dy008的作文作业

bruce520UID: 2634940

by bruce520

梦的弃儿UID: 2840846

改完了！
请LZ也尽快去改小夕的文~！！

dy008UID: 2284812

812



Nowadays, many people connect their repute in the important people with further development of their career closely. In my opinion, I definitely agree with this statement that if one's achievement is well-knew by others, the man can easily succeed.



First, at the start point of one's career life, accomplishments are helpful and can let other people offer important opportunity. Take myself as example, 2 years ago, I applied my master degree in microbiology major, but my gpa point was much lower than my competitor. So I directly went to advisor's office, introduced myself and told him my experimental skills and achievements in my undergraduate education. He was very interested and said I was the man who fit his needs. At last I got the chance. That's to say, self advertisement plays a significant role in people's pursuit to a career.



What is more, people can progress readily if others appraise their strengths. When confronted with some hard problems, people may
remember someone have enough experience to deal with this kind of question. Therefore, they can enjoy priority to some practical experience, which is helpful in one's promotion. Louis Pasteur, "the most perfect man who ever entered the kingdom of science", is a good example. When people found that bacteria have negative effect in milk and wine production, they firstly thought about Pasteur, who was the most famous microbiologist. So Pasteur had the chance to utilize his knowledge completely and finally create the Pasteurization, which is still the most useful sterilization process in milk and wine production.



Without the good prefessional repute, people may undertake the crucial pressure which can block their success easily. If people do not trust someone, they will lose a lot of chance. After the faulty brake and sticky accelerator, Toyota incorporation now undertake a sharp reduction in its sales, for people now do not believe its professional standard. That is why Toyota launches at least 7 TV commercials at the same time to reconstruct its status.


To sum up, we should pay more attention to our self advertisement, which can support our career development.

guyuan0126UID: 2782408

Nowadays, many people connect their repute (不理解”connect their repute”什么意思) in the important people with further development of their career closely.(有点不明白，是connect.. with people… in the development? )In my opinion, I definitely agree with this statement that if one's achievement is well-knew (被动well-known) by others, the man(he or she) can easily succeed.( succeed what?)

First, at the start point of one's career life, accomplishments are helpful and can let other people offer important opportunity （复数opportunities）. Take myself as example, 2 years ago, I applied my master degree in microbiology major, but my gpa point was much lower than my competitor. So I directly went to the advisor's office, introduced myself and told him my strength of experimental skills and achievements in my undergraduate education. He was very interested and said I was the man who fit (fits) his needs (admission requirement). At last I got the chance. That's to say, self advertisement plays a significant role in people's pursuit to a career.

What is more, people can progress readily if others appraise their strengths. When confronted (confronting) with some hard problems, people may remember someone who has have enough experiences to deal with this kind of question. Therefore, they can enjoy priority to some practical experience, which is helpful in one's promotion. (这里可以把两句并为一个长句: Confronting with…, people may remember… and, as a result, enjoy…..)Louis Pasteur, "the most perfect man who ever entered the kingdom of science", is a good example. When people found that bacteria has have negative effects in milk and wine production, they firstly thought about Pasteur, who was the most famous microbiologist. So Pasteur had the chance to utilize his knowledge completely and finally create the Pasteurization, which is still the most useful sterilization process in milk and wine production.

Without the good prefessional repute (reputation?), people may undertake the crucial pressure which can block their success easily. If people do not trust someone, they will lose a lot of chance. After the faulty brake and sticky accelerator, Toyota incorporation now undertakes a sharp reduction in its sales, because for people now do not believe its professional standard. (丰田公司after the faulty brake and sticky accelerator? 逻辑不通,应该是丰田公司面对brake and accelerator的投诉问题)That is why Toyota launches at least 7 TV commercials at the same time to reconstruct its status.( 句子简单了，我自己想的：to rebuild its brand image, to create confidence among consumers, and to make though the suffering steak)

To sum up, we should pay more attention to our self advertisement, which can support our career development.
评论：
1.
总体结构清晰，逻辑合理。结尾有些唐突，可扩展写一些，看上去文章会更加饱满
2.
有不少语法错误，主要问题是主谓一致和俚语
3.
三段理由的例子都很好，完全表达出每段TS的意思。

1.
用词和句式一般。可以增加长句，排比句，和各种修饰语句。
fsdps: 请兄弟也帮我改下文章，谢谢:)
PS

dy008UID: 2284812

Nowadays many parents prefer to make decision for their children. According to their own experience, parents would like to tell children to pay more attention to specific courses, choose specific major, do specific jobs, from which they believe children will benefit. However, I definitely agree with the statement that children should make decisions themselves.



Many parent like to tell children what courses are important for their future. For example, they think art and music class are really useless. However, children have the right to enjoy comprehensive knowledge and learn every kind of idea, while it is obligation of the adult to offer them overall curriculum. That is what John Scopes
fought
for. He was a common high school biology teacher, was accused of violating the state's Butler Act which made it unlawful to teach evolution. Although he was found guilty, he successfully maintained the children's right of enjoy all kinds of knowledge, instead of losing opportunities to enjoy a lot of courses that the adult believe would have negative effect on them for cultural or political reasons.



After absorbing enough overall basic knowledge, the children now can decide that what area they really like and what career they want to take. Because this occupation is picked up by them and fits their requirement actually, the students are supposed to devote to the job. For instance, Louis Pasteur, the famous French microbiologist, was forced to be an artist when he was young. But he did not like it at all, so finally he gave up painting and started to research bacteria and virus knowledge which he thought was really interesting. So he devote himself to this field, to fulfill his dream to create the first vaccine of rabies and Pasteurization, which is still used in production of milk and wine as the most effective way to kill bacterial. Then Pasteur became "the most perfect man who ever entered the kingdom of science". I believe this is a perfect example to explain children will benefit from their own decision.



Although Pasteur made the right decision himself, there are also many children who have made the wrong ones. Does it mean that parent should take the responsibility of making decision for children again? I do not think so. Failure is also a good lesson in people's life, while they are supposed to learn a lot from failure to avoid from being loser for ever. Steve Jobs wanted to be a professional basketball player in his childhood. Of course he has lost, but through the experience in basketball team, Jobs had learned the spirit of persistence and never giving up. In his career life, ever when he was forced to retired from Apple or suffered from cancer, he still insisted to fulfill his dream to let common people can enjoy the cutting edge technology production. Through Imac, Ibook, Iphone, we can find the failure from his own decision is a crucial part of his life.

To sum up, although children may lose a lot from their decisions, they still can learn a lot from the experience, while they benefit much from enjoy the career in which they are really interested. That is to say, children should make deliver verdict themselves.

yangduotongUID: 2793236

Nowadays, many people connect their repute in the important people with further development of their career closely. In my opinion, I definitely agree with this statement that if one's achievement is well-knew by others, the man can easily succeed. (其实在题目里有出现never的这种肯定性词汇是，您应该去反对他的)
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" L* d! O- t9 _* f# nFirstly, at the start point of one's career life, accomplishments are helpful and can let other people offer important opportunity. Take myself as example, 2 years ago, I applied my master degree in microbiology major, but my gpa point was much lower than my competitor. So（尽量不要用so 用其他的
如therefore） I directly went to advisor's office, introduced myself and told him my experimental skills and achievements in my undergraduate education. He was very interested and said I was the man who fit his needs. At last I got the chance. That's to say, self advertisement plays a significant role in people's pursuit to a career.
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What is more, people can progress readily if others appraise their strengths
（有点偏题了，因为你是要说别人知道你的长处对你有什么好处）. When confronted with some hard problems, people may- w3 {) s) d/ U+ U6 \0 a
remember someone have enough experience to deal with this kind of question. Therefore, they can enjoy priority to some practical experience, which is helpful in one's promotion. Louis Pasteur, "the most perfect man who ever entered the kingdom of science"（其实可以不用双引号）, is a good example. When people found that bacteria have negative effect in milk and wine production, they firstly thought about Pasteur, who was the most famous microbiologist. So Pasteur had the chance to utilize his knowledge completely and finally create the Pasteurization, which is still the most useful sterilization process in milk and wine production.7 c, B4 M/ W; g7 Y! _% _$ i+ o
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Without the good professional repute, people may undertake the crucial pressure which can（may） block their success easily (这句话的表述有点问题
你实际要表达的意思是什么？). If people do not trust someone, they will lose a lot of chance（who will lost the chance? 这里有点混乱）. After the faulty brake and sticky accelerator
（语法有点问题，
Since the faculty of brake and sticky accelerator have been found）, Toyota incorporation now undertake a sharp reduction in its sales, for people now do not believe its professional standard. That is why Toyota launches at least 7 TV commercials at the same time to reconstruct its status.9 g) m9 r3 G( z% E3 W, V( t
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To sum up, we should pay more attention to our self advertisement, which can support our career development.
结尾有点太短。是不是没有时间写
没有写完？

总体而言 还是可以的 不过上25分有点困难 可能我改的文章比较少 在这里文章的结构不是很清晰
语言还是得多点磨练
因为长句很少
和短句没有衔接得很妥当。 有一些语法错误和用词错误

yangduotongUID: 2793236

怎么一发就飘了？ 我直接文档发给你吧