issue232

dynamiteUID: 137312

Title: "the purpose of education should be to create an academic environment that is separate from the outside world. This kind of environment is ideal because it allows students to focus on important ideas without being held back by practical concerns."

Essay:

In order to ensure a more prosperous future of our society, education is emphasized and placed in a crucial state. And those who consider practical concerns as factors distracting students' attention from academic study argue that education should aim at creating an academic environment separate from the outside world. In my part, however, this point is less attractive than expected, and practical experiences are inevitable for those who pursue success after graduation.

Modern education should instill the sense of practical application into its educational system. Anyone would admit that one of the major purpose of education in almost all colleges and universities is to train most of their students as job-oriented. And it is the basic belief of successful enterprisers that practical experience is as important of not more as academic knowledge. Neglecting this significant quality of practical
ability, education would put his products, say, students into the hollow of difficulty of getting employed after graduation. Things are even worse, if communication skills are also omitted by education. Disability to communicate with others, being unable to regulate one's psychological conditions properly when involving in intense competitions, failing to discern others' emotion or emphathy and thus failing to cooperate with others etc., all of these might contribute to a weak generation and
theoriginal purpose of education are undermined greatly.

Also, concentration on his own academic courses is ineluctable for any student and an apt academic environment will do good to the efficiency of education and the society too. Admittedly, the bombardment of such great amount of information that addle people's minds seriously drives students away from their academic study. Such phenomena as TV addiction, missing in computer games, indulging in Internet should be excluded from our educational system. If a proper academic environment is established, being interested in or being thirsty for their academic knowledge are the most effective way to drive the student, who are missed in their roads of life, back. An academic environment with interaction with outside world is quite helpful especially for those
whose major is scientific theories, since such subjects are too profound for anyone learning it with absent-mind to understand thoroughly and how can we anticipate the next generation of scientists as that!

Yet how to build up such an academic environment with necessary interaction with outside world? One may find it is easier said than done. In my opinion, a systematic organization and strict regulation as well as such sort of selective courses as teaching the importance and skills of communicating with others and of resisting outside temptations properly will benifit a lot. Only by this, can an informed and qualified new generation be produced.

太短了，感觉什么都没写上。另外，语言功底太差了，写的时候都要想，导致文章没时间写长。我想，我是提供了一个给别人找自信的机会吧。

dynamiteUID: 137312

自己先顶一下先
帮忙估计一下象这样能得多少分？
说吧，我是不怕受打击的哦，呵呵。

闲情UID: 111016

你自己也认识到问题了。呵呵。内容上呢，第二段写的还不错，但是第三段感觉就不好。理解的太浅了。题目中说的是held back by practical concerns。指的是日常生活带给人的压力，也就是说生存困境的压力，而你把他们理解成一些外在因素对精力的干扰、分神，未免有点肤浅了。

其实第二段完全还有东西可说。比如你应该说说学习的目的到底是什么，象牙塔里研究出来的东西到底是什么用的，而学生在大学时代接触社会的好处在哪里，等等。这些完全可以构成你下一个论点。

语言上还可以，其实。没有你说的这么差啊。有些小错误，比如复数的地方没有加s等。



建议你看看精华区的范文，分析他们是怎么说理的。还有这篇文章里讲的思路，非常值得学习。https://bbs.gter.net:8080/bbs/sho ... =%BD%CC%C2%DF%BC%AD


你这篇文章，类似的和相关的文章已经有许多前人写过，或者还有范文。你可以搜索一下，对照一下这些文章。 或参照置顶的帖子。


希望你也能多多修改其他朋友的文章。尤其是提点结构上和想法上的建议。因为你不可能每个题目都练过来啊，看别人的题目，自己脑子过一遍,既可以给别人提建议，自己又多了一次训练的机会.为别人服务的人优先得到斑竹的修改哦！