菜菜的作文本

llacatUID: 2628715

8.31   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language


I deficiently agree with the point that kids should learn art and music in school. I will give my reasons in the following paragraphs.

To begin with, art and music can give children a way to cultivate their taste and learn some special beauty different from science. The classical arts and music is a kind of invaluable treasury of human being. With the exposure to these treasuries, young children can be edified to gain the capability to discern good things from the bad one unconsciously. If children could have chance to listen Symphony Fate, they may be impressed by the inspired rhyme despite they do not deeply understand it; if the children could have chance to watch the Broadway play, they may be interested in the motivated stories and histories in the play; If the children could watch the Mona Lisa during their art class, they may be guided to learn how to appreciate the wonderful works of human being. Even though study math and history could make little kids know the beauty of science, learn art and music could make children know the beauty of art and nature.

What’s more, learn more courses during the younger school could create a way for kids to find and develop their own interests. According to a recent report by an England psychology expert that more than 33% adult in college do not know what’s their real interest. As we all know, interesting is the best teacher. We can assume these selective subjects such as art, painting and music could all be taught in primary school, and then children have an opportunity to take the classes which they will excel at. Not all students have a mathematics mind, and not all students love literary. But if kids could contact all kinds of knowledge in school and pick up the courses which they really like, they may have a stage to improve their deeply interest in this specific way.


Finally, learning art and music may benefit children’s mental and physical health in the objective aspect.Research result has revealed that the ability of human being to develop the math, physics and other academic subjects lies in the left part of brain, while the ability to develop art and music lies in the right side, and the development of these two sides will benefit each other. That means learning art and music could make children’s right brain well trained, and also make kids relax before they use their left brain to study academic subjects.

In conclusion, if I will have children in the future, I would give them the chances to learn art and music such as painting or playing piano with no hesitation.

llljjjlllUID: 2745282

I deficiently agree with the point that kids should learn art and music in school. I will give my reasons in the following paragraphs.7: K& m/ m7 U
To begin with, art and music can give children a way to cultivate their taste and learn some special beauty different from science. The classical arts and music is a kind of invaluable treasury of human being. With the exposure to these treasuries, young children can be edified to gain the capability to discern good things from the bad one unconsciously. If children could have chance to listen Symphony Fate, they may be impressed by the inspired rhyme [inspiring rhyme？] despite they do not deeply understand it; if the children could have chance to watch the Broadway play, they may be interested in the motivated stories [motivating stories] and histories in the play; If the children could watch the Mona Lisa during their art class, they may be guided to learn how to appreciate the wonderful works of human being. Even though study math and history could make little kids know the beauty of science, learn art and music could make children know the beauty of art and nature. [1]整段论证都很给力！！！ 不过感觉if the children could balabala 稍啰嗦 如果改一个更简单的句式可能更有力 比如Watching the Broadway play allows children to promote their aesthetics appreciation; Listening Symphony makes them impressed...；

What’s more, learn [learning？]more courses during the younger school could create a way for kids to find and develop their own interests. According to a recent report by an England psychology expert that more than 33% adult in college do not know what’s their real interest. As we all know, interesting [interest]is the best teacher. We can assume these selective subjects such as art, painting and music could all be taught in primary school, and then children have an opportunity to take the classes which they will excel at. Not all students have a mathematics mind[Mathematical talent应该更常见吧], and not all students love literary[literature]. But if kids could contact all kinds of knowledge in school and pick up the courses which they really like, they may have a stage to improve their deeply interest[deep] in this specific way.
4 U+ X3 M/ \: E" U0 ?

Finally, learning art and music may benefit children’s mental and physical health in the objective aspect.Research result has revealed that the ability of human being to develop the math, physics and other academic subjects lies in the left part of brain, while the ability to develop[create?] art and music lies in the right side, and the development of these two sides will benefit each other. That means learning art and music could make children’s right brain well trained, and also make kids relaxed before they use their left brain to study academic subjects.
' D& Q% Q$ Q& f3 R! ]% L
In conclusion, if I will[will要拿掉吧] have children in the future, I would give them the chances to learn art and music such as painting or playing piano with no hesitation.

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1开头结尾简短有力 中间有理有据 多角度论证 还有科学实验数据 真厉害（又学到了）
2词汇丰富 语言也灵活 只是个别瑕疵 能注意就更好了
第一次改 也能力有限 只能瞅点细枝末节  望共同进步啊:）

tracyqian17UID: 2768321

I deficiently agree with the point that kids should learn art and music in school. I will give my reasons in the following paragraphs.
To begin with, art and music can give children a way to cultivate their taste and learn some special beauty different from science. The classical arts and music is a kind of invaluable treasury of human being. With the exposure to these treasuries, young children can be edified to gain the capability to discern good things from the bad one unconsciously. If children could have chance to listen Symphony Fate, they may be impressed by the inspired rhyme despite they do not deeply understand it; if the children could have chance to watch the Broadway play, they may be interested in the motivated stories and histories in the play; If the children could watch the Mona Lisa during their art class
（classes）, they may be guided to learn how to appreciate the wonderful works of human being. Even though study math and history could make little kids know the beauty of science, learn art and music could make children know the beauty of art and nature. （三个if构成排比，使文章很充实）
What’s more, learn（learning） more courses during the younger school could create a way for kids to find and develop their own interests. According to a recent report by an England psychology expert that more than 33% adult in college do not know what’s their real interest. As we all know, interesting is the best teacher. We can assume these selective subjects such as art, painting and music could all be taught in primary school, and then children have an opportunity to take the classes which they will excel at. Not all students have a mathematics mind, and not all students love literary. But if kids could contact all kinds of knowledge in school and pick up the courses which they really like, they may have a stage to improve their deeply interest in this specific way.
Finally, learning art and music may benefit children’s mental and physical health in the objective aspect.Research result has revealed that the ability of human being to develop the math, physics and other academic subjects lies in the left part of brain, while the ability to develop art and music lies in the right side, and the development of these two sides will benefit each other. That means learning art and music could make children’s right brain well trained, and also make kids relax before they use their left brain to study academic subjects.
In conclusion, if I will去掉 have children in the future, I would give them the chances to learn art and music such as painting or playing piano with no hesitation.

开头结尾短小精悍，给读者眼前一亮，观点很明确，向你学习
很不错，第一次改，共同加油！搞定T

llacatUID: 2628715

2# llljjjlll

谢谢你的意见哦~~说的很对，确实我有些句型太啰嗦了，还是自己积累太少了，一起加油哈！

llacatUID: 2628715

3# tracyqian17

谢谢~~一起努力~

llacatUID: 2628715

09.06.12NA   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.

I totally disagree with the point that students should not join part-time jobs during in universities. I will give my reasons in the following paragraph.

First and foremost, part-time job is a perfect way to help students use the skills and knowledge that they learned into practice. Knowledge in lectures and books are only stated in theoretically aspects, to do part-time work and to contact with real working tasks could improve students’ professional knowledge and make them to use the knowledge into reality. For instance, as students in accounting major, the courses they learned in school may be seemed just some boring portfolio and sheet balances. But if they could join in some kinds of part-time intern in public companies, these boring forms would become a majority of stories about differences companies. On the other hand, the working process could make students know more profound meaning about accounting, even could bring a possible orientation about their future career goals. So these benefits about pluralism are far more weighted than traditional opinions about benefits from only study at classroom.

What's more, a chance of part-time work or intern may develop students' communication skills. According to a report published by physical experts in York University, nearly 74% senior students in this university think their communication skills have been improved through part-time intern, such as the ability of make presentation, responsibilities in team-working and the skills about interviews. Also, nearly 92% graduated students think the most impressed experience in their undergraduate life is the first time of part-time job. All of these data could draw the same conclusion, seeking part-time job opportunities is a key factor of growing the students’ ability about communication.

However, over complicated job tasks might be a kind of disaster to fresh students. Since these children still have not totally be used to the university’s life, they maybe not able to balance their working time with study time, and a large number of fresh students even do not have a wonderful plan about how to handle working and study. In this circumstance, part-time job may only bring bad consequence to these students. But this fact would not influence the final conclusion that part-time work is a meaningful undergoing for students.

In a word, seeking a suitable part-time work at school could not only help students to have a deep understanding about their major knowledge, but also make them possible to increase the social ability and even build their own networking. Considering these benefits, why should students say no to the part-time job opportunities they faced in school?

FatalerrorUID: 2798581

6# llacat
09.02 Review Comments by Fatalerror
Please refer to the enclsoe doc for the review comments from my personal perspective.

llacatUID: 2628715

7# Fatalerror

谢谢你的批改，很仔细，很受用！

bbliangUID: 2604466

revised by bbliang

llacatUID: 2628715

2009.8.7 NA  是否同意 parents help determined the future of their children or children allow to make their own choices


As an old saying, people will learn more about a road by traveling it than by consulting all the maps in the world. I totally agree with the point that children should independently make their own choices. Compared with parents' suggestions and determinations, life experience will always bring more vivid knowledge to children.


First, parents could not ensure give a totally subjective suggestion to their children. The basic of a reasonable determination is subjective. If parents ignore the diversity of reality and determine their children's future subjectively, the final result will be a mass. In Indian famous movie Idiots, the hero's father forced his son to be an engineering scientist since the motivation is hoping his son to be wealthy, while the hero's real dreaming is to be a cinematographer. After lived in a deep feeling of desperation in engineering major for several years, the hero chooses to suicide finally. This story seemed extremely, but it still has a realistic significance. In reality, if parents' decision mixed with their own prejudice and autocracy, the final determination would lose a real positive meaning to children's future.

What's more, let children make decision independently could bring more confidence to children. A young adult must gain confidence in order to be able to make sound decision in the future. While parents' autocratic determination could help the children to arrive at the correct decision but could not make them feel as though it was completely by his/her own. If parents just give some suggestions instead of final determination to their children, then children would have opportunity to gain self-confidence from their own deicide experience and also be possible to make decision in the future.  

Finally, the process of self-decision could make children to learn from small errors so that they will be possible to make mature decision in the future.  According to a recent investigation held by York University, nearly 66% parents do not support their teenager children to pick part-time job, but almost 81% teenagers thought their communication ability and courage were improved in such meaningless part-time job. What's the most important, 95% young adult admitted these experiences were invaluable when they had to find a real job.

Of course, we could not deny the benefits that parents could use their knowledge and experience to prevent their children making costly mistakes, such as finding the right university or the right job after graduating from high school. But when we arguing about this dilemma, we should not forget what a famous British sociologist address experience is what a man does with what happens to him.

zjlkg2005UID: 2825578

我們互改吧 好像組已經分完了……
你在群裡的名字是什麽   我是楊光

zjlkg2005UID: 2825578

As an old saying, people will learn more about a road by traveling it than by consulting all the maps in the world. I totally agree with the point that children should independently make their own choices. Compared with parents' suggestions and determinations, life experience will always bring more vivid knowledge to children.
q0 Y

First, parents could not ensure give a totally subjective suggestion to their children(这个subjective是什么意思啊). The basic of a reasonable determination is subjective. If parents ignore the diversity of reality and determine their children's future subjectively, the final result will be a mass. In Indian famous movie Idiots, the hero's father forced his son to be an engineering scientist since the motivation is hoping his son to be wealthy, while the hero's real dreaming is to be a cinematographer. After lived in a deep feeling of desperation in engineering major for several years, the hero chooses to suicide finally. This story seemed extremely（时态不对，还有应是extreme）, but it still has a realistic significance. In reality, if parents' decision mixed with their own prejudice and autocracy, the final determination would lose a real positive meaning to children's future.1 A4 e% y3 V+ n0 k
* x2 T5 s5 g5 j
What's more, let children make decision independently could bring more confidence to children. A young adult must gain confidence in order to be able to make sound decisions in the future. While parents' autocratic determination could help the children to arrive at the correct decision but could not make them feel as though it was completely by his/her own. If parents just give some suggestions instead of final determination to their children, then children would have opportunity to gain self-confidence from their own deicide? experience and also be possible to make decision in the future.  # |" x5 J4 R0 M
/ Z% l7 g, `0 u: R3 Y0 ~5 \$ i; i
Finally, the process of self-decision could make children to learn from small errors so that they will be possible to make mature decision in the future.  According to a recent investigation held by York University, nearly 66% parents do not support their teenager children to pick part-time job, but almost 81% teenagers thought their communication ability and courage were improved in such meaningless part-time job. What's the most important, 95% young adult admitted these experiences were invaluable when they had to find a real job.
(2 3 理由貌似很接近……)
Of course, we could not deny the benefits that parents could use their knowledge and experience to prevent their children（from） making costly mistakes, such as finding the right university or the right job after graduating from high school. But when we arguing about this dilemma, we should not forget what a famous British sociologist address experience is what a man does with what happens to him.

很流畅，句子 词语用的都不错， 第三个理由值得商榷，因为跟第二个比较像，而且用了一个调查数据，这个东西是你记住的还是编的还是临时参考的，反正觉得要是考试的话不太保险。     我学得sociology 不知你那个sociologist是谁？