Daily Writing——【Carol】作文帖 求批改 求进步！

carol0607UID: 3022610

8.9
综合 TPO4
The lecturer provides sufficient evidence which contradicts to the conclusion of passage that the arguments prove that dinosaurs were endotherms. According to lecturer, dinosaurs can maintain their temperate at 37°C doesn't mean they are endotherms.

First, the professor opposes the point in the passage that the dinosaurs can maintain a temperate well in such clod climates can demonstrate they are endotherms. She say that the climates in the Polar Regions are warmer than today, also the dinosaurs could migrate to warmer place like other modern reptiles do. This indicates that the presence of dinosaur fossils in polar regions doesn’t prove the dinosaurs were endothems which are opposite to the claim in the passage.

Second, the professor mentions that that having legs under the body can supports more weight also can let dinosaurs grow to a very large size. Therefore, the point in the passage that the dinosaurs were high-energy endotherms built for running is seriously attacked.

Third, the professor contradicts the passage by demonstrating the dinosaur’s growth slowly and even stops growth because of growth rings. This evidence clearly shows that there is no connection between endothermy and bone structure. Thus the point in the passage that the presence of Haversian canals in bone is a strong indicator that the dinosaurs are an endothern which is objected by the professor.

wendy316UID: 2566643

8月9日综合与独立，BTW, 你的独立不是9日的题目。

qnwh2011UID: 3148380

31# carol0607
The lecturer provides sufficient evidence which contradicts to the conclusion of the passage that dinosaurs were endotherms. According to the lecturer, dinosaurs can maintain their temperate like people can maintain a body temperature around 37°C doesn't mean they are endotherms.

First, the professor opposes the point in the passage that the dinosaurs can maintain a temperate well in such clod climates can demonstrate they are endotherms. She said that the climates in the Polar Regions were warmer than today, also the dinosaurs could migrate to warmer place( like other modern reptiles do
. This indicates that the presence of dinosaur fossils in polar regions doesn’t prove the dinosaurs are endothems which are opposite to the claim in the passage.

Second, the professor mentions that
having legs underneath the body can support more weight and also can let dinosaurs grow to a very large size. Therefore, the point in the passage that the dinosaurs were high-energy endotherms built for running was seriously attacked.) s# u4 Y/ @1 F
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Third, the professor contradicts the passage by demonstrating growth rings which indicate that dinosaurs sometimes grow slowly and sometimes stop grow instead of growing steadily like endotherms do. This evidence clearly shows that there is no connection between endothermy and bone structure. Thus the point in the passage that the presence of Haversian canals in bone structure is a strong indicator that the dinosaurs are endotherms
is objected by the professor.



我觉得你可能是在很急的情况下写的,有些小错误是可以避免的,比如时态拼写什么的,让我们一起加油.

qnwh2011UID: 3148380

33# qnwh2011
8.9  独立2 e7 {& b7 f/ Y1 C: s
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09.03.21
No one is born being good at all things. People become success through failures. Remaining happy and optimistic is an indispensable character when you fail. People won't necessarily succeed (at everything )the first time they try, so keep a good mood and never give up when you meet obstacles, then you will succeed. In light of this statement, I think it is more important to remain happy and optimistic when people fail than being success.
-First and foremost, people can obtain precious experience if they remains happy and optimistic when they fail and gain sense of satisfaction from overcoming the difficulties. The most successful people in the world are the ones who have had most failures. J.K Rowling, the author of Harry Porter, was rejected twelve times before her first harry potter book
was finally published. She did not choose to give up and hold negative mood, however she was optimistic and insisted her dream. That is the reason why she succeeds. Michael Jordan(, he) was cut from his high school basketball team. He missed thousands of games and hundreds of shots, but once he said: I was failed over and over and over again in my life, and that's why I succeed. It is obvious that he remains happy and does not let himself down so that he can get his goals. J.K Rowling and Michael Jordan got lots of special experience from it and they realized that keep confident and remain optimistic is very important
to achieve success.
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What's more, remaining happy and optimistic is important because it can help you to set up confidence to fight(overcome) failure and learn something new. Jazmin Perez, from Texas, she did not speak english when she first started school. Neither of her parents had gone to college but she worked hard, earned good grade. The most important is that she remains happy everyday and also share optimism with others, so she was not influenced by language and finally got scholarship from Brown University. She is now in graduate school, studying public health, on her way to Dr. Jazmin Perez. I also thinking about Andoni, from California, who is fought brain cancer since he was three. He is hard to endure all sorts of treatments and surgeries, and one of which affects his memory. So it took him much longer——hundreds of extra hours to do his schoolwork. But he never fell behind. He is headed to college this fall. These people succeed because they understood that you do not let your failures define you, you should let your failures teach you. You should let them show you what to do differently the next time. So if you get into trouble, remain optimism because that does not mean you are troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to act right. If you got bad grade, please remain optimism because that does not mean you are stupid, it just means you need spent more time studying.  R  T4 R! U+ j7 k* `  T/ W- D

To sum up, those people are not (any) different from any of us. They face challenges in their lives just like we do. In some cases they have got it a lot worse off than many of us. But they refuse to give up, they remain happy and optimistic to obtain the precious experience and knowledge which is more important than success. Thus, in my opinion, I agree with that remaining happy and optimistic is more important than being success.

Good article! Pay some attention to the tense then it will be perfect. I think you cannot finish the test if you type so much , so get the most important point and good luck.

carol0607UID: 3022610

我发现楼上就是个时态高手……我就是个语法白痴……学习学习……

carol0607UID: 3022610

8.11
综合

The professor disagrees with the arguments in the passage. She provides more evidence which refuses the problems of the settlements of Chaco Canyon’s function raised by the passage.

First, the professor opposes the point in the passage that the Chaco structures were purely residential, with each housing hundreds of people. He says that if it is true, why people cannot find fire place. Because about hundreds of people need fire in order to cooking and some people just find a few fire place which not enough. This indicates that the settlements of Chaco Canyon were not place for people living   which are opposite to the claim in the passage.

Second, the professor mentions that the Chaco structures were not storage, because they cannot maintain the fresh food and some people saws that the maize are spread on the floor which could not be stored for long time. Therefore, the point in the passage that the Chaco structures were used to store food supplies is seriously attacked.

Third, the professor contradicts the passage by demonstrating the houses were not used as ceremonial centers. Because there are large quantities of building material including sand, stone and others also the spots beside them. And these probably are trash which thrown away when a house was being built. This evidence clearly shows that the spots were not used as materials for special ceremonies. Thus the point in the passage that the houses were used as ceremonial centers is objected by the professor.

carol0607UID: 3022610

8.11  独立

08.05.31
It's better to use own knowledge and experience to solve questions, or ask other for advice

447
There are many difficulties and problems in our live which will be hard to overcome it or solve it. Some of these can solve by own knowledge and experience and others may not. We should ask other for help or advice, because they may have mature experiences than we have. Also we can learn a lot from it. Therefore, in light of this statement, ask other for advice is a better choice.

First and foremost, people can find a better way to solve problem if they ask for advice from older people who have much more knowledge and experiences. My best friend, Shelley, who have had gone aboard for a trip. She is very lucky that she met a wise elder who is a successful businessman and they get along well with each other. Shelly talked about some problems in her company and she doesn't know how to solve it. Fortunately, the elder tell her lots of experiences that he has. Shelly learned many skills about interpersonal skills and negotiation abilities. Finally she makes a great progress in her company and makes more contributions. There is no denying that ask other for advice can obtain more methods to solve our problems.

What's more, people can learn something new if they ask for help from others. Don't be afraid to ask questions, don't be afraid to ask help. Even Obama do it everyday. Asking for advice is not a sign of weakness it a sign of strength because it shows you have courage to admit when you do not know something and then that allows you to know something new. So find an adult that you trust——a parent, a grandparent or teacher, a counselor or a coach. And ask them to help you stay on track and meet your goals. When I graduate from my college, I don't know how to adjust myself in society and I was afraid to communicate with others. So I ask my mother for advice, she tell me a lots of things about behavioral science and tell me how to get along well with others. Then I gradually suit for it. Therefore, ask other for advice can solve questions that we cannot to use own knowledge and experience to solve it.

To sum up, asking for advice is a good virtue. Although to use own knowledge and experience also can solve some questions, it will spend more time and energy to do it. Compare to ask other for advice, not only people can obtains new experience but also get a better choice. Thus, I agree with ask other for advice is better than to use own knowledge and experience to solve questions.

paooozhixia163UID: 2588527

你这写的不是昨天的内容啊！！！！

pirateasyUID: 3133642

肿么~题变了~吓我一跳~~
08.05.314
It's better to use own knowledge and experience to solve questions, or ask other for advice

There are many difficulties and problems in our live which will be hard to overcome or solve（去掉it, 这里定语从句，which指代了it). Some of these can (be solved 被动) by own knowledge and experience and（用转折语气会更好，比如while） others may （be）not. We should ask other for help or advice, because they may have mature experiences（maturer比较级，不要急。 experience，用单数扣题。） than we have. Also we can learn a lot from it. Therefore, in light of this statement, ask（asking分词做主语） other for advice is a better choice.

First and foremost, people can find a better way to solve problem if they ask for advice from older people who have much more knowledge and experiences（这个experience也是哦）. My best friend, Shelley, who have had（这个had不要，现在完成时就够了~） gone aboard for a trip. She is very lucky that she met a wise elder who is a successful businessman and they get along well with each other. Shelly talked about some problems in her company and she doesn't （时态一致didn’t, 据说文中不能出现撇号，还是did not好些）know how to solve it. Fortunately, the elder tell (told) her lots of experiences that he has（had）. Shelly learned many skills about interpersonal skills and negotiation abilities. Finally she makes (过去发生，用made较好)a great progress in her company and makes （不要了，或者换个词，比如created）more contributions. There is no denying that ask (同样asking)other for advice can obtain more methods to solve our problems.

What's more, people can learn something new if they ask for help from others. Don't be afraid to ask questions, (and) don't be afraid to ask （for）help. Even Obama do(第3人称does) it everyday （every day 分开表状语）. Asking for advice is not a sign of weakness it（转折，但没谓语了。‘,in contrast, it is’） a sign of strength because it shows (that) you have courage to admit when you do not know something and then that allows you to know something new(并列内容有些突兀，最好中间加may表示一种可能性，使意思表达更连贯). So （去掉so，因为所以只许用一个）find an adult that you trust——a parent, a grandparent or teacher, a counselor or a coach. And ask them to help you stay on track and meet your goals. When I graduate from my college, I don't know how to adjust myself in society and I was afraid to communicate with others. So I ask my mother for advice, she tell me a lots of things about behavioral science and tell me how to get along well with others. Then I gradually suit for（suit及物，去掉for吧） it(这一段例子都应用过去时). Therefore, ask （还是asking）other for advice can solve questions that we cannot to （不要to）use own knowledge and experience to solve it（定语从句，that已经指代了这个it）.
To sum up, asking for advice is a good virtue（virtue很唐突，建议使用be beneficial）. Although to use (用using，to do做主语有表示未来呀计划呀什么的意思) own knowledge and experience also can solve some questions, it will spend （nevertheless it will take （it做主语时，花费时间用take））more time and energy to do it. Compare to ask other for advice, not only people can obtains （用原形）new experience but also get a better choice. Thus, I agree with ask（asking） other for advice is better than to use own knowledge and experience to solve questions.

文章还需要在语言方面多加改进，比如一些动词如solve， use，get等，一些名词problem, advice等，第一试着换成别的更高级的托福词汇， 第二试着在后面的句子使用中用同义词变化，因为一个词不宜重复使用。
少用祈使句吧，祈使句中含有命令语气，给改卷老师的印象可能不好。
另外，需要注意时态一致，还有被动语句、定语从句的使用~
好啦~相信你~再接再厉呀~加油！

lyn7981UID: 2758158

8.11 Annie's 修改稿

The professor disagrees with the arguments in the passage. She provides more evidence which refuses the problems of the settlements of Chaco Canyon’s function【function是落脚点，the function of ....】 raised by the passage.7 o; @- w, V" ^6 o/ O% P% k2 v
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First, the professor opposes the point in the passage that the Chaco structures were purely residential, with each housing hundreds of people. He says that if it is true, why people cannot find fire place【不是没找到，只是找到的量不够多，这种错误一定不能犯，再去听一下试试】. Because about hundreds of people need fire in order to cooking and some people just find a few fire place which not enough【are not enough/ are insufficient】. This indicates that the settlements of Chaco Canyon were not place for people living which are opposite to the claim in the passage. % N5 d% K6 ]* @% l. w; D) s

Second, the professor mentions【好词，记下了】 that the Chaco structures were not storage, because they cannot maintain the fresh food and some people saws that the maize are spread on the floor which could not be stored for long time【听力里是这么说得吗？还有似乎有提到container吧？我是前天听的这篇听力，记得不是很确定，不过还是建议你再去听一下】. Therefore, the point in the passage that the Chaco structures were used to store food supplies is seriously attacked.4 z1 m; L$ d0 X) h
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Third, the professor contradicts the passage by demonstrating【陈述的好句法，学习了】 the houses were not used as ceremonial centers. Because there are large quantities of building material including sand, stone and others also the spots beside them【besides the pots】. And these probably are trash which thrown away when a house was being built. This evidence clearly shows that the spots【pots？】 were not used as materials for special ceremonies.【感觉听力中似乎没有直接说不可能是ceremonial center，只是说可能是建筑工人丢弃的，个人感觉应该属于有保留的否定，不是完全否定】 Thus the point in the passage that the houses were used as ceremonial centers is objected by the professor.

可能修改中有不足或者说得有偏颇之处，请谅解。个人觉得，语言不一定要多地道，多华丽，但一定要能表达清楚观点，而且综合写作一定不要再罗列观点上出错，那就太可惜了。你说呢？【Annie】
P.S.:1. 记得帮我也改一下作文哟，亲~
       2. 你貌似写错题目了，这是8.10的TOPIC哟~

carol0607UID: 3022610

40# lyn7981


恩恩  

我10号没写tpo 于是就补上了

后面可能都会落后一个topic~

carol0607UID: 3022610

你这写的不是昨天的内容啊！！！！
paooozhixia163 发表于 2011-8-12 09:47

有些之前我写过了的  我就换着写其他的内容

也都是屠龙分类里的~

阿叶UID: 3145578

亲~对不起啦。。。
我TPO5 还没做过呢。。。我下次做过了再给改你吧~~~

carol0607UID: 3022610

8.12    TPO6

241
The professor provides sufficient evidence which contradicts the point in the passage that the l online encyclopedia has several important problems that make them much less valuable than traditional. In her view, the communal encyclopedia will never be perfect but communal online encyclopedias are also very useful.

First, the professor oppose the point in the passage that communal online encyclopedia often lack academic credentials and also makes some inaccurate information in many cases. She says that the traditional encyclopedia have never been close to accurate or without any mistakes. And the online encyclopedia can correct errors but the traditional encyclopedia will remain the errors for decades This indicate that the traditional encyclopedia are write standard academic rigor that is impossible which is opposite to the claim in the passage.

Second, the professor mentions that the online encyclopedias can protect its articles from hackers and no one can change the format, it makes articles reliable. Therefore, the point in the passage that the information will be corrupt by hackers or vandals is seriously attacked

Third, the professor contradicts the passage by demonstrating the online encyclopedias have large space to get various articles and topics but traditional encyclopedia have to decide what's important and what is not. This evidence clearly shows that the online encyclopedia has strong advantages in this field. Thus the point in the passage that the communal encyclopedias do not provides a considered view is objected by the professor.

carol0607UID: 3022610

8.12  独立
帮忙修改的同学~我知道我写的不是当天的题目，因为有些题目之前写过了，或者思路练过，我就挑了些思路对我来说难想的
麻烦了

07.12.15
It is more important for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn fact.

What is the responsibility for student? Obviously, it is to learn knowledge. Knowledge is base of everything, people through study to obtain ideas and concepts and use them in real live. Ideas and concepts just like tools in order to let students understand fact and explore it in the new world. That is the reason why it is important for students. In light of this statement, I agree that to understand ideas and concepts is more important than it is for students to learn fact.

First and foremost, education is indispensable. Everyone should get the education from kindergarten to middle or high school and college so that students can get more ideas and concepts in classes. It is apparent that before they step into society to learn fact they should makes more concentration to enhance the abilities and skills from classes. Maybe they could be a writer, maybe even good enough to write a new book or article in a newspaper, but they might not know its idea until they write that English paper——that English class paper assigned to them. Maybe they could be an innovator or inventor, maybe even good enough to come up with the next Iphone or new medicine of vaccine, but they might not know its concepts until they do their project for their science class. Maybe they could be a mayor or senator or Supreme Court justice, but they might not know that until they learn in law class. There is no doubt that ideas and concepts are foundation enable the students to learn fact and to do what they like.

What’s more, our nation needs every single of students to develop their talents and their skills and their intellects so that they can help our government solve most difficult problems. They’ll need the knowledge and problem solving skills they learn in science and math to cure disease like cancer and AIDS, and to develop new energy technologies and protect our environment. They’ll need insight and critical thinking skills they gain in history and social studies to fight poverty and homelessness, crime and discrimination, and to make our nation fair and more free. They’ll need creativity and ingenuity they develop all their classes to built new company that will create new jobs and boost out economy. We cannot emphasize the importance of learning ideas and concepts too much. Without it students cannot learn fact more clearly.

To sum up, although learning fact is also very important, it is base on the fact that understands ideas and concepts. Therefore, I totally agree with the author's statement that it is more important for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn fact.