qlshun的作文

jjooyyUID: 2704028

双手奉上~

longxue26UID: 2687755

写的非常好!!!

学习了!!

alt735UID: 2795126

怎么办，看你的作文，没错，没什么好改的了。用词也准确。

我要好好学习

qlshunUID: 2602870

18# alt735


额~~吃亏了

我晚点给你改~~

qlshunUID: 2602870

8。21作文
This assertion unduly overstates the importance of advertising in posing unhealthy eating habits. Actually ,many other reasons appear to play more critical effects for this problem. Before analyzing the accuracy of this view, it is necessary to know what are the most frequent unhealthy eating habits, that is , eating too much, on a diet, be fastidious about food , eating irregularly.

The reason of eating too much is primarily genetically determined. It is very common that at least one of the parents have the similar figure with their fatten child, and of course, share the same eating habits.  While some may say that, it is the luring advertisement drive them to consume more food and have nothing to do with their parents' gene. It is difficult to figure out whether genetic disposition takes effects. But one point is clear, the increasing categories of food contributes a lot to bad eating habits. Although advertisement can glorify those products, advertising is just an approach of propagation. Compared with people' s inner factors, any outside attraction is minor.

For certain amount of picky eaters, they are quite fond of snacks . Admittedly , most advertisements propagate snacks food,it is still not the core reason.  Indeed, such kind of habit usually formed through the growing development. If parents over spoil their children and meet kids' requirement of just eating their favorite food, those children will probably become fussy with their food.

Another phenomenon is that some people seldom eating food on time. Some of them may be too indolent of to cook food . Others' eating habit may be disrupted by busy life. No matter which of them is the main course , eating irregularly has little relationship with advertising.

Finally , on a diet is today's popular trend,especially in the group of young women. To cater this need, many advertisers concentrate on weight loss drug. However, such behavior of advertisers can not be regarded as the most vital cause for dieting. More and more people are keen on dieting is result from today' s aesthetic standards.

All in all, for these four main unhealthy eating habits , none of them primarily owe to advertising. The influence of advertising appears very limited.

lizhengjiangUID: 2619543

This assertion unduly overstates the importance of advertising in posing unhealthy eating habits. Actually,
many other reasons appear to play more critical effects for this problem. Before analyzing the accuracy of this view, it is necessary to know what are the most frequent unhealthy eating habits, that is, eating too much, on a diet, being fastidious about food, and eating irregularly. (这句话，在word里面会带绿色下划线，不明白是哪里有问题)
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The reason of eating too much is primarily genetically determined. It is very common that at least one of the parents have(单复数) the similar figure with their fatten child, and of course, share the same eating habits. （孩子遗传父母的特点。为什么这句话我读起来，好像是父母续承孩子的特性） While some may say that, it is the luring advertisement （缺少从句引导词、或者分词形式了）drive them to consume more food and （这个地方的主语，我觉得和前面的不一样了，不能省掉）have nothing to do with their parents' gene. It is difficult to figure out whether genetic disposition takes effects. （第一句好像在告诉我，基因是NO.1的决定因素，可是到这里为什么变成difficult to figure out? 我应该没理解你的意思，，呵呵）But one point is clear, the increasing categories of food contributes a lot to bad eating habits. Although advertisement can glorify those products, advertising is just an approach of propagation. Compared with people' s inner factors, any outside attraction is minor.7 _& F0 q5 o% J9 G9 Y
9 y0 B) K5 Q& ]


For certain amount of picky eaters, they are quite fond of snacks . Admittedly , most advertisements propagate snacks food,
it is still not the core reason.  Indeed, such kind of habit usually formed (语法？？)through the growing development. If parents over spoil their children and meet kids' requirement of just eating their favorite food, those children will probably become fussy with their food.
9 M! H5 J( f( D6 K: L( F- d
3 i1 D# p/ J0 I  @. E  T; x, WAnother phenomenon is that some people seldom eating food on time（谓语）. Some of them may be too indolent of to cook food . Others' eating habit may be disrupted by busy life. No matter which of them is the main course , eating irregularly has little relationship with advertising. 4 t; ]4 U5 E& n1 B5 M8 u

. z; @+ B  c) OFinally , on a diet is today's popular trend,
especially in the group of young women. To cater this need, many advertisers concentrate on weight loss drug. However, such behavior of advertisers can not be regarded as the most vital cause for dieting. （需要主语从句引导词吗）More and more people are keen on dieting is result from today' s aesthetic standards.
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All in all, for these four main unhealthy eating habits , none of them primarily owe to advertising. The influence of advertising appears very limited.




呵呵，以前tai盲目了，今天看到你们的作文，算是见识了。
自己作文上的功力还太年轻了，建议不深，呵呵，只是语法上的小错。
很大的优点：论证框架很清晰。我要好好学。
呵呵，以后还望多多指点。
还有我当时写作时想的比较简单：话题中包含两个对象：advertising, diet habit, 所以我就想分别对这两个对象先阐述下；然后谈谈两者的关系，大约就符合作文要求了吧。写作过程，思维却是信马由缰，控制不住的就不知所云了。最后，就诞生了废品文章。https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1140913-1-1.html 呵呵
恩，基于以上作文思路，恳请给予建议。。多谢


20# qlshun

dxjjUID: 2885844

Comments on your "advertising" passage:

You've got good logic and appropriate variation of sentence structures. However, I have to say it's hard for your passage to get a 5 in the grading process since your passage will "appear" to be insufficiently supported with details and examples. I say "appear" because, in fact, you did get some details and examples in your passage but the reasoning presented in the last two paragraphs of the main body give us a feeling of "too quick" in drawing a conclusion.

My suggestion is to fully develop each reasoning part supported with one example (or more). Three of such paragraphs should work better than your four unbalanced ones. To give a 5, we need to get such a impression at the first sight that the student has got (1)clear logic which is demonstrated by a neat structure; and (2)enough details and examples which should be easily noticed in each and every paragraph the main body.

Cheers,
D

qlshunUID: 2602870

独立：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: The best way to improve education is to raise teachers’ salaries.　　(Money)

Merely increasing teachers' salaries is far from enough to improve education. Education is a very complex industry influenced by many factors. To perfect the quality of education requires reforms in several respects. It is a little absolutely to assert raising teachers'income is the best way. While, some other effective measurements can not be overlooked.

Admittedly, adding more payment for teachers can enhance their sense of job-satisfaction. It is an valid way to activate teachers' working enthusiasm. If teachers are content with their payment, they are more willful to devote themselves on their profession. Also, high-salary can attract more talents to join education field.

In addition, to enhance on-the-job training of current teachers is also an effective approach. The most important criteria to evaluate teachers is their teaching skills. Teachers' teaching skills directly influence the learning effect of students in class. Schools or university should provide enough training opportunities for their faculties to improve their instructional skills. Once a research was conducted by my university, aiming to acknowledge the core factor to determine the impression of teachers in students' mind. The statisical data of questionaire shows roughly 80 percent participants ranking teaching skill at the top place. From that we can see the significance of teaching skill in educational process.

However, teachers are not the only part dominating the process of education. Government establishes the fundamental principles for education. If the education system has some problems, government can not avoid its responsibility. For example, in my country , a very popular phenonmenon existing in colleges or universities, that is, the function of teaching faculties is over administrative. Today, college teachers are eager to pursue high administrative power and ignoring academic research and teaching task.Widely accepted, such phenonmenon poses negative effects in education. Under this circumstance, to notably improve  education, it is requisite to reform the education system first. Otherwise, only boosting the teaching skills or raising salary , the final effect will not be ideal.

All in all , more than one element affect the quality of education. It is difficult to weight which adaptation plays the most remarkabe role in improving education. Take several measurements at the same time is more wise than just raising salary or anything else.