Issue103——历史价值之于现实生活。有拍必回，谢谢~

muki1UID: 2853268

我今天刚好也写了这个题。我觉得这个题目主要是要对历史和日常生活定义。题目中的日常生活估计就是指的我们所接触的，窄一点就是人与人之间的交往，广一点就是坏境，交通等问题。但是有很多历史事件，发现，艺术等等是精神层面上的，丰富人们的阅历，不能给实际生活带来便利和提供需求，这就是文章需要讨论的。
以上是我的一点想法。楼主的文章语言方面很不错，相比之下我文章语言就显得很幼稚，词汇量也不够。看了好几天书了，能自然写出来的话还就是那几句，想向楼主讨教下。我发现这一类文章如果没有明显架构很容易写混，下面是我的文章，语言结构方面望指点~
In the era of information, people pay more attention to their daily life with the help of modern technology and science. There is contradiction in the society that deserves to deliberate. Is other part of history that does not have directly relationship with our daily lives necessary to be taken into account?
As the issue says above, certain people only consider history as a tool to give a hand to daily lives. It has to accept that from studying history, we surely get much information and support to perfect our daily lives. For an instance, it is hard for people to move from one city to another many years ago. They can only travel with the help of some animals or small ships if they have to cross a river. Then bike is born and improving; car comes out. Nowadays, we can choose one of the transportations we like to take on a trip. Our lives benefit from learning. By learning from old creations, we can have our own idea, inspiration and innovation, therefore new creations appear because of consistently absorbing from history. Our lives are sure to rely on history.
However, we need to learn from all aspects of history rather than the small part that can advantage our daily lives.
We can define history as the things that have happened and the person that have really existed. History tells us the development of society, country and the world with the endeavor made by hero, heroine and so many innominate people. We can, by reading history, know where we come from and realize where to go in the way of referring to some details. Especially, we will, by researching the wars broken out in our country, be touched to have sympathy on people who passed away in the war of protecting the motherland, encouraged to avoid making similar mistakes and stimulated to cherish the beauty prospect of our own country. As we all know, it is shameful and upset to be a person without home and motherland. By gaining such acquaintance, the life will be more meaningful than before. People who only exist in order to live are poor in spirit.
What's more, some great miracles in history are admittedly significant. Knowing why dinosaurs died out cannot offer people food or convenience, but plenty of experts are eager to such investigation. Some discoveries in science such as gene in the past are also vague for common people, but nobody can deny the progress they make. These researches give us rich information about the world we live in to satisfy our curiousness and appetite for further information. Therefore, we will continue to confront with such achievements and have a profound study in order to understand our world better and create a more challenging and varying future.
In sum, history is more important and useful than what we simply think. Studying history will provide more innovation and changes for our future rather than only give convenience to our daily life.

amazing-graceUID: 2836471

首先赞一下，不错的文章~
下面来说问题：
1第二个论证点未按首段主题句来写，上面有同学也提出了，就是既然首段指出第二点是“人性”，不该包括娱乐之类的~
2第一个论证点和第二个很难区分，感觉差不多，所以如果第一点强调历史对日常生活的作用的话，要强调它的实用性，比如说在个人采取环保行为时，在个人教育孩子时，至于国家做环保决策算不算daily life， 我说不准~那么第二点如果想强调历史使我们对人性认识更透彻，则千万不要写成对人性透彻了所以在日常做什么事时有警戒作用，这样的话容易跟第一点混淆，你可以多强调一点对spiritual的作用~
3结尾也没有点到点子上，总之感觉作者对第一点拿捏不准，表述欠精当。为避免第一第二点混淆，应适当限定下各自的范围。
继续加油~~

figuechenUID: 2850619

我今天刚好也写了这个题。我觉得这个题目主要是要对历史和日常生活定义。题目中的日常生活估计就是指的我们所接触的，窄一点就是人与人之间的交往，广一点就是坏境，交通等问题。但是有很多历史事件，发现，艺术等等 ...
muki1 发表于 2010-7-29 19:50

对，我觉得把与生活无关定义成精神层面的可能比较合理。

修改的16L的文章：
In the era of information, people pay more attention to their daily life [life可数] with the help of modern technology and science. There is contradiction in the society [society前面没有the，注意一下吧] that deserves to deliberate. Is other part of history that does not have directly relationship with our daily lives necessary to be taken into account?
[我觉得有个跟我一样的错误，就是direct relationship和relevant不是同义词。就算是间接关系也算是有关系的。所以改一下最后一句吧]

As the issue says above, certain people only consider history as a tool to give a hand to daily lives. It has to accept that [这是什么用法？要用have to的话主语应该是人才对] from studying history, we surely get [尽量避免用get，太过口语化。可以替换成attain, acquire之类] much information and support to perfect [support是vt. 后面不能加介词] our daily lives. For an instance, it is hard for people to move from one city to another many years ago. [几年前？应该是几百年前吧。。。] They can only travel with the help of some animals or small ships if they have to cross a river. Then bike is born and improving; [bike is improving？这个用法不对。只能说bike被Improved吧] car comes out. Nowadays, we can choose one of the transportations we like [改成prefer会更流畅一些] to take on a trip. Our lives benefit from learning. By learning from old creations, we can have our own idea, inspiration and innovation, therefore [逗号后面要加and] new creations appear because of consistently absorbing from history. [缺主语，因为谁的持续不断的汲取？]Our lives are sure to rely on history.
[这段的例子不好，那个例子完全体现不出历史造福人类。自行车的出现是因为历史？需要进一步说明]

However, we need to learn from all aspects of history rather than the small part that can advantage our daily lives.
We can define history as the things that have happened and the person that have really existed. History tells us the development of society, country and the world with the endeavor made by hero, heroine and so many innominate people. We can, by reading history, know where we come from and realize where to go in the way of referring to some details. Especially, we will, by researching the wars [research后面不知道能不能直接跟研究对象，我记得不可以。再查阅一下相关词典吧] broken out [war和break out不是被动关系，the war breaks out。] in our country, be touched to have sympathy on people who passed away in the war of protecting the motherland, encouraged to avoid making similar mistakes and stimulated to cherish the beauty prospect of our own country. As we all know, it is shameful and upset to be a person without home and motherland. [这句多余了] By gaining such acquaintance, the life will be more meaningful than before. People who only exist in order to live are poor in spirit. [这句实在太中式了，我不知道怎么改了，可能把are poor in spirit提到前面来，然后定语从句改成when好一些吧]
怎么说呢，这段的TS有点问题，TS要能概括起整段的意思。

What's more, some great miracles in history are admittedly significant. Knowing [Getting to know]why dinosaurs died out cannot offer people food or convenience, but plenty of experts are eager to such investigation. Some discoveries in science such as gene in the past are also vague for common people, but nobody can deny the progress they make. These researches give us rich information about the world we live in to satisfy our curiousness and appetite for further information. Therefore, we will continue to confront with such achievements and have a profound study in order to understand our world better and create a more challenging and varying future.
[这段中间最好能够再详细说一下恐龙研究的意义，难道就只是满足人类的好奇心？而且叙述的内容和TS也很难找到关系，恐龙灭绝是miracle？呃。。。就算你是这么认为的也应该说明一下]

In sum, history is more important and useful than what we simply think. Studying history will provide more innovation and changes for our future rather than only give convenience to our daily life.

我着重就语言方面改了一下，后面写得比前面好一些，前面语法和用法错误比较多。我的修改只是抛砖引玉，更多的工作要自己来做。我只是改出了我自己觉得有问题的地方，也不一定完全正确。

逻辑和结构方面的话，每段要有中心句，整段要围绕中心句来写，别超出中心句的范围了。每个逻辑关系的推导要清晰。感觉你的跳跃性还是太大，不太容易直接理解。

figuechenUID: 2850619

首先赞一下，不错的文章~
下面来说问题：
1第二个论证点未按首段主题句来写，上面有同学也提出了，就是既然首段指出第二点是“人性”，不该包括娱乐之类的~
2第一个论证点和第二个很难区分，感觉差不多，所以如果 ...
amazing-grace 发表于 2010-7-29 20:46

恩~感谢你的建议~

我也发现了没有定义的悲哀了，写到后来就逻辑混乱，应该把与生活无关定义成精神层面的，这样就好写了~另外剩下的几点也要精简一下~

hugeseaUID: 190158

恩~感谢你的建议~

我也发现了没有定义的悲哀了，写到后来就逻辑混乱，应该把与生活无关定义成精神层面的，这样就好写了~另外剩下的几点也要精简一下~
figuechen 发表于 2010-7-29 21:24

顺便改一改帮我以前写的issue 103，这篇已经被批判过了，一直没工夫重写，看看你能不能给我些建议

103."The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."

In asserting that studying history has value only when it is relevant to our daily lives，the speaker unfairly generalizes the value of history studying. In my opinion, history should be studied because it is essential to the individuals and the society. Historical study has value relevant to our daily lives, and it also contributes to other values that beyond daily life.

To be sure, the study of history is useful for our daily lives. Histories are stories that reveal how people have behaved and how they prompt thoughts about their experiences in the past. Exploring history and immersing ourselves in the ways people constructed lives in the past, we will gain lots of experiences about lives. Such experiences either inspire us to pursue a better life or teach us how to avoid the past mistakes. As a result, studying history can completely affect a person from thoughts to behaviors. For example, learning about the history of the War of American Independence, we will know that our “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” was hard won, and therefore we will cherish them more in our daily life. Also, learning about the accomplishments in chemistry in the other time and place, can help a chemistry scientist be more efficient in his/her daily research life. In short, historical studying relevant to our daily lives directly instructs our behaviors in life.

However, the significance of the study of history is often beyond its effect on daily life. For example, learning about the records of the disasters in our history, it seems to have nothing to do with helping people today who are suffering such disasters. But it helps make statistics in disaster-prone areas and time, and the product of such studying is helpful for us human being to do a good job in disasters prevention. Also, studying the history of AIDS, it may not enhance a researcher’s daily life and cannot cure today’s patients who contact HIV. But it is the basis of the future AIDS prevention. All these researches have little connection with our daily life at the moment, but they are significant for interest of the whole human being.

Furthermore, such history studying that seems to have little relation with daily life at present is also very important for us human being, and we can never neglect such kinds f history studying. Having no link with our daily lives, it does not mean that such studying will have no connection with our daily lives later. For instance, studying the history of economical crises, it may not bring more jobs for those who lost their job in the recession today. But the product of it will help our government implement safer economical policy in the future. The people today who are suffering from the conflict and attack in Middle East may not be saved by the study of history of past wars, but it certainly bring a profound hope of peace. If we overlook such studies, we may suffer a lot in the future.

In conclusion, the study of history indeed has value relevant to our lives, but it also has value when it is not directly link with our daily lives, and we can never neglect such studies that seem to have little connection with our day-to-day lives.

figuechenUID: 2850619

顺便改一改帮我以前写的issue 103，这篇已经被批判过了，一直没工夫重写，看看你能不能给我些建议


103."The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."

...
hugesea 发表于 2010-7-29 21:27

修改稿：

103."The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."

In asserting that studying history has value only when it is relevant to our daily lives，the speaker unfairly generalizes the value of history studying. In my opinion, history should be studied because it is essential to the individuals and the [society前面不加the] society. Historical study has value relevant to our daily lives, and [这里是不是用转折比较好一些，把前半句看做让步] it also contributes to other values that beyond daily life.

To be sure, the study of history is useful for our daily lives. Histories are stories that reveal how people have behaved and how they prompt thoughts about their experiences in the past. Exploring history and immersing ourselves in the ways people constructed lives in the past, we will gain lots of experiences about lives. Such experiences either inspire us to pursue a better life or teach us how to avoid the past mistakes. As a result, studying history can completely affect a person from thoughts to behaviors. [这里没能体现和daily lives的关系，建议补一句说一下。这些关键点不应该只在例子最后才说明。] For example, learning about the history of the War of American Independence, we will know that our “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” was hard won, and therefore we will cherish them more in our daily life. Also, learning about the accomplishments in chemistry in the other time and place, can help a chemistry scientist [chemist不就好了么]be more efficient in his/her daily research life. [这个claim很有问题啊，知道过去化学的成就能帮助一个化学家在研究中更有效率？没有证明哦，unwarranted claim]In short, historical studying relevant to our daily lives directly instructs our behaviors in life.

However, the significance of the study of history is often beyond its effect on daily life. For example, learning about the records of the disasters in our history, it seems to have nothing to do with helping people today who are suffering such disasters. But it helps make statistics in disaster-prone areas and time, and the product of such studying is helpful for us human being to do a good job in disasters prevention.[嗯？这难道不是帮助我们日常生活么？为什么说是超出了日常生活了呢？] Also, studying the history of AIDS, it may not enhance a researcher’s daily life and cannot cure today’s patients who contact HIV. [怎么没有帮助呢？研究疾病史能够帮助研究人员发现易感人群、流行周期之类，可以据此进一步研究，从而治愈疾病啊]But it is the basis of the future AIDS prevention. All these researches have little connection with our daily life at the moment, but they are significant for interest of the whole human being.

[这段有点混淆daily lives的概念。如果之前没有界定的话，现在就会有问题了。比如作者的这些事例，最后都可以归结为造福人类，造福我们的生活。怎么就和生活无关了呢？]

Furthermore, such history studying that seems to have little relation with daily life at present is also very important for us human being, and we can never neglect such kinds of history studying. Having no link with our daily lives, it [看出问题了么？前半句的动名词的主语应该是后半句的it，但这样搭配显然不对]does not mean that such studying will have no connection with our daily lives later. [Having这句跟之前那句不是意思一样么？]For instance, studying the history of economical crises, it [和上面一样的问题，it不能study the history，只有人可以] may not bring more jobs for those who lost their job in the recession today. But the product of it will help our government implement safer economical policy in the future. The people today who are suffering from the conflict and attack in Middle East may not be saved by the study of history of past wars, but it certainly bring a profound hope of peace. If we overlook such studies, we may suffer a lot in the future.

[这段说的内容和第一部分的以古鉴今到底区别何在？需要进一步说明]

In conclusion, the study of history indeed has value relevant to our lives, but it also has value when it is not directly link with our daily lives, and we can never neglect such studies that seem to have little connection with our day-to-day lives.

语言很流畅，语法问题也不多。但逻辑上犯了和我一样的错误：混淆了daily lives的定义。写到后来可能自己都搞不清什么是daily lives什么不是了。导致逻辑比较乱

我觉得就这样定义好了：以古鉴今的一律归为daily lives；精神层面的帮助就归为irrelevant to daily lives。这样就好说了。

clqf4aUID: 2795990

15# figuechen

这个思路虽然有点老吧。。不知道评卷员会不会看腻了呢。。不过确实这么写比较能说服。。。你重写后不知道我能否拜读拜读~~~

我看了不少人写的第三段。基本上是都论述的不太到位。有点漏洞。。

muki1UID: 2853268

18# figuechen
感谢楼主~我仔细改了下文章果然有很多语法错误，之前都没太在意，看来以后我得多查查。由于积累不够，这类文章我都举不出什么例子，当时写的时候思维有点混乱，被楼主指出主题句不能总领整段，呵呵，我的思维有时候是很跳跃。自行车那个例子我是想说明人们从之前的发明中创新，之前的发明发生过也算历史，所以相当于从历史里面收获，历史带给人们的福利。确实看起有点牵强，那把它改成历史故事教育我们吧。不过关于那个恐龙问题，除了满足好奇心求知欲，还能说明什么啊？

figuechenUID: 2850619

18# figuechen  
感谢楼主~我仔细改了下文章果然有很多语法错误，之前都没太在意，看来以后我得多查查。由于积累不够，这类文章我都举不出什么例子，当时写的时候思维有点混乱，被楼主指出主题句不能总领整段，呵呵 ...
muki1 发表于 2010-7-30 19:56

这就涉及到考古的意义了，如果不擅长的话可以考虑回避嘛。如果不能自圆其说，还是别用这个例子为好