[作文] Daily Writing 写作 5月考试冲刺 [复制链接]

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发表于 2011-3-24 11:55:55 |只看该作者

3、23已修改，不好意思有点迟

Do you agree or disagree with this following statement? Past people are more friendly than they are today.
In our contemporary society, an expanding number of people maintain that people have become less friendly as the improving of economic and there is a famous allegory can exemplify and illustrate it aptly. Once a successful businessman always felt worried about his relationship with his friends and neighbours and he said that he can deal with all of his friends well years ago. Then his wife took him to their beautiful windows and asked him what he had seen. Of course his answer is people who are busying（busy） outside. Next his wife took him (to)a big mirror and asked him the same question and he said"myself". What we should learn from this little story is the sense that people may neglect others because of some sliver(slivers). Hence, I cannot agree with this opinion that people are less friendly than before any more and my reasons can be listed as follows. (第一个故事看得有点一头雾水，怎么的出人们关注小事忽略了身边的人，逻辑性不是很强)
First of all, no one could deny that money is of expanding importance in our society and this lead to a negative phenomenon that everyone pays more attention to getting money. Taking myself as an example, when I was a child, I often played outside and my parents don'’t（didn’t）; need to worry about my security any more. But now my little sister is not allowed to go out when she is alone because there are more people want to take children to those poor village and sell them as commodities to earn money. Even though it is illegal and immoral, many people don't care about country's laws as well as parents' emotion.
What's more, the richer（rich） tend to own more superiority complex and at the same time the poor get more inferior feeling and as the time going(goes), this feeling becomes stronger and stronger and at last it turns to a kind of unbalanced emotion. This negative feeling, to a large extent, may lead to an unfriendly behaviour. A fitting example to this is the relationship between our classmates. There are two groups in our class and one is composed of some rich students and they(who链接比较顺畅) always go out for fun together; While another group is composed by the students come from poor families and they tend to stay with each other to find security. It is hard to find a proper way to make any（either） of these two groups deal with the other equally and friendly. In other words, the increasing difference makes unequal (加among)people and of course they cannot treat others friendly.
Last but not least, people always have to face expanding pressure from every aspect and busy work day by day. All of these above can make them become less patient and friendly.
个人觉得口头例子有点冗长，表述不是很清晰，看得不明就里，下面两点从社会风气，贫富分化论点比较好，例子也很不错，第三点社会压力可以再丰富；语言运用方面，句式有点重复，可适当把and this之类换成which who 等定于从句，读起来更顺畅！

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