9.18号考啊，第一篇独立写作，求狂拍，强拍，猛烈滴拍

jannethUID: 2769502

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing sports teaches people more lessons about the
life？

The World Cup, the Olympic Games, and so on so forth, governments and individuals pay more attention on playing sports by the developing of the economy. The reason for this phenomenon is that playing sports not only provides a method for individuals to become more and more healthy, but also teaches more lessons about the life, the inner spirit thought.

Actually, it cannot be denied that the spirit of sports, team spirit, has profoundly influenced our daily life. We are the elements of a group, a company, even a society and a county, as a member of the group, rarely depending on the power and intelligence of the single, could not make something successful, such as the scientific project, a large business, a big music concert and so forth. The sports teaches us that the fairs just like a football team, it has the forwards, centers, guards, in the same way, we also have our own actors in our career or something, manager, organizer, implementer, everyone has its advantages and weaknesses, only taking the power and advantage together could overcome the difficulties and win the game.

Additionally, the sports teacher us unity, nevertheless, it also gives us the impression of competition, not only for the competitors, and also for yourself. When you are in the runway and see the finish line, you must do your best to go beyond your competitors. Competition improves the development, competition improves us to amend the weaknesses, to dig the potential captivity, to become stronger, faster, higher, and then become the winner and successor.

Finally, the sports teaches individuals how to release themselves properly. The pressure of the life or the dissatisfaction for the boss often make people feel anxiety and lonely, or even have a problem of psychology. The sports introducts people to change the attention and release the bad emotions rather than to become worse. When you feel depression, do not stay in your room, go outside and play tennis with your friends, you will be better.

Sports is the significant part of our life, it changes more for our bodies, moreover, teaches more lessons about our life.

jannethUID: 2769502

自个儿顶一下了

lh128UID: 2459358

单词是背了不少，但是好多词的用法有问题。比如by the developing of the economy应该是with。后面这句“Actually, it cannot be denied that the spirit of sports, team spirit, has profoundly influenced our daily life.”第一个acturally完全没有意义（正确的用法是：张三觉得是这样，actually，事实是这样的），而在team spirit当中又少了一个修饰语。如果把acturally去掉，后面变成...the spirit of sports, namely team spirit, has...就好得多。
排比用了很多，但是外国人并不欣赏这个的。很多排比句没有逻辑性，完全看不懂。为了凑字数而写，增加了句子的长度，造成理解困难。
而且长句太多，整篇文章就没有短句，非常影响阅读。这不是考G的阅读，需要写难句，这是考托福作文。阅卷的人也不是来考GRE的，没时间研究你的句子。你想想一个Tester of English as Foreign Language写出一句“We are the elements of a group, a company, even a society and a county, as a member of the group, rarely depending on the power and intelligence of the single, could not make something successful, such as the scientific project, a large business, a big music concert and so forth.”这样冗长、充满语法和用词错误的句子，绝对是搬石头砸了自己的脚，还不如拆成几个短句来得分数高。

jannethUID: 2769502

[quote]单词是背了不少，但是好多词的用法有问题。
谢谢了， 呵呵， 刚考完G，头还是晕的，就要考T了，这也是我一直以来的问题啊， 还有三天就考了，继续努力了，希望能有所进步吧，THX

lh128UID: 2459358

上文是一些微观上的建议。关于长句，再加一句：如果你能把语法用对，长短句随你用。如果语法不行的，用长句就是把自己的缺点放大给对方看，生怕不犯语法错误，生怕别人看不见。

宏观上，文章结构不清晰，段落的过度不自然（不要以为用了Additionally就是过度了，add了什么东西吗？）开头和结尾都没有点明文章结构。比如你开头可以说：体育在团队精神、超越自我以及放松心情方面都有重要作用，下面分别说明。这样阅卷人就会很清楚每段是什么内容了。不要小看这一句话，这一句话可能就多了好几分。

最后，每篇作文都对照《评分标准》自己看，把自己想象成评分人，这篇绝对不是Good 4-5分的作文
Effectively addresses the topic and task 提到了，但是有很多废话，不够效率
Is well organized and well developed, using clearly appropriate explanations, exemplifications, and/or details 组织有问题，只有空洞的解释，没有例子，没有细节
Displays unity, progression, and coherence 文章缺乏依次展开、层层递进、组织连贯的感觉
Displays consistent facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety, appropriate word choice, and idiomaticity, though it may have minor lexical or grammatical errors 用词和语法错误已经到了影响阅读的程度

至于是3-4，还是2-3，我提醒你一下2分的评分标准的内容：
A noticeably inappropriate choice of words or word forms
An accumulation of errors in sentence structure and/or usage
如果你这样用长句，很可能会掉到2分的档次里面去。如果你用短句，减少语法错误，保住3分还是可以的

比如这句：
The pressure of the life or the dissatisfaction for the boss often make people feel anxiety and lonely, or even have a problem of psychology.
前面一连4个the，不加逗号，or到底是选择life还是pressure呢？而且用life对boss，这个人家会认为是你选词不对，词汇量太小。后面又多了“feel”这个词，而且feel了一个名词一个形容词。后面have的用法也是错误的。你缩句就变成了“压力和不满有心里问题”，而实际上是“压力和不满产生心理问题”。problem的用法也是啰嗦的。
The pressure of life, or dissatisfaction of work, often make people anxious and lonely, or even cause psychological problems.
这样改只是尽量遵照你的原文，如果要我考试写，肯定就是：The pressure of both life and work因为要想出4个词，两两相对，组成句子，在考试时间内，实在是太紧张。与其是不恰当的用词，还不如简单但合适的用词。