跪求高手点评作文......9月初就考试了..高手进来给个分...

424006312zjUID: 2875346

跪求高手点评作文......
题目：
When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It's pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

正文：
    These days, the worldwide developing technology brought us more convenient lifestyle and provided us more advanced skills which terminated a lot of traditional skills and unique ways of life. Moreover, some people hold the opinion that it is unnecessary and meaningless to try and keep those traditions. I do appreciate the more wonderful life created by the advanced technology, however, I do not believe that traditions deserved to be banished.
    It were the traditional skills which enable us to survive in the nature and also provide the possibility of new technology. On the other hand, traditional skills and lifestyles are part of our culture which make us unique in the world. If we totally give up the traditions, we will lose our culture identity and become an ordinary member in the world during the technic revolution.
    Moreover, advanced technology do not always mean advantages. As one coin has two sides, new technology sometimes do have negative side effects. Cars, for instance, enable us to reach our destinations easier and quicker. Nevertheless, air pollution caused by cars and poor health conditions due to less exercises emerged behind the more convenient life brought by new technology. Compare with our traditional lifestyle, walk or ride a bike, It seems that traditions sometimes could be worthy to remain.
  To sum up, sometimes advanced technology may lead to the extinction of traditional skills and ways of life, but we should realise that it is our job to protect the traditions and keep them alive as they were indispensable part of our culture.


PS：真的不擅长写作文, 英文作文更甚...下个月初就要去考试了...对自己的水平完全没有概念...跪求高手给分或给点指导...不用顾及我脆弱的心灵, 客观的点评一下吧....谢谢各位大牛了 :kiss:

424006312zjUID: 2875346

:hug:

angelwypUID: 2803734

这个我不是很会评作文，，不过你貌似单复数都不分，，还写长句，，楼主还是先自己改一下吧

424006312zjUID: 2875346

哎...

chinese_idiotUID: 2854284

雅思版怎么那么多广告。。。难道他们认为准备考IELTS的都比较有钱？？

LZ的连词用的不是很好啊，实在想用的话劝你用用BESIDES,IN ADDITION之类的吧
长句控制的也不是很好