独立写作小组的作业帖

pku_shuigeUID: 2325405

9.2日的作业。。第一次作业，大家狠批~


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.

When it comes to students, people in particular the parents will hold the opinion that the cardical task of them is to study well. They even regard the score as the unique standard which judges a student good or not. As far as these people are concerned, students take part-time jobs while they are studying is certainly an inadvisable decision. But I should say “no” to them, and tell them that studying at school is not the whole thing in life, especially for students in universities. And we should judge a student from all aspects.

In terms of students in universities, schoolwork is still the basic assignment we should do well, but it is no longer the crucail thing. As I said before, life consists of different aspects. To have part-time jobs makes our life more varied and colorful. We can experience the different things and feelings that we will never know at school, and it is the real life in the adult world which we’ll finally get into. The social life will also provide an opportunity to learn from it. As we all know, the socail life is more complicated than the school life. It is awash with intricate human relationships and unfair things. When face them, we should hold an ordinary mide and learn to handle them. In this situation, to communicate well is more useful than study well. People won’t care about your mark is A or B, for the reason that it has nothing to do with the work.

Another important thing the students in universities should do is to find their main direction in the future. And to do part-time jobs also can be a great help. Not everyone want to do academic research in the future, and there’re many students who are not satisfied with their own majors as I know. So part-time jobs give them a good chance to know what they are really interested in and they will probably find their future careers in them. It is useless to imagine something is certain to fit me blindly. And it’s also possible that something you like does not fit you. Only to practice is the right way to know things exactly. It is the way that part-time jobs help us——we can practice through them.

Although study well in the universities is of great impotance, to learn from the society and find our main direction in the future are also indispensible. To take part-time jobs can help us carry these point, so we may consider to take one or a few part-time jobs if possible. I’m sure it’ll help to make great progress.

primrose0519UID: 2887617

第二段第四行“when face them”语法对否？应该是when facing them或when faced with them？？
“People won’t care about your mark is A or B”这句about 换成if 或weather？
hold an ordinary mide这个词我不会，字典也没怎么有，求教它的意思
Although study well in the universities is of great impotance这句也语法问题
indispensible拼写错了，so we may consider to take one or a few part-time jobs if possible。。。是consider doing。。。 “carry these point”也是笔误吧，

总的来说文章词汇、句式变化多样，思路清楚，论证也挺有理的，比俺写的好，恩，赞一个

pku_shuigeUID: 2325405

谢谢你的认真批改。。
我的word很奇怪，没有自动纠错功能的。。。然后我又是粗心的人，自己看不出拼写什么的错误。。。
的确有几个地方是笔误。。。
第一个貌似是用when facing them比较好。。。谢谢指正
第二个应该是  hold an ordinary mind 抱有平常心 （我最后一个单词拼错了，囧）
be of great importance （又少打一个r）。。这个就是be very important的意思，应该没有语法的错误，是拼错了
consider doing 嗯嗯，我记住了~谢谢哈

canonleeUID: 2827997

写的不错，我主要提点问题
1. 具体的问题在附件word中，我自己水平有限，有些改动也不知道对不对，谨慎参考，呵呵
2. 段与段之间有过渡词好一些，段中间也可以加一些过渡词，还有一些词的变换也很重要，推荐无老师的总结：
http://www.ibtsat.com/archives/1791
加油，再接再厉！

等级不够，不能添加附件。。。
1# pku_shuige

pku_shuigeUID: 2325405

4# canonlee

嗯，谢谢你的批改。
经过你的修改，这篇文章更加精炼和流畅了。表达也更加清楚。
我会接受你的意见的。

pku_shuigeUID: 2325405

9.11作业。。。 又晚交了。。。希望有人批

2009.9.19 NA
Government should more support art museum and music performance than recreational facilities, such as swimming pool or play ground.

As the living standard is rising, people has begun to turn their attention to the art education and construction. Many people may think we can benefit more from the appreciation of art than from doing things like sports. Therefore, they think art museum and music performance need more support from the government than recreational facilities, such as swimming pool or playground. But I will show their claim is not true and prove that the two things are on an equal footing.

In their point of view, art may stand in the higher class for the reason that it not only can promote the development of body, such as hearing, seeing, memory and thinking, but also can purify our emotions to some extent. By contrast, doing sports, as far as they are concerned, only have the function that to build our body. However, this evidence provides scant support for their recommendation for several reasons.

First and foremost, nothing is more important than our health. "Health is wealth" is an advice that everyone is familiar with. Indeed, without good health and fitness, one will not be able to realize any great aspirations or ambitions which one may have. Doing sports can help us to enhance immune function and prevent disease that make us healthy. In addition, it also stimulates the circulation of blood in order to relax us and we’ll work more efficiently then.

Another important reason is doing sports provides us a good opportunity to make family more harmonious. As we all know, good relationships is one of the main sources of happiness. When we are visiting the art museums or attending a concert, we can only appreciate them silently and have few chance to communicate with our friends or family who come with us. Nevertheless, when we’re swimming in the pool or strolling on the playground, we can easily talk with our family or friends in the comfortable atmosphere.

Art appreciation can develop our tastes and purify our emotions, while doing sports can keep us healthy and make our relationships more harmonious. We can benefit a lot from both of them and they’re both indispensable for us on account of they constitute the complete happy life for us. They’re on an equal footing, government should support them identically in consequence.

pku_shuigeUID: 2325405

以后一定不能晚交了。。。

9.14作业

2009.9 25NA do you agree or disagree: having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.:

It is an eternal topic to find a job in our life. Both salary and security are the main factors that we care about. Everyone wants to obtain both of them, but we have to face the fact that there’re few perfect things in the real life. Most of the time, we have to make a choice. When facing the question about finding jobs, I will choose the one that with high salary but being less secure.

It is easy to see the advantages that the high salary job will bring. Nowadays, the rise in price is so rapid and we confront the great financial pressures surrounding us in our daily life. If we do not have a job with high salary, we will live a hard life. In contrast, with the high salary job, we can enjoy the high quality life. We’ll not be worried about to buy a house and we can buy things in a higher quality as well. What’s more, we can provide a better life for our children.

Someone maybe say that the high salary job is with the high risk in which we’ll easily lose the job. I can’t deny that this kind of job makes us feel less safety, however, it also can be a power to work hard for us. It is a great challenge to some extent, and if we can beat it, we will improve a lot and be on a new level. Even if we lose this job, it is not a bad thing completely. We can find another job and do something differently. It is very possible that we are not so satisfied with the first job although it has a high salary. By changing jobs, we may find the one that we are really interested in and suitable.

To find a stable job is the goal that many people pursue, nevertheless, to be too steady is not entire a good thing. We can develop ourselves through the challenge from the job with high salary but being easy to lose. Moreover, we can live a more comfortable life with the high salary. So, why don’t we have a try?

dadafanUID: 2659273

加油！

pku_shuigeUID: 2325405

9.16号作业。。。狠狠批~！

2009. 10. 17 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.

Nowadays, movies and televisions have increasing influence on our lives. They even become a model to shape our way of life. Therefore, many people may hold the view that movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished. They believe that it will encourage people to do good things and prevent the potential bad people from making some mistakes. But there’re some important points they have missed that lead them to this wrong conclusion.

First and foremost, the movies and televisions are not the real life, although they can reflect the fact to some extent. The essence of the movies and televisions is art. The directors make them out as art works conveying some ideas and notions of them. Of course, most of the elements come from the real life, actually they based on it. However, it is not the main point on account of they have no need to spend so much time and money on creating a movie or television just for reappearing the ordinary life. Therefore, what happened in the movies or televisions cannot represent that it will happen in reality in the same way.

Another important point is that if good people are always being rewarded and bad people are always being punished in the movies and televisions, audience will always know the final results. In this case, we would have little fun in watching them. Every movie or television is similar and we watch the same endings again and again, I think it is boring and we can’t be moved anymore. Sometimes, it is the good person’s death that move us deeply. Take the famous movie Titanic as an example, if the male title role Jack didn’t die in the end, and he live a happy life with Kate forever instead, I don’t think this movie will still be so moving and famous. It’ll like the story of Snow White or something similar.

As art works, movies and televisions should go the way like art, ignoring other factors such as the reality. What’s more, it is not a textbook which tell you how to life. In fact, no one can tell you how to live your life. So, it is not an important thing that what the outcome for good people and bad people, just relax and enjoy yourself in the movies and televisions. That’s the meaning of them.

teresaliqUID: 2371296

修改帖：Nowadays, movies and televisions have increasing(increasingly) influence on our lives. They even become a model to shape our way of life. Therefore, many people may hold the view that movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished. They believe that it will encourage people to do good things and prevent the potential bad people from making some mistakes. But there’re some important points they have missed that lead them to this wrong conclusion.4 R3 C- k3 }" ~' h: W: N
% v$ X4 j0 e. `# s1 e
First and foremost, the movies and televisions are not the real life, although they can reflect the fact to some extent. The essence of the movies and televisions is art. The directors make them out as art works conveying some ideas and notions of them. Of course, most of the elements come from the real life, actually they based on it. However, it is not the main point on account of they have no need to spend so much time and money on creating a movie or television just for reappearing the ordinary life. Therefore, what happened in the movies or televisions cannot represent that it will happen in reality in the same way. ' g1 R) Q( J' i: d! u

Another important point is that if good people are always being rewarded and bad people are always being punished in the movies and televisions, audience will always know the final results. In this case, we would have little fun in(去掉in) watching them. Every movie or television is similar and we watch the same endings again and again, I think it is boring and we can’t be moved anymore. Sometimes, it is the good person’s death that move us deeply. Take the famous movie Titanic as an example, if the male title role Jack didn’t die in the end, and he live a happy life with Kate forever instead, I don’t think this movie will still be so moving and famous. It’ll like the story of Snow White or something similar.

As art works, movies and televisions should go the way like art, ignoring other factors such as the reality. What’s more, it is not a textbook which tell you how to life. In fact, no one can tell you how to live your life. So, it is not an important thing that what the outcome for good people and bad people, just relax and enjoy yourself in the movies and televisions. That’s the meaning of them.





语法基本没错误，句式也富于变化，赞一个！


但是个人认为，第一点的原因说服力不是很强，应该再深入一些，或者换其他的原因

tracyqian17UID: 2768321

Nowadays, movies and televisions have increasing influence on our lives. They even become a model to shape our way of life. Therefore, many people may hold the view that movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished. They believe that it will encourage people to do good things and prevent the potential bad people from making some mistakes. But there’re some important points they have missed that lead them to (do) this wrong conclusion.4 R3 C- k3 }" ~' h: W: N
% v$ X4 j0 e. `# s1 e: \2 V1 c, z' U+ j0 f/ ?0 J9 _  c
First and foremost, the movies and televisions are not the real life, although they can reflect the fact to some extent. The essence of the movies and televisions is art. The directors make them out as art works conveying some ideas and notions of them. Of course, most of the elements come from the real life, actually they based on it. However, it is not the main point on account of they have no need to spend so much time and money on creating a movie or television just for reappearing the ordinary life. Therefore, what happened in the movies or televisions cannot represent that it will happen in reality in the same way. '(加些例子什么充实下文章）

Another important point is that if good people are always being rewarded and bad people are always being punished in the movies and televisions, audience will always know the final results. In this case, we would have little fun in watching them. Every movie or television is similar and we watch the same endings again and again, I think it is boring and we can’t be moved anymore. Sometimes, it is the good person’s death that move us deeply. Take the famous movie Titanic as an example, if the male title role Jack didn’t die in the end, and he live a happy life with Kate forever instead, I don’t think this movie will still be so moving and famous. It’ll like the story of Snow White or something similar., ~7 q& V2 N; z1 V  N, t( {# L

As art works, movies and televisions should go the way like art, ignoring other factors such as the reality. What’s more, it is not a textbook which tell you how to life. In fact, no one can tell you how to live your life. So, it is not an important thing that what the outcome for good people and bad people, just relax and enjoy yourself in the movies and televisions. That’s the meaning of them.7
两个观点层层相扣不错，句子用词很不错！学习
作者可以试下其他论证方式让步，反证，或者调查等证明自己的观点，是文章更加充实丰富，不单调！

pku_shuigeUID: 2325405

9.22作业

09.05.30NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.

With the rising of living standard, people began to pay more attention to art and music, even in the area of children’s education. Some people consider that children should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language. However, I don’t think art education is necessary and even should be required. There’re a couple of reasons that can support my veiw.

The most important thing in education is to make sure the children are really interested in what they have to learn.Since not every kid will be interested in art and music, they should not be required to study them according to the principle above. For exampe, when a child is not interested in piano, but the parents think it can help improve the child’s tastes, so they send him to a piano class anywany, we know that, the child will feel so boring when sitting there for hours playing piano, and it makes him hate the music. The result turned out in the opposite direction to what the parents expected.

In addition, when something is being required, we’ll have less fun in it. It is ordinary to see that, we enjoy doing something and it finally becomes our career. Nevertheless, when it is the career that we are required to do everyday, the demand is higher and we cannot regulate the time by ourselves. Then, it becomes less interesting and even boring sometimes. Similarly, if children are required to study art and music even though the ones who like it at first, they will get more pressure when there are lots of homework for them to do and even some tests. As children, not the adults, the pressure will only reduce their passions on it. Moreover, they will have less fun in it and even give up learning it.

I can’t deny that it is good for children to study art and music. Nonetheless, the outcome is highly possible to be the one we don’t want to see when we required them to study. In my opinion, what we should do is only to find what they are interested in,and ask a professional person to teach them when they need. I’m sure they’ll enjoy themselves in it and benefit a lot from it.

fermaighUID: 2236755

With the rising of living standard, people began to pay more attention to art and music, even in the area of children’s education. Some people consider that children should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language. However, I don’t think art education is necessary and even should be required（前后无递进关系）. There’re a couple of reasons that can support my veiw.（View)

The most important thing in education is to make sure the children are really interested in what they have to learn. Since not every kid will be interested in art and music, they should not be required to study them according to the principle above. For exampe(example), when(if会地道些吧） a child is not interested in piano,but (but 去掉)the parents think it can（could) help（help去掉） improve the child’s tastes, so they send him to a piano class anywany（anyway), we know that, the child will feel so boring when sitting there for hours playing piano, and it makes him hate the music. The result turned out in(这里好像是to吧） the opposite direction to what the parents expected(before).

In addition, when something is being required, we’ll have less fun in it. It is ordinary to see that, we enjoy doing something and it finally becomes our career. Nevertheless, when it is the career that we are required to do everyday, the demand is higher and we cannot regulate (arrange) the time by ourselves. Then, it becomes less interesting and even boring sometimes. Similarly, if children are required to study art and music even though the ones who like it at first, they will get more pressure when there are lots of homework for them to do and even some tests. As children, not the adults, the pressure will only reduce their passions on it. Moreover, they will have less fun in it and even give up learning it.

I can’t deny that it is good for children to study art and music. Nonetheless, the outcome is highly possible to be the one we don’t want to see when we required them(who?) to study. In my opinion, what we should do is only to find what they(who?) are interested in,and ask a professional person to teach them when they need. I’m sure they’ll enjoy themselves in it and benefit a lot from it.

第一次改人作文，我觉得lz逻辑很清晰，就是句式上的变化性和词语选择上欠缺些（和我一样），我把我自己能看出来的问题给用红笔标上了，请你参考，如有错误，请指正。

日落沙发UID: 2764889

12# pku_shuige

With the rising of living standard, people began to pay more attention to art and music, even in the area of children’s education. Some people consider that children should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language. However, I don’t think art education is necessary and even should be require (改为imposed on children).There’re a couple of reasons that can support my veiw.（point of view)

n, D2 J. u
(可以加To begin with, )The most important thing in education is to make sure the(the 可以去掉) children are really interested in what they have to learn. Since not every kid will be interested in art and music, they should not be required to study them according to the principle above. For exampe(example), when a child is not interested in piano, but the parents think it can help improve the child’s tastes, so they send (insist on sending)
him to a piano class anywany（anyway), we know that, the child will feel so boring when sitting there for hours playing (加the) piano, and it
(加will ) makes him hate the music. The result turned out in(改为to）the opposite direction to what the parents expected. & d% @& E

In addition, when (加doing) something is being(删) required, we’ll (改为we usually) have less fun in it. It is ordinary to see that, we enjoy doing something and it finally becomes our career. Nevertheless, when it is the career that we are required to do everyday, the demand is higher and we cannot regulate the time by ourselves. Then, it becomes less interesting and even boring sometimes. Similarly, if children are required to study art and music even though the ones who like it at first, they will get more pressure when there are (is) lots of homework for them to do and even some tests. As children, not the adults, the pressure will only reduce their passions on it. Moreover, they will have less fun in it and even give up learning it


I can’t (改为cannot) deny that it is good for children to study art and music. Nonetheless, the outcome is highly possible to be the one we don’t want to see when we required them to study. In my opinion, what we should do is only to find what they are interested in and ask a professional person to teach them when they need. I’m sure they’ll enjoy themselves in it and benefit a lot from it.


楼主逻辑很好.

昨天过节改晚了,望楼主见谅.

祝福楼主,中秋节后天天快乐!$ L" B4 ?6 j0 }( T' F9 b! @# F

pku_shuigeUID: 2325405

9.23的作业~


09.04.03NA   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to improve the quality of education in a country is to increase teachers' salaries.




It is always a hot topic how to improve the quality of education in a country. Some people may think to increase teachers’ salaries could be a good solution. However, I don’t think their suggestion is available and there’re some reasons to support my view.



First of all, there’re little evidence to indicate that there’s a certain relationship between the quality of education and the teachers’ salaries. Some people who support the view described in the title may claim that when teachers are paid more, they should pay more attention on how to improve their teaching skills and make students easier to learn. It is a perfect hypothesis; nevertheless, the fact is highly possible to be in another way. The teacher can do the same thing with the higher salary and take it for granted. And there is no change before and after. Therefore, if we really want to improve the quality of education, what we should do is to change the thing by the roots.



The quality of the teachers’ self is the radical point to solve the education problem. When schools interview new teachers, they should not only check the interviewees’ professional knowledges, but also check the person have the characteristics such as to be patient, comprehensive, the ability to communicate with students, in order to make sure they have the capability to be a good teacher. As we all know, a good teacher can make students feel easy and happy in studying. Take my own experience for an example, I usually had a poor score in physics until the teacher who made things change taught me in the last year of my high school. She was pretty patient that gave me extra guidance after class. She even helped me make a study plan and encouraged me when I felt confused. I got the satisfactory score in my final test at last. I think it was all because of her.



In addition, the school should make a policy to evaluate the teachers every semester. It is ordinary to see that one must be very active when he just begins to do a job, but he may be boring after a period of time. The evaluation can help to give teachers some pressure to work hard. Moreover, there could be some rewards for the teacher who performs best. Then the teachers will be more powerful to improve themselves and to be best.

The crucial thing to improve the education quality is to improve the quality of teachers. Therefore, to increase all teachers’ salaries can’t be a good way. By contrast, to encourage the best teacher by rewarding is an available idea.