【Daily Writing 作文特训小组】『无尽、HD』的作文练习帖

foreverendlessUID: 3134774

今天开帖，8.28，虽然是新增考试，据说是新题，希望好好打基础先。。。还是对自己有信心的
G考砸了，托福先好好准备吧。。一步一步来。如果有各种意见麻烦各种拍砖！直接大红字修改嗯！

今天第一次写综合写作，听力不太好，肯定会漏不少要点，直接把写的原文贴上来了，只改了错词，有理解错误的地方一定指出！

bill5865UID: 3109557

8月8日，改好了。也去看看我的吧，https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1291682&pid=1775425841&page=2&extra=

april0515UID: 2997208

1# foreverendless 独立写作! A' u! `. S/ l3 ~& c

Agree or disagree? If children want to dowell in school, parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies1 p% s9 ]% [; Y: C" L$ K
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Nowadays, TV plays an important role in common families, not only among adults, but also among children who regard TV as awindow to the world.(这里有点点突兀哦~） I agree with the topic. Children must be given less timeto watch TV, which is the fundamental condition for them to do well in school.
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Firstly, watching TV is a waste of time.It's widely known that children need knowledge to improve their performance todo well in school. Since TV programs tend to provide entertainment to theaudience, （but ) it's nothing related to the knowledge itself.(这一点说的有点绝对哦） For instance, the mostpopular programs on TV are shows, which vary from marriages to pop starselection. The goals of these programs are to attract attention of audiences,not introducing knowledge. For marriage shows, our parents usually comment onthe men's clothes and whether the 'couple' is suitable. For pop star shows, nomatter how the singers' performance is, fans intend to see their funny actions, and even seek for gossip information. What mentioned above contributes nothing tochildren's study. Probably they can make the schoolwork even worse.
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Secondly, it's proved that obesity occurredin big cities is largely due to watching TV. There's a phrase, called 'couch potato',which just suits the phenomenon fine. A lot of studies (这里最好不要用a lot of studies 哦~ 因为考官会问哪里的study，这个study是什么时候哪出来的，会成为一个攻击点的）shows people like to eatsnacks during the TV shows, especially children, and they tend to eat far morethan common. For instance, what children like to eat most is candies. InChinese families, we can often see our relatives, like little brothers orsisters, eating chocolate when they are watching cartoon. We all know thatchocolate contains high fat, which will definitely cause obesity. Children notonly need to improve not only their test performance, but also healthy bodies. As aresult, fewer snacks and more practices are needed to make children do well inschool. & x( H. Q" v  a9 t% d. p0 `8 g" S
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Thirdly, the advertisement on TV bringsnegative effect on children. The standard of assessment in school also containschildren's behaviors. Some advertisement creates a bad image for children. Forexample, some cars advertisement has the scene of people fighting each other inorder to get the first place. Both cars crash on each other to destroy theircomponent. If children believe this to be the way to success, it's definitelyfalse to build up their value of success.
(亲，木有结尾丫！）
（个人绝对语法问题要注意一下下，然后三点陈述展开论点挺明确的，但是第一条要注意论证哦，因为觉得那个论证不太能说服的了我~~~ 加油~）


欢迎来批改我的作文 嘿嘿https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1285640-5-1.html

foreverendlessUID: 3134774

8.9

foreverendlessUID: 3134774

8.9

xieqy0326UID: 2653877

改好了~~

foreverendlessUID: 3134774

6# xieqy0326

感谢修改

写完确实感觉和题目要表达的不是那么一致...

那个Consider就是有点开门见山的意思，然后各段能有个小格式保持统一，我不太喜欢大句子作为开头

愤怒公爵UID: 2929648

8月9日综合批改，楼主的听力水平以及笔记能力真不错，综合应该冲高分。

happinessviviUID: 2837177

搞定！：D

foreverendlessUID: 3134774

悲催，手一抖写成8.11的了...各位看官请谅解...

season08UID: 2667789

介个。。。。。看了你这篇文之后我8.11的就难写了><。。。。。。。。。。

foreverendlessUID: 3134774

12# season08

没关系...那就不用修改了...我今天补上10号的...

xieqy0326UID: 2653877

综合还没传上来哈，我先去去，晚点帮你改~~~

season08UID: 2667789

13# foreverendless


我现在把11号的写出来就好了~~~然后我给你改哈。