小弟第一篇习作A1 请各位大大指点 留链必反 多谢

永锁孤心UID: 2685404

红体字是打字时打错的   写了一个半小时   不容易啊   不用给我面子   往死里拍就行~   
同时求加入作文互改组，Issue可能还没办法按时交作业，argument一定会按时交作业的！！！！  求收留   嘿嘿，小弟在此谢过了
"Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."



The vice president draws the conclusion that
the Nature's Way should build their new store in Plainsville based on the assumption that the stores ate most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. Besides, the vice president also claims that the Plainsville is the prefect
place to build their next store. To substantiate the claim, the vice president provides the evidences that the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs and that the local health club and the weight training and aerobics classes are more and more popular. meanwhile, the local students' program---'fitness for life' can also contribute to a continual profit. However, There are some points that the vice president didn't consider.
First of all, the dubious assumption leading to the conclusion may lack enough and detailed evidence. The vice president arrive at a questionable conclusion
that the more important residents consider about the healthy lives, the larger profit the Nature's Way will get. It is highly possible that other factors might contribute to the higher profit in the certain area where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. For example, thanks to the
successful advertising publicity program, the local store enjoy a higher popularity or the low tax rate that the government provides can also cut the cost. Besides, to evaluate whether the store can make a profit in a city, there are more important factors should be considered such as the residents' consuming ability and the cost which spends on the staff's salary and so on. Without ruling out those uncertain factors, it is presumptuous to suggest that the view to the healthy lives which the residents hold was responsible for a profitable store.
Secondly, granted the assumption the vice president provides is reasonable, we may not conclude the Plainsville are the perfect place where the next new store of Nature's Way will be built. That the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs may not equal to the residents are interested in exercise. It may result more from the wearing custom than from people's exercise habit. What's more, The author's conclusion that they will make profits in Plainsville is based on the gratuitous assumption that people who are enthusiastic about exercising will necessarily be interest in buying health food and other health-related products. It simply concludes that people who are concerning about healthy lives will automatically became Nature's Way's customers. Even if many people in P are interest about health food and other health-related products, the author ignores other factors that may affect the business of Nature's Way, such as the population of the area, and the eating habits of the local residents. The presence of the similar products and the other competitive may lead to a serious competition situation which will reduce the profit in this business.
Last but not the least important, from a company's point, the most important ingredient we should consider seriously is whether we can get a continual profit in future. However, the situation that Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program cannot make sure that we will have steady customers. After all, it is the considerable and continuable profit that every corporate seek for.
In summary, this argument is not persuasive as it stands.
To strengthen the argument, the vice president would have to provide far evidence on the investment situation in Plainsville.

永锁孤心UID: 2685404

没有有人理我。。。再发一个改过的   请大家踊跃拍砖谢谢   
The vice president draws the conclusion that  the Nature's Way should build their new store in Plainsville based on the assumption that the stores ate most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. Besides, the vice president also claims that the Plainsville is the perfect place to build their next store. To substantiate the claim, the vice president provides the evidences that the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs and that the local health club and the weight training and aerobics classes are more and more popular. Meanwhile, the local students' program---'fitness for life' can also contribute to a continual profit. However, there are some points that the vice president didn't consider.
First of all, the dubious assumption leading to the conclusion may lack enough and detailed evidence. The vice president arrive at a questionable conclusion  that the more important the healthy lives residents consider, the larger profit the Nature's Way will get. It is highly possible that other factors might contribute to the higher profit in certain areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. For example, thanks to the successful advertising publicity program, the local store enjoys a higher popularity or the low tax rate that the government provides can also cut the cost. Besides, to evaluate whether the store can make a profit in a city, there are more important factors that should be considered such as the residents' consuming ability and the cost which is spent on the staff's salary and so on. Without ruling out those uncertain factors, it is presumptuous to suggest that the view to the healthy lives which the residents hold was responsible for a profitable store.
Secondly, granted the assumption (that) the vice president provides is reasonable, we may not conclude the Plainsville is the perfect place where the next new store of Nature's Way will be built. That the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs may not equate to (the fact)the residents are interested in exercise. It may result more from the wearing custom than from people's exercise habit. What's more, The author's conclusion that they will make profits in Plainsville is based on the gratuitous assumption that people who are enthusiastic about exercising will necessarily be interest in buying health food and other health-related products. It simply concludes that people who are concerning about healthy lives will automatically became Nature's Way's customers. Even if many people in P are interest about health food and other health-related products, the author ignores other factors that may affect the business of Nature's Way, such as the population of the area, and the eating habits of the local residents. The presence of the similar products and other competitive company may lead to a serious competition situation which will reduce the profit in this business.
Last but not the least important, from a company's point, the most important ingredient we should consider seriously is whether we can get a continual profit in future. However, the situation that Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program does not necessarily follow that we will have steady customers. After all, it is the considerable and continual profit that every corporate seek for.
In summary, this argument is not persuasive as it stands.  To strengthen the argument, the vice president would have to provide further evidence on the investment situation in Plainsville.