skyice作文本

185726666UID: 2686686

To salary and vacation time, we always be hard to enjoy our vacation time, meantime to gain a high salary. Thus, some people prefer to posses more vacation time rather than obtain higher salary. I basically agree with the assertion the issue gives, however, it seems too extreme by stating that this opinion can adjust to any situation, especially in modern competition world. In my opinion, a high salary is more important for me. The more money I earned the more interesting to enjoy my vacation time.8 第一句话可以改成 it is hard to possess the salary and vacation at the same time.d0 _. I3 Z+ i
+ Y) m# k3 s4 |. I( k5 F
One hand, a fantastic vacation need abundant of money which can be in exchange of working time.need 的主语应该是个人会好点 Maybe some people are priority to stay at home. However, a real vacation need relax not only our body but also our tense nerves. We can spend money in traveling foreign country, meanwhile, we can taste foreign food, feel foreign culture and enjoy beautiful scene. More important, you may be enlightened during your trip, for example, a composer, Shamall, who was born in Germany, often created appealing music during his travel. So money is imperative to go though pretty vacation time.7 X- f6 B; z1 b8 |) W/ L; V+ a* n' |

The other hand, we should be useful to utilize our vacation time.可以用 it is useful.... More vacation time is not always wholesome for us. In contrast, it can bring negative effects. When we come back to work, we are hard to adjust tense working after long time to rest. For example, I like to climb mountain 加 S which locate near my home during every weekend, when I stand on top of mountain, I feel my mood so well and alleviate 此处表达欠妥my depression. Climbing mountain just spend one day which improve my intension and accelerate the efficient of my working. When I come back my working, I feel so cool. Appropriate vacation times can benefit to us, but we should pay attention to spend more time.8 |4可以尝试学会主语从句的表达会好些 b& J1 e5 `: f" k/ |

In a summary, a high salary brings us benefit, such as traveling, tasting delicious food and feeling distinct culture. Lacking vacation time can be compensated in the way that we are full of using the time.+

以一些句子表达的细节要多加注意啊 仅本人意见 欢迎拍砖

ke_heatherUID: 2681472

31号作业的修改，提交很迟~ 实在抱歉~~~

javenUID: 2108322

改好了

utdreamerUID: 2793080

7# skyice1987
完毕

蛋蛋妮儿UID: 2733589

9# skyice1987

俺给你评了。。但俺不知道咋上传附件啊。。
为嘛没有找到上传的地方啊。。。

balloon1113UID: 2372336

9# skyice1987

蛋蛋妮儿UID: 2733589

之前一直权限不够，现在终于能发附件了~
欢迎查看
修改~.doc (33 KB, 下载次数: 0)

2010-9-9 11:43:24 上传

下载次数: 0

rita2011UID: 2836148

3# skyice1987

真不好意思，我9.1到9.10回家了一趟，七七八八的事，就没上寄托，虽然现在有点晚了，但是，还是应该做到承诺的。特别感谢你给我改的。----Rita2011

PS：我改的很认真，一定要看哦。
认识到错误比一直写错的，进步的更快的。

09.05.30NA  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.

The education of young children plays a imperative role in the way of children's growing. (While不需要) in the situation of examining and entering the next higher college, the subjects, such as math, science, history and language, are the most important, in the case of all-side development of mental and body of young children, particularly the ages from five to ten, there is evidence to suggest that art and music can help us explore children's intelligent, open their vision, broaden their horizon. （这句话看着有点别扭，把两句话揉在一起，意思表达不清楚，建议该断就断，不用勉强写复杂长句，修改如下：When confronting further education, however, the subjects like math, science,history and language , are nevertheless accounting the most vital roles. To better comprehensive mental and physical development of young children, particularly the ages from five to ten, there is evidence to suggest that art and music can help us explore children's intelligent, open their vision, broaden their horizon.
）

Firstly, art and music to children's intellect is like motor to car. The action of impulsion can initially accelerate the development of children's brain. Some papers have (been不需要)reported that the two separated parts brain have respective functions. One part, called "Knowledge Commander", is developed by the certain means, such as math and science. The other part called "Creative Commander", which plays a key role into establishing new mind and creating novel invention, can be cultured by art and music at early stage of children's learning. A method, which is named "Whole brain development",creates a celebrity, Leonardo da Vinci. Thus, younger school children should be required to study art and music (in order that they become clever 改为 so that they might fully develop their brain, which might make them clever.) 本段写的很好，例子很恰当，没什么语法错误。

Secondly, in the process of learning art and music（不能当主语）can do children's perseverance, （改为 the procedure of learning art and music can improve children's perseverance）（+for the reason that, ) at the beginning of learning the music and art, children may consider them interesting, however, after some time. some children can be fed up with learning it.(失败的长句，因为没有连接好)
If we can instruct them to learn consistently, probably they will appreciate the spiritual of perseverance, which may help children learn to face difficulty and to meet challenge in their later lives.

From all the evidence mentioned above, learning art and music can expand children's intelligent and culture the spirit of perseverance. Therefore, younger school children (age’s five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.(结尾基本照抄题目，应该改一下更好。个人意见)

本文最大的问题是写长难句犯的语法错误，而且这个错误放在了开头，实在不好。考试中的话，可能会致命。其实，长度适中就好了。