求改作文！拜谢！！！

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求改作文！！~~急！！！大谢还有10天就要考了
自己看自己的作文实在是没什么感觉
只能上寄托上求助牛人

看到有写作训练营，无奈自己已经错过了那个时间，飙泪ing

谢谢大家的帮忙了，小女子拜谢拜谢啊！！！！

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  Some people think ** sure that others (influential people or potential employers) know about your strengths and accomplishments can help you succeed, if you do not do this, you won’t have a successful life.



Although based on the reason that no one will appreciate you if he even doesn't know you, some people claims that in order to get succeed, you must show your strengths and accomplishment to the influential people or potential employers. whereas, in my point of view, this method doesn't always positively correlated with success. It depends on your personality and to whom you show your advantage .
  The first thing you should be concerned about while using this method is your characteristics. Only a humble person who can achieve whatever he said to the influential person is suitable to use this method. In the opposite,if a person who often overestimate himself，then he will not be able to fulfill any job given by employers in time cause what he thought he can do is different from what he actually can do. For example, if a children tell her teacher he can sing a whole English song , then ,in order to encourage the student, the teacher may give him a chance to sing in class. In fact ,the child has only sang the song once with the help of parents. so ,instead of applause and flowers,. The child has left a negative impression on his teacher.
  the second thing you should think of is to whom you show your accomplishment to . Actually, The process you show your strength to others can be viewed as a process of promoting yourself. Every weekend,the supermarket will do some promotion , but you may find that different products is promoted to different person: for example, toy is often for children , chocolate is for intimate couple while vegetables and eggs are especially for housewife, while you decide to show yourself , you must figure out who is your target, only by this way will this method work out efficiently.
  Though this method is of value under certain circumstances, one can't deny it's a good method. What will the world be like if each member in it is waiting for the right person to appreciate him/herself, then no one will be the right person,.our society will never develop.

So Ii is clear that the value of showing yourself to some powerful person falls between the extremes of a continuum, exhibiting a blend of good and bad. Only in certain circumstances,in other words, only when the method is used by the right person to the proper target can it work out.




　Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
　　Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than determine their children’s future for them.　　(Family)

Although some people may claim that parents should help their children to make up mind because of their rich experience and mature value system while i think parents should allow children to make their choices alone for the following reasons.
First of all, parents can't accompany their children forever. How can children survive if every decision in his/her life is made by parents after he parents aren't by his/her side? Consider the simplest decision that we should make in daily life: what to wear tomorrw? For a child whose clothes are always put aside besides bed the day before by his/her parents may cost a longer time than ordinary people to figure out what to wear cause he has never make this kind of choice , he maybe even don't realize that he should be concerned about the weather forecast as an reference to what to wear.  What a pity. So the ability to make up minds should be learned by children, just like the ability to speak or walk ,ability to make choice is also a basic skill. We all should be the pilot of our lives. \
What's more, even if parents do can accompany us for a long time, not every decision made by them is suitable for children .After all you are the only one in the world who know you'll best: your interest, strength , weakness, and your hobbies. There is a opposite example: the reason i chose finance as my major is to meet the expectation and standard of my parents . They thought it is undoubtedly a fantastic major because of the great fortune and social status it can bring to me.My real interest, nevertheless, is marketing, then the result is very bad: every moment i see the terms: equilibrium,, option, risk premium and future index......i can't even understand what their definition are , let alone apply them to price new derivertives or analyze current financial market. As a result, i fail to find a internship this semester. Had i been given another chance to make decision ,i will definitely choose marketing cause however finance is good,it doesn't fit me.
  But, ** decision by children doesn't mean they can do whatever they are eager to regardless of parents' advices.  the awkward stage of adolescence brings into sharp focus some of the physical and emotional problems involved in growing up. some mistakes can be avoid by taking parents' suggestions cause they are elder than us , the road we are passing through may have been past by them already. No matter the result is good or bad, their experiences is worth learning from. Parents can also constrain us. The inability of distinguishing the right from the wrong prevents us from ** sound decisions while parents can do good to lessen this possibility.
  So my opinion is parents shouldn't make their children's decisions cause it will deter the children's development, instead, they can give suggestions. They can plus or minus the options so that the choice made by children can be more efficient