8月28 独立写作，09.2.27 NA

liuxzzUID: 2611311

写超时了，大家批吧

（09.02.27NA）Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.


In these centuries, not only the improvement in the field of science and technology also people’s understanding towards the whole world is being changed in every flowing second. Under such a kind of situation, people start to consider the most suitable way for themselves in work and relaxation. Currently, there’s a dilemma which confuses one generation after another, which is the choice between more vacation but little break for a lower salary and the opposite one. There is no doubt that everyone need a nice vacation, which we can spend it on a sweet family union or a travel trip into famous spot, however, we still have to work hard for a favorite salary to support these dreams. Therefore, I have to admit that, my opinion towards this dilemma is to advocate a life style of hard-working which means a higher salary but less vacation.

To start with, a healthy consuming habit defines that the spent to a vacation must be paid by the existing money on your account rather than the credit you are able to borrow from any bank agency. Additionally, I must say, for most of us, the major income is paid for work hours, no matter you are in an office or a factory, which implies the condition for a dream vacation is to build a rich funding by our profession firstly. No one can embrace a smooth mood in a shiny beach without any travel funding in their bank account.

Secondly, if we own a job to offer us a higher salary, the income will accumulate for a greater investment in the future. This society is fully replete with the examples that a clerk who is born in a poor family after a few years' hard-working and cautiously picking up finally founds his own enterprise and become someone. We can image that not any travel spot will openly refuse a celebrity who owns a huge enterprise and has his own story exampled by the rest of the world. However, if anyone is willing to spend more time in vacation and say no to a high salary, the following part of his life must be certainly featureless.

Last but not least, it is the social rule that probably supports my preference, that youth means energy and age represents resting. There is no a more suitable period for a normal person to work in the early years, in which time he embraces the strongest body and a high level of consciousness. And in the elder age, when the whole state of a person start to decline, a comfortable travel or vacation will help him to get rid of the unwilling declining. That is evidenced by the basically natural principal, which, I believe, should be recognized by everyone in the whole world.

All in all, from the aspect of economy and scientific acknowledge, I prefer a job of higher salary and less vacation and honestly hope other people to accept this healthy concept for life planning.

JulianlodUID: 2688193

已修改

wangchenyu1989UID: 2590453

In these centuries, not only the improvement in the field of science and technology also people’s understanding towards the whole world is being changed in every flowing second. Under such a kind of situation, people start to consider the most suitable way for themselves in work and relaxation. Currently, there’s a dilemma which confuses one generation after another, which is the choice between more vacation but little break（more vacation = little break?） for a lower salary and the opposite one. There is no doubt that everyone need a nice vacation, which we can spend it on a sweet family union or a travel trip into famous spot, however, we still have to work hard for a favorite salary to support these dreams. Therefore, I have to admit that, my opinion towards this dilemma is to advocate a life style of hard-working which means a higher salary but less vacation.（此段我的建议是把一些观点稍微多些陈述，感觉观点表达有点模糊）

To start with, a healthy consuming habit defines that the spent to a vacation must be paid by the existing money on your account rather than the credit you are able to borrow from any bank agency. Additionally, I must say, for most of us, the major income is paid for work hours, no matter you are in an office or a factory, which implies the condition for a dream vacation is to build a rich funding by our profession firstly. No one can embrace a smooth mood in a shiny beach without any travel funding in their bank account.（此段论证可以更加详细和深入）

Secondly, if we own a job to offer us a higher salary, the income will accumulate for a greater investment in the future. This society is fully replete with the examples that a clerk who is born in a poor family after a few years' hard-working and cautiously picking up finally founds his own enterprise and become someone. We can image that not any travel spot will openly refuse a celebrity who owns a huge enterprise and has his own story exampled by the rest of the world. However, if anyone is willing to spend more time in vacation and say no to a high salary, the following part of his life must be certainly featureless.

Last but not least, it is the social rule that probably supports my preference, that youth means energy and age represents resting. There is no a more suitable period for a normal person to work in the early years, in which time he embraces the strongest body and a high level of consciousness. And in the elder age, when the whole state of a person start to decline, a comfortable travel or vacation will help him to get rid of the unwilling declining. That is evidenced by the basically natural principal, which, I believe, should be recognized by everyone in the whole world.

All in all, from the aspect of economy and scientific acknowledge, I prefer a job of higher salary and less vacation and honestly hope other people to accept this healthy concept for life planning.

总评：
语言和词汇真的很好，有很多地方值得我学习~
但是感觉整篇几乎都是长句子，读起来有些费劲，导致整篇文章在炫句子，观点的论证和结构反倒不是很清晰。
XDF老师给出的建议以及我看的一些满分范文总结得出：最好长短结合，这样首先观点和层次会明确，其次看起来也会更舒服。要想自己爽，先让别人爽！呵呵~此乃我的建议~LZ可自行选择~
加油哇~写的很不错~这方面再改改就好了~FIGHTING！

liuxzzUID: 2611311

写超时了很多
8.31
Currently, because of the improvement in people's living standard more attention is invested into not only the certain aspect in life such as diet and traffic, but also to ones that can influent the society more profoundly and further, which involves the inevitable but controversial topics including children's education. A year after another, parents seem always confused that what kind of education is the most suitable for younger children like in five to ten. Basically, the traditional concept of education toward younger boys and girls defines science, language and history required rather than the training of music and art. But nowadays, this model is questioned a lot for a new balance between the traditional content and the arts. As far as I concern, arts should be offered to students in a younger age, even though someone may complain about the heavier burden.

First of all, arts, no matter what the time is, have its unique value. To found this world, not only the science tells us what and why, also the arts explain how. That means, even handing the knowledge of physics and chemistry can we image the basic structure to build a skyscraper, the knowledge of art can contribute to some ideas which helps the building own a splendid appearance.
Furthermore, the enterprise today increasingly need a great-looking office building that help themselves promote the image of consumers rather than claim how their office building is strong enough to survive any natural disaster.

Additionally, even having admitted the value of art, I still advocate the education of music and art should be pushed to a younger age like five to ten. Because children become adults in teens, when they will decide which field he or she tend to be major in, it is just few years after ten. If we offered art courses in five or later, children would somehow pick up the feeling or basic knowledge for most sorts of art. That way, they are able to judge which subject is suitable for themselves and it wouldn't happen again that a graduate student is still not sure about his academic future for he has not learnt enough knowledge in both science and art.

Last but not the least, to learn art and music early has its scientific significance. Seldom can a person understand painting or music as special, which means, in fact the process of creating art or enjoying music involves a large mount of brain activity. Researches tell us, the ability in music reflects one's intelligence, which can be easier developed in a younger age. But somehow, when the golden time of learning art has passed, the opportunity to improve that talent mostly disappears. Also, I believe the outstanding intelligence, if we exert earlier arts education, must also be helpful for kids to learn other subjects like language and literature. We can image, what a pity that an art-gifted child pushes all the energy to science and language and finally never becomes someone.

All in all, I support the idea to set an earlier arts education, as what I said above from the practical and scientific aspects.

yeyelovenimoUID: 2774843

修改 to liuxzz.doc (24.5 KB, 下载次数: 20)

2010-9-1 11:48:02 上传

下载次数: 20

白菜学英语UID: 2731720

谢谢你的建议~
8.31 liuxzz.doc (29 KB, 下载次数: 6)

2010-9-1 13:22:34 上传

下载次数: 6

liuxzzUID: 2611311

9月2日交
09.06.12NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.


A year after another, countless generations of college students inevitably confront the complicate choices
between studying in university on whole attention and applying for a part-time job off the campus. To be a common student myself, I will suggest my fellows to participate into part-time jobs, for the following reasons below.

Firstly, not only the formal courses can bring knowledge to us, but also can a part-time job assist to improve our learning. Today's education system is replete with opportunities for university students to apply what they have learnt in colleges including required working experience and extra selective working credits. And all of these contribute to a solidification process for the theoretical rules and formulas learnt in school. Just like a student major in engineering, he must throw himself into a factory where exists the real process of manufacturing and production in his third or fourth year of college. Only through that, the knowledge learnt in classroom can carved deeply in his mind.

Additionally, the chance of part-time jobs may offer us a new view towards our majors and knowledge. That means, when putting our knowledge into practical use, we probably discovery something that never be expected before. Take my part-time laboratory experience as an example, one year ago, I applied for a researching assistance job in an environmental chemistry laboratory, when I was more focused on general chemistry. But after three months' experiment in my lab, I was interested by the amazing future of environmental chemistry, and what's more, the major research in bio-chemistry of my group help me realize that bio-chemistry may be more suitable to me and meanwhile, offer me a considerable salary in the future. Without that part-time experience, I would have never oriented my academic career as clearly as today.

Last but not least, an ideal part-time job aids a college student to build the ability of self-independence. After college students graduate from university, the first and foremost problem must be feeding on themselves. With a part-time job before graduation, a reasonable saving must be of great help; additionally, the ex-working experience contributes much to a winner of the job-hunting. Whatever the former or the later can you achieve, the process of self-independence has not be too tough.

All in all, the part-time jobs offer us not only the reviewing and discovering of the learnt knowledge but also an ideal training for self-independence, that's why I with no hesitation suggest all the college students to take it.

小囧字UID: 2752429

7# liuxzz
改好了~~楼主记得帮我改哦~

liuxzzUID: 2611311

9月4日交
09.08.01NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If you do not make sure other people (especially influential people or your employers) know about your strengths and accomplishments, you will never get successful in life


Should one get his or her accomplishments and strengths known by the surroundings? So many people concern about this controversial topic since it traditionally believed affects whether one can achieve a final success in this world. This discussion is, although, complex and profound for it includes the aspects of sociology and psychology, however, I more support the idea that one should not hide the capacity and achievements to earn a further success for the reason I will discuss below.

Firstly, as we all know, greatness can not be attained by a single person. To inform others one's achievement helps one build a more capable impression in his or her surroundings, and additionally, the surrounding people will somehow admire you and your achievement, which produces the possibility and opportunity for others to help you in your career aimed at creating a greater success together. This is the most common concept for success in this world, like no matter an investing bank or an organization will exert all the strength to advertise on all kinds of media what they have accomplished in the last several years, just for a single but significant propose that inform people to join in or cooperate with them to search for greater success. Mostly never will a company broadcast what they have done if they are running a legal business.

Furthermore, why some people are still unwilling to admit their strength or achievement is that they concern too much about the competition and envy brought to them at same time. It is reasonable that people worry about a severe competition. However, think about the good side, the convenience or collaboration it brought must overweight the competition. The world is replete with evidence that a large enterprise maybe even a world top-500 company collaborates with various business and partners to win all the competition and strive for a larger market share on the expense of envy and jealousness from the rest of companies in the same field. The relationship between collaboration and competition is very similar to what we often hear about, love is beyond hate, isn't it?

Last but not least, the discussion also involves issues in psychology. That means, a person who usually broad his achievement embraces a positive character and the opposite person embraces a negative one. Research and history both provide evidence that more positive person finally success on a higher level. I believe no one can dispute this statistical proof, which is both creditable and reasonable.

All in all, I with no hesitation support a person who wants a further success to broad and display what he has already achieved.

zjlkg2005UID: 2825578

9月2日交
09.06.12NA   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.  

A year after another, countless generations of college students inevitably confront the complicate choices  between studying in university on whole attention and applying for a part-time job off the campus. To be a common student myself, I will suggest my fellows to participate into part-time jobs, for the following reasons below.

Firstly, not only the formal courses can bring knowledge to us, but also can a part-time job assist to improve our learning. Today's education system is replete with opportunities for university students to apply what they have learnt in colleges including required working experience and extra selective working credits. And all of these contribute to a solidification process for the theoretical rules and formulas learnt in school. Just like a student major in engineering, he must throw himself into a factory where exists the real process of manufacturing and production in his third or fourth year of college. Only through that, the knowledge learnt in classroom can carved deeply in his mind.

Additionally, the chance of part-time jobs may offer us a new view towards our majors and knowledge. That means, when putting our knowledge into practical use, we probably discovery something that never be expected before. Take my part-time laboratory experience as an example, one year ago, I applied for a researching assistance job in an environmental chemistry laboratory, when I was more focused on general chemistry. But after three months' experiment in my lab, I was interested by the amazing future of environmental chemistry, and what's more, the major research in bio-chemistry of my group helped me realize that bio-chemistry may be more suitable to me and meanwhile,(这个词用这里有点破坏句子的连贯性，尤其是那个逗号不该用，可以用also can) offer me a considerable salary in the future. Without that part-time experience, I would have never oriented my academic career as clearly as today.

Last but not least, an ideal part-time job aids a college student to build the ability of self-independence. After college students graduate from university, the first and foremost problem must be feeding on themselves(living by themselves). With a part-time job before graduation, a reasonable saving must be of great help; additionally, the ex-working experience contributes much to a winner of the job-hunting. Whatever the former or the later can you achieve, the process of self-independence has not be too tough.

All in all, the part-time jobs offer us not only the reviewing and discovering of the learnt knowledge but also an ideal training for self-independence, that's why I with no hesitation suggest all the college students to take it.

不错不错 ， 读起来挺连贯 ， 没有太大问题。

utdreamerUID: 2793080

9# liuxzz

参考