toefl 独立作文- by 四叶草

mseyjUID: 2730706

8.3-Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Ajob with more vocation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but leaa vacocation time.

Graduating from schools, students who look for a job have a choice for there are two kind of works: a job with more vocation time but a low salary or a job with a high salary but less vocation time. Those who prefer to the one with a high wage but less holiday time claim that they can earn more money. But people who choose the other one argue that a job with less payment but more vocation time is very good for them. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the latter for with more time to rest and communicate with friends and families, it will benefit not only a person's fitness but also his/her daily life.

It is a known fact that a job with higher salary can help us accumulate a large amount of wealth which is a indispensable part to get a superior life. The more money we earn the bigger house, the more sophisticated car and the more upscale furniture can we afford. Also, our children can go to a more well-known school without worrying about high tuition fee and once someone of the family fell ill, we can take him/her to the better hospital. All of these indicate the obvious advantages of having a job with higher salary. Furthermore, a job with higher payment always is a more important position in a company which means he/she is more indispensable than the other ones who own a lower salary work. This will make him/her feel superior who thinks he/she contributes much more than others.

Considerable though the advantages that a job with a high salary are, they can not compete with the benefits that a work with a low payment but more vocation time brings about. First of all, more holidays means we have more time to take a break to release the stress. According to a recent survey, over 50% of the middle-class workers say they have a high stress from work and always feel so fatigue after being backed home that they do not want engage in other activities. If they frequently feel tired after work, why can't they continue to this situation the next day? As a result, they can not plunge into work. But more time to rest would definitely improve this case. Doing exercises in a gem, watching a movie, and doing anything we like to do become possible. Leading a healthier life with less stress turn out to be favorable for all of us.

Additionally, with more vocation time, we can spend more time with our friends and families. After all, work is only a part of one's life. Every one of us needs to share sorrows and joys with others for human is a kind of animal with abundant emotion. Sadness would diminish and happiness would increase when we are talking with our friends or families. In contrast, a less vocation time cause one is more isolated and unhappy. My female cousin and the other male cousin serve as a good example for this point. On a festival day this year, our big family was going to reunion and has a dinner together in my grandfather's home. One of my cousin as a teacher came back from work early enough so she cooked and talked with us. We actually had a fun even before dinner although waiting for another of my cousin who works as a manager with a high salary in a big company took a little long time. When being back home, he is so tiered that he talked little with us. I seldom communicate with the male cousin for he always looks so busy and tired and so do the other family members. Thus, only with more vocation time, can we stay longer and share feelings with others.

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that though with a high salary but less vocation time, more money can be gained; the most important thing in life is not accumulating wealth for these would not bring us the true happiness. In contrast, with more holidays, life can be so colorful since more time can be spent to do things we like and engage in more friends' or families' activities.

mseyjUID: 2730706

8.5 作业：

Younger school children (ages 5 to 10) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language?

Most people agree that it is important for younger school children to study courses such as math, science, history and language. But what is a matter of debate is whether or not art and music should be part of the curriculum. As far as I am concerned, administrators should require the students to learn art and music. Art and music is a good refreshment and entertainment for them, they will help them in cultivating： their aesthetic consciousness and they will promote academic performance.

First of all, art and music is a rest for younger children since the art and music classes does not require much laborious thinking Sometime, students just draw and sing following the teachers or enjoy a wonderful artwork and song. In contrary, studying monotonous and rational courses such as math and science for a couple of hours, children have to think over and remember almost all the time. They will feel mentally exhausted especially for younger students and can not concentrate on the next subject which also calls for continuous thinking or memory. But if the students are going to have art and music classes, they can have an entertainment and refreshment for a while. Drawing whatever they like and sing loudly gives them a big fun making them feel energized.

Additionally, taking art and music classes will help fostering children's aesthetic consciousness which will enrich their spiritual life. As younger children, they learn things very fast and are more susceptible. So it is easier to cultivate bring up an interest and give them an inspiration.as they grow older, an aesthetic consciousness is forming which help them appreciate famous artworks or the common beauty surrounding them. Just as Rodin says (and I paraphrase): It is not the lack of beauty in life, but the lack of the eyes to find the beauty. Thus, with the "eyes", their mental life will be filled up with niceness making them feel happy.

Finally, learning art and music can also advance the process of studying other subjects. Due to subjects are interrelated, the progress of anyone of them could interact and boost learning of the others. Art and music is not an exception either. For example, the works of art and music usually express the author's feeling about (his/her time and reflect) a historical incident at that time. Since artistic works are more impressive than the dull history teaching, it will help them study history better.

Because of these and other reasons, most schools already provide younger children a chance to study art and music. In fact, my kindergarten and elementary school made them a requirement for all the children. Consequently, I can truly say that my rich spiritual life I currently lead and my ability to study other subjects well is a direct result of art and music having been made a necessary part of my primary curriculums.

venusmiyaUID: 2777518

拜读了一下，觉得楼主很有文笔啊，写得挺好。简约而不简单的

mseyjUID: 2730706

3# venusmiya

谢谢！ 能给点批评更好

mseyjUID: 2730706

8.7：希望大家狠批，不尽感激！

Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities?

It is not rare to see many college students taking part-time jobs outside the universities. Some people object to this phenomenon argue that students should concentrate on their study while part-time jobs distract them and suggest they should spend more time on classes. This idea is strongly opposed by numerous people who hold the opinion that it is better for students to have part-time jobs because they can make money for their tuition fee and learn a lot they can never know from the textbook. As far as I am concerned, taking part-time jobs really do far more good than harm.

Just as those people who are opposed to taking part-time jobs saying that part-time jobs may cost students some spare time which should be used to study or engage in some other activities such as talking with their friends and playing sports. And also doing part-time jobs, especially some laborious ones, cause them feel a little exhausted which would distract them from regular school work.

Even though there may be one or two disadvantages of part-time employment, the advantages far outweigh them. First of all, part-time jobs help students be more independent. The majority of students who go to universities are adults, though young. In other words, they are at least eighteen old who should learn how to live by themselves; in spite of they can not be totally independent of their parents. Part-time jobs provide them chances to make it on their own. For example, by working part-time in a KFC restaurant last semester, I earned a half of the tuition fee. At the moment I received my payment, a large amount of money for me, I feel so proud of myself.

Furthermore, taking part-time jobs help students be well prepared for the future career. The majority of students believe that part-time jobs will provide them more opportunities to acquire a great deal of social skills that never be gotten from books and put them in a favorable position in future job markets. For instance, having a part-time work they can contact a variety of people in the big society to develop their interpersonal skills, instead of just those particular people such as classmates or teachers on the smaller campus.

In conclusion, although doing part-time jobs may bring some negative effects to students to some degree;分号
most impacts exerted by taking part-time jobs are desirable and beneficial. Part-time jobs do help students to create their independency and benefit their future work. While at the same time, students who engage in part-time jobs should arrange their schedule properly and prevent ordinary study and campus life from being influenced.

venusmiyaUID: 2777518

又来学习咯~写得真的挺好的。尤其是词句的使用，让我挺受益的。

个人习惯像第二段那种让步最后一句归回自己的主题，不然总觉得真给“让”出去了
第三段独立不全等于经济独立吧，觉得稍微论点和论据联系不那么直接明了了。另外“in sother word”那句建议再斟酌斟酌，觉得有点奇怪，；好像也不太合适。

总之挺牛的了。结构逻辑语言全占了哇

lovesasa0820UID: 2660864

It is not rare to see many college students taking part-time jobs outside the universities. Some people object to this phenomenon argue that students should concentrate on their study while part-time jobs distract them and suggest they should spend more time on classes. This idea is strongly opposed by numerous people who hold the opinion that it is better for students to have part-time jobs because they can make money for their tuition fee and learn a lot they can never know from the textbook. As far as I am concerned, taking part-time jobs really do far more good than harm.

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(开头格式清晰，语句流畅，不错)

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Just as those people who are opposed to taking part-time jobs saying that part-time jobs may cost students some spare time which should be used to study or engage in some other activities such as talking with their friends and playing sports. （这句从句套从句虽然看上去还是容易懂的，但是我觉得还是分开比较好，不知道评分人对这种多从句的复杂句子是怎么看的，我一个朋友和喜欢写这类句子，上次独写得了个F，不知道是不是这个原因，楼主有待考证啊）And also doing part-time jobs, especially some laborious ones, cause them feel a little exhausted which would distract them from regular school work.

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Even though there may be one or two disadvantages of part-time employment, the advantages far outweigh them. First of all, part-time jobs help students be more independent. The majority of students who go to universities are adults, though young. In other words, they are at least eighteen old who should learn how to live by themselves; in spite of they can not be totally independent of their parents. Part-time jobs provide them chances to make it on their own. For example, by working part-time in a KFC restaurant last semester, I earned a half of the tuition fee. At the moment I received my payment, a large amount of money for me, I feel so proud of myself.（例子贴切，如果在开头能点名兼职能赚钱来使学生达到独立就更好点）

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Furthermore, taking part-time jobs help students be well prepared for the future career. The majority of students believe that part-time jobs will provide them more opportunities to acquire a great deal of social skills that never be gotten from books and put them in a favorable position in future job markets. For instance, having a part-time work they can contact a variety of people in the big society to develop their interpersonal communitcating skills, instead of just those particular people such as classmates or teachers on the smaller campus.(instead of换rather than会不会好点)

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In conclusion, although doing part-time jobs may bring some negative effects to students to some degree/ a6 s* L( x# v% u% x
most impacts exerted by taking part-time jobs are desirable and beneficial. Part-time jobs do help students to create their independency and benefit their future work. While at the same time, students who engage in part-time jobs should arrange their schedule properly and prevent ordinary study and campus life from being influenced.（结尾不错的）

总体来说可以的，差不多和G很接近了，再接再厉

mseyjUID: 2730706

谢谢 6楼的 venusmiya
     和 7楼的 lovesasa0820 ！

你们的建议都很受用，对我很有帮助！

zyxr90UID: 2679193

It is not rare to see many college students taking part-time jobs outside the universities. Some people object to this phenomenon argue that students should concentrate on their study while part-time jobs distract them and suggest they should spend more time on classes. This idea is strongly opposed by numerous people who hold the opinion that it is better for students to have part-time jobs because they can make money for their tuition fee and learn a lot they can never know from the textbook. As far as I am concerned, taking part-time jobs really do far more good than harm.

Just as those people who are opposed to taking part-time jobs saying that part-time jobs may cost students some spare time which should be used to study or engage in some other activities such as talking with their friends and playing sports. And also doing part-time jobs, especially some laborious ones, cause them feel a little exhausted which would distract them from regular school work.

Even though there may be one or two disadvantages of part-time employment, the advantages far outweigh them. First of all, part-time jobs help students be more independent. The majority of students who go to universities are adults, though young. In other words, they are at least eighteen old who should learn how to live by themselves; in spite of they can not be totally independent of their parents. Part-time jobs provide them chances to make it on their own. For example, by working part-time in a KFC restaurant last semester, I earned a half of the tuition fee. At the moment I received my payment, a large amount of money for me, I feel so proud of myself.

Furthermore, taking part-time jobs help students be well prepared for the future career. The majority of students believe that part-time jobs will provide them more opportunities to acquire a great deal of social skills that never be gotten from books and put them in a favorable position in future job markets. For instance, having a part-time work they can contact a variety of people in the big society to develop their interpersonal skills, instead of just those particular people such as classmates or teachers on the smaller campus.（这里给个具体的例子会不会好些？）

In conclusion, although doing part-time jobs may bring some negative effects to students to some degree;分号 most impacts exerted by taking part-time jobs are desirable and beneficial. Part-time jobs do help students to create their independency and benefit their future work. While at the same time, students who engage in part-time jobs should arrange their schedule properly and prevent ordinary study and campus life from being influenced.

语法方面楼主比我强多了， 我就不在这班门弄斧了，就觉得是不是先说advantage 然后说disadvantages 会好一些啊

mseyjUID: 2730706

8.12 作业

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If you do not make sure other people (especially influential people or your employers) know about your strengths and accomplishments, you will never get successful in life

Recently, the discussion about whether people should make sure others know about their strength and accomplishments has been brought to wide public concern. Some people advocate that people should not tell others deliberately what they have accomplished to gain success. This opinion is strongly objected by those people who hold the idea that only make sure others know about their excellent achievement, can they get successful in life for if they do not do this, they will not build their confidence to win and opportunities to be advanced. As for as I am concerned, making sure others know about the accomplishment does far good than harm in helping one achieve the goal.

There might be some minor negative effects that if people always tell others what they have gotten. For example, they may make a bad impression for others which will be harmful for their career since we are living in an interconnected society. People will think the guys who emphasizes his achievement is pretentious and they feel dislike the guy even isolate him. He might not get along well with his co-workers which provide unfavorable influence on his way to chase success.

Even though there may be one or two disadvantages of make sure others know the accomplishment, the advantages far outweigh them. To begin with, we admit ourselves while we are telling others some pride things. As a result, we can gradually build our confidence that we always believe in ourselves by giving ourselves approval. At the same time, we earn positive appreciation from others too. The more confidence we have, the more opportunity we can succeed.

Furthermore, by making sure others what we have achieved especially influential people or your employers, we will definitely increase our chances to be successful since they know how competent we are. They will consider us as soon as there is a promotion process. Otherwise, if we keep silent about what we do, they can never know our real ability. What is worse is that others may tell the boss he did what is actually completed by us. He might replace us. In that situation, how can we get successful?

Although making sure others know our accomplishment may bring some negative effects, most impacts it exerted are beneficial and desirable in helping us achieve the goal in life. We can construct confidence which is important to get success and earn deserved appreciation from the employers. Thus, road to accomplishment will be flatter. While at the same time, we should remind of ourselves to be modest.

高小鱼UID: 2714619

论点不错，但第三段和第四段有点重复；
作者同学的语言搭配问题比较多，很多句子读起来也比较拗口，建议多读原文哈；
对比较明显的地方作了修改，仅供参考，hoho~

serena-blueUID: 2811284

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If you do not make sure other people (especially influential people or your employers) know about your strengths and accomplishments, you will never get successful in life

Recently, the discussion about whether people should make sure others know about their strength and accomplishments has been brought to wide public concern. (这句话用的挺好的，学习了）Some people advocate that people should not tell others deliberately what they have accomplished to gain success. This opinion is strongly objected by those people who hold the idea that only make sure others know about their excellent achievement, can they get successful in life for if they do not do this, they will not build their confidence to win and opportunities to be advanced.（这句话似乎太长了，建议改成两句） As for as I am concerned, making sure others know about the accomplishment does far good than harm in helping one achieve the goal.

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There might be some minor negative effects that if people always tell others what they have gotten. For example, they may make a bad impression for （on）others which will be harmful for their career since we are living in an interconnected society. People will think the guys who emphasizes his achievement is pretentious and they feel dislike the guy even isolate him. He might not get along well with his co-workers which provide unfavorable influence on his way to chase success.

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Even though there may be one or two disadvantages of make （making)sure others know the accomplishment, the advantages far outweigh them. To begin with, we admit ourselves while we are telling others some pride things. As a result, we can gradually build our confidence that we always believe in oursehuilves by giving ourselves approval. At the same time, we earn positive appreciation from others too. The more confidence we have, the more opportunity (opportunities)we can succeed(grasp).

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Furthermore, by making sure others what we have achievued especially influential people or your employers, we will definitely increase our chances to be successful since they know how competent we are. They will consider us as soon as there is a promotion process. Otherwise, if we keep silent about what we do, they can never know our real ability. What is worse is that(what's worse) others may tell the boss he did what is actually completed by us. He might replace us. In that situation, how can we get successful?

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Although making sure others know our accomplishment may bring some negative effects, most impacts it exerted are beneficial and desirable in helping us achieve the goal in life. We can construct confidence which is important to get success and earn deserved appreciation from the employers. Thus, road to accomplishment will be flatter. While at the same time, we should remind of

很欣赏楼主的文字，学习了很多。

有个小小的建议，关于positive effects写的过少，negative ones倒是很多，感觉主次不当。

加油哦