zhouchlcy的作文贴，作文不好，痛下决心改正，欢迎拍砖~

凼凼55667UID: 2904147

writing by zhouchlcy
08.12.05NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Sports teach people lessons about life

No matter the professional athlete or the ordinary amateur, they all see sports as their charming parts of life. In fact, we can find common feature from them. That is stubbornness and inspiration. We have to agree that they are stronger both in physic and mental. It are(改is) sports that sharp(改sharpen) them. Therefore, I strongly side with the statement （用法不错，学习了）that sports teach people lessons about life.

First of all, we hardly success in life, without stubbornness. The difficulties confronted in the daily life are unavoidable. When superior require you to revise the work for many times, whether you are angry to quit the job?  However, as the performance in a sport match, athletes are eager to win the game. This behave（改behavior） only leads the strong willing to do better but not to quit. It is important. We hardly find the work （work 是从句主语，不能省that）can be accomplished well in the first time. The success comes from thousands of time to attempt. That is the first lesson which the sports teach us.

Then, after feeling frustrating, we may give rise to genius admiration to your competitors. Asked for who is the most admired, a master of sport will answer you without hesitate, that is his rival. On the match, they use the gorgeous skills to communicate. In this way, they can know each other deeply, even without a word. They finally find that both of them have learnt a lot from each other. That is the charming of sport（缺宾语）. In real life, we still need this ability to appreciate our enemy. For the merits he suppressed you, the enemy becomes the most outstanding one. We have to respect and learn from them. That is another necessary quality to success.

Some may argue that sports only can bring us with physical promotion. However, it only prove(proves) that they lack of（去掉of） contemplation(这个词用得太重口味了). The most successful athletes must be someone who is respected in daily life. They spend all their life to perfect themselves not only in physic but in mental.

To sum up（学习了）, the statement that sports teach us about life is manifest（改manifestly） right. Indeed, the strong spirit can not hide in the weak body. The sports lead us to experience the nature of life; meanwhile give us a comprehensive understanding of life.
优点：用词丰富，结构清晰，表达得也很自然。
不足：非要说点不足的，就是文章语言应更向书面语靠拢，能有出彩的句子就更好了。

凼凼55667UID: 2904147

对了 我也写了一这篇。欢迎楼主回批。
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... xtra=#pid1774367004

yankee1111UID: 2909892

我是yankee1111发贴太多不能发了所以只能重新注册了帐号发给你··呵呵··见谅




08.12.05NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Sports teach people lessons about life

No matter the professional athlete or the ordinary amateur, they all see sports as their charming parts(个人感觉用part比较舒服，parts读起来怪怪的, for “sports” in there means a common thing, including many accurate sport events) of life. In fact, we can find (the) common features from(觉得用among比较好) them. That is stubbornness and inspiration. We have to agree that they are stronger both in physic and mental. It are（is） sports that sharp them. Therefore, I strongly side with the statement that sports teach people lessons about life.

If I were you, I would write this paragraph like this:

No matter the professional athlete or the ordinary amateur, they all regard the sports as their charming part of the lives. In fact, we can find out the common features among them, stubbornness and inspiration, thanks to the sports teach them. What’s more, we can not deny that they are stronger both in physic and emotion. Therefore, I strongly side with the statement that sports teaches people lessons about life.

First of all, we hardly success(success 是名词，正确的应该用succeed) in our life, without stubbornness. The difficulties confronted in the daily life are unavoidable. When superior require(s) you to revise the work for many times, whether you are angry to quit the job?(词句是正规疑问句，只是多了个clause，我不认为就应该用陈述语序)
However, as the performance in a sport match, athletes are eager to win the game. This behavior only(用的不好) leads the strong willing to do better but not to quit(我认为这么写更稳妥些: This behavior can lead them, with a strong willing, to do better but not to quit). It is important. We hardly find the work can be accomplished well in the first time. The success comes from thousands of time to attempt. That is the first lesson which the sports teach us.
第二段和thesis从陈述的角度联系不紧密，我认为需要大改
第二句和第三句写的其实很没有意义
Then, after feeling frustrating, we may give rise to genius admiration to your competitors. Asked for who is the most admired, a master of sport will answer you without hesitate, that is his rival. On the match, they use the gorgeous skills to communicate. In this way, they can know each other deeply, even without a word. They finally find that both of them have learnt a lot from each other. That is the charming of sport. In real life, we still need this ability to appreciate our enemy. For the merits he suppressed you, the enemy becomes the most outstanding one. We have to respect and learn from them. That is another necessary quality to success.

Some may argue that sports only can bring us with physical promotion. However, it only prove that they lack of contemplation. The most successful athletes must be someone who is respected in daily life. They spend all their life to perfect themselves not only in physic but in mental.

To sum up, the statement that sports teach us about life is manifest right. Indeed, the strong sprit can not hide in the weak body. The sports lead us to experience the nature of life; meanwhile give us an comprehensive understanding of life.
实在没时间了··老婆逼我去和她吃饭··明天我宿舍开网了在细作研究···其实我没段都想帮你重写的

yankee1111UID: 2909892

我其实是yankee11233`````:lol

日落沙发UID: 2764889

27# zhouchlcy

2009. 10. 17 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished

The audience may tire about（tire of）
the convention that the movie always tries to sharp(shape) a glorious figure for a super hero, but an unfortunate fate for the bad people. The reality is that we cannot completely distinguish the ordinary people into just two types. I strongly side with the statement that Movies should not always show audience the similar consequences which are depended on characters' deeds.

Fist of all, we shouldn't constrain the imagination of directors and actors by the unchanged plot. Making a movie is a process of creation. The audiences are eager to relax themselves in the movie. If everything in the movie operates just as the same as it does in the real world, how can the movies entertains (entertain) audiences? Is superman always successful (succeed) to knock down the bad people? When a plot of a movie can be predicted by the audiences in the theaters, we can say that it is hardly to find anyone who is willing to watch the movie again.

In addition, the movie should lead the audiences to think the nature of the life. As I said, majority is the mixture of the black and white. In other world (word), we all have the merits and deficiency (deficiencies). It is the contradiction that proves that we are vivid ordinary people. The deep-going observation of life is refined and put into the movies. In fact, we all chase the happiness in our hearts, even bad people who get others into troubles. They may regret their behavior in an unnoticeable concern. On the other hand, the gorgeous illusion of super heroes also should be broken down. They may burden too many expectations for their outstanding abilities.

However, some may argue that we should pass justice concept to audiences, especially to next generation. I cannot deny that we 加should encourage the good deed. Indeed, the critical thinking to life is more necessary. It is unfair to give a shallow understanding to behavior of surrounding people. We need to analyze the motivation of behaviors.

To sum up, the merits to show a different consequence in the movie are more manifest. The movie is educational tool which is presented in public. The influence of movie is indispensable part of the life. Some may just is forgotten by audience; while others may lead to contemplate to audience.
It depends on whether the movies have an outstanding ending.

改晚了，请见谅。

zhouchlcyUID: 2847817

34# yankee1111
感谢童鞋批改，很详细，辛苦了
期待童鞋继续批改

zhouchlcyUID: 2847817

9.21 homework by zhouchlcy

joana1012UID: 2902612

09.04.03NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to improve the quality of education in a country is to increase teachers' salaries

The salary is only one of factors which influence on the quality of teacher's work. In real life, teachers may feel frustrated without help from parents and necessary facilities. In addition, the distinctive teacher will obtain genuine happiness from cultivation of a successful students rather than wealth. Therefore, I strongly side with the statement that we cannot expect to improve the quality of education by increasing teacher's salaries.

First of all, we should concentrate on the cooperation with the teachers. Education, indeed, is a project which needs not only the teachers, but also the cooperation of parents and schools. When I was a child, my school will have a parents meeting every semester. During this meeting, teachers will acknowledge the condition of each student to their parents and ask the parents to help children's homework at home. It is most simple and efficient way to support the teacher's work. Moreover, a teacher will cannot present all her ability in a poor-equipped school. The limited funding should be putted on the construction of the facilities. Only with necessary tools, can teachers illustrate the concept on the textbook.

Secondly, the most achievements of a teacher is to cultivate a successful student rather than personal wealth. I believe that in most people's eyes（这句感觉不地道）, the teacher is totally a different career to a business man. In other words, the achievements of teachers cannot be measured by the amount of money. They also want to(可以用其他词汇替换掉) improve the quality of education and is（are）not waiting for the higher salary, but for the better condition of education, as I previously said, including the help of parents and perfect facilities.（最后一句过长）

To sum up, increasing salary is not an effective way to improve the quality of education. We ignore the more manifest deficiency. I believe that teachers will admit（我觉得用agree会更好） our decision to put the funding on the construction of facilities. Meanwhile, parents should urge their children to study at home. （尾巴可以再扩充一下）

首段直接点题，很好；观点很好，例证论述充分；
但可以进行词汇替换，这样变化多一些；不然就那么几个词换来换去，容易厌倦；
最好是长短句交替，这样会有节奏感 ~ 一个句子最好不要太长；
加油~↖(^ω^)↗

rysfUID: 2514937

中秋节快乐~~~~~~~~~~~~~