching the low standard of ShenZhencity so that the tragedy of the suicides of 12 employees happened. Businessmendon’t care about their employees at all.

Yet we can see also that there are somebusinessmen donating their money to charities. When they are doing this, theimpression in people’s hearts would also be improved. Thus people may tend tobuy their products or services when considering the charitable actions whichthey have done. It is just like a perfect advertisement. We can tell the truththat it is their main purpose that to make an advertisement rather than to helpothers from the fact that businessmen always put the details on the donationincluding how the number of money to the public in a high-profile way. So Ibelieve the donations made by businessmen are out of the interests.

Also ,we have to admit that a minority ofbusinessmen do help people from their heart, they are not motivated by thedesire of money.However ,they cannot represent the whole. Most of them arelikely to exploit their workers and donate for advertising, so I hold the pointthat businessmen are only motivated by desire of money.

jjooyyUID: 2704028

6# kingguohao

Why do people set up companies? I believe it is because that they want expand their business to a larger scale. To organize a company, they can hire workers, sell stocks and make a new brand to occupy more of the market. In order to let the company develop healthily, everydecision will be made basing on the premise of the interests of the company.So,I believe businessmen are only motivated by desire of money.
两个believe了，建议换一下

First, businessmen always tend to exploittheir employees to achieve the best interests. Run back over the history of the developing process of commerce, we can find that it is a history ofexploitation. Businessmen tried to make their workers work as long as they can while didn’t rise the wages until the strike exploded. What’s more, we can see the fact that the money which workers get can only cover their families’ dailyneeds whereas their bosses have enough money to buy luxuries. For now, the example of Foxconn matches my point of view perfectly, this company exploitstheir employees on the mainland of China extremely for(下面的变为新的一句更好一些) its workers havinglittle free time per week and their wages only reaching the low standard of ShenZhen city（- -|||） so that the tragedy of the suicides of 12 employees happened. Businessmendon’t care about their employees at all.9 这句话和鲜前面的联系不够紧G: k/ F5 H" b! c
% f/ q1 T; Q+ B3 j5 I7 D! s
Yet we can see also that there are somebusinessmen donating their money to charities. When they are doing this, theimpression in people’s hearts would also be improved. Thus people may tend tobuy their products or services when considering the charitable actions whichthey have done. It is just like a perfect advertisement. We can tell the truththat it is their main purpose that to make an advertisement rather than to helpothers from the fact that businessmen always put the details on the donationincluding how the number of money to the public in a high-profile way. So I believe the donations made by businessmen are out of the interests. 又是so I believe...
6 z9 H% ?- `; f9 ?* i- ~: D6 Q 1 r5 m0 s: t) b# r
Also ,we have to admit that a minority ofbusinessmen do help people from their heart, they are not motivated by thedesire of money.However ,they cannot represent the whole. Most of them arelikely to exploit their workers and donate for advertising, so I hold the pointthat businessmen are only motivated by desire of money.
最后一段应该直接写结论吧，前面几句可以再成一段~
有很多空格没有空，但此替换上也略显单调。论述的理由有点奇怪。。。感觉是资本论的资产家剥削论+阴谋论。。

kingguohaoUID: 2752336

从WORD里面复制过来好多空格就不见了.....

liuxiaoyinUID: 2631993

Why do people set up companies? I believe it is because that they want expand their business to a larger scale. Toorganize a company, they can(need to ) hire workers, sell stocks and make a new brand tooccupy more of the market. In order to let the company develop healthily, everydecision will be made basing on the premise of the interests of the company.So,I believe businessmen are only motivated by desire of money

First, businessmen always tend to exploit their employees to achieve the best interests. Run back over the history of thedeveloping process of commerce, we can find that it is a history ofexploitation. Businessmen tried to make their workers work as long as they canwhile didn’t rise the wages until the strike exploded. What’s more, we can seethe fact that the money which workers get can only cover their families’ dailyneeds whereas their bosses have enough money to buy luxuries. For now, theexample of Foxconn matches my point of view perfectly, this company exploitstheir employees on the mainland of China extremely for its workers havinglittle free time per week and their wages only reaching the low standard of ShenZhencity so that the tragedy of the suicides of 12 employees happened. Businessmendon’t care about their employees at all

Yet we can see also that there are somebusinessmen donating their money to charities. When they are doing this, theimpression in people’s hearts would also be improved. Thus people may tend tobuy their products or services when considering the charitable actions whichthey have done. It is just like a perfect advertisement. We can tell the truththat it is their main purpose that to make an advertisement rather than to helpothers from the fact that businessmen always put the details on the donationincluding how the number of money to the public in a high-profile way.

So Ibelieve the (建议加上the purpose of)donations made by businessmen are out of the interests.Also ,we have to admit that a minority ofbusinessmen do help people from their heart, they are not motivated by thedesire of money.However ,they cannot represent the whole. Most of them（最好不用代词，有点指代不清，换成businessmen） arelikely to exploit their workers and donate for advertising, so I hold the pointthat businessmen are only motivated by desire of money.
我觉得你的两个理由立足点还不错~~~
第一个理由说的会不会有点夸张~~~建议你把开头的那一点论述放到第一个理由中去，开头表明观点并说一下大背景就好~~~
总体来说挺流畅的，用词也不错~~加油哈

kingguohaoUID: 2752336

Everyonehas one’s own living habits, some people are casual while some are strict. It’shard to say which is better or which is worse,cause people choose their way oflife out of different complicated reason, it’s hard to judge, so is it forstudents.

Atfirst, Students who don’t keep their rooms neat and organized can be succeeded.Some people do not care about the environment they live in and can enjoy theirlife in a mess or just don’t want to spend time on cleaning,especially formale. Many students around me seldom concern about whether their rooms are neatand organized or not, in the mean time they can do very well in their study.Here is an example matches my point of view perfectly,ChenJingrun, a Chinese famousmathematician,who once successfully proved the Goldbach Conjecture that ‘1 + 1= 2’, once upon a time it was Spring festival, several officials who went toChen’s to visit him and say ‘happy Spring festival’ found that Chen had notbeen out of his house for weeks when they met him and it is totally a mess upof his room, he was losing in his work of math! We can see one person can bepretty good at one’s work without caring about the cleanliness of his/her room.

Moreover,Students who keep their rooms neat and organized fail in their study as well.Many of them can’t abide a dirty and disordered room. So they tend to take alot of time to clean their rooms, people who have cleanliness in particular,but it has nothing to do with how the perform in their study or work. They canalso be lazy when they are in a clean and comfortable working circumstance,careless when they are working. Like being neat and tidy cannot guarantee success.

Indeed,there are also ones who are too lazy to keep their room clean and tidy so as tothey are like to fail in everything whereas some ones who discipline themselvesstrictly in almost every field including an organized room and carefulness oftheir work or study so that they are probably be successful.

Tosum up, one’s success is based on the attitude towards their work, there is norelationship between the attitude and the condition of one’s room, hence, in myopinion, I don’t agree the statement that students who keep their roomsneat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not.

serena-blueUID: 2811284

不好意思，还不能传附件，辛苦你这么看啦~~


Everyone has one’s (his)own living habits, some people are casual while some are strict. It’s hard to say which is better or which is worse, cause(because) people choose their way of life out of (for)different complicated reason(s), it’s hard to judge, so is it for students. 1 k0 I% E! R# R
% y" e7 o% s1 a; r
At first, students who don’t keep their rooms neat and organized can be succeeded(successful).Some people do not care about the environment they live in(where they live) and can enjoy their life in a mess or just don’t want to spend time on (in)cleaning,especially formale(不明白此处的意思). Many students around me seldom concern about whether their rooms are neat and organized or not, in the mean time（meantime连写在一起） they can do very well in their study. Here is an example matches my point of view perfectly, ChenJingrun, a Chinese famous mathematician （a famous Chinese mathematician）,who once(删除) successfully proved the Goldbach Conjecture that ‘1 + 1= 2’,（改成.下面重启一个新的句子） Once upon a time it was Spring festival, several officials who went to Chen’s to visit him and say ‘happy Spring festival’ （send him their warm greetings）found that Chen had not been out of his house for weeks when they met him(删除) and it is （was）totally a mess up of(in) his room, he was losing in his work of math(was addicted to )! We can see one person can be pretty good at one’s work without caring about the cleanliness of his/her room.


Moreover, students who keep their rooms neat and organized fail in their study as well. Many of them can’t abide a dirty and disordered room. So they tend to take a lot of time to clean their rooms, people who have cleanliness in particular, but it has nothing to do with how the(they) perform in their study or work. They can also be lazy when they are in a clean and comfortable working circumstance, (be)careless when they are working. Like being neat and tidy cannot guarantee success.

Indeed, there are also ones who are too lazy to keep their room clean and tidy so as to they are like to fail in everything whereas some ones who discipline themselves strictly in almost every field including an organized room and carefulness of their work or study so that they are probably be successful.(一大段只有一句话，最好能分分句)

u
To sum up, one’s success is based on the attitude towards their work, there is no （logical）relationship between the attitude and the condition(s) of one’s room, hence(so就可以了), in my opinion, I don’t agree（with） the statement that students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not.
论证的过程比较清晰，但是个人建议倒数第二段可以删去，不然反而妨碍作者的论证。
建议作者在写作的时候，能注意一些单词的空格，呵呵，可能复制的时候出现了什么问题吧。
加油哦！

jluzhkingUID: 2714407

7.22改kingguohao


Everyone has one’s own living habits, some people are casual while some are strict. It’s hard to say which is better or which is worse, cause people choose their way of life out of different complicated reasons, it’s hard to judge, so is it for students. (这个没说完？)

At first, Students who don’t keep their rooms neat and organized can be succeeded. Some people do not care about the environment they live in and can enjoy their life in a mess or just don’t want to spend time on cleaning, especially for male. Many students around me seldom concern about whether their rooms are neat and organized or not, in the mean time they can do very well in their study. Here is an example matches my point of view perfectly, ChenJingrun, a Chinese famous mathematician, who once successfully proved the Goldbach Conjecture that ‘1 + 1 = 2’, once upon a time it was Spring festival, several officials who went to Chen’s to visit him and say ‘happy Spring festival’ found that Chen had not been out of his house for weeks when they met him and it is totally a mess up of his room, he was losing in his work of math! We can see one person can be pretty good at one’s work without caring about the cleanliness of his/her room.

Moreover, Students who keep their rooms neat and organized fail in their study as well. Many of them can’t abide a dirty and disordered room. So they tend to take a lot of time to clean their rooms, people who have cleanliness in particular, but it has nothing to do with how the perform in their study or work. They can also be lazy when they are in a clean and comfortable working circumstance, careless when they are working. Like being neat and tidy cannot guarantee success.

Indeed, there are also ones who are too lazy to keep their room clean and tidy so as to they are likely to fail in everything whereas some ones who discipline themselves strictly in almost every field including an organized room and carefulness of their work or study so that they are probably be successful.

To sum up, one’s success is based on the attitude towards their work, there is no relationship between the attitude and the condition of one’s room, hence, in my opinion, I don’t agree the statement that students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not.

看完全文，感觉不错，有例子又有说理，学习一下~~~
不过看起来怎么有点AW的味道？不过没关系，能表达出思想就可以了
如果硬要说，有点美中不足的是第三点可以扩展开去，毕竟一句话显得有点薄，个人意见，仅供参考，加油！