zhouchlcy的作文贴，作文不好，痛下决心改正，欢迎拍砖~

miaodiUID: 2613113

为成为寄托新兵而努力奋斗

miaodiUID: 2613113

为成为寄托新兵而努力奋斗

zhouchlcyUID: 2847817

9.11 homework by zhouchlcy

zhouchlcyUID: 2847817

16# miaodi
同学，你是来做嘛的？。。。

zhouchlcyUID: 2847817

13# 风起云落
Ok，收获很大，多谢帮助

missmumuxiUID: 2710337

改好了。晚了些，望谅解。

ttuuttuuUID: 2299729

0909文章修改
SORRY~晚了點，這幾天開始上補習班，由於要補課時間有點緊 還請見諒

錯字太多
文法錯誤太多
建議: 寫完花個三分鐘好好check一下，不然這樣失分很可惜

:loveliness: 加油喔~寫作就是多練習 一定會進步的

ing315UID: 2870197

不会传WORD,呵呵~~就这样打上来了~~  :)

2009.9.19 NA Government should more support art museum and music performance than recreational facilities, such as swimming pool or play ground

Within limited budget, the(redundancy) government has thousands of responsibilities to accomplish. The priority of government is to guarantee the each one's(people's) amateur(这是个表示人的名词哦"one who engages in a pursuit, study, science, or sport as a pastime rather than as a profession";  interest/avocation) would have stage to develop. Therefore, putting the art museum and performance more weigh(注意主谓关系.put more weigh on和下一句话才平行,也许会好一点点,~) than recreational facilities is unfair for it(这种情况IT不可以指代句子 ;this way would) only benefit to a few people. I strongly side with the statement that we should average the social resources on both side. ](观点很新颖呢~条理逻辑也非常清晰)
As I said, the significant responsibility of the government is to focus on the most people's (the masses of people's)welfare. It is (a) common case that those people without high education are hard to appreciate the elegant drama than a exiting basketball game. Meanwhile, the old couple enjoys their leisure time in the park not far away from their neighborhood.(例子生动易懂) Compared to wealthy and well-educated people who are eager(热切的...?willingly) to spend their time in the art museum, those(上文没有指代,the) ordinary people are majority. One thousand Yuan ticket for a musical performance may be luxury for most family. However, two tickets only half hundred may bring unforgettable experience for father and son.(论证很到位, 论点论据结合)

In addition, most of art museums are gorgeous and fulfill the precious masterpiece; while, the more accessible public play grounds always are ignored(建议润色一下这句话.). With the same amount (of) money, we may construct several gyms, but (or) buy only a picture for a museum. At the same, amount to billions of dollar are donated from personal funding to the art museum, while the swimming pool totally depends on subsidies of government. The big difference is remaining us to focus on the public play ground. We can get a simple conclusion that with less investigation, the recreational facilities will more benefit to majority.(点下分点, 多方面支持.....很好呢~!)

Some may argue that support to art museum will greatly promote the quality of the whole citizen. However, in my opinion, the more directly(direct) way is to finance the education. The prerequisite of more museums is the demand of art appreciation. After promoting the educational background, financial aid to art is efficient.

In(to) sum up, the merits of more support to recreational facilities are manifest. The whole citizens obtain the true happiness from satisfaction of fundamental demand. When we look at the smile face on children who freely play basketball in the gym, we may feel that it is a right decision.

流畅,易懂, 用最简洁的方式表示观点
风格很清新~
思想也很好~
开头你认为两边5:5,但后文感觉是9:1了,呵呵,最好在开头观点要表达清楚
IN ADDITIOON, 如果能用一些好的词汇和句式,相信你的文章就完美了~!

:loveliness:

zhouchlcyUID: 2847817

9.14 writing by zhouchlcy

lynn27UID: 2774627

因为LZ没回我短信息- -  所以我还是按本来该改你哪篇改了。

9.14 writing by zhouchlcy.doc (23.5 KB, 下载次数: 5)

2010-9-15 19:38:17 上传

下载次数: 5

ing315UID: 2870197

2009.9 25NA do you agree or disagree: having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.

The salary and the difficulty to maintain the job are indispensable factors, when we decide whether a job is (an) ideal one. Different group of job-hunters may have various criteria. Meanwhile, the influence of salary and strength of the job to respect those job holders is undeniable. I strongly side with the statement that the job with high salary but being easy to lost is (more) desirable.(语言很地道,开门见山)

First of all, after analyzing the reason why the job is easy to lost, we find that the intense competition is the commonplace of such jobs. All elites are eager to own a high salary job. It(不能在这种情况指代句子) means that the game is not for a ordinary people. On the other hands, the advantage is that even we can not stand for a long time at the competitive position, we also will flourish in future career with the gain learnt from the lose. Handling the low salary jobs, you may feel more confidence which you cannot obtain with a low salary job. (这一段说理有点小纠结)

Secondly, the high salary is a symbol of skillful and respectful job. When we mention a cousin who work at the Wall Street, the surrounding people may admire you have such successful relative. As the person who is always mentioned in such way, you may also pride your job as well. It is not because you are so rich, but because you are one of the elites. Facing incredible frustrations, you didn't knock down. (清晰,透彻)

Some may argue that the low salary job has more secures. However, the attitude toward the job leads you to a sluggish situation. The secure is comparative concept. A person who has high quality feels no difficulty with a job; while another one may be warned to be fired. The difference is not come from the job, but from the employee. Indeed, the threatening to lose the job is propulsion to promote the ability. In some extend, there is no job which can guarantee you are a permanent qualified candidate.(很好的观点)

To sum up, the merits of having a job with high salary but being easy to lost are more manifest(明显的什么呢?). In modern world, we all suck into a huge competition and no one can survive without high quality. Don't bother to look for a secure job, because, actually, it isn't existed.

LZ,你的作文真是神速进步~~~
学到了很多东西 :)

zhouchlcyUID: 2847817

9.16 writing by zhouchlcy

日落沙发UID: 2764889

zhouchlcy同学，我的电脑坏掉了，拿去修了。这个周日才能拿回来。我拿回电脑以后再改你的作文O(∩_∩)O哈！

zhouchlcyUID: 2847817

28# 日落沙发
恩，好
别忘了。。

zhouchlcyUID: 2847817

9.18 writing by zhouchlcy
考试倒计时