kimi海纳的作文帖

kimi海纳UID: 2855420

谢谢啦~我自己也觉得很罗嗦，主要是为了凑字数，所以写了很多废话。。。。谢谢指正 15# zyxr90

kimi海纳UID: 2855420

谢谢~~ 15# zyxr90

melodyfeelingsUID: 2855338

2009.8.7 NA  是否同意 parents help determined the future of their children or children allow to make their own choices.' \9 K9 c

In China, many parents would like to make choices for their children in significant events , which has caused vast controversies in the society. Yes, parents are more considerate and they will help children to avoid some difficulties. However , not all the children are submit to their parents , and sometimes their thoughts are far from what parents ideas. For me, I perfer to be an independent girl and choose the way of my own.
Firstly, as time goes by, our surroundings are changing at a very fast speed and the choices in front of us differ from our parents’ time. For example, as a result of the development in culture, young people’s concepts are much more open and international today. Many of my classmates want to continue study or try different jobs after graduation, but their parents hope them to get married before 30s and live a steady life.The generation gap between them usually leads to a conflict, in my point of view that we should persuade parents in a way that would not hurt their feelings and they will identify with our goals.
Secondly, while children have made some improper choices, afterwards they might meet with some hardships that will be an indispensable lesson in their life. The painstaking process can gain them with more courage to overcome difficulties in the future. When I was a little kid, my mom always gave me freedom to swim without a life buoy, and sometime I got chocked by water but I was not afraid at all because my swimming skill was strengthen by these mistakes , thanks to this experience now I’m very proud to tell others that I am a brave person. What’s more , children’s confidence can be improved in their own choice, a recent survey shows that children who are given more chance to make choice independently are more likely to achieve success when they grow up.
Therefore, we have to admit that wisdom parents should set their hearts at rest to let their children choose their own choice.  
语法错误有点多哦 是不是写的太慌张了~

樾悦UID: 2689181

In China, many parents would like to make choices for their children in significant events , （which）删掉 has caused vast controversies in the society. Yes, parents are more considerate and they will help children to avoid some difficulties. However , not all the children are submit to their parents , and sometimes their thoughts （are改成seem） far from (what)删掉 parents ideas. For me, I perfer to be an independent girl and choose the way of my own.4 u. l1 U( {% Z2 z
Firstly, as time goes by, our surroundings are changing at a very fast speed and the choices in front of us differ from our parents’ time. For example, as a result of the development in culture, young people’s concepts are much more open and international today. Many of my classmates want to continue study or try different jobs after graduation, but their parents hope them to get married before 30s and live a steady life.The generation gap between (them parents and children) usually leads to a conflict.  in my point of view that we should do to persuade parents in a way that would not hurt their feelings and they will (identify觉得改成incline to 好一些总不能跟父母说一下他们就会确定我们的目标吧。。。只能说倾向我们的决定) with our (goals decisions).
Secondly, （while）还是去掉。。。太中式了吧~ children have made some improper choices, （afterwards 改consequently表示不好的结果，这里应该是因果关系） they might meet with some hardships that will be an indispensable lesson in their life. The painstaking process can gain them with more courage to overcome difficulties in the future.这句插得好突然啊！弱弱的问下，这句是背的不？ When I was a little kid, my mom always gave me freedom to swim without a life buoy, and sometime I got （chocked这是什么单词 ？？呛水的名词？？是想说I always chocked with water不？） by water but I was not afraid at all because my swimming skill was strengthen by these mistakes , thanks to this experience now I’m very proud to tell others that I am a brave person. What’s more , children’s confidence can be improved in their own choice, a recent survey shows that children who are given more chance to make choice independently are more likely to achieve success when they grow up.
Therefore, we have to admit that wisdom parents should set their hearts at rest to let their children choose their own choice.

樾悦UID: 2689181

17# kimi海纳
额~　看了好久　　都快晕了～　　ＬＺ的各种重句还是少用好～　　总错！～
　　第二段不知道在讲什么　　举得例子跟你主题没什么关系。。。我就感觉第二段整个偏题　　而且举例游泳的那几句好多错啊～　　读得我都不晓得怎么改了　　不过反正偏题了～～　　　　第一段还可以接受～
　　ＬＺ能不能帮我改下我的作文～　　　不知道哪个人改的　　说了些屁话！还是第一次往上面发文～　　

总在　ＬＺ加油～

kimi海纳UID: 2855420

19# 樾悦
谢谢啦~这篇作文是在我的舍友的催促下产生的。。。
我晚上回来给你改吧

kimi海纳UID: 2855420

交作业啦

zcnvszwjUID: 2815734

2009.9.11NA  agree or disagree it is only worth watching movies that can teach us something about real life
Watching movies is one of the most popular ways of entertainment.Speaking of the favor of watching movies, everybody has his or her own choice, for example, comedy movies, feature movies, gangster movies….But what kind of movie is worth watching always confuses people.（老实说我觉得这段有点多了，至少可以删减后与第二段合并）
In my point of view, we should define the movies that can teach people something about life as good movies, (that is) in other words, worth watching movies. Since that the process of enjoying a movie should also be a mirror that reflects some segments in people’s life.
Firstly, a movie with real-life story (and meaning) can arise people to think about their own life and the world they live in. Especially for young people, the stories in the movies can help them to have a better understanding of their future.For instance, my favorite movie is ‘pride and prejudice’, the movie has teached me that we should keep searching for our real love in despite of some irrationally common customs .And I determine to believe in myself as I am moved deeply by the independent girl in the movie. In addition, by watching movies about others’ life, we can experience many different kinds of life then extend our view.
Secondly, if a movie can not imperss people in a natural way, people would feel very bored after watching it. As a famous director said，the most important aspect of a movie is the impression that the movie gives audiences. Every year, innumerable movies are put on screens, some can amuse people in an exaggerated way and some bring people a lot excitement, but only the sincere ones can be the topic that people always pay attention to. In the background of the “fastfood culture”, these movies are of more significance.
In conclusion, it’s always better to watch movies that can give us lessons in life, as they make our life become more wisdom and more meaningful.
1、        词语请继续积累，有些词语明显可以换另一个；
2、        部分表达句式重复使用；
3、        个人感觉第二段和第三段的关系并不是非常的并列，而且我并未发现电影的impression与最后总结的make our life become more wisdom and more meaningful 有和关系；
4、        言语直接，还望见谅，祝楼主成功。

canonleeUID: 2827997

修改情况见附件！
加油！
修改9.9bykimi海纳.doc (24 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2010-9-10 23:43:44 上传

下载次数: 2

kimi海纳UID: 2855420

23# zcnvszwj
谢谢啦~来就是为了让人拍得~~

kimi海纳UID: 2855420

24# canonlee 谢谢啦~~~

kimi海纳UID: 2855420

9.11 独立作文作业~

kimi海纳UID: 2855420

9.11特训小组作文

yishanchengUID: 2894733

Government should more support art museum and music performance than recreational facilities, such as swimming pool or play ground.

In the city, what is more inportant for citizens, art museum and music performance or some facilities for YU8commonalties? Some may consider that it is of 可删去more meaning for government to put money in 改为into something related with art which can imporve people’s art level
可改为taste 或taste of art.
But I believe that both the facilities for majority and art are in need of suppports from the government. Here are some reasons.
One one hand, the spreading of art can enrich people’s understanding in this field. Base on these experience of enjoying an artwork or a performance, citizens would become more fond in art ,then they can enjoy art in a more professional way. With the company of art in leisure ,our life will be colourful and elegant . For example, a concer of a famous pianist in my country many years ago had bring up a trend in piano learning, millions parents sent thrie children to training classes of piano.What’s more, this trend in piano also enables other kinds of art become popular in my country. 再改改
On the other hand, the importance of people’s health should be put into consideration by the government.
好
As the physiologycial health is the basic of mental health, putting up abundant bulidings such as swimming pool and playing ground will ensure the citizens of sufficient facilities for doing sports.People always complain about there are not place for doing excerise, and government is the only one that can afford that much money to improve the sports facilities, so it should take action to fulfill people’s demaod by all means. 举个具体例子最好
Therefore, from the above discission, we can easily draw a conclusion
好 that the government should not only put emphases on atr activities, but also it should put attention in public facilities.Only the synchronous developments of this two aspects can bulid people’s life better.
建议：1 多注意一些表达

2 例子要具体，词语要丰富

3 多看看优秀作文，多练
祝你成功！

shadowranUID: 2864083

9.11 改