argument 14

jefferysyUID: 2928828

The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."
反驳观点：
1：全国的调查不能代表Green Thumb Gardening Center的消费者的情况。
2：gardening magazine Great Gardens杂志的卖完也不能说明园艺者要自己种植蔬菜。
3：全球消费者对超市的蔬菜的不满意也不能体现Green Thumb Gardening Center地区园艺者要种植蔬菜。
4：一个月以前的调查不代表现在还是这种情况。

In this statement the speaker say that the Green Thumb Gardening Center through offer a productive vegetable seed to make a greater profit in consumer in favor of gardening. In order to support his statement, the author cites a national survey about people who unsatisfied with the vegetable in the supermarkets. Also the author based on the gardening magazine Great Gardens ware totally sold out to judge the same opinion.However, I have to say, what the author said above was ungrounded.

Firstly, the author supposes the Green Thumb Gardening Center people would think the same way on the national survey. That may not be reality,
A national survey is expanding and complicated, surveyor might not exactly hold the information completely and clearly. Especially for a small town. If so, we have the excuse to suspect the author said, at least for the national survey.

Secondly, using gardening magazine Great Gardens sells to indicate the gardener want to plant the vegetable by themselves. Magazines have all sold out may have many reason. People at that time want to read gardening magazine for relaxation or shoppers excute some activities to increase the quantity and so on. The consumers also may not all the gardeners. They can be anyone. So the author can not make us believe the following conclusion.

Thirdly, public unsatisfied with quality of the vegetable in the market have no sign to present that consumers need to cultivate vegetable. Both of them have not the directly contact, consumers may have the mood to complain of it, But do them by own, that depends, even though some is can not tolerance the unfresh vegetable and finally really do it. That must be a small part of them. And then, the author make a unrelated logic induction again .

Lastly, based on the statement, it was happen one month ago, and the author said the conclusion at now, there is a interval between them, and the situation may change, no one can be sure. If the market is really change or convert to better, so the stock could be no use, and the conclusion is not have the foundation. This is the last neglect.

In sum up, the conclusion lack credibility because the evidence he cited in this argument don’t form methodical thinking to support the what the author claim, to make the argument more substantiated, the author need more definite and correct information.

Andrew_zwiUID: 2670942

In this statement the speaker say that the Green Thumb Gardening Center through offer a 有错吧怎么会是一个种子呢？productive 感觉这个词不太好，原文指的是variety vegetable seed to make a greater profit in consumer in favor of gardening. In order to support his statement, the author cites a national survey about people who unsatisfied with the vegetable in the supermarkets. Also the author based on the gardening magazine Great Gardens ware totally sold out to judge the same opinion.

However, I have to say, what the author said above was ungrounded.

Firstly, the author supposes the Green Thumb Gardening Center people would think the same way on the national survey. That may not be reality,
A national survey is expanding and complicated, surveyor might not exactly hold the information completely and clearly. Especially for a small town. If so, we have the excuse to suspect the author said, at least for the national survey.

Secondly, using gardening magazine Great Gardens sells to indicate the gardener want to plant the vegetable by themselves. Magazines have all sold out may have many reason. People at that time want to read gardening magazine for relaxation or shoppers excute some activities to increase the quantity and so on. The consumers also may not all the gardeners. They can be anyone. So the author can not make us believe the following conclusion.

Thirdly, public unsatisfied with quality of the vegetable in the market have no sign to present that consumers need to cultivate vegetable. Both of them have not the directly contact, consumers may have the mood to complain of it, But do them by own, that depends, even though some is can not tolerance the unfresh vegetable and finally really do it. That must be a small part of them. And then, the author make a unrelated logic induction again .

Lastly, based on the statement, it was happen one month ago, and the author said the conclusion at now, there is a interval between them, and the situation may change, no one can be sure. If the market is really change or convert to better, so the stock could be no use, and the conclusion is not have the foundation. This is the last neglect.

In sum up, the conclusion lack credibility because the evidence he cited in this argument don’t form methodical thinking to support the what the author claim, to make the argument more substantiated, the author need more definite and correct information.

本文文笔流畅，逻辑观点清晰。比较好。
但是建议可以在尾段的加上 题目如何说才能逻辑完整的建议。如作者还应该提供什么信息，题目的逻辑才能完整。

AK_小儿UID: 2784558

In this statement the speaker say（s） that the Green Thumb Gardening Center through offer  (这里through应改成use a method of offering）a productive vegetable seed （这里同楼上童鞋所改） to make a greater profit in consumer in favor of gardening. In order to support his statement, the author cites a national survey about people who （was）unsatisfied with the vegetable in the supermarkets. Also the author based on the gardening magazine Great Gardens ware totally sold out to judge（这里用express更好吧） the same opinion（这句话有些中式英语了且是个错的句子，应改成 the author express the same opinion according to the truth that the gardening magazine Great Gardens were totally sold out.）. However, I have to say, what the author said above was ungrounded.（第一段点出arguer的观点和论据，并标明自己观点，基本要素已经有，但是可以再简洁一点）

Firstly, the author supposes the Green Thumb Gardening Center people (Green Thumb Gardening Center 是一个small business，应该是说那个小镇的人) would think the same way on(as) the national survey. That may not be reality.
A national survey is expanding and complicated, surveyor might not exactly hold the information completely and clearly, especially for a small town. If so, we have the excuse to suspect the author said, at least for the national survey.

Secondly, using gardening magazine Great Gardens sells to indicate the gardener want to plant the vegetable by(by去掉更好) themselves. Magazines have all sold out may have many reason. People at that time want to read gardening magazine for relaxation or shoppers excute（execute？） some activities to increase the quantity and so on. The consumers also may not all the gardeners. They can be anyone. So the author can not make us believe the following conclusion（make the following conclusion convincing）.

Thirdly, public unsatisfied with quality of the vegetable in the market have no sign to present that consumers need to cultivate vegetable(中文语法的错句，应改成 the public’s discontent with quality of the vegetables in the supermarket doesn’t represent that consumers need to plant vegetables themselves.). Both of them have not(don’t have) the directly(direct) contact, consumers may have the mood to complain of it, But do them by own, that depends, even though some is can not tolerance the unfresh vegetable and finally really do it. That must(最好用may，argument里面表达观点尽量少用肯定语气的词汇) be a small part of them. And then, the author make a unrelated logic induction again .

Lastly, based on the statement, it（it指代什么，这是独立的一段，应当交代清楚） was happen（ed） one（a） month ago, and the author said（put forward） the conclusion at（at去掉） now, there is a interval between them, and（改成so） the situation may change, no one can be sure. If the market is really change（changing） or convert to（become） better, so（so去掉） the stock could be no use（not useful）, and the conclusion is not have the foundation. This is the last neglect.

In sum up, the conclusion lack credibility because the evidence he cited in this argument don’t form methodical thinking to support the what the author claim, to make the argument more substantiated, the author need more definite and correct information.
（楼主文章语法问题太多了，中式英语太多，最好增加阅读量，虽然AW不以语言论成败，但是语法问题过多会影响观点的表达，希望楼主重视，在驳论方面，少了一点：应当反驳储存多种类的种子可以获利，别的点基本提到，结尾应简略提一下给arguer的建议，怎样才能使结论可信）

jefferysyUID: 2928828

多谢大家的提醒，平时确实在作文这方面很是头疼，也很少练习，以后的加油了，我也看了大家的文章，在最后一段的写作确实空洞，很没说服力。。。。。。。。

zleungUID: 2837752

1# jefferysy Thefollowing appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, asmall business serving a suburban town.

"Thereis evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growingtheir own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated thatmany consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables availablein supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold outat the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green ThumbGardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety ofvegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."
反驳观点：
1：全国的调查不能代表Green Thumb Gardening Center的消费者的情况。
2：gardening magazine Great Gardens杂志的卖完也不能说明园艺者要自己种植蔬菜。
3：全球消费者对超市的蔬菜的不满意也不能体现Green Thumb Gardening Center地区园艺者要种植蔬菜。
4：一个月以前的调查不代表现在还是这种情况。
Inthis statement the speaker say that the Green Thumb Gardening Center through offeringa productive vegetable seed(是种类,不是数量)to make a greater profit in consumer infavor of gardening这部分应该去掉吧,不是给消费者增加利润.In order to support his statement, the author cites a national survey showingthat many people areunsatisfied with the vegetable in the supermarkets. Also the author pointsout that the gardening magazine GreatGardens weretotally sold out( to judge the same opinion).However, (I have to say), what the author said above was ungrounded forsome reasons.
Firstly,the author supposes the Green Thumb Gardening Center people would think thesame way on the national survey(这句没有看懂).That may not be reality, A national survey is expanding and complicated,surveyor might not exactly hold the information completely and clearly.Especially for a small town. If so, we have the excuse to suspect the authorsaid, at least for the national survey.
Secondly,gardening magazine Great Gardens’ having sold out doesn’t that the gardenerwant to plant the vegetable by themselves(原文不是一个句子我改成这样了).Magazines have all sold out may have many reason. People at that time want toread gardening magazine for relaxation or shoppers excute some activities toincrease the quantity and so on. Theconsumers also may not all the gardeners(简单的语法错误,自己找出来).They can be anyone. So the author can not make us believe the following(following?)conclusion.
Thirdly,public unsatisfied with quality of the vegetable in the market have no sign topresent that consumers need to cultivate vegetable. (这句还不错~)Bothof them have not the directly contact, consumers may have the mood to complainof it, But do them by own(?),that depends, even though some is(去掉) cannot tolerance the unfresh vegetable and finally really do it. That must be asmall part of them. And then, the author make a unrelated logic induction again.
Lastly,based on the statement, it was happenone month ago(简单的语法错误again),and the author said the conclusion at now, there is a interval between them,and the situation may change, no one can be sure. If the market is reallychange or convert to better, so the stock could be no use, and the conclusionis not have the foundation. This is the last neglect.
Insum up, the conclusion lack credibility because the evidence he cited in thisargument don’t form methodical thinking to support the what the author claim,to make the argument more substantiated, the author need more definite and correctinformation(例如?这点很重要,一定要列举出来,不然会显得很空洞).

不得不说,语法错误比较多,可见楼主的语言功底还不是很扎实,我只改了其中的一部分,另外一部分需要你自己反复看你的文章时找出来.我基本上是在改你的语言错误,至于结构方面,我个人认为结构还是比较清晰的,只是语言错误让你的论述模糊了很多,别人需要仔细理解每个句子的意思.总之,楼主现在最需要的是提高自己的语言能力,要大量地阅读和背诵,这两点都很重要,希望楼主认真地去做,难度不能太大,中等偏上.当然楼主不要灰心,大家都是一步一步走过来的,只要你多读,水平一定会提高的.

jefferysyUID: 2928828

根据大家的意见，我已经对上文做了改动，语法问题确实是我大问题，以前一直烦英语，现在正想把他补回来，希望大家能在给意见。
In this statement the speaker says that the Green Thumb Gardening Center through offer productive vegetable seeds species to make a greater profit in consumer in favor of gardening(是说那些喜欢园艺的人). In order to support his statement, the author cites a national survey about people who was unsatisfied with the vegetable in the supermarkets. Also the author expresses the same opinion according to the sold out gardening magazine Great Gardens. However, I have to say, what the author said above was ungrounded.

Firstly, the author supposes the Village News’ people would think the same way on the national survey（就是说这个小镇的人不太可能和全国调查的一样）. That may not be reality, the national survey is expanding and complicated, surveyor might not exactly hold the information completely and clearly. Especially for this small town. If so, we have the excuse to suspect the author said, at least for the national survey.

Secondly, using gardening magazine Great Gardens sells to indicate the gardener want to plant the vegetable themselves. Magazines have all sold out may have many reason. People at that time want to read gardening magazine for relaxation or shoppers execute some activities to increase the quantity and so on. The consumers also may not be all the gardeners. They can be anyone. So the author can not make us believe the following conclusion.

Thirdly, public unsatisfied with quality of the vegetable in the market have no sign to present that consumers need to cultivate vegetable. Both of them have not the directly contact, consumers may have the mood to complain of it, But(do they need to cultivate vegetable by own) do them by own, that depends, even though some can not tolerance the unfresh vegetable and finally really do it. That must be a small part of them. And then, the author make a unrelated logic induction again .

Lastly, based on the statement, this survey was happening one month ago, and the author said the conclusion now, there is a interval between them, and the situation may change, no one can be sure. If the market is really change or convert to better, the stock could be no use, and the conclusion is not have the foundation. This is the last neglect.

In sum up, the conclusion lack credibility because the evidence he cited in this argument don’t form methodical thinking to support the what the author claim, to make the argument more substantiated, the author need more definite and correct information. Like combine the market’s trends in this small town to make survey and interview some regular customers or some other effective ways.