colin_h的作文本

Colin_hUID: 2855722

8.26作业喽，朋友们多指教了

Colin_hUID: 2855722

8.28 交作业

zcnvszwjUID: 2815734

It has been a controversial issue that whether vacation is more significant than salary. Some people propose that vacation occupy advantage point(有点晦涩的感觉，还是我孤陋寡闻了？), however the other theory agrees on the entire opposite point. As far as I am concerned（这句话可以考虑换一下，因为它实际上带有古代英语的味道）, whether it is better to have more vacation time or high salary depends on various factors.
Financial situation is one of the leading aspects, for a person who grows up in a wealthy family and another one who lives in a comparative poorer situation must have absolutely adverse choice. One of my mother’s colleagues, for example, her father is the manager of a company, thus she doesn’t have to worry about her income. Therefore she chooses a relaxing job for merely a reason - to kill time（有点消极了，可以考虑换成享受人生之类的，这样就可以继续往下写，增加点内容嘛）. As for her a job with more vacation time and low salary is obviously better than a less vacation time.
Another affected factor is age because young people have the passion and vigor to fight for their future, on the contrary, elder people have strived for years and their physics status is no longer energetic. Therefore young people always accept high salary even though they probably have less rest time and old people reverse(这个词有倒退的意思且为贬义，考虑换一个). My mother in order to have a comfortable vocation changed her job recently. （继续展开你妈妈的例子，比如空闲的时间做些什么，有什么收获）Now she has three days off each week but receive half wages as she use to.
In addition to the above two reasons, it is considered that the company’s location is also a factor that influence selection. In big cities, the basic cost is more than in small cities. While living in a metropolis, many people, in order to earn much money to support the consumption, have to sacrifice their vacations. However, in small cities, people don’t have to concern the expense of living, thus they are able to have more vacations.
Various people have their own condition, whether they prefer a job with more vacations or more wages rely on their preference.（戛然而止了，总结一下嘛）
1、        字数较少，理由准确而不充分；
2、        第一段明显有四六级作文开头的例子，不推荐；
3、        各段内容实例列举较为简单，可考虑扩充；
4、        词语的运用上总感觉有点不对，不敢揣测其正误，但至少未能给读者以顺畅舒服的感觉。

小飞瞎UID: 2865496

The enthusiasm of acquaint oneself with the whole world is greater amongst all parts of the world. The approaches of learning about foreign countries have been various including(???) newspapers, broadcast, TV programs, Internet, etc. For different people have diverse preference. (for 在这里作什么成份呢？表原因不通顺吧)As for me, I consider the Internet is the best method of learning about foreign countries, but not newspapers and magazines, for following several reasons.
There is no doubt that the Internet actually contains the most comprehensive information and the convenience of the Internet is obvious. The Internet provides not only the portion of information of a certain country as newspapers and magazines do, but the abundant information including history, geography, economics and multifarious fields of information as well.（递进的有问题，报纸杂志上的新闻也可以是历史地理经济等信息。应该直接表达为有报纸杂志没有的更宽泛的信息） However what newspapers and magazines offer us have a vital limitation, for they don’t have the sufficient capacity of information(have the capacity of doing sth). Therefore we may not able to learn as much as we supposed to acquire,
Once the newspapers and magazines have been published, it is impossible to adapt them. Thus, with time going by, the information on the newspapers and magazines are frequently to be demoded(demode , adj). We probably find the president of the United States is still George Bush on an outdated magazine. It is common to have discovered the outdated information on some newspapers and magazines while searching for information. Internet, however, will hardly emerge this kind of situation and will successfully avoid some misunderstanding.
In spite of the above crucial defects, newspapers and magazines are good ways of acquainting with(acquaint及物动词 ) foreign countries, for newspapers and magazines sometimes have certain sections of some foreign countries. They almost provide comparatively accomplished information about a country. We will learn about some news and conditions through the newspapers and magazines. Nevertheless, the information(informations) on the newspapers and magazines are not as many as Internet has.
The method of knowing foreign countries is various. The best approach must include accuracy, variety and convenience, and all these three factors add up to the Internet, but not newspapers.


缘分缘分。依旧是那么好哈，结构很好，值得借鉴阿！要是哪改的不对告我哈！

Colin_hUID: 2855722

9.4作文贴
哥又强势回归啦

canonleeUID: 2827997

哈哈，终于可以上传附件了！
修改情况在附件中了.
9.4.doc (30 KB, 下载次数: 6)

2010-9-6 08:21:49 上传

下载次数: 6