樾悦 独立写作文贴c

樾悦UID: 2689181

写得好辛苦   望细批！！！！

haoannaUID: 2582245

16# 樾悦 It is complex and controversialto discuss whether movies and televisions should reflect audience good peopleare being rewarded and bad people are being punished. While some people disagreewith it because it is unpractical, such phenomenon could happen just in films.However I agree with this statement for the following reasons.Firstly, that kind of moviesand TV serve as a model in our society. That people never be satisfied withthis society and they should al ays strive for justice and fair treatment seemsto be a propensity inherent(词序)in human nature. I can think of no better illustration of the idea that （不通I can merely think a comparable idea to）theexample of Chris, which is the protagonist in the moive named The Pursuit Of Happiness.Despite his adversity, tribulation and hardship, Chris eventually find a marvellousjob and enhance(不恰当) his living conditions, which, directly or indirectly, derived（时态）from his good characters ---------- persistent and painstaking. Thus, moviesserve as a encouragement for those people who is(are) facing challenges andopportunities. 这一段挺好，例子也恰当。Secondly, some movies alsoalarm people who is are going to do some bad things and to去掉tell them theconsequences before they do it them. On account of accelerating pace of life,competition goes ruthless and relentless. It is prevalent and pervasion(prevasive) to seethat in order to win their individual benefits many people frame up an innocentperson or commit embezzlement. （这样使用从句看起来怪 prevalent and pervasion(prevasive)换成插入句可能好点）That kind of people exercise a unforseeable lossin our soceity. However, movies and televisions show the harmful inflence（influence）. Onlywhen they aware the bad consequence, does they truly realize what they shoulddo.全部是论述，有例子好点。In addition, thinking about if themovies show some good people failed at last and bad people does not sufferpunishment, How audiences will think and what our society will be like? Peoplein the company never working hard, citizen will not help each other when somebodyin difficulties, morality will be lost in this society.本段只是说其重要性，其实没有说为什么，没有观点。To sum up, it is those moviesmakes our life healthy(前文没提到) and positive, if opposite, our life would probably mess.文章结果不错，也用了不少高级词汇。不过拼写要注意。不过非常虎头蛇尾，倒数第二段开始非常明显。本文能按前两段为标准就是很好的文章了。

nishuowosheiUID: 2843451

这样能打开么？不好意思哈~麻烦了
一会儿把你的附上来~

樾悦UID: 2689181

18# nishuowoshei

这不一样的吗？？ 都是microword的文档   我这个版本低了，，，

nishuowosheiUID: 2843451

你的作业，高亮部分是我觉得该学习的地方，不是有什么不合适~
你写的很好~

nishuowosheiUID: 2843451

我终于明白怎么回事儿了~word版本啊

樾悦UID: 2689181

求狠拍

樾悦UID: 2689181

狠狠批~

樾悦UID: 2689181

拍吧~~~~~

樾悦UID: 2689181

狠狠批~@

空空仔UID: 2792743

0928 改完了~

空空仔UID: 2792743

你能不能把改好的作文贴到我那里嘞？那个附件我打不开。。。 谢谢啊！

樾悦UID: 2689181

求狠批！

njuslsUID: 2757819

我的十月二号的也晚交了
咱两互改一下呗！

njuslsUID: 2757819

On account of accelerating pace of live, competition goes increasingly ruthless and relentless, imposing tremendous pressure upon each and every（有重复累赘之嫌，一个就好） individual, and therefore, people are faced with a dilemma in choosing upon spending time alone or with some friends in order to decrease pressure. Some people advocate that it is more convenient to stay alone so that you can decide what you want to do without considering others. However, I disagree this statement, as far as I am concerned, the best way to relieve stress is go（going out） with other people just like you friends and family members.
  Firstly, a good friend(good friends) distinguish themselves in empressement and encouragement. We always incline to express our feelings and thoughs with our best friend and share happiness and sadness with one another, no matter how private the chores are. Only when we abreact our dissatisfaction about our job or opponents, can we truly appreciate(什么意思？) our stress is relieved. I can think no better illustration of my best friend Marry who accompany with me when I am constrained after hard study. We will select to go shopping and eating where we can seek relaxation and entertaiment for us and chat each other about some news and happy things.
Secondly, telling your family member about something which bothered you is an other way to decrease pressure. We all know that our parents are always there and willing to accept different opinions from their children to make things better and is about to give sound advice whenever they are in trouble. As a result, parent serve as a catalyst for us to alleviate pressure. For instance, my mather is no of the biggest inspiration in my life,（不懂） she always tell me what to do when I am depressed by failures and help me to share in（去掉） many problem or just annoyed by all kids of trivial things. I feel relaxed when I stay with my parents and in this way I can enjoy my life greatly.
In addition, what can we do if we spend time alone? Just kill time by watching TV or play computer. No one to talk about! And as the research found if you playing computer games more than 3 hours you will falls sick and depressed, and if continue, the uncomfortable feeling will haunt you from time to time, which, directly or indirectly, exercised（exercises） as a barrier for your mental health. So spending time alone may have opposite consequence which will make you more depressed.
Admittedly, this is not the whole story. Sometimes we stay alone just because there is no body we can disturb, and also, it is a good time for you to think about yourself when you are isolated. However, spending time alone is not the best way to release your stress, sharing your pressure with other people is better then(than) it. Therefore I invariably stand on my point which disagree this statement.
结构很完整，遣词也算是出神入化了，但是为了显得句式多样，句子写的很是复杂这样反而有时候让句子让人读起来感觉吃力，拗口
继续加油！