ISSUE48七夕求拍 个人和大众的重要性 高频

guyujia00000000UID: 2713762

首先谢谢你，所有看过文章的人。
TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 620          TIME: 01:02:28          DATE: 2010-8-16 16:46:25
The speaker claims that the galaxies, who conducted and led the revolutions in history, influence less than the general public which have been longly neglected. The assertation seems plausible insofar as the amount of people of leaders versus common people, which give a direct shamble that shadow the significance and determinant of the minority. In reality it is also unforgettable of the individual contributions in any time, compared to the forever mentioning general public, which could be explained as follows.
The few individuals did play an important role in human revolution history of any areas. Despite of the relatively small quantity, the so-called minority usually has more talents in leadership and reasonal thinking, keeping the overall mainforce of history, in other words, the general public, free from the states of chaos and unrational. Here is an proper example, the name of the hero is the world-known Mahatma Gandhi. The idol vacillated in the way of how to win the independence from the United Kingdom at first. Being the gentle class of Upper Indian Nation and with so much practices of successful parades and violent resistence against the police, he believed that the only way to beat the immigrationism was to exercise the guidance of Satyagraha and non-violence. After the general public believed in the gospels and put them into practice, certainly with efforts and time, the India and its people became independent. It is because of the thought of Gandhi in peace resistance that Indian people barely encountered too vast cost of lives and time, and Gandhi, called as the father of India, was honored generations after generations.
However, only with the contributions of leaders, the success will never patronize the leaders and their supporters, which alludes that the general public is one of the key factors of history. As the majority of the cast of human history, the common people never fail to express their feelings, commit their deeds, resist the evils and sing the hymns. Anyone who want getting the political power or something similar has no other way but to cater the public, beating his or her opposers and competitive peers, finally come to be on the top of classes. Gandhi did prompt the success of the independence of India, nevertheless he relied on the ordinary people to uniquely defy the domination of British Empire. Without the suffering but still strangling ones, Gandhi might be arrested, persecuted or even assassinated before the independence of India, being totally weak confronted with the immigrate officals compared to the condition of supportance of almost every Indian.
Furthermore, comprehensively speaking, the leaders and the public believed in them are just like peas and carrots, which is reluctant to be set apart. If the society functions as a ship, then it can be concluded that the captain is the leader and the sailors are the people. Captains are responsible for hand the helm, keeping an eye on the iceberg which might appear even at every second. The sailors cooperatively drive the ship free from being static or regressing, and obey every order from the captain.
Summarily, contemperary life is relatively peace and with no many conflicts or wars compared to the last century, in which the two world war broke out and even cold war before the disappear of Soviet Union, and someone might believe the essence of leadership cultivated from a younger should be eliminated. I disagree with the idea because of the war might not be in battles, which can transform into other styles such as business, politics, where competitions happen. Also, not only competitions but also cooperations need leadership too. Of course, not everyone could be a leader, which could  discourage somebody. But one galaxy once said, "The soldier who is unwilling to be a general couldn't be a good one".

nijiaqinUID: 2856025

Hello，我来履行诺言回拍来了。
首先我觉得你最好在你的段落与段落之间空一行，这样看起来不会显得太拥挤。毕竟让读者自己去找你分段位置有一点吃力。
然后就是你文章中引用的一些例子让我羡慕不已。像非暴力不合作的全拼，还有甘地的全名这样的词汇，换成是我的话如果不借助金山词霸等工具是绝对不可能拼出来的。不知道你是不是真的都把这些专有名词烂熟于心了呢？如果也是和我一样需要边写边查的话，我觉得考场上一紧张未必能完美地用出来，或者采用一些简单一点的例子会更好。
最后就是时间啦。不知道你是几号考，不过1小时的时间对Issue来说显然是超的多了一些。现在已经是8月下旬了，相信离你的考试时间不会太远了，那么也许应该尝试着把自己的写作时间压缩到规定的45分钟之内了。
鄙人水平有限，就先说这么多了，大家共同努力吧

chiexiaoUID: 2851086

1# guyujia00000000
The speaker claims that the galaxies, who conducted and led the revolutions in history, influence less than the general public which have been longly (只表示实际长短的长度）neglected(for a long time). The assertation（assertion） seems plausible insofar as the amount of people of leaders versus common people, which give a direct shamble(这儿没看懂。。。） that shadow the significance and determinant of the minority. In reality it is also unforgettable of the individual contributions in any time, compared to the forever mentioning general public, which could be explained as follows.

The few individuals did play an important role in human revolution history of any areas. Despite of the relatively small quantity, the so-called minority usually has more talents in leadership and reasonal(reasonable) thinking, keeping the overall mainforce(mainstay) of history, in other words, the general public, free from the states of chaos and unrational. Here is an proper example, the name of the hero is the world-known Mahatma Gandhi.这句貌似很中式英语，语法不太对。 The idol vacillated in the way of how to win the independence from the United Kingdom at first. Being the gentle class of Upper Indian Nation and(去掉） with so many practices of successful parades and violent resistance against the police, he believed that the only way to beat the immigrationism was to exercise the guidance of Satyagraha and non-violence. After the general public believed in the gospels and put them into practice, certainly with efforts and time, the India and its people became independent. It is because of the thought of Gandhi in peace resistance that Indian people barely encountered too vast cost of lives and time, and Gandhi, called as the father of India, was honored generations after generations.

However, only with the contributions of leaders, the success will never patronize the leaders and their supporters, which alludes that the general public is one of the key factors of history. As the majority of the cast of human history, the common people never fail to express their feelings, commit their deeds, resist the evils and sing the hymns.(Good!) Anyone who want getting the political power or something similar has no other way but to cater the public, beating his or her opposers and competitive peers, finally come to be on the top of classes. Gandhi did prompt the success of the independence of India, nevertheless he relied on the ordinary people to uniquely defy the domination of British Empire. Without the suffering but still strangling ones, Gandhi might be arrested, persecuted or even assassinated before the independence of India, being totally weak confronted with the immigrate officals compared to the condition of supportance of almost every Indian.

Furthermore, comprehensively speaking, the leaders and the public believed(believe in是信仰） they are just like peas and carrots themselves, which is reluctant to be set apart. If the society functions as a ship, then it can be concluded that the captain is the leader and the sailors are the people. （Good)Captains are responsible for hand the helm, keeping an eye on the iceberg which might appear even at every second. The sailors cooperatively drive the ship free from being static or regressing, and obey every order from the captain.

Summarily, contemporary life is relatively peace and with no much conflicts or wars compared to the last century, in which the two (second) world war broke out and even cold war before the disappear of Soviet Union, and someone might believe the essence of leadership cultivated from a younger should be eliminated. I disagree with the idea because of the war might not be in battles, which can transform into other styles such as business, politics, where competitions happen. Also, not only competitions but also cooperations need leadership too. Of course, not everyone could be a leader, which could  discourage somebody. But one galaxy(galaxy的意思本来就是“一群”显赫的人） once said, "The soldier who is unwilling to be a general couldn't be a good one".

我觉得LZ写到后来是否有些偏题？还有例子似乎有点少，其实一直就是战争方面的，这样会显得论证不充分全面。
文中有些语言和类比还不错哈。。。也有一些语法和中式思维的错误。
改作文毕竟不同于写，我理解不到位的地方多指正。

chiexiaoUID: 2851086

这篇的提纲lz可参考一下：


Ts:伟人推动历史，群众造就历史，但研究历史重在研究个人由于历史记录的局限性。
The author asserts that groups of faceless people made the most significant events and trends in history instead of the famous few, and the study of history shouldn't place so much emphasis on individuals. In my opinion, I agree with the claim insofar as long-term sociological trends and significant historic events were made by the masses. However, the famous few always provided the initial spark for those trends and events. Then they managed to consistently remain in limelight, therefore the memories of them is immortalized by history. When we study history, so many details were recorded about the great figures instead of groups of people that we are compelled to concern individuals.
正：让步承认：群众造就历史，群众的力量很大
Admittedly, the masses played a vital role in history, making the most significant events and trends in history.考虑历史变革Consider the revolution in history, it's the cumulative efforts of all members of groups that have sparked it. The efforts of one man are not sufficient to cause a paradigm shift in the well-being of humanity. 美国独立战争For instance, in the American Revolution, groups of people rallied and attempted to gain independence from the British Empire. Through efforts of groups instead of few individuals, American Declaration of Independence has been achieved. 考虑人工奇迹Or consider history's greatest architectural and engineering wonders, they are all attributed to the efforts of large groups of workers. 长城金字塔Either the Great Wall in China or the pyramids in Egypt was made by the nameless groups, rather by the famous few who only had whims. 总结Hence, the most famous events and trends in history were possible because of group efforts.
反：个体起到模范带头的作用，起到刺激的作用。
However, feat of the famous few can not be ignored. It was always the egos or ideals of the famous few that provide the driving force behind the accomplishments. They provide the vision of future and the groups then bring the vision to fruition. The initial spark provided by individuals was extremely crucial. 蝴蝶效应说Just as butterfly effect, in the initial condition of the system, small variations caused by the famous few might bring out large variations in the long term behavior of the history system. 成吉思汗For example, assuming that Genghis Khan, a yuan emperor, died a few years later, he would continue to expand his land, and the history of Eastern Euorpe might be totally changed. 结Hence, the key individual who provided the necessary impetus for the development of history deserved to be memorized by history.
散：个体的引人注目，使得历史记录更多的个人。历史研究也被迫的重在了个人。
Furthermore, because the famous few individuals had superior leadership skills, and got a huge share of the limelight, they were easy to be immortalized by history, while these people who are behind the scenes never find any mention in history. It is understandable that when it comes to the study of history, we are compromised to put emphasis on individuals. After all, history is written by man, and we can not record everything or everyone, but the few individuals in history. Even if we want to study the masses whose identities have long been forgotten, so few information was mentioned in history that it seems impossible. Thus, we always reconstruct the past and the fruition of groups of people through the study of the great figures, and it is reasonable for us to place emphasis on individuals.
结尾：
In sum, by drawing inspiration from the famous few, the groups of people made the significant events and trends in history. Nowadays, we need to record the voices of the forgotten majority, as well as the famous few, strike a balance between the study of the famous few and groups of people.

guyujia00000000UID: 2713762

2# nijiaqin
那些词是写在提纲的，背会的，Gandhi等。
时间的确要控制，而且600+的字实战中有点多。
thanks！

guyujia00000000UID: 2713762

3# chiexiao
Thank you！
受益匪浅