issue170

IKAOUID: 136036

170."The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general welfare of all its people."


Some factors may indicate the greatness of a nation, sciences, military, policy culture, and the general welfare of all the people. Anyone of them can reflect a layer of a country’s achievement. Nowadays, sociologists want to fine the surest indicator of a great nation. It is prevailingly accepted that the general welfare of all the people, but not the achievement of its ruler, artists, or scientists, is the surest one. I have compelling reasons to support the conclusion.

Firstly, a nation is made of all its citizens. If the whole county is a skyscraper, every individual is the brick and the general welfare of all citizens make up of the structure and fundament. The achieved of the ruler may reflect the height of the building and the art of science may serve as the colorful mosaic to make the edifice more attractive. However, the most important feature of a skyscraper is its stability, which is determined by the fundament and the structure. When comes to a nation, to judge whether it is a great country, the first factor that should be taken into consideration is the general welfare of all its people, without which, all other can only reflect some superficial phenomenon or achievement of a nation.

Moreover, as far as the general welfare of people is concerned, many other relevant elements can be judged at the same time. The medical care of the citizens reflects the level of the science and the corresponding technology, which can indicate the achievement of the scientists; from the status quo of its people’s spiritual lives, one can know the situation of the art in the country; and people’s daily lives have close relationship with the government, from which one can know the policies made by the ruler. So, the general welfare of all the people can indicate many other layers of the society, but it is not sure that others can reflect something about the general welfare of all the people.

Admittedly, from the science one can know something about the productivity of a nation. Because the science and technology can enhance the social productivity; from the artists’ achievement, a individual can understand the culture of a nation; the achievement of the ruler can reflect the political power of a country. However, they are only some layers of the picture, and cannot stand for the status quo of the whole.

To sum up, every factor can be the indicators of a great nation, the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, and the general welfare of all the people. But if only one indicator has to be select from them, it is no doubt that the general welfare of all the people is the best choice.

angle123UID: 105697

170."The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general welfare of all its people."


Some factors may indicate the greatness of a nation, (achievement of )sciences, military, policy culture, and the general welfare of all the people. Anyone of them can reflect a layer of a country’s achievement. Nowadays, sociologists want to fine the surest indicator of a great nation. It is prevailingly accepted that the general welfare of all the people, but not the achievement of its ruler, artists, or scientists, is the surest one. I have compelling reasons to support the conclusion.

Firstly, a nation is made of all its citizens. If the whole county is a skyscraper, every individual is the brick and the general welfare of all citizens makes up of the (structure?最好不要) and fundament. The achieved of the ruler may reflect the height of the building and the art of science may serve as the colorful mosaic to make the edifice more attractive. However, (有转折吗?用 as we all know 就可以)the most important feature of a skyscraper is its stability, which is determined by the fundament and the structure. (and)When comes to a nation, to judge whether it is a great country, the first factor that should be taken into consideration is the general welfare of all its people, without which, all other can only reflect some superficial phenomenon or achievement of a nation.(可以在确切的指出 财富是其他一切的基础)

Moreover, as far as the general welfare of people is concerned, many other relevant elements can be judged at the same time. The medical care of the citizens reflects the level of the science and the corresponding technology, which can indicate the achievement of the scientists; from the status quo of its people’s spiritual lives, one can know the situation of the art in the country; and people’s daily lives have close relationship with the government, from which one can know the policies made by the ruler. So, the general welfare of all the people can indicate many other layers of the society, but it is not sure that others can reflect something about the general welfare of all the people.

Admittedly, from the science one can know something about the productivity of a nation. Because the science and technology can enhance the social productivity; from the artists’ achievement, a individual can understand the culture of a nation; the achievement of the ruler can reflect the political power of a country. However, they are only some layers of the picture, and cannot stand for the status quo of the whole.

To sum up, every factor can be the indicators of a great nation, the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, and the general welfare of all the people. But if only one indicator has to be select from them, it is no doubt that the general welfare of all the people is the best choice.(我觉得最后一段做好说 我们应该以财富为主要, 而已其他为辅, 判断一个国家的伟大,这样更为合理)
个人意见, 还有你第二短论的挺好的, 不过就是将类比与实物衔接时不太好,语言挺好

paisleyUID: 64183

恩，总体还可以。语言上可以过关了，虽然还有些细节有点小问题。内容上，第一是太短了点，第二是不够深入。

强烈建议你看看这篇文章，这样思路就扩展了https://bbs.gter.net:8080/bbs/sho ... =%BD%CC%C2%DF%BC%AD

比如你可以先定义great。怎么样的国家才叫great？ 用不同的衡量标准当然会得到不同的结论。那么那些科学文化艺术重要还是百姓的福利重要，也就明显了。又或者，这两者真是这样截然对立的吗？ 事实上，似乎没有哪个国家民生凋敝而科学文化艺术事业又蒸蒸日上的。题目也许是个伪命题。。。等等。

建议你看看精华区的范文，分析他们是怎么说理的。

你这篇文章，类似的和相关的文章已经有许多前人写过，或者还有范文。你可以搜索一下，对照一下这些文章。 或参照置顶的帖子。


希望你也能多多修改其他朋友的文章。尤其是提点结构上和想法上的建议。因为你不可能每个题目都练过来啊，看别人的题目，自己脑子过一遍,既可以给别人提建议，自己又多了一次训练的机会.为别人服务的人优先得到斑竹的修改哦！

IKAOUID: 136036

谢谢啦，我会认真看的！！！