Zinccopper 的作文帖

zinccopperUID: 2403125

Beingin a highly developed age, we modern residents have possessed numerous means toget known a foreign country by the booming modern technology. Currently, adiscussion has been the center of a widespread controversy engaging publicattention: which is better?
Arenewspapers and magazines the best way to learn about a foreign country? To befrank, in the point of my view, they are obviously not and other ways, such ascomputers, internet and even traveling are prior to them.

Forone thing, comparing to getting information of a foreign country fromnewspapers and magazines, traveling to the destination are more effective andmore direct. Since the booming technology make the communication amongcountries more convenient and less expensive, planning a journey to an alienplace are considerably feasible and popular. Moreover, walking or hiking in thereal environment are able to provide us with more vivid and more attractivescenes, for instance, my friend as a Chines student, who is planning to go ondeeper study in the USA, the rituals and customs
about America are never succeed in arousinghis interest. However, when he had the Christmas Day with an American familyduring his first year in California, he is so excited about the happy hours andharmonious atmosphere that keeping high spirits all the next week. As a result,traveling to the foreign places definitely surpasses reading it in thenewspapers and magazines.

Foranother thing, even we might have no chance of going to another country, forthe reason of lacking of money or being tight of time, we can obtain theknowledge we want through computers instead of newspapers and magazines. Allthe thing we need do is to insert the key words into the surging engine, thenwe might be shocked by the millions of relevant tips. In addition, there are kindsof videos covering different fields of countries, such as history, cultures andso on.

Moreover,the newspapers and magazines are produced from millions of trees, which means,the more people choose to learn about foreign countries by them, the more treesare being cut down. It is universally recognized that these cutting downactivities are harmful to our environment and we should resist them.

Inconclusion, there are various ways to learn about a foreign country, such as byinternet and traveling, and the newspaper and magazines are impossible the bestway.

zinccopperUID: 2403125

忘记写题目了
7.31
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Newspapers and magazines are the best ways to learn about a foreign country.

fannie227UID: 2732547

改好啦，楼主考过GRE吗，感觉论证思路和AW很像啊

kunterUID: 2687844

改好了   楼主加油

zinccopperUID: 2403125

8.3 题目
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.

Being in a competitive and acceleratedly developing world, people are involving into the contradictory situation, which is to choose a job with more vacation time a low salary or a job with a high salary but less vacation time? Considering the desire of earning large amount of money, a fair portion of people might sacrifice their leisure time to get a job with higher salary. However, from my standpoint, although both the former and the latter have their distinctive advantages, the advantage of obtaining a job with more vacation time but a low salary outweighs the opposite.

For one thing, a job with more leisure time means people are able to spend more time taking exercises, which transparently do good to their physical health. No one can deny the fact that nowadays fatigue is a problem prevailing in general public. Exercising, such as swimming in the pool, playing a certain kind of ball and so on, is scientifically substantiated to be positive and favorable for relieving pressure from a whole day or a complete week's work. Moreover, people who take exercises regularly are a great deal healthier than people who don't, which is capable of, in return, promoting their work effective and efficiency.

For another, people have more opportunities to plan many other activities if their jobs are not hectic and with few vacations.  Since they are provided with plenty of leisure time, they are willing to organize some parties or trips, which can definitely benefit them. For example, a family reunion and even a party on vacation are exceedingly meaningful in increasing the communication chances and strengthening the associations with family members. In addition, taking a pleasant journey, such as hiking in Alpine Mountains, touring the National Park of America, visiting the Summer Palace in China and so on, can bring us the fantastic experience of learning about splendid cultures and the heart beating magic of natural power.

Last but not least, people with more vacations are supposed to be more cheerful and sincere. Consequently, it is more possible for them to obtain a harmonious atmosphere in working environment and get trust from each other.

From the discussion above, we can safely get the conclusion that a job with more vacation time but a low salary is more advantageous than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.

fannie227UID: 2732547

楼主记得改同组同学的作文啊。
不要一味的索取，记得付出！

zinccopperUID: 2403125

不好意思，我昨天没有看见你的修改，我现在在改，改好了会给你

3# fannie227

fannie227UID: 2732547

错怪你了，SORRY

我看了楼主的修改稿，改得真仔细阿，谢谢！惭愧了
我结论段没写，因为感觉写太多了干脆就停了
之前对于托福作文结构也不是很了解

yylbjUID: 2764695

Being in a competitive and acceleratedly developing world, people are involving into the contradictory situation, which is to choose a job with more vacation time a low salary or a job with a high salary but less vacation time? 第一句感觉有点别扭啊~Considering the desire of earning large amount of money, a fair portion of people might sacrifice their leisure time to get a job with higher salary. However, from my standpoint不知道这个表达是不是地道啊，一般说from my pount of view么~, although both the former and the latter have their distinctive advantages, the advantage 可替换词：merit of obtaining a job with more vacation time but a low salary outweighs the opposite.0 j3 K5 h3 n& V5 X- D2 d! U

For one thing, a job with more leisure time means people are able to spend more time taking exercises，表达稍微普通了一点，可以写a job with more leisure time provide people more exercising time. which transparently 这个词好，学习一下，do good to their physical health. No one can deny the fact that nowadays fatigue 学习~is a problem prevailing in general public. Exercising, such as swimming in the pool, playing a certain kind of ball and so on, is scientifically substantiated to be positive and favorable for relieving pressure from a whole day or a complete week's work. Moreover, people who take exercises regularly are a great deal healthier than people who don't, which is capable of, in return, promoting their work effective and efficiency.

For another, people have more opportunities to plan many other activities if their jobs are not hectic and with few vacations.  Since they are provided with plenty of leisure 用了好几次，可替换词：entertainment，recreation time, they are willing to organize some parties or trips, which can definitely benefit them. For example, a family reunion and even a party on vacation are exceedingly meaningful in increasing the communication chances and strengthening the associations with family members. In addition, taking a pleasant journey, such as hiking in Alpine Mountains, touring the National Park of America, visiting the Summer Palace in China and so on, can bring us the fantastic experience of learning about splendid cultures and the heart beating magic of natural power.
u' _# [! `/ m3 u
Last but not least, people with more vacations are supposed to be more cheerful and sincere. Consequently, it is more possible for them to obtain a harmonious atmosphere in working environment and get trust from each other.4 ^* B" h/ Z& h" r$ e

From the discussion above, we can safely get the conclusion that a job with more vacation time but a low salary is more advantageous than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.
我写作文的弱点就是句式和用词，呵呵~所以这个替你改不了太多，希望可以相互交流多一些，共同提高。不过我的结构自认为还可以，当初上新东方戴云的课的时候收获最大的就是作文的结构。个人认为比较好的是2+1 或者2-1 就是两方面都要提到把，最好不要只单写一方面。另外，在文章深入方面，有句话叫凡观点必举例，凡举例必深入，所以可以把例子再深入一些，ETS应该还是比较注重细节的。

zinccopperUID: 2403125

谢谢你的修改，我写作文总是不知道写例子，很容易写的很空泛，还有就是我写这个没有限时，写了50分钟，思路不够活跃，呵呵

callie28UID: 2656640

批改8.3作业~

zinccopperUID: 2403125

8.5作文
谢谢啦
还是没限时，写了50分钟吧，后来还自己改了些，呵呵

yylbjUID: 2764695

Currently, it is universally prevailing that young children, at the requirement of their parents, are involving in (involved?被动语态吧？)learning a certain kind of art and music, such as violins, pianos, paintings and so on. However, whether it is necessary for these boys or girls to study art and music except for（似乎用in addition to 更合适）compulsory curriculum like math, science, history and language is still controversial. A fair portion of people seemingly advocates this view. However，（一段用了两次） from my perspective, compelling the young to learn so called art and music will actually do harm to them and darken their childhood.

Transparently, no one can conceal the fact that the process of learning how to play violins and pianos skillfully and how to paint proficiently is beneficial and meaningful, enabling the children to polish their taste of（不知道用polish是不是地道啊）arts and strengthen their endurance. After all, mastering an instrument or an art is never worthless and effortless.（感觉这句话有点多余，重复前面的） Moreover, children, who are able to play pianos, are expected to accompany with the performance of their class or even school, which will provides them a feeling of great achievement.

However, it is not indispensible to push the young into the learning of arts since not every child favor arts or are gifted in music. What a parent is supposed to do is to encourage his or her child to pursue what are truly interested in, not rather require or enforce them to do what they feel boring. If a child, eager for knowledge of math, is bound to learn to play an instrument will not only annoy the instrument, but also spare no efforts to avoid taking violin classes, even making various excuses, which is at the edge of falling into the bad habit of lying. In(To) sum up, children have the freedom to choose to learn or not to learn the art.(两个to learn,可以改成to choose whether to learn the art or not)

Another significant point worth mentioning here is that the younger children nowadays are facing more and more assignments coming from math, science, history and language, as to adapt to the increasingly competitively world. If their leisure time is also taken up by a diversity of art lessons, you can imagine that （改成How can ）their small shoulder (could not possibly 去掉)bear such heavy burden and how can their vulnerable hearts （are not 去掉）capable of dealing with such large amount of work？ These factors above will stress them and adversely influence their studies of main subjects.

In conclusion, compared to be required to learn art and music, giving free time back to children outweigh a great deal. Besides, parents should educate their children according to the conditions of them.

lxg198607UID: 2564115

Currently, it is universally prevailing that young children, at the requirement of their parents, are involving in learning a certain kind of art and music, such as violins, pianos, paintings and so on. However, whether it is necessary for these boys or girls to study art and music except for compulsory curriculums like math, science, history and language is still controversial(这句头重脚轻，建议重新改下架构). A fair portion of people seemingly advocates this view. However, from my perspective, compelling the young to learn so called art and music will actually do harm to them and darken their childhood.

Transparently, no one can conceal the fact that the process of learning how to play violins and pianos skillfully and how to paint proficiently is beneficial and meaningful, enabling the children to polish their taste of arts and strengthen their endurance. After all, mastering an instrument or an art is never worthless and effortless. Moreover, children, who are able to play pianos, are expected to accompany with （可以去掉）the performance of their class or even school, which will provides them feeling（sense咋样） of great achievement.

However, it is not indispensible to push the young into the learning of arts since not every child favor arts or are gifted in music. What a parent is supposed to do is to encourage his or her child to pursue what are truly interested in, not rather require or enforce them to do what they feel boring. If a child, eager for knowledge of math, is bound to learn to play an instrument will not only annoy the instrument（两个喂语啊）, but also spare no efforts to avoid taking （去掉）violin classes, even making various excuses, which is at the edge of falling into the bad habit of lying. In sum up, children have the freedom to choose to learn or not to learn the art（learn the art or not）.

Another significant point worth mentioning here is that the younger children nowadays are facing more and more assignments coming from math, science, history and language, as to adapt to the increasingly competitively world. If their leisure time is also taken up by a diversity of art lessons, you can imagine that their small shoulder could not possibly bear such heavy burden(这句写得很形象不错) and their vulnerable hearts are not capable of dealing with such large amount of work. These factors above will stress them and adversely influence their studies of main subjects.

In conclusion, compared to be required to learn art and music, giving free time back to children outweigh a great deal. Besides, parents should educate their children according to the conditions of them.
文章思路明确，行文流畅，用词准确，好文章。。

dandan17UID: 2812933

14# lxg198607    。建议你看下我给他改的。