作文贴by stoptalking 真的勇士，敢于面对血淋淋的砖头

stoptalkingUID：2807919

先开着……

stoptalkingUID：2807919

独立：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
　　  The best way to improve education is to raise teachers’ salaries.　　(Money)

I don’t agree that the best way to improve education is to raise teachers’ salaries. Although by this way teachers’ enthusiasm might be stimulated, the basic problem of education still remains unsolved.

There is no doubt that it is an effective way to improve education by raising teachers’ salaries. Encouraged by the higher salaries, teachers would like to make more effort to teach students, such as being more patient with students, paying more attention to students’ problems, and spending more time figuring out the way to be better teachers. It seems that the more teachers are encouraged by higher salaries, the better the education will be. However, would the situation develop as how simple we wish?

There are still many problems to solve by raising teachers’ salaries. First of all, it is teachers’ obligation to teach students well, which should not be motivated by material incentives. If every improvement in teaching demands rising of salaries, there is no difference between teachers and businessmen, the one who judge everything in business terms.

Second, the rising of teachers’ salaries can not guarantee the same rising of the quality of education. The improvement of education needs the efforts of the whole society, including teachers, students, parents and the other social members. Also, the development of education takes a long time, which can not be achieved by a simple method within short time like raising teachers’ salaries.  

Therefore, although raising teachers’ salaries is an effective way to improve education, there are still lots of problems to solve. As these problems can not be solved easily, I do not think that raising teachers’ salaries is the best way to improve education.

stoptalkingUID：2807919

The author of the reading passage mentions three theories as likely explanations of great house. The lecturer, however, points out the inaccuracies in each of these theories.

The reading thinks that the great house was used as residential places. The lecturer, however, argues that the great house can not be living apartment in support of the obvious deficiency of fireplaces

The second theory of the storage function is also rejected by the lecturer. He explains that no spilled maize in the great house. This proves that the great house is used for storing food is unlikely.

Finally, regarding the third theory, the “ceremonial centers theory”, the lecturer also disagrees. He argues that there lots of construction trash and leftover in the great house, which means there can not be a sacred place.

serena-blueUID：2811284

The author of the reading passage mentions three theories as likely explanations of great house. The lecturer, however, points out the inaccuracies in each of these theories.0 Q& f1 J! n% s  C4 j]]

  T" v6 {/ \5 q5 n6 f0 q- P
The reading thinks that the great house was used as residential places. The lecturer, however, argues that the great house can not be living apartment in support of the obvious deficiency of fireplaces.细节写的不够。

The second theory of the storage function is also rejected by the lecturer. He explains that no spilled maize in the great house. This proves
that the great house is used for storing food is unlikely.还是细节不够

I
Finally, regarding the third theory, the “ceremonial centers theory”, the lecturer also disagrees. He argues that there lots of construction trash and leftover in the great house, which means there can not be a sacred place.还是细节不够

建议楼主多谢一些细节上去，并且字数过少哦

dxjjUID：2885844

Comments on your independent writing:

This passage will probably get a 3 in the real test although 3.5 is possible. You fail to include enough details and examples when talking about why increasing salary does not make the best solution. In fact, my suggestion is to introduce other ways to improve education quality that are more important than paying teachers more. Remember, we put a big weight on details and examples when grading.

A minor thing I want to mention is that sentences like "There is no doubt that it is an effective way to improve education by raising teachers’ salaries." are judged as redundant in our grading process so you may want to use such convoluted structure. A possible way to express your original sentence is "Undoubtedly, raising teachers' salaries is an effective way to improve educatioin quality". In fact, this is a common problem we find in many test takers' passages even in those getting 5. What we are really looking for is an efficient use of different sentence structures.

Cheers,
D

dxjjUID：2885844

A correction of my comments:

... are judged as redundancy in our grading process so you may NOT want to use ...

sorry for that

D

estopUID：2864494

独立：Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement:; T8 j, z: Y# ?

  The best way to improveeducation is to raise teachers’ salaries.
(Money)- v  B# G2 V- B6 d' ~

I don’t agree that the best way to improve education is to raise teachers’salaries. Although by this way teachers’ enthusiasm might be stimulated, thebasic problem of education still remains unsolved.
% p( @6 l% |9 T9 p
There is no doubt that it is an effective way to improve education by raisingteachers’ salaries. Encouraged by the higher salaries, teachers would like tomake more effort to teach students, such as being more patient with students,paying more attention to students’ problems, and spending more time figuringout the way to be better teachers. It seems that the more teachers areencouraged by higher salaries, the better the education will be. However, wouldthe situation develop as how simple we wish?

这段写的很好很丰富

There are still many problems to solve by raising teachers’ salaries. First ofall, it is teachers’ obligation to teach students well, which should not bemotivated by material incentives. If every improvement in teaching demandsrising of salaries, there is no difference between teachers and businessmen,the one who judge everything in business terms.9 Z

这个是不是第二点？这段开始写There are still many problems to solve by raising teachers’ salaries.，但是内容没有提及problem。

Second, the rising of teachers’ salaries can not guarantee the same rising ofthe quality of education. The improvement of education needs the efforts of thewhole society, including teachers, students, parents and the other socialmembers. Also, the development of education takes a long time, which can not beachieved by a simple method within short time like raising teachers’salaries.  

要丰富一些，举一些例子，感觉这段刚刚开始就结束了。

Therefore, although raising teachers’ salaries is an effective way to improveeducation, there are still lots of problems to solve. As these problems can notbe solved easily, I do not think that raising teachers’ salaries is the bestway to improve education.

文章第一段提到了basic problems，但是后面没有提到，而且既然wage不是最好的办法，是不是提点其他的办法。

从标志词来看，只有两点？但是23段似乎也不是一点。全文字数不够。写作基本功感觉挺好的，内容一定要有例子有解释。

stoptalkingUID：2807919

谢谢上面几位的意见，关于独立写作，我觉得我在审题上就已经出了问题
写的时候就很犹豫，如果我不同意这是best way，那我是应该提出另一个方法，证明另一个方法更好呢，还是论证提高薪水本身就不好呢？
如果我的重点是论证另一方法更好，会不会被认为跑题呢？
因为写的时候自己就很混乱，所以写出来逻辑就更混乱了

至于语言的不简洁，我也注意到了，自己读起来也很吐血，但又不知道怎么改才好，谢谢大家的意见了！

综合写作，的字数，是我没弄清楚，结果写少了……

saybia1993UID：2625112

我也在写JJ 正好写到你这篇，顺便就帮我看看啦。。。


提纲：disagree:
1.
Many aspects effect the quality of education, like, management, teacher’s ability, facility, communication between parents and teachers,
2.
Salary do not lead to good teacher. Moreover, may have bad effect

Whatever the factors is, the successful of reaching a goal depends on complicated factors. For this reason, I tender to disagree with the statement that increase teacher’s salary is the best way to improve the quality of education.

As I said above, the first reason is, many aspects effect the quality of education. The attractive teachering style, the communication skill, the sense of responsibility, the teaching experience and so on, such internal conditions mainly determined the teachers’ teaching quality. But none of these has relationship with money, or rather, the teacher’s salary. I remembered my English teacher Mr wang in middle school. He was a very amazing teacher. In his class, he could express those boring sentence structure and tedious gramma in a very lively form. The more important things is, he was also a very good person, he never lose his temper and patient to us. Every teacher’s day, Mr wang can received a lot of greeting cards and flowers sent by his student in order to express their grateful feeling. However, as a middle school teacher, Mr wang can only receive 2000 yuan per month. The salary he got can only just support his family. To be an English teacher, maybe finding another kind of high paid job like translator can not be considered difficult. But Mr. wang preferred to stay at school, watching his students grew up.

What’s more, despit of those internal conditions of teachers, there are also many external resources which have great influence on the quality of education. For example, the management of school, the teaching project, facility, and, the very important point, the willingness of study of students. It is easy to understand that a crowd of naughty students with poor management, weak facility and chaotic teaching project cannot lead to even an average quality of education.

Money can sometimes considered as an incentive to stimulate teacher to work hard. However, without other aspects what I said above, it is still make no sense to improve the quality of teaching simply by rasing the salary of teacher. I recommend that only by improving the internal condition and external condition though the joint efforts of the entire society can the education quality be improved.

stoptalkingUID：2807919

楼上的同学，你可以先用Word纠正一下，语法方面的错误有点多……

louisa427UID：2458920

The author of the reading passage mentions three theories as likely explanations of great house. The lecturer, however, points out the inaccuracies in each of these theories.0 Q& f1 J! n% s  C4 j]]" s, G) l- o2 H* K+ X
# T' l- K  P; Z# K/ r; V2 \
  T" v6 {/ \5 q5 n6 f0 q- P/ q+ P& ^+ p; X) q& m
The reading thinks that the great house was used as residential places. The lecturer, however, argues that the great house can not be living apartment in support of the obvious deficiency of fireplaces.然后那？后面听到的也要写上去的啊
9 m! _+ i/ G7 m! x8 Y- ]
The second theory of the storage function is also rejected by the lecturer. He explains that no spilled maize in the great house. This proves
that the great house is used for storing food is unlikely.细节不够

I; }6 |: i9 g2 c
Finally, regarding the third theory, the “ceremonial centers theory”, the lecturer also disagrees. He argues that there lots of construction trash and leftover in the great house, which means there can not be a sacred place.
值得赞赏的是，同学你听力的大概都是听到的，但你写的感觉是象提纲，只有框架，没有内容，再把听力的内容多写点，这样字数也够，文章看起来也丰满

stoptalkingUID：2807919

8月23，综合 tpo6
Communal online encyclopedias may be the future of organizing encyclopedias, because it has many respects like traditional printed encyclopedias while it is finished online by all internet users. But the reading passage, questions that the communal online encyclopedias still have some serious problems which make them less valuable than traditional ones.  About these, the lecturer opposes the opinions of the reading passage one by one.

First, the reading passage argues that online encyclopedias lack academic credential, owing many inaccuracies in their cases. But in terms of error, the lecturer points out that comparing with the long time for traditional encyclopedias to correct their errors, online ones can correct their errors more easily and efficient.

Second, the reading passage doubts the safety of online encyclopedias, as everyone has the opportunity to fabricate, delete and corrupt the information of online encyclopedias. The lecturer states that there are two methods to prevent the information being spoiled, one is using a reliable format, and another is hiring an editor to obverse the whole correcting.

Third, the reading passage thinks online encyclopedias confuse the values of the society, paying too much attention to the popular things. For lecturer, this is the value of online encyclopedias: reflecting the true interest of the public and showing the real world.


自我评价：
优点：字数够了，语法上的错误比较少
缺点：题目没看懂，要的是以听的内容为基础总结，描述你所听到的内容是如何反驳阅读的文章的内容的。自己写的是把阅读和听到的大融合。
用的词语几乎都是原文里面的，没有paraphrase。

stoptalkingUID：2807919

独立： 09.01.10NA

       Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Improving schools is the most important factor in the successful development of a country

Undoubtedly, improving schools helps the development of a country. But it is questionable whether this is the most important factor in the success of a nation. As far as I am concerned, although education exerts great influence on the development of a country, improving schools, one effective method of education is not the most important factor in the successful development of a country.

There's a precondition that must exist before discussing our topic, and that is whether the progress of education is the most important aspect of the development of a country. Judging the success of a country, there are lots of standards, within which the education level is the most important one. The high level of education not only means the country can cultivate a large number of native talents in the future, but also indicates the great attract to foreigners. A country which can attract most foreigners to stay is absolutely the most successful one. Therefore, the level of education is crucial to the success of a country.

After defining the importance of education, we should figure out the influence of improving schools on education. There are many factors that can influence education. Improving schools is not the only determining one. Such elements as raising teachers' salaries, caring more for students, adding connections with parents and community also impact the degree to education. It is hard to determine that which of them is the essential factor of education, for education are complex combinations of all the factors, unlike calculation whose components can be easily separated to see. In other words, improving schools can not be proved to be the most important factor of education, not to mention in the successful development of a country.

From this analysis, I strongly oppose any position arguing that the improvements on schools can be the essential factor for success of the country. To put it in a simpler and more direct way, “how much the schools improve” should not be applied as criteria for determining how successfully a country develops.

三百三十字左右，却写了很长时间。感觉很挫败，觉得逻辑方面的意思很难用语言表达清楚。另外，我也觉得自己缺乏细节和例子，但却不知道这种题目该如何加入细节和例子，加入之后，如果表达不清楚，是不是更糟糕呢？

longxue26UID：2687755

13# stoptalking

Undoubtedly, improving schools helps the development of a country. But it is questionable whether this is the most important factor in the success of a nation. As far as I am concerned, although<这里的although和前面的undoutedly内容上重复> education exerts great influence on the development of a country, improving schools, one effective method of education is not the most
important<避免重复可以说significant> factor in the successful development of a country.

There's a
precondition <这个词就已经是must exist了>that must exist before discussing our topic, and that is whether the progress of education is the most important aspect of the development of a country. Judging the success of a country, there are lots of standards, within which the education level is the most important one. The high level of education not only means the country can cultivate a large number of native talents in the future, but also indicates the great attract to foreigners. A country which can attract most foreigners to stay is absolutely the most successful one.<really??> Therefore, the level of education is crucial <这个词太重了 偏了>to the success of a country.
这段要说啥? 是还是不是啊?

After defining the importance of education, we should figure out the influence of improving schools on education. There are many factors that can influence education. Improving schools is not the only determining one.可更简洁地说 而且跟第二段的开头有重复
Such elements as raising teachers' salaries, caring more for students, adding connections with parents and community also impact the degree to education.<这些例子不还是education相关的吗? improve school的话 这些都会涉及的 要跳出这个圈圈> It is hard to determine that which of them is the essential factor of education, for education are complex combinations of all the factors, unlike calculation whose components can be easily separated to see. In other words, improving schools can not be proved to be the most important factor of education, not to mention in the successful development of a country.

From this analysis, I strongly oppose any position arguing that the improvements on schools can be the essential factor for success of the country. To put it in a simpler and more direct way, “how much the schools improve” should not be applied as criteria for determining how successfully a country develops.

我觉得就是作者没有跳出来想这个话题  当然我写的也不好 水平有限
没有直白的论点
没有detailed的例子
sorry我说话太直接了

longxue26UID：2687755

如果楼主每次能附上word就更感谢了