兔子加油的作文贴

兔子加油UID: 2908816

写太多了，时间也太长，不行的，要改一下的……希望帮我改作文的大好人能给我一点启示

嘉木香草UID: 2805584

改好了，请查收~~

兔子加油UID: 2908816

17# 嘉木香草

谢谢，辛苦了

兔子加油UID: 2908816

11.30独立
辛苦改卷人了！写得不好，请狠批，多给意见

兔子加油UID: 2908816

11.30综合，晚交了~~不好意思，耽误改卷人了
辛苦了，多谢修改
综合做得少，请多给建议

兔子加油UID: 2908816

12.1 综合
这次感觉脑子很混沌，听力开始放的时候根本找不到北，感觉很多细节都听不出来呢……

cckkll1994UID: 2952719

11.30
revise by Colin

兔子加油UID: 2908816

请帮我改12.1独立的朋友明天再来取作文好吗？我今晚来不及写了，要断电了
明天早上把作文补上

兔子加油UID: 2908816

12.1独立

5huihuiUID: 2285610

The lecture completely refutes the passage arguing that the communal online encyclopedias pales in three aspects in comparison with the traditional printed encyclopedias. On the contrary, communal online encyclopedia has its own strategies to crake the problems that passage mentioned about.（起始段挺好的）

Firstly, the speaker argues that despite the facts(fact) that online encyclopedia lacks of academic credentials, its inflexibility(应该是flexibility吧) will allow it to correct the errors online easily, while for the traditional printed encyclopedias, the mistakes remain forever（forever用的有点绝对吧，我记得听力里是说for decades）. This refutes the point the author made in the passage.

The lecture also demonstrates a solution（第二段说了2 ways，所以这里说a solution不准确） to the risks of reediting and hacking argued in the passage, in fact, the online encyclopedias have developed a strategy (这里develop的主语是百科全书，感觉逻辑不对，百科全书自己不能develop a strategy吧，主语换成制作百科全书的人好些) to protect crucial information and factors by fixing certain format on them（感觉这里表示的会有歧义，改成by presenting them in a fixed format或者unchangeable format?）. This will eliminate the changes in the online encyclopedias maximally( 不懂这里，LZ是不是指的听力材料里那个m开头的单词？我也没听出来，后来自己改的时候看到应该是malicious). So the statement in the passage is refuted.(换个词好些，refute出现3次了。)

The professor also offers an argument against the idea in the passage that online encyclopedia is too wide （不准确， 应该是范围太广， 改成the context of/ the scope of）and over-focused. In fact, the traditional printed books are always lack of space to include more useful information. What they concerned may not be what massive people would like to focus. While the online encyclopedias feature itself(前复数后单数，改成一致的吧) with diversity, which concludes（改成includes， conclude指结论吧） a variety of topic, articles that meet with the massive interests.

感觉LZ写的还是挺不错的，听力的主要意思都抓住了，也有与文章的对比。我听了2遍才写出来的，第一遍听完，笔记都是空的。。加油！~

ProsUID: 2945841

抱歉噢改晚了很久。
11.30by兔子.doc (25 KB, 下载次数: 6)

2010-12-2 19:37:23 上传

下载次数: 6

cckkll1994UID: 2952719

12.1
独立
revised by Colin

lya007UID: 2745229

Walking on the street, you see Mac Donald advertising their latest hamburger on the board. You are not really hungry, you don’t even need it, （句句之间缺少连词，删了较好）but you buy it. Why? Because it is there or because it captured your heart once it appeared deliciously on the TV? Today society has progressed（改为 maken great progress） to a point where people’s living environment is rife with countless advertising information, and they are easily to lose(改为 easily lose) themselves and indulging（indulge） themselves into(改为in: indulge ... in ...) forming unhealthy eating habits subconsciously. Therefore,(加个连词吧) I, given the chance, am prone to point out that it is advertising that takes the primary responsibility.
There is no denying the fact that advertising has its positive effect. It provides information for people to consume what they need, and it opens various options for people to choose. Nevertheless, so phenomenal the amount of the information is that there is no way to distinguish between （删了）good products and bad ones. Advertiser will use appearance and slogan to entice people to believe their food products are superior or healthy, and eventually, people will still let their guards down and gradually firm an unhealthy eating habit of consuming excessive high-calorie food.
第二段，主要阐述了有关形形色色的广告让你有更强的购买欲，但是并不能说明多购买会带来坏的饮食习惯，继续解释购买了额外的食品会养成吃零食等不良习惯可能更好点吧。而第三段恰好谈了广告产品的质量给身体带来负面影响，利用了具体的调查数据很有说服力。
抓住点能有效展开，加油！

兔子加油UID: 2908816

28# lya007

恩，谢谢修改，我后来觉得其实写不同意更好些一点的，当时没想全面

pocketlionUID: 2622834

兔子停止作业了？？1202？？