我的第一篇作文，请诸位高手帮忙批改一下，给些建议

yesterdaysUID: 2875995

还有一个月考试，今天写了第一篇作文，纠结了一下午才写完，郁闷。。。
请大家给些建议，个人感觉自己的问题主要在表达方式上，很贫乏，基本功不好，所以才写了n长时间
请大家指点

题目：
In order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.



For centuries, people have been continuously arguing how to act is more likely leading to a success in both career and interpersonal relationship, thus rising a heated debate on the topic that, at most times, whether we should follow others or be different from them. In most cases, people tend to behave like others for the advantage that imitation can make us easier to accomplish something. However I take the opposite side that to be different is more beneficial for us to succeed.

First of all, people will achieve a brilliant career if they stand out from the ordinary people around us. For one thing, a person can leave an impressive image on others for his distinctive character, which will obviously increase the chance of being appreciated by some very important people. This often lead to the so-called "luck" that sometimes determines one's career. No bosses have the inclination to hire someone without any peculiarity for the reason that what they need is creative ideas that usually put forward by the employees who never just simply follow other's ideas and acts. So, of course, these employees will be promoted quickly. For another thing, there are more possibilities to succeed in a new field, which means doing something different from other's work. When people step into something new, although little things have been known, it is more likely to make a difference. For example, we can see that most great scientists are often the pioneers in their fields.

Moreover, a harmonious interpersonal relationship can be obtained by acting differently from others.
According to a research, a special person can easily attract people around him, which, in other words, he will be comparatively popular among his friends. In contrast, an ordinary person who just does what others do will not be in the center of the relationship between people. Indeed, people act in different ways gain more attention from others, which finally results in a perfect interpersonal relationship.

Admittedly, always being like others seems to be a shortcut to achieve career and it will also make one more acceptable to others, but there is no need for us to pursue the minor benefits by losing our own characters.

In a word, no matter a successful career or interpersonal relationship requires us to act differently.