issue11 优秀讨论兼习作贴：各国联合举办世界性大学的必要性

happyman2000UID: 136936

Issue 11 "All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world’s most persistent social problems."


There are no other things more naïve or misleading than the proposition that a global university should be build to engage students in the process of solving the worldwide social problems. One cannot expect its implementation, for it completely neglects the complicated backgrounds and resources hidden behind the most worldwide social problems.

Samuel P．Huntington, a famous political scientist, may agree with the idea that this world is filled with clashes of different norms, values, traditions, and worldviews that rooted in different civilizations. Also he may agree that these clashes of civilizations have contributed to a large number of the world’s most persistent social problems, such as ultra-nationalism, weapons of mass destruction, ultra-religionism, international terrorism, and so on. Moreover, he maybe enthusiastically agree that the Islam’s hostility and resentment, which built up historically and enhanced by the partiality of the West to Israel, to the wealth western societies, has become the main menace to the world’s stability and security. The notorious 9.11 event incontestably testified the wisdom of this outstanding theory; many radical social problems in the world level not simply resulted from individuals’ aberrant activities but from the clashes of different civilizations.  Now I want to ask, given that the distinct or even entirely contradictory values, norms and civilizations are certain to coexist, what benefit the global university can do to the solution of relevant international social problems?   

Not only clashes of civilizations, but also clashes of interests in different countries and regions contribute to the persistent social problems worldwide. More than once, the developed nations have expressed their unrests over the large-scale deforestation and serious industrial contaminations in the developing countries. But for the latter, the first-rate importance is to sit at the table of the world’s wealthy as soon as possible, and therefore they would like sacrifice anything for a relatively rapid economic growth. “If you really concern about the air-conditioning effects of the Amazon and hope to breathe more clean air, please compensate us the economic loss from stopping deforestation, ” a deputy from the Amazon said to the West. No country willing to undertake their responsibilities, the environmental deterioration continues and accelerates. Does the global university have the ability to reconcile this beneficial conflicts between more than 150 countries? No one believes it surely!

Lay aside the necessity and viability of the global university (“暂且不论”是否可以用lay aside 表示？), even if it can actually be built up--let us make an assumption , the university must be very inefficient and suffered from suspicions, disputes and many other realistic problems. The first confrontation is how to determine this university’s nature, objectives, and chapter, which surely will cost politicians through the world a great deal of time because of various expectations in them of it. Secondly, the university must guarantee a high-qualified education that other universities cannot provided, or else its existence will become no meaningful again. Obviously, it is not an easy thing.  Thirdly, if the students enrolled by the university fail to have worldwide visions and still act on the behalf of individual nations, the education will do little benefit to solve international problems. How can the global university makes sure it?…….all these and those not enumerated added together, will determine that this university is bound to be of low efficiency , poor management and little production.  

In sum, due to its failing to recognize the problems’ nature and sources, no practical role the above proposition can play in solving the most persistent social problems worldwide. (595 wordsa)

juanahyUID: 44525

这个论题的观点是：通过建立a global university, 就可以解决social problems.

第1段直接入题，明确表达了你的观点，很好。
第2段，我觉得你应该直接把SPH的观点拿过来作为自己的观点，而且即使在引用别人的话时也不要过多用may agreee这样的字眼，因为这使人觉得你对自己的观点没有把握，gre作文要的是你的明确的观点，并对此展开论证。
另外，第2、3段似乎只是在讲文化背景、国家利益与social problems的关系，我觉得你如果能把他们与建立a global university之间相互冲突的关系讲清楚就更好了。因为你的观点是由于文化背景、国家利益的矛盾，不可能建立a global university，所以就应该时刻紧扣主题，不要转一个弯再来说。

嗬嗬，纯粹个人意见，仅供参考，希望可以一起进步，攻克作文难关！
加油阿！！！

happyman2000UID: 136936

多谢指点！

happyman2000UID: 136936

怎么只有一位好心人给我意见？

red98UID: 136466

to happyman2000

你很高产 我落后了 要加油  饿了  稍后来看你的

happyman2000UID: 136936

to red98
你每次都给我的作文正面评价，希望这次多挑挑毛病！谢谢！

caichongbaobaoUID: 136935

开头提观点但有点过激了，把语气改缓和些吧。第二段同意juanahy观点  第三段More than once, the developed nations have expressed their unrests over the large-scale deforestation and serious industrial contaminations in the developing countries. 改为强调句吧把have放在逗号后面

gteryyUID: 114434

There are no other things改成ideas确切些 more naïve我个人感觉naive是个比较美好的词，用做贬义的时候用childish吧。自行斟酌 or misleading than the proposition that a global university should be build to engage students in the process of solving the worldwide social problems. One cannot expect its implementation, for it completely neglects the complicated backgrounds and resources hidden behind the most worldwide social problems.
开头比过去简洁多了，呵呵：）

Samuel P．Huntington, a famous political scientist, may agree with the idea that this world is filled with clashes ofbetween different norms, values, traditions, and worldviews that rooted in different civilizations. Also he may agree that these clashes of civilizations have contributed to a large number of the world’s most persistent social problems, such as ultra-nationalism, weapons of mass destruction, ultra-religionism, international terrorism, and so on. Moreover, he maybe enthusiastically agree that the Islam’s hostility and resentment, which built up historically and enhanced by the partiality of the West to Israel, to the wealth western societies, has become the main menace to the world’s stability and security.恕我孤陋寡闻，你说的这个政治学家我不太了解，你总是说“他会同意”“他会认为”可是你起码简单介绍一下他的思想到底有些什么特别，广为认可的。 The notorious这个词感觉用在性丑闻什么还行。要知道911美国人一直都认为是tragedy啊 9.11 event incontestably testified the wisdom of this outstanding theory;这个一个理论是什么？你明确指出了吗？至少我没看出来 many radical social problems in the world level not simply resulted from individuals’ aberrant activities but from the clashes of different civilizations. Now I want to ask, given that the distinct or even entirely contradictory values, norms and civilizations are certain to coexist, what benefit the global university can do to the solution of relevant international social problems? 不明白最后这个反问句想说明什么？好象和前面衔接不起来


Not only clashes of civilizations, but also clashes of interests in different countries and regions contribute to the persistent social problems worldwide. More than once, the developed nations have expressed their unrests over the large-scale deforestation and serious industrial contaminations in the developing countries发展中国家的生活污染更严重. But for the latter, the first-rate importance is to sit at the table of the world’s wealthy as soon as possible, and therefore they would like sacrifice anything for a relatively rapid economic growth. “If you really concern about the air-conditioning effects of the Amazon and hope to breathe more clean air, please compensate us the economic loss from stopping deforestation, ” a deputy from the Amazon said to the West. No country willing to undertake their responsibilities, the environmental deterioration continues and accelerates. Does the global university have the ability to reconcile this beneficial conflicts between more than 150 countries? No one believes it surely!

Lay aside the necessity and viability of the global university (“暂且不论”是否可以用lay aside 表示？用put aside), even if it can actually be built up--let us make an assumption , the university must be very inefficient and suffered from suspicions, disputes and many other realistic problems. The first confrontation is how to determine this university’s nature, objectives, and chapter, which surely will cost politicians through the world a great deal of time because of various expectations in them of it. Secondly, the university must guarantee a high-qualified education that other universities cannot provided, or else its existence will become no meaningful again. Obviously, it is not an easy thing. Thirdly, if the students enrolled by the university fail to have worldwide visions and still act on the behalf of individual nations, the education will do little benefit to solve international problems. How can the global university makes sure it?…….all these and those not enumerated added together, will determine that this university is bound to be of low efficiency , poor management and little production.
2、3段juanahy评得很对。时刻注意围绕主题啊，还有主题中的关键词

In sum, due to its failing to recognize the problems’ nature and sources, no practical role the above proposition can play in solving the most persistent social problems worldwide. 最后一段你连global university都没有提到。(595 wordsa)

原来喜欢复杂的毛病改了不少。继续努力：）

happyman2000UID: 136936

大家说的问题的确存在，多些各位的点评！

red98UID: 136466

Issue 11 "All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world’s most persistent social problems."


There are no other things more naïve or misleading than the proposition that a global university should be build to engage students in the process of solving the worldwide social problems. One cannot expect its implementation, for it completely neglects the complicated backgrounds and resources hidden behind the most worldwide social problems.

Samuel P．Huntington, a famous political scientist, may agree with the idea that this world is filled with clashes of different norms, values, traditions, and worldviews that rooted in different civilizations. 存在差异Also he may agree that these clashes of civilizations have contributed to a large number of the world’s most persistent social problems, such as ultra-nationalism, weapons of mass destruction, ultra-religionism, international terrorism, and so on. Moreover, he maybe enthusiastically agree that the Islam’s hostility and resentment, which built up historically and enhanced by the partiality of the West to Israel, to the wealth western societies, has become the main menace to the world’s stability and security. The notorious 9.11 event incontestably testified the wisdom of this outstanding theory; many radical social problems in the world level not simply resulted from individuals’ aberrant activities but from the clashes of different civilizations. Now I want to ask, given that the distinct or even entirely contradictory values, norms and civilizations are certain to coexist, what benefit the global university can do to the solution of relevant international social problems?
我觉得这段 用于支持反对都可以的 你的问句也可以用于支持或反对  
我以为 存在差异 是调和的原因 也是不调和的原因 所以这一段得重写  以明显的反对 以更有力的方式反对 比如 诸多调和的失败做例子  比如巴以冲突多年调和未果
但是我最初的动机和你相反 是支持 我觉得美国人更希望得到支持的答案 因为他们一直朝着调和做努力 其实世界的主流也一直如此  这是外话  issue只要言之成理就好

Not only clashes of civilizations, but also clashes of interests in different countries and regions contribute to the persistent social problems worldwide. More than once, the developed nations have expressed their unrests over the large-scale deforestation and serious industrial contaminations in the developing countries. But for the latter, the first-rate importance is to sit at the table of the world’s wealthy as soon as possible, and therefore they would like sacrifice anything for a relatively rapid economic growth. “If you really concern about the air-conditioning effects of the Amazon and hope to breathe more clean air, please compensate us the economic loss from stopping deforestation, ” a deputy from the Amazon said to the West. No country willing to undertake their responsibilities, the environmental deterioration continues and accelerates. Does the global university have the ability to reconcile this beneficial conflicts between more than 150 countries? No one believes it surely!
道理同上 你得给出例证  难 并不代表不能  你可以举例 举失败的例子  好像美国人不加入 什么限制 二氧化碳 排放的 什么条约 等等  这么一个基本的条约都无法达成一致 很难想象世界大学有何作为 ；）

Lay aside the necessity and viability of the global university (“暂且不论”是否可以用lay aside 表示？), even if it can actually be built up--let us make an assumption , the university must be very inefficient and suffered from suspicions, disputes and many other realistic problems. The first confrontation is how to determine this university’s nature, objectives, and chapter, which surely will cost politicians through the world a great deal of time because of various expectations in them of it. Secondly, the university must guarantee a high-qualified education that other universities cannot provided, or else its existence will become no meaningful again. Obviously, it is not an easy thing. Thirdly, if the students enrolled by the university fail to have worldwide visions and still act on the behalf of individual nations, the education will do little benefit to solve international problems. How can the global university makes sure it?…….all these and those not enumerated added together, will determine that this university is bound to be of low efficiency , poor management and little production.

In sum, due to its failing to recognize the problems’ nature and sources, no practical role the above proposition can play in solving the most persistent social problems worldwide. (595 wordsa)

我觉得 除了例证不足 说服不足之外 （可能我比ETS挑剔 ：） ）
文章的架构是我所欣赏的：
开头
支持1
支持2
让步再支持
结尾

这种方式很容易打开思路

修改修改 成就一篇好文章
Good Luck

red98UID: 136466

Samuel P．Huntington
美国人应该知道吧

happyman2000UID: 136936

多谢各位有益的批评！