作文求估分，求建议

wt424wytUID: 2580070

topic:some people think that studying in a college or a university is the best way for students to prepare for future career. But others think they should leave school as soon as possible to develop their career through work experience. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Work or study is a dilemma that has been discussedover years. Although drastic controversy has been taken place, the conundrum stillremains unsolved. Some individuals maintain that we students should leaveschool as soon as possible in order to gain ample social skills.Simultaneously, antagonists controvert that universities are the optimum placefor work preparation.

On one hand, employers who hire graduatesfrom college are always complaining about the shortcomings of their employees.After years of study in boarding school, they tend to be lazy, untidy and lackof optimism. Thus, there exist those who claim that we should leave schoolearly. According to them, skills for work can hardly be learned in collegeclassrooms. It is in the society that those skills can be gained. Additionally,given ascending college fees, students with financial problems should leaveschool early, go to work and take the responsibility of raising a familyinstead of spending parents’ hard work on the lavishing campus.

Diametrically, opponents believe that theunskilled quandary belies the words that four-year study on campus is enough.After four years of study, undergraduates still tend to ruin the facilities inthe lab, which reveals the fact that they are unskilled. Besides, facing themore and more fervent competition in job hunting, the best solution lies in theclassroom.

Both sides are soundly based. However, inmy own facet, those who apply for a job which doesn’t require much knowledgeshould leave school early. On the other side, further study in college isessential for jobs in high-tech companies.

wt424wytUID: 2580070

55555....为啥木有高人说句话呢...

goldiorlUID: 2741918

很别扭。。不知道外国人看了怎么样

因为一看句型俨然在用模板，正文小错误又很多。写正文的句子（句型）反而太朴实。句型变换都在模板上！跟人不大好的感觉。
文章结构比例也很成问题，为啥我觉得有点少啊。。正文可以用例子扩充啊，这题不是很常见的么，描述例子更能说明一个人的写作功底

最后提醒一句，每段第一句话若有错会是最致命的，比如work or study应为to work or study（第一句话本身有问题，太单薄，根本不能成为题目的改写。或者说改写的很失败）,on one hand应该为on the one hand（中国人常犯错误，一抓一大把）