第一篇issue i51 求猛拍

sdfjackUID: 2809756

今天被牙医的麻药弄得头脑发晕……写的超级烂 不过好歹走出了第一步 请猛拍！
初来乍到还没拍过别人……先学习学习就跟大家互拍~
I agree with thespeaker's assertion that education should consider the needs and interests of individuals.However, only consider these cannot guarantee education to be effective. Onbalance, I tend to agree that education should consider the needs of the wholesociety more.

Education indeedneeds to take the needs and interests of individuals into consideration. Sinceindividuals are the basic elements of our society, their needs cannot beneglected. When neglected, people's basic needs cannot be guaranteed. If so,education is totally a failure, because the basic needs of individuals are thepremise of other achievements. For example, education should teach students howto find a suitable job in order to make a living. Without the ability tosurvive, an individual can hardly do any other things, let alone developing thewhole society.

However, it'snot accurate to say that only when education is specifically designed to meetthe individual needs and interests is it effective. Education is the process bywhich society deliberately transmits its accumulated knowledge, skills and valuesfrom one generation to another. Its purpose is to benefit all individuals, orthe whole society. If education only cares about personal needs, it cannot bevalued as effective. For instance, if people are taught to serve only forthemselves, there will only be cut-throat competition, which only benefits afew people and on the contrary, harms the whole society. This surely goesagainst the real meaning of education, and ineffective, either.

Only wheneducation is mainly designed to meet the needs of whole society can we say itis effective. Education is not only a matter of teaching people how to meettheir own demand, but also a matter of maintain the development and continuityof our society. Man is a civil creature. In other words, we are not unrelatedindividuals, but members of a society. Thus, education must take the wholesociety's needs and interests into consideration. To illustrate, traditionalculture is a perfect example. Many traditional customs are outdated nowadays,which can hardly help people with their own lives. But it is the culture that defineswho we are and where we are from. Education has the responsibility to teachstudents their traditional culture for the sake of culture's continuity. Thisis what effective means, producing a decided, decisive, or desired effect.

To sum up,education should pay attention to personal needs. But just by doing so, itcan't be judged as effective. Education must also be designed to meet the needsof the whole society, since education must take the responsibility to drive thesociety to advance forward.

zhangjunzjUID: 2658970

以后把题目弄上来，方便看。
第一段两个agree,你到底agree哪个？
改成：I concede that the speaker's assertion education should include the needs and interests of individuals is correct in some respects, however,only consider the individual's needs and interests couldn't ensure the ultimate function and practical efficiency of education.On balance, on the societal scale, I tend to agree  that education should focus more on the needs of the entire society.

后面的感觉思路有些乱，逻辑关系不是很清楚。论据不充分，还是那句话，论据尽量具体，切忌随便说说。例如For instance, if people are taught to serve only forthemselves, there will only be cut-throat competition, which only benefits afew people and on the contrary, harms the whole society. This surely goesagainst the real meaning of education, and ineffective, either.
你这不叫论据，是你自己的想法，论据的话要将前因后果详细阐明。
结尾太仓促。

由于时间关系，着重改了下你的开头，希望对你有帮助

sdfjackUID: 2809756

2# zhangjunzj 唔~谢谢~
第一段其实主要是否决了题目中的only，就是说虽然education 需要考虑个人，但是不能仅仅考虑~
可能我说的不清楚吧~不过拜谢~有需要改的文章发个地址吧~

zhangjunzjUID: 2658970

多谢，那我就不客气了。

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1123775-1-1.html；这里面有两篇，issue和阿狗。你随便选一个就行了。不用逐字改，总体上评一下就行了。谢谢了