ilovevicky亦可的作文楼

ilovevickyUID：2937658

一楼保佑我3月13日考试成功~~~哈哈

ilovevickyUID：2937658

恩提前把15号的作业做好了，哈哈~~~求各位狠批，谢~~~

candis712UID：2824089

2.15 独立修改
Technology is the conventional（不太恰当） wisdom of human beings.（Technology is the reward of human beings’ wisdom） It does not make young adults（貌似不能等同于children） less creative than before. Technology is advanced by people’s push, which indicates that technology is only the product of humans’ intellectual activity. So people can control it and its impact on people including young children.

First of all, technology itself is beneficial to young groups. Well-informed people may be more creative because if they are not aware what happened in the world, they won’t take advantage of that information to imagine what they really want to invent or express. (这样改好些，because only if they are aware of what happens in the world, could they take advantage… )You see the up-dated new media called Twitter offers a great platform for young people to communicate with each other and express ideas through it. So technology gives rise to potential creators in that it grants them to know more outside. This(指代不明) is the basis of creative persons.

In addition, somebody suspect（替换criticize） technology contributes a comfortable environment so that young adults can not be self- reliant and they just rely on the new technology to make a living. However, it is not technology that leads to this consequence, but the young themselves does so(however和but不能同时出现). A few of them are too lazy to work out new ideas, which attributes that they even can not survive without technology. They are not able to wash their clothes by hands except by washing machines. what’s more, they are reliable （relay）on the computer to do the assignments, while they are not willing to write papers. These phenomena
indicate that young children prefer live in a comfort zone to an adventurous and creative atmosphere. So it cannot blame technology.（这段开头第一句并没有体现论点，第二句才看出。这样读者不容易快速把握你的论点，建议in addition后先简洁概括下你的要点，“是children自身而不是technology造成了安于享乐的现状。”总体看，这个论点有点牵强，因为如果没有科技，child确实不会如此安逸。）

Last but not least, the criterion of creativity is so vague that no one can explain the conception. For example, if (when)ten years ago, a young child who is(was十年前应用过去时) a hacker means he is creative, but nowadays, a young man who does the same thing can not be complimented as a creative one. So the comparison of two generations does not make any sense. What people care should be to create the active atmosphere and to cultivate the young group’s insight into something happening in their lives. （这个观点不错，过去和现在对创新的观点不同，难于比较。如果论述时多加些科技在这一改变中的作用就更好了）

In a nutshell, only with a group of creative children（，） can a nationality have a prosperous future. Do not blame technology and people may address the issue by their own force. To be creative is an arduous mission, but people have belief in it.

红色是修改意见，蓝色是认为比较好的地方。
改得不好，仅供参考啊~呵呵，加油！

hdchangieUID：2402936

2.15改好啦~~

ilovevickyUID：2937658

2/21 独立 开学第一天,加油哈~~~

justin234UID：2815444

改好啦！新鲜出炉

sEven_zhUID：3007258

2.21作业修改~

林水监UID：2895077

5# ilovevicky

ilovevickyUID：2937658

2/23独立....

PsMaggieUID：2861847

2.23修改