天天写作帖byGrandyang—daily writing

grandyangUID: 2730087

11.30 独立

5huihuiUID: 2285610

不好意思，积分不够发附件，就直接贴上来了哈

No one dare to deny the important role of education in the development of our country, which means that the quality of children directly determine the future of our country. When kids go to school, they will be influenced by teachers easily, so the quality of teacher is also very crucial. High salaries may stimulate the positive attitude of teachers to some extent; however, I do not believe it is the best way to improve the quality of education.

Admittedly, improving teacher's salary condition is conducive to their teaching attitude, since teachers are willing to teach more with more money.（ For example, if a teacher does well in his class and his class has gained higher grade than others, headmaster will praise him as well as increase his salary, which will encourage the teacher to do better in future. 这句话你的原句不知是标点用错还是什么原因，if是单成一句的。If不能单独做一句。还有注意并列的两个谓语时态的一致，）Consequently, other teachers will also devote themselves to improving their teaching skills in order to get the same credits. It is the same condition in companies or anywhere else. That is an axiom that high salary will encourage people do better of course including teachers.

However, there are other factors that make a key role in improving the quality of education, such as the facilities, and instruments in lab. I have such experience when I was a high school student. Since my school has a fair financial condition, so it can afford （删to） some important experiment facilities. With the help of these expensive facilities, we can easily understand the knowledge in the books which is thought very obscure originally. Moreover, it is more important for those poor areas to have some fundamental facilities. I hope all kids in China can sit in a commodious classroom to learn useful knowledge.

Last but not least, the attitude of students determines directly the quality of education. If one does not want to learn well, no matter how elegant the teacher is, he still may be failed in the exams. In this case, it is so unwise to only increase the teacher's salary, which will make no sense. （这句感觉说理没说清，unwise只用一句no sense就解释了。）We should lay more emphasis on the cultivation of kids, and talk to them. Impart them the great importance of learning, then we will receive a better result.

madfrog4227UID: 2840905

73# grandyang


No one dare(will) to deny the important role of education in the development of our country, which means that the quality of children directly determine the future of our country.(我觉得主句和分句之间的逻辑有问题，应该是因果关系吧，改为in the sense that...呢) When kids go to school, they will be influenced by teachers easily, so the quality of teacher is also very crucial. High salaries may stimulate the positive attitude of teachers to some extent; however, I do not believe it is the best way to improve the quality of education.





Admittedly, improving teacher's salary (删掉condition) is conducive to their teaching attitude, since teachers are willing to teach more with more money(to teach more earnestly if they will be paid with more money). For example, if a teacher does well in his class that(加个因果关系的连接比较好吧，and consequently the students of this class display more excellently than other's) his class has gained higher grade than others. Headmaster praise him as well as increasing his salary, which encourage the teacher to do better in future. Other teachers will also devote themselves to improving their teaching skills in order to get(obtain) the same credits. It is the same condition in companies or anywhere else. That is an axiom that high salary will encourage people do better of course including teachers.(这句话感觉很生硬，it is no doubt that high salary will encourage people-including those teachers- to try to do better in their teaching work.)

However, there are (many)other factors that make(play) a key role in improving the quality of education, such as the (quality of )facilities, and instruments in lab. I have the experience when I was a high school student. Since my school has a fair financial condition, so it can afford to some important experiment facilities. (改成这样试一下呢，For instance, when I was a high school student, my school afford lots of important experimental facilities owing to its fair financial condition )With the help of these expensive facilities, we can easily understand the knowledge in(from) the books which we originally think is very obscure(which is extremely obscure to us). Moreover, it is more important for those poor areas to have some fundamental facilities. I hope all kids in China can sit in a commodious classroom to learn useful knowledge.(这句话貌似与你要论述的没有多大联系)

Last but not least, the attitude of students determines directly the quality of education. If one does not want to learn well, no matter how elegant(industriously) the teacher is, he still maybe(will) fail in the exams. In this case, it is so unwise to(that) only increasing the teacher's salary, which will make no sense.(建议去掉) We should put more emphasis to the cultivation of kids(这个单词用作小孩子时最好不要再作文里面用，很口语的东西，还是用children吧), and talk to them. Impart them the great importance of learning, Then we will receive a better result.

个人观点：你整篇文章是要反对提工资是最好的方法，但是你第二段让步了一大段，你的让步和你的支持观点的长度几乎是一样的，没有倾向性，我觉得这样的结构会让你损失很多。让步可以些少一下，主要放在你其他提高教育质量的论述上面，参考一下。还有，最好写个结尾。

grandyangUID: 2730087

12.1 TPO6 integrity writing

WoYaoChiJiTuiUID: 2850295

改好了，请查收

grandyangUID: 2730087

12.2 Independence Writing

guo0693UID: 2540167

grand弟 牛！ 9月28写到现在 真刻苦~ 加油~

lya007UID: 2745229

Last but not least, the lecture also cites that communal online encyclopedias have more space than traditional ones, which means one has not to think about the length of the reference article. This makes the encyclopedias more useful. Furthermore, even though the online encyclopedias mainly concentrate on the hottest public topic, it reflects the public interest as well.

整体感觉写的非常好啊，上面这段材料中好像还提到了在线的比传统有更多的主题吧。向楼主学习！加油！

猪猪快跑UID: 2852764

78# grandyang
改好了，12,2
12.2Grandyang by 猪猪.doc (32.5 KB, 下载次数: 8)

2010-12-3 10:00:21 上传

下载次数: 8

EEEE456258UID: 2454106

As we all know that, （as we know, 或者as we know that 不加逗号）problems are common when we tackle（用handle可能更好些， tackle 后面接problem或trouble好些） things, especially doing some professional research. And at this case, how can we solve these unwelcome bugs, someone says that creative thoughts are the better choices (conceiving a new thought may be a better choice). However, as for me, I still hold the belief that a well-designed plan is needed all the time.

To begin with, a careful designed plan can help me organize things orderly, which I can keep a sober mind all the time(表达“总是，坚定不移地”推荐一个词 constantly ). For example, one of those most difficult problems we students faced（faced by we students或者 we students face） is how to pass the final exams. How can we do well in the(an) exam, of course, without cheating in the(an) exam. Someone believes that we can be creative in the(an) exam, but it is not happen on me. Preparing the exam carefully is my choice. It demonstrates that you cannot be creative at any time, but careful preparation can guarantee a high mark.

What is more, if you do not plan things elaborately, it is hard to be creative, which often happens in the (去掉) researching. For instance, professor Liu let me finish a programming project using the C++ language. Writing a computer language is not an easy thing, which means that you should keep your mind sober. And with the program longer(the more…the more 或者 with more and more ), the harder the organization is. In the process of wiring program, I meet a lot of problems. Some can be solved easily, but some others are hard to tackle. Professor Liu suggests me to make a list to document all the varieties and functions, which can help me control the whole project well. So I make one, and with the help of it, I solve all the problems successfully. Moreover, I come up with some new creative thoughts that make the whole project more perfect.

Admittedly, being creative is crucial when people solve problem. Without creative invention, human beings cannot travel in the sky by airplanes; [without creative invention, human beings cannot] (绝对重复了，肯定要用并列结构) surf on the Internet to know what happen in else of the world （somewhere else in the world） immediately. However, I still insist on my opinion that all of these creative thoughts are based on their hard working including careful plan(缺冠词). Without these plans, things are not so easy as it were now.（as easy as 或 so easy to do/for sb. ）
冠词一定要注意
1、
可数名词一定不能单独使用
必须加the a an this that my your 等
2、
在议论中多用a 或者复数形式，少用the，表达抽象指代和泛指
楼主constant的精神可嘉， 我想你学习， 也要坚持下来

猪猪快跑UID: 2852764

grandyang~~邮件我已发~:handshake

grandyangUID: 2730087

12.3 TPO8

师走99UID: 2857041

12.3 日，综合~改好了~
12.3 TPO8 Grandyang-by师走.doc (29 KB, 下载次数: 4)

2010-12-4 13:10:21 上传

下载次数: 4

grandyangUID: 2730087

12.4 Independence Writing

luckybabynanfuUID: 2938629

[i=s] 本帖最后由 luckybabynanfu 于 2010-12-5 10:31 编辑 [/i]

Everyone[n1]  wants to get successbecause it can fulfill you and your relatives'vanity to some extent. As the fact that inmodern life, being successful has become more and more difficult than before, so[n2]  someone come up withthe new opinion that it is easier to achieve success in the past. I totallydisagree with idea for some reasons as follows:

To begin with, people who hold the belief that it is easier to get success previously [n3] may think that so many things that do not exist in the past and now it is sohard to inventnew[n4]  things.  [n5]  That is because theposition is different, which means that if you live in the world of 2050, morenew things are invented as well. Then you still feel it is so hard to come upwith new idea at that time. For example, people today may think the use ofcomputer is so common, but back up to [n6] 50 years ago, how wecan know the difficulties to develop the first huge computer in the world.Invention is hard no matter in the past or nowadays, so people who cites thateasier in the past must have not invented anything.
Whatis more, in the past the research condition is so poor, so many mature theoriesdo not form at that time. That means people cannot understand everything soclearly like today. Besides, the facilities of research are also incompletethat adds the difficulties of research. For instance, today nearly everyoneknows how to calculate the area of a circle, and we can get the accurateoutcome with the help of computer. But in the past, it is not so easy to comeup with the algorithm of circles, and since there are not computers, scientistshave to calculate it by hand, which is an unbelievable achievement till now. Inthis case, we can conclude that achieving success is not so easy as it were.[n7]

  Last but not least, hard working and preservation is essential to successwhether it is past or now. Without hard work, success is only word[n8]  that cannot beconverted to reality. If you fear failure and donot keep your[n9]  faith, nothing willbe achieved. So anyone who thirst for success should remember this, you sow, and then youreap.


[n1]Everyone should be put into pairs with the pronoun “he or she/ hisor her”.
[n2]Repetition.: as &so should not co-exist in one sentence. BTW: it seems that you agree with the “fact” that being a success has become more difficult in modern life, doesn’tit exactly means “it was easier in the past” ？
[n3]“Previously” means “ago” or periods of time before now.Eg: six months previously, 六个月前it should not be used here to refer to“ in the past”or “in the old days”
[n4] redundancy： Invent means to make or design a new type of things. No one wouldinvent old things, so it repetition by saying “invent new things”
[n5]To ensure the essay’sclarity, here you’re supposed to declare clearly your position towards thisbelief instead of explaining the reasons why they hold this belief.
[n6]Back up often refers to the act of providing approval and support. “trace back to” is better.
[n7] The same problem with para.1. what’s your opinion? Voice it openlyin the first or second sentence.
[n8]words
[n9] in academic articles, “ you” is usually replaced by “one / ones”.