colin_h的作文本

Colin_hUID: 2855722

第一篇啦啦啦，请狠批吧~~~~

NO.xiaoyuyuUID: 2842596

不错～加油！
请回批！！

Colin_hUID: 2855722

2# NO.xiaoyuyu
谢谢批改啦，不用那么给我面子呀...

flywindingUID: 2547694

请回改 tx

Colin_hUID: 2855722

8.17作业做完了。急性子，没办法就先放上来了，就让大家拍死我吧...

ArantUID: 2814596

改好啦~~

~逆~UID: 2878571

2008.5.16 NA    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Telephone makes more effects on human beings than television does.

What（改成which） group of people is called ‘couch potatoes’? The pattern ‘couch potato’ is probably pretty familiar to many of us, for we are possibly one of couch potatoes. The definition of ‘couch potato’ is that a kind of people who always take a television remote control and attach to the sofa watching television. Although it is considered to be unhealthy, it still demonstrates (加上that) the temptation and influence of television is very large.
Television involves a large amount of information of different scopes; therefore it is able for us to acquire a great deal of news around the world. One of the Chinese departments has conducted a survey that is about the percentage of people who watch the television every day. The result was astounding, for about 70 percents of people obtain information through the television. Apart from people who are not able to afford a television, almost everybody watches television every day. Thus we are capable of coming up with following concept: the popularity of television is incontrovertible.
In addition to the popularity of television, the television has transformed humans’ lifestyle, for the emergence of couch potatoes is one of the good examples. Recently people are enthusiastic about reality TV show. A great many young people actively take part in these kinds of television program, as they usually remarked that it is the platform to show their talent and probably becomes the milestone in their lives. It is television to provide these energetic people to perform themselves and at the same time entertain the audience.
When it comes to telephone, people can hardly think of such plenty of merits, but only the convenience of communication. There is no doubt that telephone enables people to communicate much easier, however, it still exists a lot more limitations. People indeed can’t live without exchanging their ideas, whereas another product has nearly replace the status of telephone-cell phone is now widely accepted. Cell phone has improved many disadvantage of telephone together with new function, for people is able to take a cell phone in their pocket without being worried about someone may call them while they are staying out.
It is simply believed that both television and telephone affect humans’ daily lives, whereas people normally agree with the concept that televisions makes more effect on us than telephone does.

文章第四段的时候说telephone的时候理由有点牵强。不能因为电话被手机代替了就得出电话的影响小。电话虽然现在不重要了，但是曾经的影响很大。这一点有点擦边球。就好比原子弹被氢弹代替了就说原子弹对人类的影响小。是一个道理。

Colin_hUID: 2855722

8.19作业

chikako.kUID: 2853696

8# Colin_h
Voltaire who was one of the greatest ideologists during the Enlightenmenthad remarked: Health is originated in sports. The theory has been accepted byhundreds of thousands of people in plenty of generations, for the increasing ofpeople who playing sports in order to invigorate the health. However playingsports not only devote to keeping one’s health, but being the lesson towards thelife as well.
Sports are divided into a great many types, butwe simply(去掉） can simply distinguish it into two parts-forms as a team andparticipates individually. For（去掉）each of these two kinds of sports suggestsdifferent significations about life.
Sports such as soccer, basketball and baseball have the similarityof teamwork, for the unit which participates in the game is the team instead ofindividual. Therefore every member in the team should regard the benefit of theteam as the crucial demand. Take one of the stars in NBA as an example. StephonMarbury used to be considered as one of the top players in NBA, for he is goodat dribbling and he has fantastic physical quality, howeverhe has the fatal defect which he do many thingssingly.(没有在运动中体现出来，应该结合提一下，这样会让人想也许是生活习惯就是喜欢独来独往，没有关乎运动也无可厚非) Eventually none of teams in NBAintended to hire him, he finally went to China andstarted a ‘new life’. It does shows the importance of teamwork and it is whatsports have taught us.(感觉例子表达的不够充分，应该是说在运动中让我们学会合作的重要性，但是没有体现出来运动如何give us的，只是说因为他不懂合作，最后反面收场，所以合作很重要。)
For some individual sports like marathon on the other hand also giveus some lessons. Marathon, as we all know, is the most arduous sport among allkinds of sports. To what extent are the athletes able to finish such a longdistance of running? They must hold the tough conviction to prevent from givingup. For there is a period of time, athlete will suffer the pain of physicalstrength overdraft. The only way to go through this period of time is topersist enduring the pain, otherwise they won’t be capable of continuing. From this type of sports we probably learn about never give
giving up and things will develop in the oppositedirection when they become extreme. Therefore we should stick to ouraims and never give up, even though we have metincredible obstacles
[C] n..(这段例子和论述结合的很好，和中心结合的也比较紧密。)
Sports are associated with our life, to play sports will develop ourhealth and to learn about sports will increase our knowledge. (结尾有点小疏忽，总结一下上文的论述观点比较好，这样写有点突兀。)
水平有限...如有不当，请包涵^^

Colin_hUID: 2855722

8.21作业贴，这次的题目好奇怪啊...

wangboaliheUID: 2574394

2008.12.5 NA     Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing sports give you more lessons about the life.

        Voltaire who was one of the greatest ideologists during the Enlightenment had（没有时间的比较 可以用过去式） remarked: Health is originated in sports. The theory has been accepted by hundreds of thousands of people in plenty of generations, for the increasing （这是个形容词不是个名词 后面加number）of people who playing sports in order to invigorate the health. However playing sports not only devotes 单数 to(应该在not only前面这样就对称了） keeping one’s health, but being the lesson towards the life as well.
        Sports are divided into a great many types, but we simply can simply distinguish it into two parts-forms as a team and participates individually. For each of these two kinds of sports suggest different significations about life.（这一段时废话）
        Sports such as soccer, basketball and baseball have the similarity of teamwork, for the unit which participates in the game is the team instead of individuals. Therefore every member in the team should regard the benefit of the team as the crucial demand. Take one of the stars in NBA as an example. Stephon Marbury used to be considered as one of the top players in NBA, for he is good at dribbling and he has fantastic physical quality, however he has the  （an） fatal defect which 这样写不对，which 是表达定于从句的 而这一句你写的是同位语 he do many things singly. Eventually none of teams in NBA intended to hire him, he finally went to China started a ‘new life’. It does shows the importance of teamwork and it is what sports have taught us.
        For some individual sports like marathon on the other hand also give us some lessons. Marathon, as we all know, is the most arduous sport among all kinds of sports. To what extent are the athletes able to finish such a long distance of running? They must hold the tough conviction to prevent from giving up. For there is a period of time, athlete will suffer the pain of physical strength overdraft. The only way to go through this period of time is to persist and endure the pain, otherwise they won’t be capable of continuing. From this type of sports we probably learn about never give up and things will develop in the opposite direction when they become extreme. Therefore we should stick to our aims and never give up, even though we have met incredible obstacle.
        Sports are associated with our life, to play sports will develop our health and to learn about sports will increase our knowledge.
       
        写的不错， 比较细， 我感觉那一段话 和主题没关， 没必要写，  有少量的语法错误 需要改正。

Colin_hUID: 2855722

8.24 作业楼

superchaosUID: 2863434

作文改好啦……

小飞瞎UID: 2865496

Statistic has confirmed that more than five million students graduate from universities in the whole world; however the jobs which are provided by companies are almost ten times less than requirement.（need） Therefore it is too hard to find a stable and attractive job just as the students graduate from school. It directly leads to the situation that young people change their jobs for several times before they find a steady job.
As the competition between people has been greater than ever before, to find a appealing job is becoming much more difficult. For most of young people, they have just finished their study career so that they are not as practical as those who have worked for a few years. Young people are normally full of passion but lack of experience, for it is their biggest weak point. They probably waste their passion on some futile attempts
For young people are always very ambitious, they always try their best to enter the top 500 companies among the world. As a matter of fact, those top companies without exceptions request for a period of work experience. For example, my elder sister used to apply for P&G but （连接俩个句子要有句号）unfortunately she was rejected by the P&G for only a reason that she didn’t have any work experience even though she had a splendid diploma. So that(可以这么表达么？) she had to experience for several years and continued to reach（realize） her dream.(两段其实是同一种观点，都是缺少经验，不会被录取)
Besides, young people are not quite familiar with the society and don’t have a concept of(feel uncertain about/ don’t make sense) what is a proper job for them. They always find it difficult to orientate their own status in(towards) a company when they step into the society. Once they distinguish a job doesn’t fit them, they have to change the job. After altering the job for times, they may eventually find a suitable job. My elder brother is the typical example of those who are not able to clarity(N) what should he do. At the beginning of his career, he thought he is(was) seemly to be a computer programmer as his major in the university. However he found it boring when he practiced in a company and refused to be a computer programmer. He has changed for a great many jobs since then, but finally discovers his talent in electronic.
Young people indeed need some practices. It will make them require(acquire) many experience and expertise during the work and it is what people cannot learn from the book.

题目说的是年轻人在长期职业生涯开始前应该多参加各种不同的工作，这片文章主要写的是没经验很难找到好工作。关键点在那个should，我不知道这算不算跑题，但我觉得至少不是很切合题目，希望你在好好想下。

小飞瞎UID: 2865496

Statistic has confirmed that more than five million students graduate from universities in the whole world; however the jobs which are provided by companies are almost ten times less than requirement.（need）
Therefore it is too hard to find a stable and attractive job just as the students graduate from school. It directly leads to the situation that young people change their jobs for several times before they find a steady job.
As the competition between people has been greater than ever before, to find a appealing job is becoming much more difficult. For most of young people, they have just finished their study career so that they are not as practical as those who have worked for a few years. Young people are normally full of passion but lack of experience, for it is their biggest weak point. They probably waste their passion on some futile attempts
For young people are always very ambitious, they always try their best to enter the top 500 companies among the world. As a matter of fact, those top companies without exceptions request for a period of work experience. For example, my elder sister used to apply for P&G but （连接俩个句子要有句号）unfortunately she was rejected by the P&G for only a reason that she didn’t have any work experience even though she had a splendid diploma. So that(可以这么表达么？) she had to experience for several years and continued to reach（realize） her dream.(两段其实是同一种观点，都是缺少经验，不会被录取)
Besides, young people are not quite familiar with the society and don’t have a concept of(feel uncertain about/ don’t make sense) what is a proper job for them. They always find it difficult to orientate their own status in(towards) a company when they step into the society. Once they distinguish a job doesn’t fit them, they have to change the job. After altering the job for times, they may eventually find a suitable job. My elder brother is the typical example of those who are not able to clarity(N) what should he do. At the beginning of his career, he thought he is(was) seemly to be a computer programmer as his major in the university. However he found it boring when he practiced in a company and refused to be a computer programmer. He has changed for a great many jobs since then, but finally discovers his talent in electronic.

Young people indeed need some practices. It will make them require(acquire) many experience and expertise during the work and it is what people cannot learn from the book.

题目说的是年轻人在长期职业生涯开始前应该多参加各种不同的工作，这片文章主要写的是没经验很难找到好工作。关键点在那个should，我不知道这算不算跑题，但我觉得至少不是很切合题目，希望你在好好想下。