风起云落 de 作文贴

风起云落UID: 2833888

(2009.9.11NA) Agree or disagree it is only worth watching movies that can teach us something about real life.


With movie industry developing fast in recent years, various kinds of movies have come into our life. Among the numerous of movies, which of them should we select to watch? Should we only see the films that provide us education? As to myself I would say no.

At the beginning I have to commit that education in movies is advantageous to some degree, which can teach us knowledge, improve our morality, and enlighten us the attitude towards life, while provide us interesting stories, a better access for people to accept education. The most obvious effect of this kind of movies can be proved on the cartoons that children enjoy watching, which makes it easier for the children to learn about life than boring lectures.

However, it does not mean that education should company with us all the time. Movie is simply one kind of entertainment, hence possessing the character of relaxing and pleasant makes the movie, rather than character of teaching. After a tiring day of working or study, what we need may be simply a visual banquet that relieve the pressure and relax our mind. It’s hard for us to think about the serious senses. A good example may be the prevalent of ghost films. In most cases the film is just a show off of horror made by computer technology, with attractive plots and pictures. However, people enjoy this kind of movies and simply look on it as an entertainment.

Besides, though little education in some sorts of films, we could still benefit from the ones in many different ways. For instance, through watching a movie popular among people, we could be easier to find common topics when communicating with others, which is a great help to the construction of our social circle, including both old folks and even new guys.

In conclusion, there’s no necessary to watch movies that can teach us something about real life on purposely. Different movies may have different effects on us apart from serious education. Anyway, our life is not made up of education. Entertainment is required, let alone it may bring us other benefit.

lucia85524UID: 2166143

12# 风起云落
抱歉，改晚了，因为11号就要考试了，所以压力比较大。见谅。

zhouchlcyUID: 2847817

改好了~

风起云落UID: 2833888

2010.09.11
Government should spend more money on art museum, concert halls than on recreational facilities such as swimming pools and playgrounds.

Which project should the government care more in city construction? Should they invest more on art or sports? As to myself, I haven’t found any paradox between the two investments, which means that the municipality could and should make equal concentration on both sides.

To begin with, entertainment including art museum and concert halls is required for the normal life of residents. It’s hard to list up all the reasons that art benefit us, which are actually endless. First, for example, crucial to improve our work efficiency, we can escape from the life of quick tempo and high pressure through enjoying music. Second, art can facilitate our communicating with others and expand our social circle. As is known to all, people share common hobbies are easier to accept each other and become friends, which is just the function of art, the very one that brings numerous topics among strange people and makes them feel close to others.

On the other hand, sport is a necessary part of life as well, if only we are to lead a healthy life and enjoy it. First, as a fundamental factor for happy life, exercise help build up one’s body. Though not recommended, high strength work and crazy entertainment could both appear in our life, during which our body has to pay a lot to maintain the normal function of our physical system. That requires well condition of our health, determined by our daily exercise. Besides, through the sport games we can learn a lot, such as cooperation and communication in basketball game.

What’s more, if the government mainly focus on just one kind of art and sports, the result will be terrible because of the lack of the other one. Both art and sports are the essential/vital part of normal living for the residents. No art will contribute to soul-less life, while no sports may even ruin one’s body.

In conclusion, since no paradox between developing art or sports, I contend that government should weigh both the same, which is surely the most proper approach to the city construction.

zhouchlcyUID: 2847817

看了你的批改，非常感谢，帮助很大
你说的感觉语言不是很地道，请问有什么改进方法么
望赐教~

风起云落UID: 2833888

20# zhouchlcy

好吧 我当时没有跟你说 因为我觉得有点扯。。。
在我看来 方法就是——多读native article...
这好像是需要时间的囧

ttuuttuuUID: 2299729

修改0909   
sorry先，晚了由於剛開始補習，時間有點亂，還請見諒

==========================================

(2009.9.11NA) Agree or disagree it is only worth watching movies that can teach us something about real life.! H* J0 V" Z8 J2 Z9 C3 V8 T
J
With movie industry developing fast in recent years, various kinds of movies have come into our life. Among the numerous of movies, which of them should we select to watch? Should we only see the films that provide us education? As to myself I would say no.6 \$


At the beginning I have to commit that education in movies is advantageous to some degree, which can teach us knowledge, improve our morality, and enlighten us the attitude towards life, while provide us interesting stories, a better access for people to accept education. The most obvious effect of this kind of movies can be proved on the cartoons that children enjoy watching, which makes it easier for the children to learn about life than boring lectures.

However, it does not mean that education should company with us all the time. Movie is simply one kind of entertainment, hence possessing the character of relaxing and pleasant makes the movie, rather than character of teaching. After a tiring day of working or study, what we need may be simply a visual banquet that relieve the pressure and relax our mind. It’s hard for us to think about the serious senses. A good example may be the prevalent of ghost films. In most cases the film is just a show off of horror made by computer technology, with attractive plots and pictures. However, people enjoy this kind of movies and simply look on it as an entertainment.+ ~8


Besides, though little education in some sorts of films, we could still benefit from the ones in many different ways. For instance, through watching a movie popular among people, we could be easier to find common topics when communicating with others, which is a great help to the construction of our social circle, including both old folks and even new guys.2 u2 `$


In conclusion, there’s no necessary to watch movies that can teach us something about real life on purposely. Different movies may have different effects on us apart from serious education. Anyway, our life is not made up of education. Entertainment is required, let alone it may bring us other benefit.

你的文章寫的很好  你應該讀了不少國外讀物 time or economic
真的要我挑出問題  我只能給建議
第二段與第四段 可以再加強
第二段可以給出例子去支持你的論點
第四段 一寫完topic sentence就舉例  感覺不太好  建議可以多寫一兩句 再帶例子
這都是建議，謝謝你讓我讀到一篇好文章^^:)

jiroushirenUID: 2890685

Which project should the government care more in city construction? Should they invest more on art or sports? As to myself, I haven’t found any paradox between the two investments, which means that the municipality could and should make equal concentration on both sides.

To begin with, entertainment including art museum and concert halls is required for the normal life of residents. It’s hard to list up all the reasons that art benefit us, which are actually endless. First, for example, crucial to improve our work efficiency, we can escape from the life of quick tempo and high pressure through enjoying music. Second, art can facilitate our communicating with others and expand our social circle. As is known to all, people share common hobbies are easier to accept each other and become friends, which is just the function of art, the very one that brings numerous topics among strange people and makes them feel close to others.

On the other hand, sport is a necessary part of life as well, if only we are to lead a healthy life and enjoy it. First, as a fundamental factor for happy life, exercise help build up one’s body. Though not recommended, high strength work and crazy entertainment could both appear in our life, during which our body has to pay a lot to maintain the normal function of our physical system. That requires well condition of our health, determined by our daily exercise. Besides, through the sport games we can learn a lot, such as cooperation and communication in basketball game.

What’s more, if the government mainly focus on just one kind of art and sports, the result will be terrible because of the lack of the other one. Both art and sports are the essential/vital part of normal living for the residents. No art will contribute to soul-less life, while no sports may even ruin one’s body.  

In conclusion, since no paradox between developing art or sports, I contend that government should weigh both the same, which is surely the most proper approach to the city construction.
总评；  lz的文章，思路清晰（有总论点，下面有分论点，然后用总结），态度明确（让政府支持两方面建设，缺一不可），用词准确，很少有语言上的错误，确实是一篇好文，但是感觉在论点的支持上有待加强，不知道是否是让人读了意犹未尽的缘故，还是确实值得加强，希望楼主斟酌吧，反正感觉挺好的  呵呵  学习了~

haoannaUID: 2582245

句子变化很多，逻辑很清楚。
Which project should the government care more incity construction? Should they invest more on art or sports? As to myself, Ihaven’t found any paradox between the two investments, which means that themunicipality could and should make equal concentration on both sides.

Tobegin with, entertainment including art museum and concert halls is requiredfor the normal life of residents. It’s hard to list up all the reasons that artbenefit(s) us, which are actually endless. First, for example, （差主语）crucial to improveour work efficiency, we can escape from the life of quick tempo and highpressure through enjoying music. Second, art can facilitate our communicatingwith others and expand our social circle（s）. As is known to all,people share common hobbies are easier to accept each other and become friends,which is just the function of art, the very one that brings numerous topicsamong strange people and makes them feel close to others.

On the other hand, sport is a necessary part of life as well, if only we are tolead a healthy life and enjoy it. First, as a fundamental factor for happylife, exercise help build up one’s body. Though(这个主语我不知道能省不) not recommended,high strength work and crazy entertainment could both appear in our life,during which our body has（our bodies have）
to pay a lot to maintain the normal function of ourphysical system（s）. That requires well condition of our health, determined by ourdaily exercise. Besides, through the sport games we can learn a lot, such ascooperation and communication in basketball game.

What’s more,if the government mainly focus on just one kind of art and sports, the resultwill be terrible because of the lack of the other one. Both art and sports arethe essential/vital part of normal living for the residents. No art willcontribute to soul-less life, while no sports may even ruin one’sbody.
In conclusion,since no paradox between developing art or sports, I contend that governmentshould weigh both(差代词) the same, which is surely the most proper approach to the cityconstruction.(句子有歧义which指代什么)*

风起云落UID: 2833888

22# ttuuttuu
谢谢你的点评了哈^^.

风起云落UID: 2833888

24# haoanna
其实。。。状语成分是不需要主语的。。。
最后一句which指代的是前面一整句话。。。

风起云落UID: 2833888

这篇文章写得真纠结。。。

2010/9/13
(2009.02.27NA)It’s better to have a job with more vacations but lower salaries than a job with fewer vacations but higher salaries.

With respect to the paradox between work and holiday, most people would suffer a hard time to balance the two factors. As to myself, I maintain there’s never a strict answer to problem, while it’s more reasonable for a young man to work longer and relax more when getting older in most cases.

First, young man just stepping into society often own little savings, and have to pay heavy loan for his house and car, which will become a heavy burden of him, making him anxious to do extra things. He has to earn more to suffer his coming children and better life in the future. On the other hand, if little money is available, the young man can not lead a comfortable life, and then longer vacation will make no sense, as the boy even has no ability to afford an out-town tour. He may just stay at home sleeping all day, or wandering on the street desiring the luxuries in the street display frustratedly.

Second, despite daily exercise one may take, we have to admit that a younger body is more strength and healthier than a getting old one. The young are often full of spirit and ready to do the work, so less relax is needed for them to recover from the tire. Besides, young man may do work more creatively and efficiently though less experience. They’ll have more work done in the unit time, let alone longer time in working, which may bring higher product of work.

Henceforth, the young are recommended to take jobs with fewer vacations but higher salaries. If so, after several years they’ll be experienced in work with good living conditions, while their health condition may decrease somehow. Thus they can turn to jobs with more vacations but lower salaries, which means they will have more time to rehabilitate from the pressure of work while enjoying themselves on holiday.

teresaliqUID: 2371296

修改：With respect to the paradox between work and holiday, most people would suffer a hard time to balance the two factors. As to myself, I maintain there’s never a strict answer to problem, while it’s more reasonable for a young man to work longer and relax more when getting older in most cases.(这个比较句中没有明确指出和谁相比，有点混乱)
- j4 v2 o. J: u2 }" d
First, young man just stepping into society often own little savings, and have to pay heavy loan for his house and car, which will become a heavy burden of him, making him anxious to do extra things. He has to earn more to suffer（改为undergo,suffer 一般是指受苦受难） his coming children and better life in the future. On the other hand, if little money is available, the young man can not lead a comfortable life, and then longer vacation will make no sense, as the boy even has no ability to afford an out-town tour. He may just stay at home sleeping all day, or wandering on the street desiring the luxuries in the street display frustratedly.
. {& S$ q$ k% }) H
Second, despite daily exercise one may take, we have to admit that a younger body is more strength and healthier than a getting old one. The young are often full of spirit and ready to do the work, so less relax is needed for them to recover from the tire. Besides, young man may do work more creatively and efficiently though less experience. They’ll have more work done in the unit time, let alone longer time in working, which may bring higher product of work.

Henceforth, the young are recommended to take jobs with fewer vacations but higher salaries. If so, after several years they’ll be experienced in work with good living conditions, while their health condition may decrease somehow. Thus they can turn to jobs with more vacations but lower salaries, which means they will have more time to rehabilitate from the pressure of work while enjoying themselves on holiday.


文章开头说对于A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.没有严格的答案，但文章通篇都讨论的是不同意此观点。
而且文章既然分出年轻人和老年人不同情况，我认为应该再把the old man加进去，这样文章会更合理

WSYLRUID: 2666837

改好了~~ 求同存异 求同存异哈

rysfUID: 2514937

谢谢你的批改同学
这几天一直忙于琐事 和调整心情。 专门晚才批改 很是过意不去。。。
大家一起加油~~~~~