KATE 的 作文贴

siehahaUID: 2668909

先意识流下。。。
处女作文贴纠结了半天，到了时限才慢慢写出来，感觉写起来比G自由一些，可是总有单词到嘴边想不出来。
砖头砸过来吧！
过几天G成绩就可以查了， 怕怕

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July 20   Businessmen are only motivated by money.


I partially agree the notion that business are only motivated by desire of money, while I don’t think money is the only motivation for them.


Admittedly, Just like a doctor’s are aiming at seeking for solutions for the patient, and crops are aiming at keeping the order of the neighborhood, business man are supposed to chasing profits, their endeavors motivated by money can be explained in 2 aspects.
First, In order to keep the business running, businessmen have to utilize all possible resources possible to collecting funds and maintain cash flow. Sufficient amounts of money would provide businessmen the capability to seize the fleeting business opportunity whenever it appears and prevent their business from broke down due to debts and lack of cash. Secondly, for the businessman personally, money means the quality of life
, even if a great number of rich
businessmen maintain an extremely thrift life, they never refuse to make as much money as they could, for money is also a common used yardstick of measuring success.
However, when the business is big enough and money overflows, at such scenario business would consider would be how to make most of the money and prevent it from waste rather than merely accumulate the amount. Take Microsoft as an example, it’s huge success due to the peerless windows series products, Microsoft would devoted a considerable portion of its profits in to the new product developing and the welfare of its employees. On the other hand, the starter of Microsoft, Bill Gates, the richest businessmen, are personally a active philanthropist who would donate billions of dollars supporting Africa and HIV preventing.

Thus, it can conclude that, money would only partially make for the aim of businessman. There are other issues no matter we call them social responsibility or self-realization that drives businessman to make their endeavor. Money is actually a mid product but the only motivation.

jluzhkingUID: 2714407

July 20   Businessmen are only motivated by money.
( G- L. N( c; t/ Z- o: A

I partially agree the notion that business are only motivated by desire of money, while I don’t think money is the only motivation for them.$ ?2 |% D, F+ v" Q7 o

Admittedly, Just like a doctor’s are aiming at seeking for solutions for the patient, and crops are aiming at keeping the order of the neighborhood, business man(businessmen) are supposed to chasing profits, their endeavors motivated by money can be explained in 2 aspects.

First, In order to keep the business running, businessmen have to utilize all possible resources possible to collecting(collect) funds and maintain cash flow. Sufficient amounts of money would provide businessmen the capability to seize the fleeting business opportunity whenever it appears and prevent(prevents) their business from broke(breaking) down due to debts and lack of cash. Secondly, for the businessman personally, money means the quality of life, even if a great number of businessmen maintain an extremely thrift life, they never refuse to make as much money as they could, for money is also a common used yardstick of measuring success.


However, when the business is big enough and money overflows, at such scenario business would consider would be how to make most of the money and prevent it from waste rather than merely accumulate the amount. Take Microsoft as an example, it’s huge success due to the peerless windows series products, Microsoft would devoted a considerable portion of its profits in to the new product developing and the welfare of its employees. On the other hand, the starter of Microsoft, Bill Gates, the richest businessmen, are personally a active philanthropist who would donate billions of dollars supporting Africa and HIV preventing.5 j! ?, J5 Z, U2 p  W: P7 o
# l8 E' f# x( r5 b# g
Thus, it can conclude that, money would only partially make for the aim of businessman. There are other issues no matter we call them social responsibility or self-realization that drives businessman to make their endeavor. Money is actually a mid product but (not?) the only motivation.

结构清晰，有些语法错误哦，修正一下吧，加油~~

话说G也快出成绩了，God bless us!

siehahaUID: 2668909

好哒 谢谢 下去慢慢看
2# jluzhking

siehahaUID: 2668909

I totally disagree with the claim that students who keep their rooms tidy would success than those who do not.
Admittedly, keep the room neat and organized could both help students to maintain a balance in personal life and cultivate descent living habit for the future. It does tell something about the students is systematical and methodical in certain ways. However, I don’t think a good living trait aren’t of that vital importance, say, determine whether someone is more successful and others aren’t.
Actually, much of the students who were notable.

To begin with, campus life is usually known as a hustle with vast volume of courses, and various community activities filled up the schedule. It is entirely possible and understandable for a engaged senior students to take time and energy on his research in the lab or organize a community campaign. So little time would space out for them to clean up their dorm room, which will not prevent them from having high marks in final term and wining scholarships.

Moreover, apart from the consideration of timing. There’s a question of personal life style that can’t be neglect. It is universal for people of different life style around us. Some of them prefer to make everything look in order, some just don’t care about things get a little messy, as long as they can reach out for what is needed without fumble around.
Thus, could anyone conclude anything about the room and the owner’s self achievement?
Nobody’s perfect and everybody differs in their living style. We can’t predict a student that his future is doomed just because his messy room and vice versa. Nevertheless, it doesn’t hurt to make such comment when we want these kids to spruce up their living places and form a good habit.

高小鱼UID: 2714619

我来啦，上午在忙，今年之内改完发给你~

远远在笑UID: 2742022

7.22号

高小鱼UID: 2714619

我还是没法贴word，不知道怎么回事...只能先这么贴上来了，抱歉


I totally disagree with the claim that students who keep their rooms tidy would success than those who do not.

Admittedly, keeping the room neat and organized could both help students to maintain a balance in personal life and cultivate descent living habit for the future. It does tell something about whether a student is systematical and methodical in certain ways. However, I don’t think a good living trait is of such vital importance as to determine whether someone is more likely to be successful and others are not.

Actually, much of the students who were notable. [uncompleted sentence]

To begin with, campus life is usually known as a hustle with vast volume of courses and various community activities. It is entirely understandable that a student (especially senior student) has to invest most of their time and energy into his/her academic works, such as lab researches or paper assignments, as well as various student-community campaigns. Therefore little time would be left for the students to clean up their dorm rooms, which may encroach their study time and may therefore negatively affect their academic performance.
For example, investing energy in room cleaning may prevent them from achieving high marks in final term and wining scholarships.

Apart from [moreover 和apart from重复] the consideration of timing[uncompleted sentence], there is a question of personal life style that can’t be neglected. It is universal for people of different life styles around us. Some of them prefer to make everything look in order, others just don’t care whether or not things around are getting a little messy, as long as they can reach out for what is needed without fumbling around[这句as long as...可以说得更加清楚一点].

Thus, could anyone conclude anything about the connection between the outlook of a room and the owner’s potentiality in future achievement?

Although it doesn’t hurt to urge the students to spruce up their living places and form a good living habit, we have to admit that nobody is perfect and everyone differs in their living style. We can’t predict a student that his future is doomed just because of his messy room[“vice versa” is not applicable here]. [最后可以再延伸一下]



简单改了一下，整体感觉搂主的作文还需要好好练阿，问题不少，主要可能如下:

(1)
语法错误较多；
(2)
不少句子读起来不顺畅，逻辑性可能需要加强（比如最后一句，写在最后跟整篇文章的论点不搭调，放在最后一段段首作为让步可能会好一些）；
(3)
论点稍显单薄（可以加些例子和统计），字数稍显不够。

siehahaUID: 2668909

太感谢了！！！
就是要这么猛的改  回去仔细看！
7# 高小鱼

siehahaUID: 2668909

作文问题：
很多形容词 动词 可以在脑海里有个模糊的意思，但是就好似不知道是什么。。。用问号打出来了。。。如果有同学想到 麻烦帮忙填下。。谢谢了。。

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Sports teach people lessons about life
--------------------------------------------------------------

Yes, I can’t agree with this statement any more. Sports teaches people so much about life in so many ways.

As sports are access to all human being as long as they are willing to. It turns into a ？？？ lens that reflecting every virtue of the human endeavor， a vivid textbook about life.
Sports teaches people about practice makes perfects, Philips, American swimmer, would practice all year around including Christmas before he can win 8 medals at the Olympic games.
Sports teaches people about the cycle of turns. When we saw Italy, the former no.1 team, didn’t even make through the 1/16 of the 2010 world cup, we’ve learned that every game is brand new, and heros of yesterday doesn’t guarantee a present glory.
Sports teaches us about miracle of life, when we see Lance Armstrong exhaustlessly stamp his pedals on the country road around France even after he is diagnosed with cancer. We saw no not just a cyclist, we saw a fighter of life against the destiny.
And there are more, teamwork, discipline, endless pursue of perfection.Anyone who is willing to think and learn can always distill his very wisdom from any aspect in life, sports, as a great

However, there also have ugly side about sports especially when it hooked up with money and fame. It is not novel for discovery of athletes taking drugs for a better performance, and violence among sports fans especially football funs its not during Violence, unfairly competition, hatred. Just as there are evil side of human nature.
Overall, Compare to the lessons sports teaches us, the negative side are so overshadowed, and we should also look more on the bright side. Thus we should keep learning and appreciate the lesson about life that sports teach us.

siehahaUID: 2668909

谢谢你！
正在仔细研究中。。加油加油！ 6# 远远在笑

siehahaUID: 2668909

谢谢
我就喜欢一针见血的评论！
你准确的指出了了我的一大缺陷
好高骛远
我现在每天把纽约时报和经济学家网设为主页一开每天看两篇文章，专栏作家用词那个够味啊！
自己写的时候也希望有那么一点感觉，不过词汇量还是跟不上，到用的时候总觉匮乏. 而且在我给你的评论中你应该注意到了，
更注意的是表达上的地道，而忽略了逻辑和语法。。。
恩
这些问题我都记住了  再次感谢！！
一起加油！
6# 远远在笑

siehahaUID: 2668909

仔细看了一遍小鱼的修改。。。昨天还不是限时写的，都比较匆忙 其实很多地方自己检查下可以避免的。。。对于那些低级错误。实在抱歉！。。小鱼说对了。 语法 逻辑的确不敢恭维。一味追求表达和那种洋味。。。还是得脚踏实地点。。。好好练！
再次感谢如此认真的修改。 加油！
7# 高小鱼

siehahaUID: 2668909

终于知道为什么AW为什么悲剧了。。思想暂且不说，光是语法问题就把人看得喷血了。。。太粗心了 看来要狠下一番功夫了。。谢谢！

13# chenyyalex