风起云落 de 作文贴

风起云落UID: 2833888

20100831 第一篇
真的写不到300字 悲伤……>.<
先请拍砖吧 还有不到20天...

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.: B6 g& s



Honestly speaking, I maintain that it’s important for young children to learn something about art or music besides other school work.


Radically, as we all know that different areas of our brain play different roles in dealing with the information. Generally we consider the left hemisphere of brain is good at logic, science, and so on, while the right one prefers dealing the affairs concerning emotion. So, learning art or music will undoubtedly promote the coherence between the two semisphere of brain, which will contribute to the development of both intelligence and emotion, i.e., IQ and EQ.

On the other hand, though not knowledge in the same field, the two kinds of courses are coherent in some way. For instance, golden mean is a crucial concept on art, while it is an fascinating law in maths. Besides, most of the poems are lyrics of songs in the past. One may catch the feeling of the poems when singing with heart more easily. Thus if the children could learn art or music as while as courses such as science and language, they may feel the latter ones more interesting and get more passion to learn.

The story of Einstein and violin may be familiar to us. As a master of physics, Einstein is also expert/skilled in playing violin. The fine art can really facilitate the thought of rationality. The same thing happens to other celebration too, such as Da Vinci, and so on.

In a word, I really recommend the young children to learn art and music as well as other courses. It not only help them smarter on learning, but also arouse their interest on study. Namely, it will greatly benefit the children in their growth.

zjlkg2005UID: 2825578

我也同意小孩子作為一個健全的人應該學藝術……

貌似這裡應該談寫作 我跑題了……

风起云落UID: 2833888

没有人改……T.T
继续贴第二篇 20100902
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.

The topic says that college students should not take part-time jobs, while, honestly speaking, I do not agree with the statement at all. There’re several reasons that can be listed to revoke the topic, among which the crucial ones I will discuss below.   

First of all, part-time job is a good way to relieve the pressure of schoolwork. Students often suffer high pressure and loaded assignment in daily college life, rushing from one classroom to another, signing out brick-like writings/works from library, and struggling on the papers till late night. No one can bear such high strength life, thus the students should have access to turn their eyes away from schoolwork. Entertainment, obviously, is one way to relieve. Likewise, taking part-time job has the effect, more meaningful actually. So the students should have/enjoy the rights to enroll part-time jobs to enrich their life.

Secondly, part-time job can bring college students more friends. Admittedly there’re many ways for a college student to obtain friendship with others, such as in clubs, parties, and so on. However, counterpart is different from what have mentioned above to some degrees. The young girls or boys may work together and endeavor for the same target, as well as suffering the same mistake. It may develop into more stable relationship, which means you can turn for help when in trouble, rather than the so-called friendship in games.

Finally, it can help the students to know more about society, an environment totally different from the campus. Just a few graduates will stay in campus and become professor. Namely, most of the students will have to step into society after leaving school. There’s no bad for them to contact with society ealier, through which they may get a clearer knowledge/understanding of their future, instead of making unrealistic plans in their dormitories, and experiencing the huge gap/fall between dream and reality.  
All in all, taking part-time jobs will benefit the students in all sides in most cases, if one may guarantee the schoolwork first. So it’s not proper to forbid the students in universities to stay away from the part-time jobs, which will be really a loss for them.

SarahMUID: 2727281

改晚了。。。不好意思啦~
Radically(basically 就好了吧), as we all know that different areas of our brain play different roles in dealing with the information. Generally we consider the left hemisphere of brain is good at logic, science, and so on,（functions more about logic and science,托福作文中不要用and so on,忘了从哪看到的了） while the right one prefers dealing（mostly deals with 这个应该不是它喜欢而是科学事实。。。） the affairs concerning emotion. So, learning art or music will undoubtedly promote the coherence between the two semisphere of brain, which will contribute to the development of both intelligence and emotion（加 of young students）, i.e., IQ and EQ.（删，有点不正式的感觉）

On the other hand, though (这里要指明呀，music and science are)not knowledge in the same field, the two kinds of courses are coherent in some way. For instance, golden mean is a crucial concept on(in) art, while it is an fascinating law in maths. (这句不太通，the golden means is not only a crucial concept in art, but also stands for an fascinating law in maths.)Besides, most of the poems are lyrics of songs in the past. One may catch the feeling of the poems when singing with heart more easily. Thus if the children could learn art or music as while as courses such as science and language, they may feel the latter ones more interesting and get more passion to learn.
$ @5 M# ^$ J: l8 P: E3 Q
The story of Einstein and violin may be familiar to us. As a master of physics, Einstein is also expert/skilled in playing violin. The fine art can really facilitate the thought of rationality. The same thing happens to other celebration too, such as Da Vinci, and so on.

In a word, I really recommend the young children to learn art and music as well as other courses. It not only help them be smarter on(in) learning, but also arouse their interest on study. Namely, it will greatly benefit the children in their growth.
感觉楼主语言功底还是挺不错的，逻辑挺清晰的，语言也不错。

SarahMUID: 2727281

我本来是在word里用红色标记了的 没想到沾上来就都黑色了。。。

fd笑笑UID: 2791669

Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five toten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science,history and language.: B6 g& s4 c& D+r) U7 F5 j/ j6 Y7 U% m
8 I8 P7 f4 t$ }! K
Honestly speaking, I maintain that it’s importantfor young children to learn something about art or music besides other schoolwork.+ f8 j& [3 |( r6 J

) L" a9 X% J" M* z9 _. L" S9 a
Radically, as we all know that different areas ofour brain play different roles in dealing with （加different kinds of）the information. Generally we consider the left hemisphereof brain is good at logic, science, and so on, while the right one prefersdealing the affairs concerning emotion. So, learning art or music will
undoubtedly
promote the coherence between the two semisphere(s) of brain,which will contribute to the development of both intelligence and emotion,i.e., IQ and EQ.$ f1 y* i' ]' m"H% @- k
( U& }  a. ]6 J  N2 m
On the other hand, though not knowledge in thesame field（这句有点问题，我没读懂）, the two kinds of courses are coherent in some way. For instance,
golden mean
is a crucial concept on art, while（换成similarly更好) it is an(a) fascinating
law
in maths. Besides, most of the poems are lyrics of songsin the past. One may catch the feeling of the poems when singing with heartmore easily. Thus if the children could learn art or music as while as coursessuch as science and language, they may feel the latter ones more interestingand get more passion to learn.
9 ]# y& l9 q1 d9 H4 u" V& l+ A( e# F

The story of Einstein and violin may be familiarto us. As a master of physics, Einstein is also
expert/skilledin
playing
（play和乐器之间要加the,固定搭配）violin. The fine art can really facilitate the thought ofrationality. The same thing happens to other celebration（celebrities） too, such as Da Vinci, and so on.

/ p; S. l8 }" B9 j) @" T9 }
In a word, I really recommend the young children tolearn art and music as well as other courses. It not only help them smarter onlearning, but also arouse their interest on study. Namely, it will greatlybenefit the children in their growth.
很不好意思，改晚了。
总体感觉你文章写得不错！观点清晰，例子恰当，句子不生硬，用词也很好，我就想不到用一些新的词，学习了。
字数不够，是因为你有些解释还不是很到位，比如，开头可以做些铺垫或背景介绍什么的；爱因斯坦例子前可以加几句解释一下这个例子要说明的观点。看看好的文章是怎么充实的。

风起云落UID: 2833888

呵呵 谢谢了哈~~

littleecho33UID: 2876349

The topic says（demonstrates/illustrates） that college students should not take part-time jobs, while,(我很少见while加逗号，) honestly speaking, I do not agree with the statement at all. （honestly speaking, yet I do not agree with,,,,）.There’re several reasons that can be listed to revoke the topic, among which the （most）crucial ones I will discuss below.   
  X1 O2 r8 ~2 k0 ?0 X: C
First of all, a part-time job is (with no doubt) a good way to relieve the pressure of schoolwork. Students often suffer high pressure and loaded(时态！) assignment in daily college life, (for instance, )rushing from one classroom to another (all day long), signing out brick-like writings/works from library, and struggling on the papers till very late (in mid)night. No one can bear such high strength(stressful?) life, thus(,) the students should have access to turn their eyes away from schoolwork. Entertainment, obviously, is one way to relieve. Likewise, taking （a）part-time job has the effect, more meaningful actually. So (I suggest that )the students should have/enjoy the rights to enroll part-time jobs to enrich their life.
8 g; h3 q+ e7 v( Q* }% F
Secondly, (a) part-time job can bring college students more friends （and promote the interpersonal communication skills）. Admittedly(,) there’re many ways for a college student to obtain(obtaining) friendship with others, such as in clubs, parties, and so on(forth). However, counterpart is different from what have mentioned above to some degrees. The young girls or boys may work together and endeavor for the same target, as well as suffering the same mistake. It may develop into more stable relationship, which means you can turn for help when in trouble, rather than the so-called friendship in games.(this point is creative!)3 o. r! w0 h8 ~6 K1 b# u) R

Finally, it (taking a part-time job) can help the students to know more about society, an environment totally different from the campus(ivory tower). (As is known to all,) just a few(small proportion of ) graduates will stay in campus and become professor(s). Namely, most of the students will have to step into society after leaving school. There’s no bad for them to contact with society ealier（more early）, through which they may get a clearer knowledge/understanding of their future, instead of making unrealistic plans in their dormitories, and experiencing the huge gap/fall between dream and reality.  ) I6 Z& N9 e% A7 u
All in all(就我所知，all in all用于作文太口语 in conclusion), taking part-time jobs will benefit the students in all sides in most cases, if one may(could) guarantee the schoolwork first. So(hence,) it’s not proper to forbid the students in universities to stay away from the part-time jobs, which will be really a loss for them(which will become a sum of perpetuating wealth in a person’s life. )
Comments:1 冠词总是忘
2 第二个观点 和 第三个观点的最后一句很精彩 值得学习！
3 一些衔接词，还略显口语化，太简单，何不换点稍微复杂一点的词儿呢？so,啊这些少用用。~
4 简单句太多。可以将句式复杂点，多一两个从句。

tracyqian17UID: 2768321

The topic says that college students should not take part-time jobs, while, honestly speaking, I do not agree with the statement at all. There’re several reasons that can be listed to revoke the topic, among which the crucial ones I will discuss below.   

First of all, part-time job is a good way to relieve the pressure of schoolwork. Students often suffer high pressure and loaded/load assignment in daily college life, rushing from one classroom to another, signing out brick-like writings/works from library, and struggling on the papers till late night. (这个并列用词造句很好！！）No one can bear such high strength life, thus the students should have access to turn their eyes away from schoolwork. Entertainment, obviously, is one way to relieve. Likewise, taking part-time job has the effect, more meaningful actually.So the students should have/enjoy the rights to enroll part-time jobs to enrich their life.

Secondly, part-time jobscan bring college students more friends. Admittedly there’re many ways for a college student to obtain friendship with others, such as in clubs, parties, and so on. However, counterpart is different from what have mentioned above to some degrees. The young girls or boys may work together and endeavor for the same target, as well as suffering the same mistake. It may develop into more stable relationship, which means you can turn for help when in trouble, rather than the so-called friendship in games.
Finally, it? can help the students to know more about society, an environment totally different from the campus. Just a few graduates will stay in campus and become professor. Namely, most of the students will have to step into society after leaving school. There’s no bad for them to contact with society ealier, through which they may get a clearer knowledge/understanding of their future, instead of making unrealistic plans in their dormitories, and experiencing the huge gap/fall between dream and reality.  
All in all,？ taking part-time jobs will benefit the students in all sides in most cases, if one may guarantee the schoolwork first. So it’s not proper to forbid the students in universities to stay away from the part-time jobs, which will be really a loss for them.
用词方面很好，很值得我学习！文章层次上很清楚，各段观点很明确！主要我自己能力有限，词语句子方面楼上修改的不错，我个人觉得在例子后面再加以说明和主题句相照应，或者采用反面说，这样使文章读起来不单调！个人观点，加油！

风起云落UID: 2833888

(09.08.01NA)  第三弹

写完觉得。。。难道偏题了？？？
请赐教……

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If you do not make sure other people (especially influential people or your employers) know about your strengths and accomplishments, you will never get successful in life.



Honestly speaking, I consider the opinion does make sense to some degree, that only after your strengths and accomplishments are acknowledged, you can get success, mostly in career. We may reach this point in several aspects.

Basically we may divide vocation into three types to cover most of the jobs, which pertain to art, academic research, and business. As to the art, obviously the aim of the work is to acquire the appreciation by others. For example, actors, actress, and singers are successful is they are wildly acknowledged by the audience. Similar happens to the painters and writers.

Allowing for the job concerning academic research, such as a science research, the success means the one get impressive discovery, which appears calling for only the endeavor of the group of scientists themselves. However, the discovery must be acknowledged by their counterparts, or even the popularities. For instance, few people knew what did Einstein do at the very moment, nevertheless everyone consider him an excellent scientist. Besides, to lead an experiment one need the finance support, which calls for the support of his leaders, who should have confidence in the researcher’s talents and strengths.

The same comes to both the corporation managers and the clerks. The clerks are required to show their accomplishments to get the chance to promote, while the managers should exhibit his competence/capability so as to gain the trust for the corporation. Only when his competence is known by the clients and cooperators can the company survive and thrive.

However, though in most cases acknowledgement by others, especially the employers or influential people is crucial for one’s career, thus for one’s life, we have to admit that for some people the appreciation of others is totally useless. They do not care what others regard them as and just enjoy their own lives at will, boundless and joyful. From the perspective of other people the life is meaningless, while to themselves, leading the very kind of life is such a great success.

In conclusion, generally speaking to get successful you should make sure that your strengths and accomplishments are acknowledged. Nevertheless, we should make the judge by specific cases, on the grounds that different people own different attitude towards life.

canonleeUID: 2827997

今天才发现被分了两个组...
修改情况在附件中！
加油！
9.4-风起云落.doc (26 KB, 下载次数: 8)

2010-9-6 09:00:59 上传

下载次数: 8

风起云落UID: 2833888

2010/9/6
Should parents help determine the future of their children?

Honestly speaking, as to myself I maintain that parents should by no means determine the children’s future instead of the kids themselves. There’s almost no benefit at all by doing so, while the weak points are numerous and obvious. Some of the reasons easily understood will be analyzed below.

To begin with, restriction to their experience and age, parents are often some kind of conservation, and their decision may not be really advantageous in the future. First, their value of society is still at the age of their youth, which is a common phenomenon. For example, they may not be used to the computer, and some kind of modern equipments. So probably they have no idea about what the world is to be in the coming tens of years, which can often be grasped by the youth. And second, as the parents often have experienced so much failure and frustration, while seen so much tragedy and unfairness, they may become less active in life. When an opportunity comes, what they see could be the potential risk, while the youth are prefer to imagine the possible exciting result. It’s crucial for one to consider the various of possibilities especially bad ones, but it doesn’t means that we should stop trying new ideas, which will benefit us the most in numerous cases. Seldom will parents allow their children to take such risk though the returns may be enormous. That’s not really good for the future of children.

Admittedly, considering some parents are open-minded, it’s still not a good idea for them to determine the children’s future. Children are not the clones of their parents. On the contrary, they’ve got their specific interest, dreams, and their own style to feel the world as well as lead their life. No parents would catch accurately what the kids really enjoy doing, even not the kids themselves. Let alone some parents plan the future of the kids at their own will, regardless of the kids opposition, which may even ruin the children. So it’s impossible for parents to choose the best future for the children. They might leave the question to the kids and provide them the opportunity to think deeply as well.

Anyway, what I think is that parents should just offer suggestion and their knowledge about different choice, then the children will make the decision by themselves considering the parents’ guide. That will be the most advantageous one for the children’s future.

canonleeUID: 2827997

斗胆再为LZ改一篇。。。
具体见附件！
个人水平有限，如有不妥之处，望见谅！
9.7-风起云落.doc (23.5 KB, 下载次数: 16)

2010-9-6 18:03:37 上传

下载次数: 16

风起云落UID: 2833888

13# canonlee

哈！谢谢了~
你提的意见很专业哈~
另，本来是有例子的，结果字数严重超标……

kimi0428UID: 2592187

水平有限，望大家相互指教